character growth

[LynneClomina]

never mind

back at you bro. sorry i got so upset.

 

[LynneClomina]

Experience has taught me compassion and understanding.
Lots of things seem black and white until you live through it and know the struggle involved.

yah, that's very true. i've messed up big time, too.

premarital sex...two kids date for a few months with the best intentions and then mess up. I know what that's like. It's easy to rag on them for what they did. But having gone through the same thing myself I know how hard it can be. So I can take it easy on them and help them through by my own experiences.

totally. God turns all our mistakes for good. nothing goes to waste in the Kingdom of God.

Everyone out there is my brother or sister and I imagine me wrapping my arms around them and telling them I love them. Then i go from there.

Yes. I have my own issues as well. Believe me. I have a problem with being a smart alec punk. I think Im getting better and wham! Back to square one. It's discouraging. It's my failure.

that's where i'm at right now. but i honestly dont see what i've done, and i get so upset with myself for being blind to it. for YEARS i've been like, Lord, WHAT is this "grace" in my character that i'm lacking? how am i not compassionate? i know i'm impatient sometimes, and i am my own worst critic (but that's getting a lot better), but i feel so BLIND.....

 

[LynneClomina]

Hi,

Seems to me God IS answering your cry for help, you ask why you are so critical and lacking in compassion (your words, not mine), so you go to ask this visiting minister for advise and he shows you nothing but criticalness and a lack of compassion! You go on to say that when you cried as a child you were also critized and shown a lack of compassion.

Gee, call me stupid but I wonder if God is saying that too many people have been critical and lacking in compassion towards you in your life?????????????????

i've wondered that, but as soon as i mentioned it, i was told to not get into self pity. and i wonder, is it self pity, or grief? oh, no, it's self pity and you have to stop complaining about how others treat/have treated you. so i just don't GO there, y'know?

you are right, most of the people who have told me that i am critical and lacking compassion have told it to me in a hurtful way. and almost every time i have approached somebody and tried to explain that they hurt me, they've gotten mad at me and bawled me out. i remember one time my mentor at the time yelled at me, called me a child, and told me to shut up. when i tried to leave, she said i was being childish to walk out of the discussion, but i just wanted safety. "the devil has a rope out, it looks just like a noose...."

I think He is also saying that when you will be able to shed the tears you'll receive your healing in this area. Because your inability to cry and the criticalness and lack of compassion that has been shown to you in your life are intertwined in the story.

you are prolly right. but any time the emotions start leakin' out, or are allowed out, i get unstable and wind up in the hospital. i dont know how to cross that line into shedding them and being safe, in an environment where i wont get told to stop, where i'll be listened to and encouraged. even right now it seems impossible. but with God all things are possible. last year i though i connected with some great people, but then the same things started happening.... it got bad and i left the situation.

I suspect that you may have many incidences in your life when you have been over critized and shown a lack of compassion, even your attempts to improve seem to have been critized.

the proverbial nail on the head. i know i need to let out emotions, but when i try, kaboom. even when i'm home alone, if i cry too loud i expect the neighbours to come over and tell me to be quiet. so i cry with my mouth shut, so to speak. the devil is throwing bombs out to keep me shut up, and it needs to stop. but how to ask for help? who will let me cry on their shoulder? ppl have lives. i can phone someone, but if they have family, dinner time seems to come in less than 15 minutes. it's funny, really, cuz i know of times i have spent 3 hours ont he phone with someone when they have had bad times... but i dont have family.

I am sorry that you were taught not to cry, it's every childs God given right to feel and grow through our pain. I'm sorry that you have been treated like this, I've read some of the things that you have written to other people in other areas in this site and I think that there is a natural encourager in you.

Angeldancer

thank you. i so much want to be an encourager. exhort, edify, and encourage. that you say that about me, encourages me! thank you.

 

[starry emzy]

ohh i luv the topic on the Fear of the Lord man its seriously been a turning point in my christian walk

well u need to understant what the fear of the Lord is in order to understand what it is not

proverbs 8:13 ' the fear of the Lord is hatred of evil" that means having God's attitude towards sin at all times.

