chains

[Bluelion]

I feel my self die a little bit each day, with every sin, feel it killing me. most people are not aware of dying i am. I had special training you see. Why many won't understand maybe some will have an open mind. When I was running from God from my calling i studied with a taoist priest. thing about taoist is the highest level is taking your body from this word to the next. We learn things about are own spirit energies with in us, how to feel them, know what they were doing. I don't recommend this study it caused many problems.

What it left me was a gift or curse. A gift, Jesus revealed His spirit to me this way this was years after I stopped training, but I had already open these doors Jesus just stood there. When i feel Jesus i feel amazing things I have a direct connection to Heaven. A curse, because any negative energy around me is amp 100% it can make me physically sick. Also when I sin things get real dark because i feel it amp to 100%. I know the questions demons, I have worked with people in deliverance ministry. I have cast out demons from me. For what ever reason i am sensitive to spiritual stuff. But enough of that.

The chains i speak of, there is something in me, I know i could be better than what I am now. i know i could love greatly, but something is holding me back. Maybe it is my self. i find my self with drawing from people. i use to always have many people around me, now I prefer just to be with my wife and kids, not a bad thing, but i avoid parties like tonight i could have gone to one. Not a drinking party just dinner and conversation with 11 people. We made our excuses. i just did not want to be around people.

Growing up i was abused in many ways. My brother was hitting me before i could speak. In fact i found in my life that most people would hit me or wanted to. So i became a fighter. I already new that life. As an adult being homeless i have seen the worse in people. As a homeless man i found people will do evil to you if they think they can get away with it, and they do do great evil trust me. I found that if people see a wounded animal most people will kick it in stead of help it, unless it actually is a animal then they will help it. I found people will help a dog before they help a person. I have seen the worse in people all my life. I know this world for what it is. I know about the underground clubs, the death fights you see in movies and think that is the movies. Here is a tip hollywood draws from real life. Many powerful people in hollywood were in my gym. No I never went or par take in these things, but i know people who have. There is a underground club for just about any thing you can image. i found many people will kill you if they think they can get away with it. I have had people try to kill me a couple maybe 3 times. They came very close to. WHy these people wanted to kill is because they thought they could get away with it. so you see i see the world for what it truly is.

I treasure each one of my friends I have on this forum. I have found them to be true brothers and sisters in Christ, and believe me i look to make sure. I know there online and we never met and don't even know each others real names, but i do treasure them.

I want to love everyone, but realize if I open my heart and love like God tells me the world would kill me and fast. i guess i just don't want to take any more beatings. I just don't want my heart to break any more. So i wait for death. Its been days sense i laugh or even smiled, but my wife has brought joy to me and my kids have too. before people would walk on the other side of the street from me. i saw pictures of my self back when I first met my wife, and I scary me. i look very mean. I guess that is what happens when you see things you should not. The song careful little eyes what you see comes to mind.

I just don't want to be in this world any more, i don't want to be betrayed any more. My enemies are my family they wish bad things on me. Not my wife and kids, but my Mom, Brother and aunt and uncle. You know what it feels like to know the people who were suppose to love you in this life are your worse enemies and hate you. pretty crappy. So i just can't break these chains and trust people again. God says put your trust in Him not in man, and boy do i ever. I think i learned my lessons the hard way.

So i wait to die or till the chains are lifted and i can love freely and then maybe die in God's Name.

just felt like writing, maybe it can be of help to someone. Thanks for reading

Peace and Love
blu

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

yes, much similar here, but while to die is gain(a relief!), it is Yhwh's choice, and to live is CHRIST.
so we die daily to self.
people are getting worse and worse, while the righteous are getting more righteous. (it is written). society is not going to get better. the world is plummeting until

