Can Christians Be Loners

[AnglicanPeace]

I have dealt with tons of insulting, mean spirited people. The insults don't bother me anymore because they bring me closer to God, thanks to the words of St. Theresa of Avila.

But the control freak, manipulative, coercive behavior is very threatening. I have secular people pushing mindfulness on me when the Jesus Prayer works a lot better. I have people telling me to go to the gym for "my health" when they know deep down it's to look better. I have people encouraging me to go to their social events when I think "fun" (nothing fun about it) and "socializing" (sparring) is pointless as I'm very introverted. I have other denominations trying to get me to go to their churches when I'm called by God to become either Episcopalian or Catholic.

For example, my sister wants me to go to her church. For me it's too modern. There is no iconography of the saints and not a single cross. There are no rituals and no Eucharist. I need those things. She even wants me to go to a support group where they cry a lot when I'm not a very emotional person and don't need to "heal" past anything. Heal past what? I also have an agnostic therapist who keeps pushing Buddhism and Latin culture on me, as if I'm some "free spirit" when I have outgrown that way of being.

People have told me that a simple "no" will suffice but if only it were that easy. For example, yesterday, my mom pestered me to go to some Kwanzaa celebration that I figured would be very long, boring, stressful, totally unrewarding, and totally pointless. A sea of "unique individuals" all dressed alike. (People ask me if I'm like this with everything, if everything has to have a "point" to it and yes, I'm like that with about 95% of the things I do. As a kid, I was influenced by a parent on the show Wife Swap who said to his kid, "if you don't know why you're doing something, don't do it!"). I finally broke her down and she was quite miffed that I wouldn't go.

I have tried being quiet to establish boundaries but people were suspicious. My uncle and a couple of friends have yelled at me to "talk! Talk!" "Why are you so quiet!" And when I did talk, they just started preaching their goofy guru talk because everyone is an expert.

The leverage I have over them is my presence. If they can't respect my decisions, they will lose me.

So what do you think?

 

[Going_Nowhere]

Yes, Christians can be loners. I'm living proof of that. Most of the time, I'm alone and wouldn't want it any other way. I'm a big fan of solitude. Don't want anyone bothering me.

 

[renniks]

I have dealt with tons of insulting, mean spirited people. The insults don't bother me anymore because they bring me closer to God, thanks to the words of St. Theresa of Avila.

But the control freak, manipulative, coercive behavior is very threatening. I have secular people pushing mindfulness on me when the Jesus Prayer works a lot better. I have people telling me to go to the gym for "my health" when they know deep down it's to look better. I have people encouraging me to go to their social events when I think "fun" (nothing fun about it) and "socializing" (sparring) is pointless as I'm very introverted. I have other denominations trying to get me to go to their churches when I'm called by God to become either Episcopalian or Catholic.

For example, my sister wants me to go to her church. For me it's too modern. There is no iconography of the saints and not a single cross. There are no rituals and no Eucharist. I need those things. She even wants me to go to a support group where they cry a lot when I'm not a very emotional person and don't need to "heal" past anything. Heal past what? I also have an agnostic therapist who keeps pushing Buddhism and Latin culture on me, as if I'm some "free spirit" when I have outgrown that way of being.

People have told me that a simple "no" will suffice but if only it were that easy. For example, yesterday, my mom pestered me to go to some Kwanzaa celebration that I figured would be very long, boring, stressful, totally unrewarding, and totally pointless. A sea of "unique individuals" all dressed alike. (People ask me if I'm like this with everything, if everything has to have a "point" to it and yes, I'm like that with about 95% of the things I do. As a kid, I was influenced by a parent on the show Wife Swap who said to his kid, "if you don't know why you're doing something, don't do it!"). I finally broke her down and she was quite miffed that I wouldn't go.

I have tried being quiet to establish boundaries but people were suspicious. My uncle and a couple of friends have yelled at me to "talk! Talk!" "Why are you so quiet!" And when I did talk, they just started preaching their goofy guru talk because everyone is an expert.

The leverage I have over them is my presence. If they can't respect my decisions, they will lose me.

So what do you think?

I can relate. Different circumstances, but I've never been very social. Seems I remember Jesus spending a lot of time "alone" with his Father. Some people are naturally talkers, some are introverted. I don't know as either one is good or evil in itself. I do think we need to do out best to be friendly, even if we are quiet. Some people aren't going to understand, but that's ok.

