Can't let go

[madison1101]

I am realizing that I haven't let go of my ex yet, and I really need to. Tomorrow is his first wedding anniversary with his new wife. It still tears me up that he left me, and married her. I am trying so hard to trust the Lord with my life, and failing so miserably at it.

I just needed to ask, how do you let go, and not keep holding on?

 

[mostie]

I don't know how you actually come to terms with what has happened- I know that it has to be hard- im guessing he is the one who left, and in a situation like that, it's tough to have closure as you aren't the one who instigated it. Ask the Lord to help you to let go in your heart, He knows you're having a hard time with it. Believe it or not, over time it really does get better-and you aren't going to always feel the way you do now- find things to occupy your time, a new interest or something- get out and do things with friends, maybe go back to school, and in time- the way you feel now is going to become less and less. Realize that although this wasn't your decision, he has made his- make a conscious effort in your heart to turn your ex over to God. Good luck-

 

[frusteratedblonde]

I am realizing that I haven't let go of my ex yet, and I really need to. Tomorrow is his first wedding anniversary with his new wife. It still tears me up that he left me, and married her. I am trying so hard to trust the Lord with my life, and failing so miserably at it.

I just needed to ask, how do you let go, and not keep holding on?

To realise you are better than that. That you can move on and you have someone that loves you much more than he ever could have (Jesus). To remember that you are not alone, ever. Your ex failed you but the Lord will not!

I can kind of understand, as my ex lives with his girlfriend and they discuss marriage (we have only been divorced 1 month), but I also know it is not healthy to go from one relationship to the next so quickly without figuring out what went wrong. 9 times out of 10 the same problems arise in the new relationship!

God Bless You, Jen

 

[madison1101]

Thanks. I am moving on with my life. I went back to school to start a new career. I am extremely busy. But, also, extremely lonely.

It hurts to be dumped, and know that he has love in his life, and I am alone, and lonely.

 

[frusteratedblonde]

Thanks. I am moving on with my life. I went back to school to start a new career. I am extremely busy. But, also, extremely lonely.

It hurts to be dumped, and know that he has love in his life, and I am alone, and lonely.

I can relate. Some nights its hard to fall asleep alone. But you never know, when you least expect it God might send someone your way who loves and appreciates you! I am hoping for that someday myself. I keep thinking good things come to those who wait!
I hurt when I think of the way my ex treats his new girlfriend, but I think he has an act going, he will show his true colors to her one day and she will see why he is such a loser! He did the same thing to me!
If you want to PM me sometime thats cool, you should also maybe go back to DivorceCare sometime. It is something I look forward too and you can meet friends there!
God Bless You! I will pray for you.
Jen

 

[mostie]

Madison, you know what I bet you haven't thought of? Maybe in his new relationship, things aren't as 'perfect' as you might think they are. I've been in and know of relationships that are even lonelier than actually being alone- chances are, things aren't perfect in their relationship either, and the pain you feel from thinking that his life is so wonderful might be a total illusion on your part.

If you can, surround yourself with people who care about you, and allow them to nurture you right now- it's great that you've gone back to school, make new friends there- find time to go places and do things, things you always wanted to do and never were able to--stop and think about the things you wanted to do in your life, dreams that you had- and get out there and grab it! God will take this sorrow and pain you have now, and turn it into something beautiful, you watch--

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding- acknowledge Him in all of your ways, and He will direct your path"

 

[madison1101]

Madison, you know what I bet you haven't thought of? Maybe in his new relationship, things aren't as 'perfect' as you might think they are. I've been in and know of relationships that are even lonelier than actually being alone- chances are, things aren't perfect in their relationship either, and the pain you feel from thinking that his life is so wonderful might be a total illusion on your part.

If you can, surround yourself with people who care about you, and allow them to nurture you right now- it's great that you've gone back to school, make new friends there- find time to go places and do things, things you always wanted to do and never were able to--stop and think about the things you wanted to do in your life, dreams that you had- and get out there and grab it! God will take this sorrow and pain you have now, and turn it into something beautiful, you watch--

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding- acknowledge Him in all of your ways, and He will direct your path"

I am pursuing my dream career, and loving it very much. My life is extremely busy right now because in addition to teaching public school, I am taking two classes and doing a Social Work internship three days a week. I am 6 months from finishing my degree.

God is using this time to show me areas where I can minister for Him. One area is I want to start a single Mom's ministry at my church.

Hugs,
Madison

 

[mostie]

It sounds like you're very much on the right track, and you seem happy with the new things that are happening in your life- I know it's hard, and this is a painful time for you- but just try to hang in there and know that it really will get better

 

[Yitzchak]

I had a very very hard time letting go of my ex. It took a few years at least depending on when I say that I actaully knew that I had really let go. It is hard to fix an actual day or event.

For me it was a gradual buidling into my "new" life until the new outweighed the old. It helped to be honest about my feelings about it. It helped to date and see that there was romance outside of what I had with my ex. One reason that was so tough for me was that I met my ex when I was 16 and never dated anyone but her. I hear so many men and women say after divorce that they will never marry again. But for myself, dating and marrying again was a huge part of my letting go of my ex.

Bottomline. Whatever it takes to get excited about and focused on the present and the future rather than the past will be helpful. I doubt career stacks up very well with intimate relationship. It sounds like you are too busy for it right now. But my honest advice is go out on some dates. As a second choice, at least develop some strong relationships of some sort. Being lonely will not be very helpful with the letting go.