Now i'm not saying that you are a sinner (although we all are) but even judging others comes under sin for it is not our place to judge others, it is for us to leave it upto God

also having the fear of the lord, from that comes wisdom and knowledge psalm 111:10 "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; a good understanding have all those who practice it...

all sin starts in the mind; therefore, we are only as holy as our "thought lives" are holy. for as he thinketh in his heart, so is he..." (proverbs 23:7 KJV)

I believe our thoughts sound as loudly in heaven as our words do on earth. "the thoughts of the wicked are abomination to the Lord, the words of the pure as as pleasing to him" (Proverbs 15:26) would we want our thoughts to be written on a wall at the end of a day for anyone to see? God has done it before; he can do it again!

Satan can come at any point in time and tempt us with any kind of sin. it does not matter if it is unbelief, lust pride, criticism, disobedience to God, or anything. we will find there is no attraction to that temptation to sin to the degree that we have been asking for the fear of God and receiving it by faith. we will have Jesus attitude towards sin, and instantly we will say to Satan, "I happen to hate your suggestion and i am not about to do what i hate. i resist you in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ."

God tells us to replace that evil thought with pure ones. "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, wahtever is pure, what ever is lovley, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things" philippians 4:8

now this is the good part

"come, O sons, listen to me, i will teach you the fear of the Lord. What man is there who desires life, and covets many days, that he may enjoy good? keep your tongue from evil. and your lips form speaking deceit. Depart from evil. and do good; seek peace, and pursure it" (Psalm 34:11 -14)

now what does God say? "Keep your tongue from evil.."- no criticism, no judging, no unbelief, no murmuring. and no pride. these are some of the marks of the fear of God.

What i do when i find myself judging others in my mind i stop myself ask for forgivness and i try and find something really nice about them and i fill my mind about nice stuff about that person which i just judged. its made me happy. Insead of looking for things wrong for someone i go for the positive and encourage them, its hard but its worth it in the end, for the same measure u use on others is used on you.

Do you worry about what others think and u want to be released from the fear of man?? check out this post that i posted on here a while ago about about the fear of the Lord and being released from the worries of men.

Honey don't stess about it just love as much as you can and be happy! i hope God blesses you in so many ways! *hugz*! keep it up!!!

luv always em

http://www.christianforums.com/t123777

*notes taken from Intimate Friendship with God writen by Joy Dawson

 

[LynneClomina]

thanks, em. i will try to read that again soon, it's really full of wisdom. thanks, hun.

 

[Under_His_Shadow]

the proverbial nail on the head. i know i need to let out emotions, but when i try, kaboom. even when i'm home alone, if i cry too loud i expect the neighbours to come over and tell me to be quiet. so i cry with my mouth shut, so to speak. the devil is throwing bombs out to keep me shut up, and it needs to stop. but how to ask for help? who will let me cry on their shoulder? ppl have lives. i can phone someone, but if they have family, dinner time seems to come in less than 15 minutes. it's funny, really, cuz i know of times i have spent 3 hours ont he phone with someone when they have had bad times... but i dont have family

There are some practical things that you can do. For instance, many times when I've known that my loud crying/wailing/grieving might be heard by and disturb others, I've buried my face in a pillow.

Yes, most people have very busy lives, but try praying and asking God to lead you to one special sister with whom you can form a mutually - accountable, non-judgmental relationship, to pray with, share your heart with, laugh & cry with, etc.

Of course the one Person who always has time to listen to us is Jesus, who is so tender towards His creation that "a battered reed He will not break off, and a smoldering wick He will not put out" (Mt.12:20,NASB), and it was His gentleness that made David the great person that he was (Ps.18:35). As the old song says, "Tears are a Language God Understands".