 

[IntriKate]

I’m an introvert and It just gives me more time to hang out with God. Doubt he’ll see an issue with that

 

[Halbhh]

I have dealt with tons of insulting, mean spirited people. The insults don't bother me anymore because they bring me closer to God, thanks to the words of St. Theresa of Avila.

But the control freak, manipulative, coercive behavior is very threatening. I have secular people pushing mindfulness on me when the Jesus Prayer works a lot better. I have people telling me to go to the gym for "my health" when they know deep down it's to look better. I have people encouraging me to go to their social events when I think "fun" (nothing fun about it) and "socializing" (sparring) is pointless as I'm very introverted. I have other denominations trying to get me to go to their churches when I'm called by God to become either Episcopalian or Catholic.

For example, my sister wants me to go to her church. For me it's too modern. There is no iconography of the saints and not a single cross. There are no rituals and no Eucharist. I need those things. She even wants me to go to a support group where they cry a lot when I'm not a very emotional person and don't need to "heal" past anything. Heal past what? I also have an agnostic therapist who keeps pushing Buddhism and Latin culture on me, as if I'm some "free spirit" when I have outgrown that way of being.

People have told me that a simple "no" will suffice but if only it were that easy. For example, yesterday, my mom pestered me to go to some Kwanzaa celebration that I figured would be very long, boring, stressful, totally unrewarding, and totally pointless. A sea of "unique individuals" all dressed alike. (People ask me if I'm like this with everything, if everything has to have a "point" to it and yes, I'm like that with about 95% of the things I do. As a kid, I was influenced by a parent on the show Wife Swap who said to his kid, "if you don't know why you're doing something, don't do it!"). I finally broke her down and she was quite miffed that I wouldn't go.

I have tried being quiet to establish boundaries but people were suspicious. My uncle and a couple of friends have yelled at me to "talk! Talk!" "Why are you so quiet!" And when I did talk, they just started preaching their goofy guru talk because everyone is an expert.

The leverage I have over them is my presence. If they can't respect my decisions, they will lose me.

So what do you think?

You really have 2 questions here. There is the question in the title, and then the question you are asking in the post, which really is not the same. To answer that general question in the title: for a while we can withdraw and pray and seek the Lord, and be entirely loners from others during that time. But not long run, because our explicit command from Christ is to love one another.

Here's the key thing though for your situation:

You are really asking about something else here. And one key part of the answer to what you are asking about is simply (as you likely know) that we are to love people but we are not to follow them!

Not even other Christians, much less the lost. So, mostly it seems to me this would be about resting in Christ's peace, so that others' turmoil (seeking you to support them because they are not supported in the key way, being lost) will not roil you. You will be entirely ok then to smile and counter invite them to church or something that is more good, without feeling any conflict, because of His peace, which believers can gain, but aren't already having automatically. To get that peace, we have to do as He says:

25 At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. 26 Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do.

27 “All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

--------
He tells us that we must learn from Him, meaning to listen to his words to us (in these gospel accounts), and truly hear and learn, with Him as the Teacher, and us as the listeners that are learning from Him.

 

[Albion]

You really have 2 questions here. There is the question in the title, and then the question you are asking in the post, which really is not the same. To answer that general question in the title: for a while we can withdraw and pray and seek the Lord, and be entirely loners from others during that time. But not long run, because our explicit command from Christ is to love one another.

Here's the key thing though for your situation:

You are really asking about something else here. And one key part of the answer to what you are asking about is simply (as you likely know) that we are to love people but we are not to follow them!

Not even other Christians, much less the lost. So, mostly it seems to me this would be about resting in Christ's peace, so that others' turmoil (seeking you to support them because they are not supported in the key way, being lost) will not roil you. You will be entirely ok then to smile and counter invite them to church or something that is more good, without feeling any conflict, because of His peace, which believers can gain, but aren't already having automatically. To get that peace, we have to do as He says:

25 At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. 26 Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do.

27 “All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

--------
He tells us that we must learn from Him, meaning to listen to his words to us (in these gospel accounts), and truly hear and learn, with Him as the Teacher, and us as the listeners that are learning from Him.

You ask what we think, so here's is the impression I got....
(Redirected)

 

[Billy UK]

mean spirited people. The insults don't bother me anymore because they bring me closer to God, thanks to the words of St. Theresa of Avila.

