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Are you still in college?
Look for a good church. With your previous Wicca involvement, Vineyard or Assembly of God would be good choices.
You're right. I let my focus slip. I need to turn my eyes back where they belong and get them off myself. And I know you're right about my being concerned is a sign in itself.
A little thing about me though; I wasn't raised as a Christian. My parents were New Age Christians (the term I can think of the closest to their belief) and they didn't raise me religious at all, but somehow, from 8 or so, I knew I had to seek out God. When I was nine I realized one day I would die and that added to the pull to God. I started going to church with a friend, someone at the church gave me a Bible, I started reading it, I was asking tons of questions, but my heart was gradually getting softened and one day I asked Jesus into my heart the best I knew how. From there I was a fervent Christian until about a year before I actually left, where I gradually became more lukewarm. I even went to a term at Bible college when I was 17 (I graduated early).
I share this only to clarify why I believe I was saved then.
The ancient Churches always taught that one could fall away, later have a change of heart and repent and return to the fold. So whatever Heb 6 says it should be read in the light of that understanding .I was reading Hebrews and I had to stop, it was upsetting me so much. I'm sure you're all familiar with the verse:
"For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift, and have become partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come,if they fall away, to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify again for themselves the Son of God, and put Him to an open shame.
(Hebrews 6:4-6, NKJV)
The most straightforward explanation seems to be that if you are a Christian, and you fall away, you can't come back. But I was a Christian from age 10 or so (don't remember exact date) until I was 18. Then I left the faith. It wasn't out of weakness or deception. It was flat out rebellion and maliciousness. And I was gone, with a brief exception of a few months, for a long time. I just recently came back and rededicated my life to Christ.
Or did I? I'm trying to tell myself if I can believe and repent that the above condemnation doesn't apply to me, but I can't help but worry I'm running the race in vain and I'm not truly saved. I'm interested to hear people's opinions on those who leave and come back.
I've heard good things about Foursquare, but there doesn't seem to be many of those. I've heard that Chuck Smith (Calvary Chapel, Costa Mesa, CA) got his start at Foursquare.I'm attending an Open Bible church; if you don't know about them they're very similar to Foursquare...
I've heard good things about Foursquare, but there doesn't seem to be many of those. I've heard that Chuck Smith (Calvary Chapel, Costa Mesa, CA) got his start at Foursquare.
This is the first I have ever heard of OBC.
Hebrews 4:6 says it is impossible, not improbable or unlikely, implying those in this category who fall away from the faith will never return to it. Does this allow for some who might have a deathbed conversion?I'm interested to hear people's opinions on those who leave and come back.
I was reading Hebrews and I had to stop, it was upsetting me so much. I'm sure you're all familiar with the verse:
"For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift, and have become partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come,if they fall away, to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify again for themselves the Son of God, and put Him to an open shame.
(Hebrews 6:4-6, NKJV)
Growing up I was genuinely saved, the experiences I've had with God in my teens were so profoundly deep and I felt his presence in almost every aspect of life. I would pray and fast out of a deep love for God and the ecstasy of being in his presence was better than anything this world has to offer. My dad passed away about 2.5 years ago and I really started to question things. I really started to put my faith up against the evidence against biblical truth presented by the modern scientific community. At some point I genuinely believed that the Holy Spirit experience I was having must have just been a self induced micro dose of DMT, a substance we all carry in the pineal gland in our brains. Freud tries to explain the subjective experience as the feeling of eternal vastness, a remnant of our consciousness from our first year of life when we did not understand that we were a separate entity from our mothers. We essentially had no ego. The reason I am saying this isn't to cause doubt in God, but to really look at why this thinking is flawed and deceptive.
With that said I was curious about other spiritual practices, at this point I had come to believe that the experience of the Holy Spirit was a chemical function in the brain and therefore probably obtainable through eastern religious practices and meditation. They speak of the death of ego as part of enlightenment so to me it logically made sense... So I figured I would meditate and deal with my pride and self centered nature and that would fix my painfully dead heart. Well it didn't, meditation is something completely different. You focus on opening your chakras or energies and once that's done your entire body vibrates and it felt like my body was moving though I was sitting still. But the fire I knew growing up wasn't there... I just came to the realization that I need Jesus again today. I've been petitioning God to take me back for hours but I'm terribly afraid that I've blown it. I don't feel anything. I'm terrified that I might have to spend all of eternity without Him. That my hell might be worse than someone who's never known Jesus.
I'm heart broken and I would definitely appreciate prayer.
I hope this will keep someone from making the same mistakes I did.
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