Maynard Keenan said:
So if I try to believe something, can't decide to say "screw it I just don't believe that" but follow Christ and be a part of His church I'll go to hell?
In a sense...yes, that is the teaching of the church. At what point involuntary doubt becomes obstinate doubt, I do not know. However, I have read books upon books, website after website, various person to person discussions, and I am still in doubt. That is why I have not started threads or gotten into great detail about my doubts. It is likely that I have heard it or read it before.
Like I said, for the most part they are doubts, neither denied or assented to. I would categorize myself as being in obstinate doubt since no arguments have been able to sway me entirely. I am taking time to sort out the details.
According to the official church teachings I am a heretic and destined to burn in hell if I don't come to my senses.
As mentioned a post or two ago, I am indeed considering the Lutheran church. I was baptized a Catholic, raised as an Anglican and was a confirmed member of the Lutheran church before I entered the RCIA as an adult and was confirmed in the RCC.
I am a committed Christian though. And though the RCC teaches I am going to burn in hell if I don't go to reconciliation and drop my doubts, I just do not believe that. I leave my soul in God's hands. I pray daily for guidance and where I end up...only He knows.
Honest advice is appreciated, but quoting Canon law or the CCC won't help me one bit. I have a copy of the CCC and I've read it several times cover to cover and still use it for reference. I have read most of the Code of Canon law 1983 (I skipped over stuff that would only be relavant to priests an other issues I have no involvment in). Though if you want to quote these sources to educate others who may read this thread...go right ahead.
This is not an easy process for me by any means. If I were to drop dead an hour from now, I have every hope that God understands my heart and my intentions and can forgive me.
One thought that has crept up since reading this thread is: If I am in obstinate doubt about fundamental Catholic beliefs, then I am a heretic. If I am a heretic, I am outside the RCC and in mortal sin. What then, is the difference if I stay in the RCC (where I am in a perpetual state of Mortal sin) or leave the church formally by joining another denomination? Because I don't think I'm suddenly going to have an epiphany and all my doubts will be like dust in the wind. Involuntary doubt....obstinate doubt....mortal sin....venal sin....legalism can suck!
I know I'm not the only member of the RCC to have this problem (of doubts). But I may be among the few who are trying to solve them the best I can.
Peace in Christ.