But the control freak, manipulative, coercive behavior is very threatening. I have secular people pushing mindfulness on me when the Jesus Prayer works a lot better. I have people telling me to go to the gym for "my health" when they know deep down it's to look better. I have people encouraging me to go to their social events when I think "fun" (nothing fun about it) and "socializing" (sparring) is pointless as I'm very introverted. I have other denominations trying to get me to go to their churches when I'm called by God to become either Episcopalian or Catholic.

I'm quite introverted but as a Christian I realise that according to the Bible I am to follow Jesus example. The problem with being introverted to the point of isolating ourselves away from others is that it does not enable us to go out among people as Jesus did to shine the truth of Jesus to people. This is because we are focused on what makes us happy and comfortable instead of the needs of others.

 

[Kenny'sID]

because our explicit command from Christ is to love one another.

Can't we just do that from afar?

Just the other day I yelled three houses over to a neighbor "I love you!" then retreated back under my rock.

 

[A_Thinker]

I have dealt with tons of insulting, mean spirited people. The insults don't bother me anymore because they bring me closer to God, thanks to the words of St. Theresa of Avila.

But the control freak, manipulative, coercive behavior is very threatening. I have secular people pushing mindfulness on me when the Jesus Prayer works a lot better. I have people telling me to go to the gym for "my health" when they know deep down it's to look better. I have people encouraging me to go to their social events when I think "fun" (nothing fun about it) and "socializing" (sparring) is pointless as I'm very introverted. I have other denominations trying to get me to go to their churches when I'm called by God to become either Episcopalian or Catholic.

For example, my sister wants me to go to her church. For me it's too modern. There is no iconography of the saints and not a single cross. There are no rituals and no Eucharist. I need those things. She even wants me to go to a support group where they cry a lot when I'm not a very emotional person and don't need to "heal" past anything. Heal past what? I also have an agnostic therapist who keeps pushing Buddhism and Latin culture on me, as if I'm some "free spirit" when I have outgrown that way of being.

People have told me that a simple "no" will suffice but if only it were that easy. For example, yesterday, my mom pestered me to go to some Kwanzaa celebration that I figured would be very long, boring, stressful, totally unrewarding, and totally pointless. A sea of "unique individuals" all dressed alike. (People ask me if I'm like this with everything, if everything has to have a "point" to it and yes, I'm like that with about 95% of the things I do. As a kid, I was influenced by a parent on the show Wife Swap who said to his kid, "if you don't know why you're doing something, don't do it!"). I finally broke her down and she was quite miffed that I wouldn't go.

I have tried being quiet to establish boundaries but people were suspicious. My uncle and a couple of friends have yelled at me to "talk! Talk!" "Why are you so quiet!" And when I did talk, they just started preaching their goofy guru talk because everyone is an expert.

The leverage I have over them is my presence. If they can't respect my decisions, they will lose me.

So what do you think?

As a fellow native loner, I would offer to you the following counsel ...

Find your niches, your interests, your areas of expertise. Fill up your life to the point you are bursting at the seams to share your life with others.

Also, find people with whom you naturally fit, perhaps based upon common interests, common commitments, common pursuits, etc.

It's okay to be a loner, but you want to develop to the point that you have some ease with social interactions. Developing your life in terms of interests, associations, goals, etc. will also help you answer attempts to direct your life.

To someone wanting you to join their Church, you can counter that you have a church family which you very much enjoy. To those pushing for particular associations, you can reassure that you already have associations which are quite viable for you. And so forth ...

God created us to live in families, societies, associations, etc. Even introverts can find fulfillment in their interactions with people. Not ALL people, ... but some people ...

 

[Billy UK]

Can't we just do that from afar?

Just the other day I yelled three houses over to a neighbor "I love you!" then retreated back under my rock.

Lol I wish their was an easier way, I feel your pain

 

[IntriKate]

You can still love people at work and the shops etc without people sapping your space on weekends

 

[Lost4words]

I wish i could be alone but my owner insists on taking me out for walks!

 

[pantingdeer]

I have dealt with tons of insulting, mean spirited people. The insults don't bother me anymore because they bring me closer to God, thanks to the words of St. Theresa of Avila.

But the control freak, manipulative, coercive behavior is very threatening. I have secular people pushing mindfulness on me when the Jesus Prayer works a lot better. I have people telling me to go to the gym for "my health" when they know deep down it's to look better. I have people encouraging me to go to their social events when I think "fun" (nothing fun about it) and "socializing" (sparring) is pointless as I'm very introverted. I have other denominations trying to get me to go to their churches when I'm called by God to become either Episcopalian or Catholic.