REVELATION 6: (Amplified Bible, Biblegateway)
9 When the Lamb broke open the fifth seal, I saw at the foot of the altar the souls of those whose lives had been sacrificed for [adhering to] the Word of God and for the testimony they had borne.
10 They cried in a loud voice, O [Sovereign] Lord, holy and true, how long now before You will sit in judgment and avenge our blood upon those who dwell on the earth?
11 Then they were each given a [b]long and flowing and festive white robe and told to rest and wait patiently a little while longer, until the number should be complete of their fellow servants and their brethren who were to be killed as they themselves had been.
12 When He [the Lamb] broke open the sixth seal, I looked, and there was a great earthquake; and the sun grew black as sackcloth of hair, [the full disc of] the moon became like blood.
13 And the stars of the sky dropped to the earth like a fig tree shedding its unripe fruit out of season when shaken by a strong wind.
14 And the [c]sky rolled up like a scroll and vanished, and every mountain and island was dislodged from its place.
15 Then the kings of the earth and their noblemen and their magnates and their military chiefs and the wealthy and the strong and [everyone, whether] slave or free hid themselves in the caves and among the rocks of the mountains,
16 And they called to the mountains and the rocks, Fall on (before) us and hide us from the face of Him Who sits on the throne and from the [d]deep-seated indignation and wrath of the Lamb.
17 For the great day of His wrath (vengeance, retribution, indignation) has come, and who is able to stand before it?

 

[Bluelion]

Yeah I am just ready for Jesus to come back now

 

[JGiddings]

Me too brother.
In the meantime don't get discouraged.
Rebuke the darkness in your life.

 

[Bluelion]

Me too brother.
In the meantime don't get discouraged.
Rebuke the darkness in your life.

but the world is dark how do you rebuke the darkness and world and yet live in it

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

the world crucified the MESSIAH, the SON OF GOD.
the world and religions still does this daily, to His Children.(and even in meeting places!)
the world is under a death sentence, and virtually always has been.
Y'shua said society is evil, pernicious, stupid and blind.

but Yhwh's Word also says to His children : a promise and a warning>

Hebrews 13:5

Amplified Bible (AMP)

5 Let your [a]character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] [b]Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor [c]give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [d][I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor [e]let [you] down ([f]relax My hold on you)! [[g]Assuredly not!]

Hebrews 3:12-19

Amplified Bible (AMP)

12 [Therefore beware] brethren, take care, lest there be in any one of you a wicked, unbelieving heart [which refuses to cleave to, trust in, and rely on Him], leading you to turn away and desert or stand aloof from the living God.

13 But instead warn (admonish, urge, and encourage) one another every day, as long as it is called Today, that none of you may be hardened [into settled rebellion] by the deceitfulness of sin [by the fraudulence, the stratagem, the trickery which the delusive glamor of his sin may play on him].

14 For we [a]have become fellows with Christ (the Messiah) and share in all He has for us, if only we hold our first newborn confidence and original assured expectation [in virtue of which we are believers] firm and unshaken to the end.

15 Then while it is [still] called Today, if you would hear His voice and when you hear it, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion [in the desert, when the people provoked and irritated and embittered God against them].
16 For who were they who heard and yet were rebellious and provoked [Him]? Was it not all those who came out of Egypt led by Moses?
17 And with whom was He irritated and provoked and grieved for forty years? Was it not with those who sinned, whose dismembered bodies were strewn and left in the desert?
18 And to whom did He swear that they should not enter His rest, but to those who disobeyed [who had not listened to His word and who refused to be compliant or be persuaded]?
19 So we see that they were not able to enter [into His rest], because of their unwillingness to adhere to and trust in and rely on God [unbelief had shut them out].


John 16:33

Amplified Bible (AMP)

33 I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]

 

[98cwitr]

Good testament blu...I feel the same way sometimes. A lot of guilt has been lifted since I am now married...for the both of us. That said, I am ever present in my thoughts and vision of things. I think my marriage, as new as it may be, has changed me for the better. I just hope this "honeymoon phase" has some parts that I can hold onto forever.

I often wonder that if I KNEW I could get away with it, could I stomach killing someone, particularly someone who may have hurt my wife. I remind myself though that vengeance is God's and not mine.