Generally speaking, I think that prolonged or loud crying is usually best done in private, either alone with God, or with a very understanding, sensitive, spirit-filled brother or sister in Christ, who has a thorough grasp of and empathy for, what you're going through.
In the midst of tears, I have often found myself asking God, "Why am I crying now anyway?" The oddest things seem to elicit tears from me at times- a scripture, a memory, a thought about God's goodness to me, the surfacing of a suppressed, long-given-up-on hope or dream (that, like you, I'm confused as to whether it is motivated by self-pity or grief) empathy for someone's situation, etc. - but I'm learning to just leave it with Him. I know His Spirit knows and "searches all things, yes, the deep things of God" (1 Cor.2:10).

Lynne, I think one "grace-gift" God has given you to minister to others is that of "showing mercy" (Rom.12:6), and God's training and development program to prepare you for using that gift effectively necessarily includes experiencing rejection, suffering of various kinds, and lots of tears. One thing the Lord has shown me is that when I cry, my tears are softening or breaking up the hard, fallow, crusty areas of my heart to enable His Spirit greater access there (Hos.10:12).

Just as God sent Joseph ahead of the people of Israel, allowing him to suffer many unjust things (Ps.105:17-22), so that he would eventually be in just the right place and position to be able to help his brethren, so He often allows us to experience many difficult and painful events in preparing us to become valuable dispensers of His comfort to others in their hour of need" (2 Cor.1:4).

"Prayer inclines God to show mercy; tears compel Him."-Jerome

God bless you!
UHS/Jim

 

[starry emzy]

thanks, em. i will try to read that again soon, it's really full of wisdom. thanks, hun.

Hey gal i really recomend that you find the book Intimate Friendship with God writen by Joy Dawson, i got most of my notes from there luv always em

 

[KleinerApfel]

Lynne,

Thank you Lynne for starting this thread.
You probably didn't realise how much the encouragement you'd receive would bless somebody else!
Thank you to all the encouragers too.

God bless you all, Susana

 

[Yitzchak]

Here is a tough truth.... You will only grow in showing grace and compassion to others to the extent that you receive grace and compassion from others, the Lord and yourself towards yourself........
God is after our hearts and not just our outward actions and the principle I see in scripture is we give out because of what we have first received from God....... The root of your obstacle to more growth in this area is that you need to receive it first into your heart and not just at a head/intellectual level. It is one thing to acknowledge it as true and another to really let it sink in to your heart..........
Reading over your psosts makes me get the impression that you struggle with being hard on yourself and have hurts and/or mindsets which keep you from fully recieving in these areas......

 

[Alternate Carpark]

-i have been so mentally SICK that "I" have not been able to put together a coherant sentence.

Oh yeah !! I walked around with a dictionary for a while just so I could communicate and comprehend simple conversations.

does that logically follow that when you are incapacitated there is recovery work, too?

No. Being incapacitated does not necissarily mean God is working on us. There are many reasons why we are incapacitated. Incapacitation is a by product of restoration work, but it's also a by product of other things.
The foundation to set is, have we allowed God to work on us ? If so , expect incapacitation, but also expect that not all incapacitation during the restoration work is directly related to the restoration work.

In everything we do in our lives with God, we must ALWAYS be evaluating ourselves and be listening to God to show us if we are in error or are going off track. That must be a process we do regularly so we are sure that we are following His lead as close and best as possible.

do you find that the more you know Him, and the more you trust Him, the more you realize that you really DON'T trust Him? like "with every answer comes more questions"....

Trust and understanding are two different things. I don't have to understand His request to trust His judgement on the situation.

For example, my wife left 11 years ago and she took the kids and was living in sin. I did not want the kids to be influenced in that environment. I had every right to take the kids out of that environment, rights by the world's standards and biblically as well. I was sitting down with the wife discussing the effect her life is and would have on the kids and I asked that she give me the kids. She refused and we argued and she said she would fight me in court etc etc, then after more discussion she said yes.

It felt great knowing the kids would be not be living in that situation. Then right there on the park bench God said, "Leave the children with her, leave it to me I will take care of them. " He had already proven Himself to be trustworthy so I said, "Wife, God had just said that they should stay with you."

