Celibacy question

[Larry Mondello]

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I've decided to have sex with a guy so that I don't need marriage. It may not be God's plan for me to get married and I'm tired of wanting that when it really doesn't seem like it's in the cards for me. I think I'm going to live my life by hooking up with this guy for a few weeks at a time, then going celibate for months, then hooking up again. Eventually I may get to the point where I can overcome my sexual desires and just remain single without hooking up with him, which is the goal I'm shooting for.

Hope you're not doing that.
It's your life, but I can tell you, as a Christian, that's really not the best path.

As I posted, I had sex in HS @17-18 before getting saved the next year in college. Didn't have any sex ( or handholding, kissing or hugging !!!!!!!! ) until 25-26, 2 casual incidents I really regretted.

Like you, felt God had "forgotten" me and my pledge to live responsibly sexually.
Couldn't find any Christian women who'd go out with me. Like I was "invisible" to them.

But this whole thing about wanting to experience sex and being worried that I may never get to is only making my sex drive stronger. If I could have it a few times I may even be able to feel comfortable being single and entirely celibate because it will answer my questions (I have a lot of curiosity about sex) and settle the matter that I am not going to die a virgin or without experiencing a close attachment with a guy. I think this is what's making it so hard to be celibate right now.

The casual sex made me feel worse than the loneliness I felt before. Regretted it immediately... Lost a lot of respect for the woman (I hardly knew) ---- and for myself.
I was a better man, yet look at me giving into some "opportunities."

One later told me she was a Christian !!!!
Didn't know that at the time bec. we hardly knew each other.
Learned from those experiences and never had casual sex again. Even declined some "invitations."

27-28 isn't too old.
If you get out there and get to meeting more Christian men, in 3-5 years you could be:

-dating much more, having dates every weekend with different men
-in a serious committed relationship
-engaged
-married

Looking back, I see my problem was I really wasn't patient with God.
Saw things only in my view and saw how others were in dating and marriage relationships, yet look at lonely me.

If I could do it all again, for sure wouldn't have had that casual sex @25.
Just 2 incidents but I had to explain those to my future wife, who wasn't a virgin either, but had only one partner years before....

If I was to date a virgin woman,I would have no problem with her being a virgin and truly wouldn't leave her bec. she wouldn't have sex with me.
Those guys are jerks to pass a virgin woman over bec. she wont "put out..."

I'd wait patiently bec. could see a relationship or marriage potential coming out of it...

So please.... reconsider and stay on your path.
There are guys like me out there....

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[Blessedj01]

Troll thread?

 

[Larry Mondello]

Troll thread?

Nah....
Proverbs gal is legit....

 

[Larry Mondello]

I have had many opportunities to be with guys but due to the fact most of them want me to sleep with them I have refused and so I've never had a boyfriend (I am a virgin).

Your stance is fine.
Any "real man" wouldn't have any problem with your position & would be willing to wait, until marriage, with you if he realized he had a good thing here and maybe saw a potential for a spouse.
Even the non-virgin men.

Now, am not talking about the pagan fornicators, but maybe some Christian men who in their 20s that "fell away" or "lessened" from their faith but still knew what sin was & if they encountered a woman that told them no, would feel convicted. I was one of those in my late 20s.

There have been a few that didn't require that [ sex before marriage ] but there was no physical attraction and I was not attracted to their personalities either so I declined relationships with them.

You may be placing too much emphasis on physical looks.

People are more than their exterior appearances.

When I was single, I never focused much on a girl's looks.

Some of the nicest people, the most loving and loyal of spouses, may only look "average" to the world.
Most of us are "average" anyway.

In college, a girl I sat next to in one of my classes was always striking-up conversation with me. I never saw her as a romantic interest & @ that time in my life, was very shy & wasn't really great in dating.

Most would call her "plain" or "ordinary" in terms of looks.

Looking back... it hits me how I could've asked her out.
She always seemed interested..
Now, there were certainly "prettier" women, but I couldn't get any of those.
Look what she could have been to me (then)....

If your standards are too high, in the appearance dept. (you're fine on the no sex before marriage issue), I'd consider lowering or adjusting them a little.
Looks are only a part of the "package" a person brings to the table.
Don't mistakenly dismiss potential loves just bec. you aren't intiailly physically "attracted" to them.

 

[Shattered-Reflections]

I realize that it may be against the rules to resurrect old threads or just annoying, so I'm not trying to encourage it....

But it's been a benefit for me to read these relationship threads, truly, especially this one thread.