Causes of Divorce

[CrusaderKing]

I know its repetition but it is from experience and I would repeat it sooo many times especially with the young generation here.

Of course, some people just don't understand the difference between talking to a person and talking at a person. That's a significant part of breaking down the communication barrier between people. Another is to stop focusing on who is right and who is wrong, especially over minor things. Insisting on having the last word is certainly bad too because I can't think of many things that speak more of pride and arrogance than that.

Let no one deceive you into thinking marriage is going to be a cakewalk. Communication is extremely important, but it has to be good communication. Let things like pride, vanity and arrogance enter the person and watch communication crumble. Humility is of utmost importance.

 

[gottabemore2life]

Of course, some people just don't understand the difference between talking to a person and talking at a person. That's a significant part of breaking down the communication barrier between people. Another is to stop focusing on who is right and who is wrong, especially over minor things. Insisting on having the last word is certainly bad too because I can't think of many things that speak more of pride and arrogance than that.

Let no one deceive you into thinking marriage is going to be a cakewalk. Communication is extremely important, but it has to be good communication. Let things like pride, vanity and arrogance enter the person and watch communication crumble. Humility is of utmost importance.

Something like "Love and dignity cannot share the same abode."

 

[Im_A]

As a little side note.

And I never said it couldn't. We are merely trying to figure out what the greatest cause for divorce is. It is proving to be rather difficult though.

not meaning to sound mean but...you think?

i don't think statistics will give you the best answer on this one. my mom divorced my father because of abuse. one of my best friends has had to deal with it. i know of other that abuse happened but there was never a divorce tho, sadly enough.

it's a not a little sidenote. sure it may not be the majority but its more of a problem than you think.

my theory is, people are just stupid enough to do things that kill the loves that the ones that love them have for them. the saying goes, you hurt the ones you love the most. as for the details, i don't think it could ever be figured out of why people divorce.

 

[joyouspirit]

Of course, some people just don't understand the difference between talking to a person and talking at a person. That's a significant part of breaking down the communication barrier between people. Another is to stop focusing on who is right and who is wrong, especially over minor things. Insisting on having the last word is certainly bad too because I can't think of many things that speak more of pride and arrogance than that.

Let no one deceive you into thinking marriage is going to be a cakewalk. Communication is extremely important, but it has to be good communication. Let things like pride, vanity and arrogance enter the person and watch communication crumble. Humility is of utmost importance.

Yes, good communication. There's no point in endless discussion if one is not humble enough to step down.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

Do not quote me on any of this. I am going by memory.

And unfortunately I cannot provide the names of sources or any other documentation.

Anyway, not long after the presidential election four years ago there was an article in USA Today about how the divorce rate was higher in states that supported George Bush. I think that Massachusetts, John Kerry's home state, had one of the lowest rates.

One commentator offered this theory: in the Bible Belt sex outside of marriage is so socially unacceptable compared to other regions that if people want sex they have to marry at a young age and consequently their marriages have a lot of disadvantages.

 

[mina]

it could be a combination of things. Never learning how to properly communicate can drive those you love away and lead to affairs or anger and abuse; or people don't safeguard their marriage or themselves and end up in an emotional affair with another and act on it or regret their spouse. I don't think there is just one major cause that can be pinpointed. Probably more often than not there are several causes at work over the course of the marriage that build and breaks one or both people.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Who has he been talking to?

I always though marriage was hard work. Do most people really think its one big honeymoon?

Maybe not a honeymoon, but I definitely believe that the majority of people go into a marriage totally unprepared and ignorant of what they will face and what is really required to have a healthy marriage.

The best thing churches can do is to "require" their members to attend pre-marital counseling that will prepare them for their roles, teaching them how to resolve differences, and understanding their spouses. Men and women need different things and we often don't know that we're hurting each other. If a woman learns in class that it is important for her husband to feel respected, she will be better prepared to "feed" him in this way. If a man learns in class that one of the aspects of being a woman is that her feelings are hurt more easily than his male buddies, he will be less likely to think she's just being too sensitive when he accidentally hurts her feelings.

 

[ido]

Maybe not a honeymoon, but I definitely believe that the majority of people go into a marriage totally unprepared and ignorant of what they will face and what is really required to have a healthy marriage.

The best thing churches can do is to "require" their members to attend pre-marital counseling that will prepare them for their roles, teaching them how to resolve differences, and understanding their spouses. Men and women need different things and we often don't know that we're hurting each other. If a woman learns in class that it is important for her husband to feel respected, she will be better prepared to "feed" him in this way. If a man learns in class that one of the aspects of being a woman is that her feelings are hurt more easily than his male buddies, he will be less likely to think she's just being too sensitive when he accidentally hurts her feelings.

Great post!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I did eventually realize tho that he probably never truly loved me (I don't think he's personally capable of truly loving) - b/c you don't look at someone you are in love with the way he would look at me towards the end. So much hostility and hatred. Even with everything he's put me through - I don't hate him...but I do hate what this situation is doing to our kids.

I remember that moment when I realized that we were never going to have a decent relationship. I was 3 mos. pregnant and sick with the flu. He got mad at me for asking for a bowl of oatmeal. A few days later he started talking about me having a miscarriage. But, lying on that couch so sick and realizing that he really didn't care about my wellbeing or the health of our unborn child except how it affected him, was a painful moment.

I don't think my ex truly knows how to love anyone either. If he did, I don't see how he could've left the country and left behind his two kids.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I think there is a fine line between love and hate. I believe that is the reason people who were "so in love" when they got married end up in divorce and absolutely can't stand each other. It is VERY sad when it is one sided, meaning it takes two to make it work and I feel for the women/men that wanted their marriage to work but the other partner didn't and they could not control the outcome any more than you can control a child having a temper tantrum in the middle of the store (even though those without kids will think "my child will NEVER act that way).
I am curious as to why you...gottabemore2life...so young and not having a current potential for marriage are so interested in this topic at the moment?