It didn't make sense to leave them there in that environment, by MY understanding, and I struggled with it many times. But I would always go back to declaring my trust in Him to do what is necissary and that He would look after them. It wasn't until 5 years later that they finally came to live with me full time. But during the time we were separated (I had them on weekends and stuff like that) all three of us learned valuable lessons that would equip us for the future that God had already planned out for us.

absolutely. so many ppl dont understand that. sometimes i'm like "praise God for taking me to the hospital" or whatever, and they're like whaat? that's not God.... i feel like i'm speaking a different language sometimes...

And sadly there are two languages that Christians speak.

One is the letter of the law, or legalism and the other is walking and living in the Spirit.
Outwardly, both types of Christians can look and behave the same, but as you dig under the surface a little or you throw in a major problem or dispute or put them in a room with an extremely hurt individual and you will see the vast difference between the two. This is when you start to see the "two" different languages.

I like what Under His Shadow stated about who do we share our troubles with..

The best thing is to ask God for wisdom re' who we share our innermost affections, emotions, thoughts, goals, visions, etc. with (Jas.1:5), so that we can share wisely and avoid giving what is holy to dogs or throwing our precious things before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn and tear us (emotionally and spiritually) to pieces (Mt.7:6).

As there is nothing more disheartening than being ridiculed or criticised or judged by our rellies in the Lord, and this does happen. We are all imperfect, this is why it is so important to be LED in ALL areas of our lives.
God knows exactly who is there for us.

In everything we do and experience, good and bad, are we growing, are we relying on God more, did we learn from it.
It's a continuous marathon walk and the finish line is heaven, not some place here on earth.

 

[e-bwm]

It is so easy to be critical and judgmental of others, and it isn't always so obvious. Sometimes it's subtle. I've thought I was pretty caring person, but I find that I'm just as critical as the next person. When I judge a situation and someones decision as foolish without knowing why, then I am being critical and judgmental. I am trying more to practice doing"unto others as " I "would have them do unto" me. This put a whole new spin on my outlook. God is good at bringing us to where weneed to be, and He continues to with me daily.

 

[Top Cat]

'Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. For they will be filled' Matt 5v6

Be encouraged Lynnecomina, you have encouraged me, for despite your discouragement you are pushing yourself on to please the Lord and work to make yourself more like him. Be wary of those who shout out 'look at me and how good I am', but instead come before the Lord in brokeness, knowing you need his mercy. We need more in the church like you.

Top Cat

 

[LynneClomina]

Lynne,

Thank you Lynne for starting this thread.
You probably didn't realise how much the encouragement you'd receive would bless somebody else!
Thank you to all the encouragers too.

God bless you all, Susana

thanks, Susana. and yah, thanks to all you encouragers too!!!!

 

[LynneClomina]

Here is a tough truth.... You will only grow in showing grace and compassion to others to the extent that you receive grace and compassion from others, the Lord and yourself towards yourself........

that makes sense...

God is after our hearts and not just our outward actions and the principle I see in scripture is we give out because of what we have first received from God....... The root of your obstacle to more growth in this area is that you need to receive it first into your heart and not just at a head/intellectual level. It is one thing to acknowledge it as true and another to really let it sink in to your heart..........

i feel that i do understand the Grace that God has extended to me in my heart. so i dunno....

Reading over your psosts makes me get the impression that you struggle with being hard on yourself and have hurts and/or mindsets which keep you from fully recieving in these areas......

i am hard on myself in some ways. i've grown some in that department, though. but yeah, there's something there i guess, and of course i cant really see what it is. how to discover a mindset if its a mindset you've had as long as you can remember? it takes the revelation of God!

 

[LynneClomina]

Oh yeah !! I walked around with a dictionary for a while just so I could communicate and comprehend simple conversations.