 

[heartnsoul]

All the advice here have been excellent. The "letting go" is important because it will release all your pain and bitterness that is keeping your heart guarded and leashed. And by unleashing your heart, you will make room for love and joy to enter it again. May God continue healing you and I pray that you give your heart a chance to trust others again as you move on with your life. God bless you Madison.

 

[madison1101]

I did do some dating last year, but that ended when one gentleman tried pushing me into marrying him very quickly.

The Lord has really given me a clear conviction that I need to come to terms with being alone right now. I was married at 18, and dumped at 43. I am working on feeling, and being complete in the Lord right now. I don't want to need a man to fill that void left by my ex. The Lord needs to be the one to complete me, and nobody else. I have to let Him do that.

Thanks for all the encouragement from everyone. It has helped me through a tough time.

Madison

 

[Yitzchak]

I did do some dating last year, but that ended when one gentleman tried pushing me into marrying him very quickly.

The Lord has really given me a clear conviction that I need to come to terms with being alone right now. I was married at 18, and dumped at 43. I am working on feeling, and being complete in the Lord right now. I don't want to need a man to fill that void left by my ex. The Lord needs to be the one to complete me, and nobody else. I have to let Him do that.

Thanks for all the encouragement from everyone. It has helped me through a tough time.

Madison

The Lord's advice ranks a little better than mine. I will continue to pray for you and trust that the Lord will finish the work in you which he has started. Sometimes the process is tough but The Lord never forsakes us.

 

[Living Soul Dance]

I am realizing that I haven't let go of my ex yet, and I really need to. Tomorrow is his first wedding anniversary with his new wife. It still tears me up that he left me, and married her. I am trying so hard to trust the Lord with my life, and failing so miserably at it.

I just needed to ask, how do you let go, and not keep holding on?

I know how you feel. I am experiencing a similar situation.
I have learned how to transfer my love for my husband onto the things of God.

I have become very passionate about the ministry that God has given me. I have decided to live, and not sulk over losing him! All of the things I could not do when I was married I decided to do! For example:

I go to theatrical performance.

I Travel

I take dance classes

I am enrolling in college and will finish my degree

I treat myself to dinners and movies ect.



These things have helped my transfer my passion for my husband into a passions for ministry, education, leisure time and the things of God.



Also I find that I need the presence of God more now, than when I was married!

God has become my husband.

So I find myself praying and praise dancing in my home more now than every before. When I do this, the presence of God gives me peace and healing!

When my husband was home; I had to give him all of my attention, now I am giving

all of that attention to God, myself, my mother and the children that I teach.



God has made me whole and is healing my heart and my mind daily. He does this as I praise him and dance before him.



God is now my husband.

And he is the best husband any woman can ever have!



God Bless,

Richelle

 

[madison1101]

I know how you feel. I am experiencing a similar situation.
I have learned how to transfer my love for my husband onto the things of God.

I have become very passionate about the ministry that God has given me. I have decided to live, and not sulk over losing him! All of the things I could not do when I was married I decided to do! For example:

I go to theatrical performance.

I Travel

I take dance classes

I am enrolling in college and will finish my degree

I treat myself to dinners and movies ect.



These things have helped my transfer my passion for my husband into a passions for ministry, education, leisure time and the things of God.



Also I find that I need the presence of God more now, than when I was married!

God has become my husband.

So I find myself praying and praise dancing in my home more now than every before. When I do this, the presence of God gives me peace and healing!

When my husband was home; I had to give him all of my attention, now I am giving

all of that attention to God, myself, my mother and the children that I teach.



God has made me whole and is healing my heart and my mind daily. He does this as I praise him and dance before him.



God is now my husband.

And he is the best husband any woman can ever have!



God Bless,

Richelle

I am starting to realize that God is my husband too, and it is helping me to heal. Now, I struggle with sharing my kids with him. They are grown, but when they come to town, they stay at his house, not mine, which hurts. I hate not seeing them as much as he gets to. I don't communicate this to them, but it still hurts.

I am starting to work on developing a ministry at my church, after I finish my MSW degree.

Trish

 

[seebs]

I am realizing that I haven't let go of my ex yet, and I really need to. Tomorrow is his first wedding anniversary with his new wife. It still tears me up that he left me, and married her. I am trying so hard to trust the Lord with my life, and failing so miserably at it.

I just needed to ask, how do you let go, and not keep holding on?

I'm not sure I ever do. I didn't marry her, but I still have strong feelings for this one girl I dated in college.

I dunno. It's hard to move on.

 

[heartnsoul]

I know how you feel. I am experiencing a similar situation.
I have learned how to transfer my love for my husband onto the things of God.

I have become very passionate about the ministry that God has given me. I have decided to live, and not sulk over losing him! All of the things I could not do when I was married I decided to do! For example:

I go to theatrical performance.

I Travel

I take dance classes

I am enrolling in college and will finish my degree

I treat myself to dinners and movies ect.



These things have helped my transfer my passion for my husband into a passions for ministry, education, leisure time and the things of God.



Also I find that I need the presence of God more now, than when I was married!

God has become my husband.

So I find myself praying and praise dancing in my home more now than every before. When I do this, the presence of God gives me peace and healing!

When my husband was home; I had to give him all of my attention, now I am giving

all of that attention to God, myself, my mother and the children that I teach.



God has made me whole and is healing my heart and my mind daily. He does this as I praise him and dance before him.



God is now my husband.

And he is the best husband any woman can ever have!



God Bless,

Richelle

Amen sister! Praise the Lord!! As we grow closer to God, we will see that God will fulfill all our needs and the emptiness in our souls. Once we embrace the depth of God's love, our security will be firmly rooted in Him. And as we open our hearts to fully receive His love and mercy, may that love overflow unto others. God bless all!