Can Prayer Backfire?

[Fish and Bread]

By instinct and tradition, a lot of folks ask for prayers when they are facing a tough situation or ask for prayers that something in particular goes well, a dispute resolves in their favor, whatever. They also pray for themselves. In fact, I think there are probably several places in the bible where God asks us to bring her our concerns.

However, occasionally, I get a nagging feeling that prayer by me and for me might backfire in some situations. Like, I think, okay, let's say I'm involved in a dispute with a person and I am absolutely convinced I'm in the right and that the other person is in the wrong, and I pray for God to help me, or ask others to pray for God to help me. How do I know God is going to intervene to solve the situation in a way I approve of? What if she says, "Well, you know, thinking about it, I agree with the other guy, and what Fish could really use is more misery and suffering to cause him to cling to the cross or something. The other guy deserves to win this one, and I'm going to help this other guy instead, now that I'm involved." or "I'm not handing the other guy the win per say, but I'm going to have things happen in Fish's life as a result of this that Fish isn't going to like, and which will cause Fish some suffering for a while, because I think that's what's best in the long-run (either for Fish individually, or for everyone affected except Fish, and Fish can be the sacrificial lamb because, eh, someone has to be)"?

There is an old Garth Brooks song (Well, old is relative, we'll just say a Garth Brooks song), called "Unanswered Prayers" where he (or the "character" he sings in the voice of) thanks God for not answering his prayer that one day he'd be able to marry this girl he was dating and she'd say yes to his proposal. Then, as the song goes on, we learn things didn't work out for poor Garth and his girlfriend, but he finds a different girlfriend and marries that one, and later he and his wife run into his old girlfriend at a sporting event or something and Garth thanks God that God didn't answer his prayer to make that old girlfriend his wife, because Garth went on to find someone better, and thinking back on it, Garth figures a marriage to the first woman wouldn't have worked out as well.

However, that's relatively benign in the sense of, okay, if God is like that, it just means that God sometimes does what you ask for, and sometimes just doesn't do anything, but doesn't actually do the opposite thing. So, if you pray to God to do x, God may not do x, but in those sort of scenarios, God doesn't instead do y and say "Thanks for bringing this to my attention, sucker.". It also tends to be assumed in such situations, that in the end, these things work out for the best, in your opinion and in God's opinion.

However, what if when you, or others on your behalf, pray for something and God actually does the opposite of what you want? She doesn't just say "Okay, I'm not going to do that." and lets things unfold naturally, she actually says "I think resolving this a different way would be best, even if the person who prayed for me to get involved doesn't like what I'm going to do. He asked me to get involved, after all. So here I am doing it, but I'm doing it my way".

Then, in the end, even with time, you never agree with God that it worked out for the best, but God thinks it worked out for the best. So, even if we established that prayers always make things "work out for the best", does that mean that they we'll definitely agree that they worked out for the best sooner or later? Or just that God is going to think that they worked out for the best, and we might agree or disagree?

I think about that stuff a lot.

Anyone else think about that?

Anyone know if any theologians have written anything on this topic?

Often I think of praying or asking for prayer and just think "You know, what if God isn't on my side? I hope he is, but he might not be. Maybe I should just hope this escapes his attention.". I of course know that God sees everything and nothing escapes his attention, but asking God to get involved seems like it could go against me sometimes.

It seems odd that I don't see people talk about that. It has to have occurred to others every once in a while.

I read a fiction book once about a world where instead of praying to be noticed and have their prayers answered, this world had a whole religion that was oriented towards hoping you didn't garner God's attention in any way lest he smite you or otherwise get unfavorably involved. Their priests were their lower cast, lower than the lowest of the low, and often avoided, and they would offer sacrifices on behalf of their cities or regions in the hopes that would God would ignore them all and cast his eye elsewhere.

That part of the book was kind of funny, but I thought it was profound in an odd sort of way, because it's something I've often sort of feared about God- that he was going to interfere with things in a way I wouldn't like if he got involved at all- which people rarely talk about, and here was a book that sort of hinted that someone might also think about that, too.

 

[Mountain_Girl406]

I think about that a lot...it started at an early age when in elementary school volleyball, our team prayed that St. Vincent"s would beat St. Anne's. I wondered how God reacted to such prayers. ..later as I got more into thinking about these things I realized that some prayers were by nature a hit competitive. ...praying to get a job and the like. My prayers lately have gotten simpler...mostly thanks and a few 'If You're there, could You grant me a bit of a nudge, whisper, etc?"

 

[FireDragon76]

The last two paragraphs sounded a bit like maltheism. If that is the feeling you are getting from prayer, I would suggest you ignore those feelings and press on. Some might call me superstitious for saying this, but I don't think those feelings come from a good place. God doesn't always do what we ask for, but I think we have to hope he knows what is best for us, and that all things work together for good.

Of course God could go against our wishes, we are bundles of passions from the get-go. I would hope he would see through our self-delusions. An important part of holiness in the Christian life is humility and realizing this life is God's project, not our own. He is the potter, we are the clay. I struggle with this reality daily, so don't feel bad if you do too. Repentance is a daily thing.