No. Being incapacitated does not necissarily mean God is working on us. There are many reasons why we are incapacitated. Incapacitation is a by product of restoration work, but it's also a by product of other things.
The foundation to set is, have we allowed God to work on us ? If so , expect incapacitation, but also expect that not all incapacitation during the restoration work is directly related to the restoration work.

In everything we do in our lives with God, we must ALWAYS be evaluating ourselves and be listening to God to show us if we are in error or are going off track. That must be a process we do regularly so we are sure that we are following His lead as close and best as possible.

amen!

Trust and understanding are two different things. I don't have to understand His request to trust His judgement on the situation.

For example, my wife left 11 years ago and she took the kids and was living in sin. I did not want the kids to be influenced in that environment. I had every right to take the kids out of that environment, rights by the world's standards and biblically as well. I was sitting down with the wife discussing the effect her life is and would have on the kids and I asked that she give me the kids. She refused and we argued and she said she would fight me in court etc etc, then after more discussion she said yes.

It felt great knowing the kids would be not be living in that situation. Then right there on the park bench God said, "Leave the children with her, leave it to me I will take care of them. " He had already proven Himself to be trustworthy so I said, "Wife, God had just said that they should stay with you."

It didn't make sense to leave them there in that environment, by MY understanding, and I struggled with it many times. But I would always go back to declaring my trust in Him to do what is necissary and that He would look after them. It wasn't until 5 years later that they finally came to live with me full time. But during the time we were separated (I had them on weekends and stuff like that) all three of us learned valuable lessons that would equip us for the future that God had already planned out for us.

wow... God is strange and amazing, eh?....

And sadly there are two languages that Christians speak.

One is the letter of the law, or legalism and the other is walking and living in the Spirit.
Outwardly, both types of Christians can look and behave the same, but as you dig under the surface a little or you throw in a major problem or dispute or put them in a room with an extremely hurt individual and you will see the vast difference between the two. This is when you start to see the "two" different languages.

and i think that some people speak from understanding the Grace of God, and His majesty, and trusting Him, and others think your head is in the clouds...

I like what Under His Shadow stated about who do we share our troubles with..
As there is nothing more disheartening than being ridiculed or criticised or judged by our rellies in the Lord, and this does happen. We are all imperfect, this is why it is so important to be LED in ALL areas of our lives.
God knows exactly who is there for us.

In everything we do and experience, good and bad, are we growing, are we relying on God more, did we learn from it.
It's a continuous marathon walk and the finish line is heaven, not some place here on earth.

amen!

 

[LynneClomina]

It is so easy to be critical and judgmental of others, and it isn't always so obvious. Sometimes it's subtle. I've thought I was pretty caring person, but I find that I'm just as critical as the next person. When I judge a situation and someones decision as foolish without knowing why, then I am being critical and judgmental. I am trying more to practice doing"unto others as " I "would have them do unto" me. This put a whole new spin on my outlook. God is good at bringing us to where weneed to be, and He continues to with me daily.

when we grow closer to the Lord, we discover how far away we really were, and discover we havent grown as close as we thought....

 

[LynneClomina]

'Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. For they will be filled' Matt 5v6

Be encouraged Lynnecomina, you have encouraged me, for despite your discouragement you are pushing yourself on to please the Lord and work to make yourself more like him. Be wary of those who shout out 'look at me and how good I am', but instead come before the Lord in brokeness, knowing you need his mercy. We need more in the church like you.

Top Cat

thank you...

 

[TheMainException]

Through a whole lot of prayer and lots of time spent focused on the Word. Man, I'd love to tell that visiting pastor to shove it, but that's mean and I don't know him. But that was so unkind to bash you like that. Crying is healthy and can really actually help others. Don't listen to that guy, he doesn't know what crying is all about. Cry whenever you feel like it, get it out, stop only after you feel clean inside. If you have to, take a good hour and just cry it out some time. It won't come at a reasonable time, and Satan will try to tell you to suck it up or that you don't have time for it right now, but just ignore it and let it out. Trust me, it will let the tension out.