Hello! I'm sorry this is a long post, but it would mean a lot to me if you would take the time to read it and give me some Christian advice. I really don't know where else to turn.
Here's a little background information. I prayed the sinner's prayer when I was 10 years old, but I never grew in my faith and lived a very sinful life without any remorse during my teen years. However, on January 17, 2010, I went to church for the first time in a long time, and I was convicted of how I had been living my life. I knew then that I couldn't live that sinful life anymore; it was making me feel terrible and worthless. I wanted Jesus to save me, so I prayed, "Jesus save me!" because that was the only thing that could come to my mind at the time. Afterwards, I walked to the front of the church, talked to one of the ministers, and confessed that I had asked Jesus to save me from my sins. I felt so different, like I was a new person.
And here I am now, not even 6 months later, and I am doubting my salvation. I keep having these thoughts that say, "Maybe you don't believe in the right way. Maybe you have the wrong kind of faith. Maybe you just have head knowledge and heart knowledge. Maybe you don't trust in Him enough to save you." and other things like that. They are really confusing me and driving crazy, as I've been having them for about a week now. I feel silly because during the past week I've prayed for Jesus to save me about 50 times. It is actually quite embarrassing.
Let me just tell y'all what I believe. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and the Messiah. I believe He was born of a virgin and lived a perfect, sinless life. I believe that He was crucified to die to pay for all of our sins and that He rose from the dead on the 3rd day after His death. I believe that after He arose, He was on earth for a short period of time and then ascended into Heaven, where He now sits at the right hand of the Father, and I believe He is coming again.
I believe He is the only way to be saved, that He is the way, the truth, and the life. Yet, in spite of knowing I believe these things, I can't seem to feel assured that I am saved because of those thoughts I mentioned earlier.
I want nothing more than to be saved and to have a relationship with Him. I long to do His will and to not sin. I want to serve him in everything I do!
Since January 17, those that are close to me have said that I have changed. They say I am not argumentative anymore, that I seem happier, and that my temper has virtually disappeared (and I used to have a VERY bad temper). I've noticed some of these things to. I feel more patient. I love reading the Bible now. I used to find it very dull and boring, but now I crave reading it, even though I don't understand it all of the time. I like going to church now, too. I used to would go, but it was always boring and seemingly pointless. Now I like being around all the other Christian people. It seems to be refreshing to me.
I used to run towards sin. For some examples, I used to cuss all the time, I listened to dirty music that created bad thoughts in my head, I hated a lot of people, I fooled around sexually with both guys and girls, I liked dressing provocatively, I would get drunk, I lied all of the time, and the list could go on and on. But now, however, I feel like I'm running from these things. I really try not to do them or do things that make me want to do them.
I have talked to my pastor about these feelings, and he says it is normal for a Christian to have doubts. He says doubt is to a Christian as pain is to the body. Only physically alive people experience pain, and only spiritually alive people, Christians, experience doubt about their salvation. He said it wouldn't make sense for a nonbeliever to doubt because there is nothing to doubt. I understand this, and then it makes me concerned that maybe I have not been born again and the Holy Spirit is trying to get me to surrender to Jesus. And then I am back at square one again because I have prayed a zillion times for Him to save me. Like I said, I want nothing more than to be saved. My life would be not worth living if it wasn't for Jesus!
Please help!
Here's a little background information. I prayed the sinner's prayer when I was 10 years old, but I never grew in my faith and lived a very sinful life without any remorse during my teen years. However, on January 17, 2010, I went to church for the first time in a long time, and I was convicted of how I had been living my life. I knew then that I couldn't live that sinful life anymore; it was making me feel terrible and worthless. I wanted Jesus to save me, so I prayed, "Jesus save me!" because that was the only thing that could come to my mind at the time. Afterwards, I walked to the front of the church, talked to one of the ministers, and confessed that I had asked Jesus to save me from my sins. I felt so different, like I was a new person.
And here I am now, not even 6 months later, and I am doubting my salvation. I keep having these thoughts that say, "Maybe you don't believe in the right way. Maybe you have the wrong kind of faith. Maybe you just have head knowledge and heart knowledge. Maybe you don't trust in Him enough to save you." and other things like that. They are really confusing me and driving crazy, as I've been having them for about a week now. I feel silly because during the past week I've prayed for Jesus to save me about 50 times. It is actually quite embarrassing.
Let me just tell y'all what I believe. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and the Messiah. I believe He was born of a virgin and lived a perfect, sinless life. I believe that He was crucified to die to pay for all of our sins and that He rose from the dead on the 3rd day after His death. I believe that after He arose, He was on earth for a short period of time and then ascended into Heaven, where He now sits at the right hand of the Father, and I believe He is coming again.
I believe He is the only way to be saved, that He is the way, the truth, and the life. Yet, in spite of knowing I believe these things, I can't seem to feel assured that I am saved because of those thoughts I mentioned earlier.
I want nothing more than to be saved and to have a relationship with Him. I long to do His will and to not sin. I want to serve him in everything I do!
Since January 17, those that are close to me have said that I have changed. They say I am not argumentative anymore, that I seem happier, and that my temper has virtually disappeared (and I used to have a VERY bad temper). I've noticed some of these things to. I feel more patient. I love reading the Bible now. I used to find it very dull and boring, but now I crave reading it, even though I don't understand it all of the time. I like going to church now, too. I used to would go, but it was always boring and seemingly pointless. Now I like being around all the other Christian people. It seems to be refreshing to me.
I used to run towards sin. For some examples, I used to cuss all the time, I listened to dirty music that created bad thoughts in my head, I hated a lot of people, I fooled around sexually with both guys and girls, I liked dressing provocatively, I would get drunk, I lied all of the time, and the list could go on and on. But now, however, I feel like I'm running from these things. I really try not to do them or do things that make me want to do them.
I have talked to my pastor about these feelings, and he says it is normal for a Christian to have doubts. He says doubt is to a Christian as pain is to the body. Only physically alive people experience pain, and only spiritually alive people, Christians, experience doubt about their salvation. He said it wouldn't make sense for a nonbeliever to doubt because there is nothing to doubt. I understand this, and then it makes me concerned that maybe I have not been born again and the Holy Spirit is trying to get me to surrender to Jesus. And then I am back at square one again because I have prayed a zillion times for Him to save me. Like I said, I want nothing more than to be saved. My life would be not worth living if it wasn't for Jesus!
Please help!