For example, my sister wants me to go to her church. For me it's too modern. There is no iconography of the saints and not a single cross. There are no rituals and no Eucharist. I need those things. She even wants me to go to a support group where they cry a lot when I'm not a very emotional person and don't need to "heal" past anything. Heal past what? I also have an agnostic therapist who keeps pushing Buddhism and Latin culture on me, as if I'm some "free spirit" when I have outgrown that way of being.

People have told me that a simple "no" will suffice but if only it were that easy. For example, yesterday, my mom pestered me to go to some Kwanzaa celebration that I figured would be very long, boring, stressful, totally unrewarding, and totally pointless. A sea of "unique individuals" all dressed alike. (People ask me if I'm like this with everything, if everything has to have a "point" to it and yes, I'm like that with about 95% of the things I do. As a kid, I was influenced by a parent on the show Wife Swap who said to his kid, "if you don't know why you're doing something, don't do it!"). I finally broke her down and she was quite miffed that I wouldn't go.

I have tried being quiet to establish boundaries but people were suspicious. My uncle and a couple of friends have yelled at me to "talk! Talk!" "Why are you so quiet!" And when I did talk, they just started preaching their goofy guru talk because everyone is an expert.

The leverage I have over them is my presence. If they can't respect my decisions, they will lose me.

So what do you think?

Yep I’m a loner

 

[thecolorsblend]

I have dealt with tons of insulting, mean spirited people. The insults don't bother me anymore because they bring me closer to God, thanks to the words of St. Theresa of Avila.

But the control freak, manipulative, coercive behavior is very threatening. I have secular people pushing mindfulness on me when the Jesus Prayer works a lot better. I have people telling me to go to the gym for "my health" when they know deep down it's to look better. I have people encouraging me to go to their social events when I think "fun" (nothing fun about it) and "socializing" (sparring) is pointless as I'm very introverted. I have other denominations trying to get me to go to their churches when I'm called by God to become either Episcopalian or Catholic.

For example, my sister wants me to go to her church. For me it's too modern. There is no iconography of the saints and not a single cross. There are no rituals and no Eucharist. I need those things. She even wants me to go to a support group where they cry a lot when I'm not a very emotional person and don't need to "heal" past anything. Heal past what? I also have an agnostic therapist who keeps pushing Buddhism and Latin culture on me, as if I'm some "free spirit" when I have outgrown that way of being.

People have told me that a simple "no" will suffice but if only it were that easy. For example, yesterday, my mom pestered me to go to some Kwanzaa celebration that I figured would be very long, boring, stressful, totally unrewarding, and totally pointless. A sea of "unique individuals" all dressed alike. (People ask me if I'm like this with everything, if everything has to have a "point" to it and yes, I'm like that with about 95% of the things I do. As a kid, I was influenced by a parent on the show Wife Swap who said to his kid, "if you don't know why you're doing something, don't do it!"). I finally broke her down and she was quite miffed that I wouldn't go.

I have tried being quiet to establish boundaries but people were suspicious. My uncle and a couple of friends have yelled at me to "talk! Talk!" "Why are you so quiet!" And when I did talk, they just started preaching their goofy guru talk because everyone is an expert.

The leverage I have over them is my presence. If they can't respect my decisions, they will lose me.

So what do you think?

I'm an INTJ so this whole "Open up, come out of your shell" bit only ever annoys me. Isolation is fine. Some of us do better with that than others. But I, for one, have never minded solitude. Give me the quiet life, you know?

The world would be a much better place if people would stop telling others how they "ought" to interact with the world and just let them be themselves. Not everyone is a social butterfly. I daresay too many are social butterflies as it is.

If the only way you can get them to stop bugging you is to moderate your presence and interaction with them then I say God bless.

 

[Halbhh]

You ask what we think,

Hi there Albion, you began your post there "You ask what we think" and since I did not in this post nor anywhere recently, perhaps you accidentally are responding to the wrong post here.

Hope you are having a good Christmas season!

 

[Halbhh]

I'm an INTJ so this whole "Open up, come out of your shell" bit only ever annoys me. Isolation is fine. Some of us do better with that than others. But I, for one, have never minded solitude. Give me the quiet life, you know?

The world would be a much better place if people would stop telling others how they "ought" to interact with the world and just let them be themselves. Not everyone is a social butterfly. I daresay too many are social butterflies as it is.

If the only way you can get them to stop bugging you is to moderate your presence and interaction with them then I say God bless.

