Cat Haiku

[Monk Brendan]

These have been around a while. Enjoy!

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
elevator butt.

I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! good dog! good dog!

The rule for today.
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
Cat vomit hairball somewhere.
Will find in morning.

Grace personified
I leap into the window
I meant to do that

Blur of motion, then-
Silence, me, a paper bag
What is so funny?

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds
Your foot just squashed one.

You're always typing
Well, let's see you ignore my
Sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box
You cannot see me if I
Can just hide my head.

Terrible battle
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a "term paper"?

Kitty likes plastic
Confuses for litter box
Don't leave tarp around

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner

Want to trim my claws
Don't even think about it!
My yelps will wake the dead

I want to be close
To you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, no! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper.
Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in the bed, then screams!
My claws aren't that sharp....

Cats meow out of angst
"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much"

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
time for "Cup Hockey"

We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt.

Fat cat spots a rat,
wiggles and does a cat pounce.
Now the rat is flat.

You have a cat toy.
Do you think it is play time?
I must take a nap.

I hear you saying,
"It's time to feed the kitty."
My favorite words.

I find a spider.
You come over and squash it.
I was watching that!

Outside in the yard,
many birds at the feeder,
and ME behind glass.

I spit on my paw,
and wipe the dirt from my face
just like Mom used to.

Birdies in the yard.
When I jump to the window,
they all fly away.

Seeing a squirrel,
I bump into the window.
I meant to do that.

A moth in the air
is worth a chase through the house.
A prize at the end.

Someone broke a vase.
I hope you don't think I did.
Must have been the dog.

You're tying your shoes.
I'm only trying to help.
Can't you be grateful?

If you clip my claws,
I'll take it out on the dog.
Then you'll be sorry.

When my fur is rubbed,
I move my tongue with each stroke,
licking at the air.

What is that I hear?
The computer is dinging.
My butt's on the what?

Noise from the basement.
I stretch long and try to see.
Might be a monster.

Don't put me in that.
I have no desire to take
a trip to the Vet.

I'm on the table,
helping myself to some food.
Uh-oh! Here comes Mom!

Time to take a nap.
Snuggle up real close to me.
I'll purr you to sleep.

Please flush the commode.
I want to watch the water
going down the drain.

It keeps sticking out.
My tongue won't stay in my mouth.
I need bigger lips.

I do my business,
and run through the house like mad.
Get outta my way!

You laughing at me?
The minute you're not looking
I think I'll bite you!

How embarrassing!
To be graceful and refined,
then fall from my perch.

Why am I always
on the wrong side of the door?
Hey! Let me in there!

A bird flew so close
past the window of my house
that I had to duck.

It's five in the morn.
With purrs and whisker tickles,
I wake my Daddy.

I act like a pup,
tagging behind my Daddy
everywhere he goes.

You'd better look out!
There's a strange cat in my yard,
and I'm in fight mode.

I only want you
to pay attention to me
when I want you to.

Reaching out a paw
I catch you by your ankle
as you walk past me.

Yackety-ack-ack!
I talk big to the birdies,
but they don't talk back.

I'm not in the mood
to be picked up and cuddled.
Stop annoying me!

We've grown quite robust.
Mom put us on diet food.
It tastes like chicken!

I was all comfy
in the clean laundry basket
'til Mom made me leave.

Why do you think it's
strange when I dig for water?
I always find it!

You keep telling me,
"The phone cord is not a toy!"
Then why is it fun?

I will not sharpen
my wonderful feline claws
on my human's leg.

I can't find my mouse.
It must be under the couch.
Get it out NEOW!


I puff up my tail
at the cat in the bathroom.
What is a mirror?

Cockroaches are fun!
I can hunt all day and then
Squish them when I pounce.

 

[brinny]

LOL!