I think it's OK if we pray for winning a sports game- I think it's a bit scrupulous to worry about stuff like that being wrong in some way. If it is wrong for us, we'll quickly learn for ourselves. God makes straight our crooked lines, and shows his wisdom in our foolishness. The worst thing to do is to avoid praying, over-analyzing everything. The real point, that we come to know and love God, and we can only do that by actually praying.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

3 R's relationship, relationship, relationship...
3 T's trust, trust, trust
3 DTTM's don't think too much, don't think too much, don't think too much
God has our "long term best interests at heart" I have to believe that or I may as well quit prayer altogether right now.
But thanks for sharing Fish because I'd like to think we can share our doubts on here. I do all the time.

 

[Paidiske]

I'll tell you a story, and leave you to ponder what you make of it.

There was a woman who went on retreat, and as she was driving up to the retreat, she prayed to God, offering God this time intentionally, and indicating that she was open to whatever God might want to do with it. The sun was shining, spring was in the air, and it seemed that the face of God was benevolence.

While on that retreat, the conductor gave out a handout with a piece of Scripture, and instructions on how to meditate on it, and let the retreatants go off for their quiet time. The woman decided to attempt the meditation, and it triggered the completely unexpected surfacing of a whole bunch of dissociated (repressed) memories of abuse.

The woman was overwhelmed with anguish. She did not understand what was happening inside her mind. She did not know how to make sense of the memories, nor did she have the language to articulate that that was what was happening. All that she knew was that she was absolutely distressed, and the only way she could describe that was that a "black hole" had opened inside her and was sucking everything into it.

To cut a long story short, the woman was diagnosed with PTSD and went through several years of therapy - itself a traumatic and distressing process - while regularly struggling with symptoms of anxiety and depression, before emerging on the other side with a better integrated mental/emotional state and the ability to function that was in some sense "normal." During the intervening years, the face of God seemed totally absent, and the woman's only truly honest prayer was to light a candle in witness to the hope that her current experience was not the total truth.

Gradually she was able to recover some sense of the presence and goodness of God in her life.

However... it was never the same innocent faith as before. God now would always have the aspect of one who could pull the rug out from under you at any time, leaving you shattered and alone.

So, was the woman better off before or after?
Is the price of greater wholeness of memory worth the cost in emotional integrity?
Is it right to blame God in any way for the recovery of the memories, or the way that it came about?
Given that the time was intentionally given to God, is there any way to completely let God off the hook?
And what does it mean to live always with the idea that you never know what else God might have to spring on you in that way, no matter what other good experiences of God you have?

 

[FireDragon76]

Wholeness is always better.

I went through some difficult times years ago. Being told I had a brain tumor, a spinal tap that went wrong and left me dizzy and faint for a few months, with horrible headaches and back problems for the first time in my life. Feeling abandoned by my church (wait... forget feeling abandoned, I was abandoned). Fibromyalgia so bad I just wanted to cease to feel anything at all. It actually caused me to lose my faith in God altogether for a period (probably because God had become so tied up with "Church"). But it really started opening my eyes to things and forced me to grow as a person. I started noticing the little things, the compassion of doctors and nurses caring for me, the basic goodness of ordinary people I interacted with, despite my feelings of desolation, and it was like the singing of angels. It really put the "religion" I was often exposed to, to shame.

And that's what's really important in life. Wholeness and growth is worth its weight in gold. The whole experience has made me a much more compassionate person that I ever could have been otherwise.

As St. John Chrysostomos said in his last words, "Glory to God in all things".

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

Suffering should make us more compassionate but sometimes it makes us bitter and twisted if we have a "why me? " approach.

 

[keith99]

Let me share a story from summer camp. No not something that happened at camp, a story used for cabin devotions. Slightly updated to keep things clear.

Back before I was born, before Doug Flutie was born Boston College had a pretty good football team one year. They were undefeated going into their last game. All they had to do was beat lowly Holy Cross and they were in a bowl game and were likely National Champions. This was in the old days when there were fewer bowl games than there are BCS bowls these days.

Before the game they had a team prayer. I have never been able to verify exactly what was said. I'm going to assume that the camp story is correct on this point that they did pray in a form not unlike one of the more famous prayers of Jesus and asked for both protection and victory, but not their will but God's.

They did not lose, they got slaughtered. Of course they felt pretty down. They had a fancy victory party planned at the hottest and most happening nightclub in Boston which no one went to. They were heartbroken and perhaps even felt deserted.

I imagine they felt very different on Sunday morning, at least as soon as they opened the Sunday paper. The headlines were about the Coconut Grove fire where almost 500 people died. It is still the most deadly night club fire of all time in the U.S. and the second most deadly building fire of any kind. In case you have not figured it out the Coconut Grove was the hottest most happening night club in Boston.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

I don't believe teams or individuals' prayers to win have much validity with God. A waste of time in my opinion.

 

[Davidnic]

Prayer is relationship. It's up to God whether he gives us something in the petitionary prayer. But there are always prayers of praise and other forms. For sports I've always felt just like same as before a band concert or something I would pray. I would usually try to do my best and for any help needed when it got difficult. But in those situations I view prayer as connecting for the person who made us. A confidence in the relationship for the sake of God we love you and trust you no matter what.