Ah, it's so interesting how people use words differently. I notice above you use the word "solitude" in a very different way than I do. When I say "solitude" I would mean truly shutting out all the world and all people entirely, for a time. Not to merely spend some time alone reading or whatever interspersed with ordinary interactions.

Real solitude is so very different than that to me. "Solitude" to me would mean going on a retreat with zero electronics and zero interaction with others for most of a day at a time, meaning something like 12-15 hours a day with truly zero input from others. That would be "solitude" -- to me -- and I've done plenty of it. At times. But even when I was doing a lot of that, it was still only a handful of days in a year, usually 3-4, though I think once I camped for 10 days where I hardly saw another person.

 

[Albion]

Hi there Albion, you began your post there "You ask what we think" and since I did not in this post nor anywhere recently, perhaps you accidentally are responding to the wrong post here.

Hope you are having a good Christmas season!

Thank you and I hope you are having a great Christmas season as well. I'm glad you made this post; it indeed was another poster I was answering--or meant to.

 

[Albion]

I have dealt with tons of insulting, mean spirited people. The insults don't bother me anymore because they bring me closer to God, thanks to the words of St. Theresa of Avila.

But the control freak, manipulative, coercive behavior is very threatening. I have secular people pushing mindfulness on me when the Jesus Prayer works a lot better. I have people telling me to go to the gym for "my health" when they know deep down it's to look better. I have people encouraging me to go to their social events when I think "fun" (nothing fun about it) and "socializing" (sparring) is pointless as I'm very introverted. I have other denominations trying to get me to go to their churches when I'm called by God to become either Episcopalian or Catholic.

For example, my sister wants me to go to her church. For me it's too modern. There is no iconography of the saints and not a single cross. There are no rituals and no Eucharist. I need those things. She even wants me to go to a support group where they cry a lot when I'm not a very emotional person and don't need to "heal" past anything. Heal past what? I also have an agnostic therapist who keeps pushing Buddhism and Latin culture on me, as if I'm some "free spirit" when I have outgrown that way of being.

People have told me that a simple "no" will suffice but if only it were that easy. For example, yesterday, my mom pestered me to go to some Kwanzaa celebration that I figured would be very long, boring, stressful, totally unrewarding, and totally pointless. A sea of "unique individuals" all dressed alike. (People ask me if I'm like this with everything, if everything has to have a "point" to it and yes, I'm like that with about 95% of the things I do. As a kid, I was influenced by a parent on the show Wife Swap who said to his kid, "if you don't know why you're doing something, don't do it!"). I finally broke her down and she was quite miffed that I wouldn't go.

I have tried being quiet to establish boundaries but people were suspicious. My uncle and a couple of friends have yelled at me to "talk! Talk!" "Why are you so quiet!" And when I did talk, they just started preaching their goofy guru talk because everyone is an expert.

The leverage I have over them is my presence. If they can't respect my decisions, they will lose me.

So what do you think?

You ask what we think, so here's is the impression I got from your post. You were not interested in the suggestions all those people made about what you should be doing. Indeed, you wish that they would stop doing it. However, it looks like all of them suggested something that they thought would be beneficial to you.

Maybe they were right about that and maybe they were dead wrong, but all of them seem to have made suggestions because they had in mind what they thought were your best interests--even those who think their own church beats all others. They do think there's a chance it would mean as much to you as it does to them, even though we who come from a different tradition know it won't.

Your personal disinterest in those things is fine, but then I also think of all the people who come here or whom I meet somewhere else in life whose lament is that no one seems to care about them at all. No one reciprocates when these people try to fit in or put themselves out there or meet new people.

Some people are loners by choice, but there are many more people who live lives of sadness and desperation because they are alone and do not want to be alone or invisible. It looks like you have friends. It could be worse.

 

[ABCthings]

I'm an INTJ so this whole "Open up, come out of your shell" bit only ever annoys me. Isolation is fine. Some of us do better with that than others. But I, for one, have never minded solitude. Give me the quiet life, you know?

The world would be a much better place if people would stop telling others how they "ought" to interact with the world and just let them be themselves. Not everyone is a social butterfly. I daresay too many are social butterflies as it is.

If the only way you can get them to stop bugging you is to moderate your presence and interaction with them then I say God bless.

Since everyone here is a loner lemme join too .
But seriously one need to learn how to dealt with one's problems rather than hide from them.
Being too introverted can cripple one social skills which puts one at disadvantage.

I'm a loner.