Changing Churches

[whatseekye]

No, you didn't offend me, Whatseekye. That comment was intended for another post-er. Thanks for the recommendation of the Calvary Churches. From your list I think the closest may be Fort Wayne and it's about a hour drive from me. I honestly think to find what I'm looking for I probably will have to drive a little ways. I guess if God wants me to go there, he'll find a way for me to afford the fuel. lol

I'm glad to hear it! I just wanted to make sure because I can sometimes imagine that I offended someone. I really hope you find a good church to go to. I know a couple people who drive around an hour to go to a certain church. Maybe you can visit once and just see how it is. Their Web site seems promising. They have home fellowships called life groups. Maybe one of them is closer to you (in between where you live and the church). I wish my church had home fellowships. We have talked and talked about starting them for a long time but nothing comes of it. God bless your search.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

hehe...ironically, it was 'small groups' that became part of the reason for me to leave my former church. I was the only one in the congregation (of around 250, I think) that was single and in their 30's. When small groups started up, I signed up for one that had a more convenient time for me and I knew the 'host' family and got along okay with them. I get a call early that week from one of the others involved with setting up the groups and he says I'm better off in the college/career group and tells me to go there. It's almost like I wasn't welcome in this other group because I didn't fit their mould. Well, I tried the other and there were a couple of people I got along with but for the most part they seemed like cocky college kids to me. I was 33 at the time....had been out of college for over 5 years and had been through life experiences that these 'kids' couldn't relate to. I couldn't make it to all of the meetings (we started with the 'Purpose Driven Life' series) and eventually they quit calling me. Once a girl who was kind of a leader of the group calls me on the cell phone on a Friday night and says they were having movie night at another member's house. I tolder her I was in Muncie and probably wouldn't be able to make it. She acted insulted! It just seemed that with those people I was doomed if I did or didn't. I know not all churches are like this but there aren't many Christians in their 30's around here. If there are, they're all married and like to sit around and gloat about how wonderful their life is. I'd compare it to when a pet defecates on the floor and you rub their nose in it to make a point. I feel like the pet a lot of times. ;-0 (sorry for the gross illustration)

 

[whatseekye]

hehe...ironically, it was 'small groups' that became part of the reason for me to leave my former church. I was the only one in the congregation (of around 250, I think) that was single and in their 30's. When small groups started up, I signed up for one that had a more convenient time for me and I knew the 'host' family and got along okay with them. I get a call early that week from one of the others involved with setting up the groups and he says I'm better off in the college/career group and tells me to go there. It's almost like I wasn't welcome in this other group because I didn't fit their mould. Well, I tried the other and there were a couple of people I got along with but for the most part they seemed like cocky college kids to me. I was 33 at the time....had been out of college for over 5 years and had been through life experiences that these 'kids' couldn't relate to. I couldn't make it to all of the meetings (we started with the 'Purpose Driven Life' series) and eventually they quit calling me. Once a girl who was kind of a leader of the group calls me on the cell phone on a Friday night and says they were having movie night at another member's house. I tolder her I was in Muncie and probably wouldn't be able to make it. She acted insulted! It just seemed that with those people I was doomed if I did or didn't. I know not all churches are like this but there aren't many Christians in their 30's around here. If there are, they're all married and like to sit around and gloat about how wonderful their life is. I'd compare it to when a pet defecates on the floor and you rub their nose in it to make a point. I feel like the pet a lot of times. ;-0 (sorry for the gross illustration)

That sucks! I haven't been to a small group other than a women's study. I have wished for a small group, but I know it's true that sometimes a small group can be a very alienating experience. I have heard similar stories of bad small groups. I pray that your experience is better. And it's always true that you can pick and choose what you want to attend. The calvary chapel I go to is very non-legalistic. And the people who are entrusted to lead at all are generally not the troublemakers in the church. I have had a Christian friend act as you described. I have a single Christian friend who has completely shunned me and refused to answer my phonecalls when I invited her to dinner. I later realized it was because she is single and didn't want to go to a dinner where the other guests were a married couple (as I am also). It hurts me sometimes when I see people in the church segregate themselves. Sometimes the womens ministry, men's ministry, singles ministry, etc. all seem like a division. I love to get together with a mixed group of people. It feels more like family and less like an "interest group" or social club. I have also seen behaviors similar to how you described when people expect you to always be available or do everything they expect. The people who I have appreciated the most at church have been the most gracious in regard to not placing a burden on others of expectation. In fact, I think I will ask when I do join a small group what the expectations are regarding attendance. If they have "expectations" such as that you should call if you are going to miss, or you should try to attend most of the meetings, then they really need to be fair and make that clear from the beginning. I wouldn't join a mandatory meetings club.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

You're awesome, Whatseekye. I mean that. By your post, you definitely seem to comprehend what some of us have gone through. I am certainly not against being around marrieds but I think it would be cool if churches were more tuned in to the division because I too believe it is very real. Maybe have a mix and mingle type of thing where some marrieds and singles could mix in a harmless environment and discuss the COMMON threads....obviously Christian topics but what about life in general. For example, I just became a homeowner 7 months ago and I'm really clueless about a lot of things. Most generally (but not always) marrieds are homeowners and could offer advice based on their experiences in various subjects. Also, I'm sure single moms (I am not a single mom, Thank God) could use advice on things as well....as long as it didn't come to them in a condenscending manner.

Churches need more people like you and less like another poster who acted as if I was whining and wanting everything to be 'all about me.' It's all about God, but really, what motivation do I have to go and be with other Christians if I'm made to feel inferior because of my marital or job status? You seem to understand that. Thank you.

 

[mannysee]

gee, you must have a fairly good job if you have become a homeowner recently. (Though i assume the bank really owns most of it?)

 

[HoosierCanuck]

gee, you must have a fairly good job if you have become a homeowner recently. (Though i assume the bank really owns most of it?)

eh....two jobs actually. One half way decent and the other one nearly minimum wage but its a fun hobby. My secret? No credit cards and I went 6 years without a car payment. You're right....the bank owns most of it for the next 29 1/2 years. :-(

 

[mannysee]

credit cards!

whenever i buy something on my credit card, i always paid it off as soon as possible. What really bugged me though, is that i'd pay off the full amount in one hit, maybe 1 week after getting my notice in the mail. Then each time i'd receive a letter in the mail after another 2 weeks or so, saying i owed 49cents or something under a dollar, in interest on my payment. This would happen time and time again, and it made me go crazy (having to go in to the bank and hand over 49 cents!). AAAARRRGGGHHH!!! (and i'm such a good customer). Why couldn't they include the interest in the initial payment????

AAAARRRGGHHH!!!