Can a Christian be a Hermit?

[HoosierCanuck]

Just wondering because every relationship in my life is a complete joke/failure. My parents have all but forgotten I exist (and we all live in the same town), my 'best friend' is about the most negative and annoying person in the world at times, and well....I don't even KNOW what a boyfriend is. I have no close friends from my church...they are either all my parents' age or early college-age and younger and only seem to know I'm alive during the 'turn around and greet one-another' portion of the service. However, I haven't wanted to switch churches because I actually like going to this one. If it were up to me though, I'd pack a few necessities, leave town unannounced and live in a cave someplace where I could avoid contact with other humans as much as possible. I doubt anyone in my own stupid family would notice! For crying out loud....I'm a part-time dj on a local radio station that plays music my parents like and do they ever tune in? NO! My co-workers at my 'day job' offer more support than anyone in my church or my family---And you know you can't really ever be close with coworkers because it could come back and bite you on the backside. Basically I have nobody outside of God Himself. I'm sick of it. If I am not meant to mingle with intelligent life outside of the internet then I wish God would send me away to a remote island someplace! There, I feel better....sorta

 

[servant4ever]

Hello HoosierCanuck,

Trust me, I feel the same way. I feel nobody cares for me and that no one will notice if I move out of town, even though I do know people do care for me, at least they say they do...

How big is the church you attend? I attend a church that has like 5,000 people attending every week, and sometimes I do feel like that, but every so often (like once a month) somebody actually wants to get to know me and talks to me before/after the service.

servant4ever

 

[HoosierCanuck]

My church is small compared to yours! lol!! I think we average about 150 a week. I'm guessing. My town has 3 other churches that run between 700-1000 people but I've been to two of them and did not like it at all. They tended to be the kind where the people there were very judgemental....in my opinion...I very non-Christian attitude.

I guess I posted this rant because I'm frustrated (duh!) especially with my parents and my one 'best friend.' My friend has been a friend for 23 years (since grade school!). She is my only friend left who is still single (like me) and dateless (like me). However, she is bitter and angry at the world for a lot of reasons. She is also not a Christian and I can't talk to her about spiritual things. Whenever I try I get this negative feedback about her mother who goes to church without fail and is very active in it. I don't try to shove Jesus down her throat, so to speak. I just make little comments about stuff and my beliefs and/or opinions on things and try to be positive. However, she is soooooooooo negative that sometimes after I spend time with her I almost feel like I have to be cleansed or something. Half of her conversations will start with 'I have just been so *itchy all week' or she is always talking about how bad she feels physically (she's a Type 1 diabetic also). She never wants to do anything fun and even a suggestion of something different freaks her out. I mean for example, I like to spend time outside when the weather is nice...even doing something as simple as throwing a frisbee around or playing on the swings at the park or something silly. She'll have none of it. I'll go to her house to visit and next thing I know I'm sitting on the couch listening to her and her mother talk about this, that and the other going on in their town. I'm not even part of the conversation! I just wish I could meet people who shared similar interests as me. I don't think they exist!

 

[Youth Minister]

Hoosier do you think you've become a bitter negitive person increasingly like your friend?That's the impression your message gives.That's why it's so important to be careful whom you choose for your friends because they do change us and influence us to become more like them.

Christians are supposed to show God's love to others so you're idea of living in a cave wouldn't work very well.You obviously need to go someplace besides your church and your parent's home to meet people.Christians are supposed to help the less fortunate so you can start by doing some volunteer work that will bring you into contact with the type of people you want to meet.This will take some personal visits to a number of different offices but in time you should find some good people that you really like interacting with as you help others.If your yellow page directory has a "social service and welfare organizations" and/or "charitable organizations"section start your search there.Don't be afraid to call the listed organizations up and ask them what age range most of their volunteers fall into.Most people do volunteer work in part for social reasons.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

YM...my point exactly. If I stay around here I will become bitter and angry at the world much like those around me. Being around negative does begat more negativity. That's the point of me wondering about just becoming a hermit and avoiding people altogether. I guess when it comes to the town I live in, I tend to have the 'grass is greener on the other side' attitude for the reasons I've mentioned in the previous post. People in my age group aren't Christians. I'm the oddball. I'm not into hanging around marrieds or people with kids.

I've toyed with the idea of doing something like you mentioned. The opportunities are kind of hard to come by for me as I work out of town a lot and my hours aren't 'normal.'

 

[TheMainException]

I too feel that way. I will pray that someone finds you and discovers what a gem you are and loves you and helps you through the tough times.

 

[Risen Tree]

If you go, be sure to find an Internet connection out in the woods so you can keep in touch with us.

 

[desi]

I'd be a hermit if I could still pay the bills.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

You guys are sweet.

I felt like posting a 'new' thread regarding 'love thy neighbour' commandment. It seems it's impossible for me to obey this one. I have new neighbours (well, they've been there about 4 months now) who are really young, have a couple of really noisy, bratty kids and are just plain odd. I sometimes think there may even be some illegal activity going on over there. They aren't friendly at all and half the time their 'company' is parked in front of my place leaving me with very little space to park (and I have a SMALL car!). I am looking to sell this place and buy a house. I hope it's someplace where neighbours are few and far between!!!!!

 

[Daughter of His]

Dear Hoosier Canuck,

Think back to your hobbies, what you did when you were having the most fun and see if there are any clubs that you can join. You could meet people with similar interests that way. Don't opt for being a hermit, you seem like you want to meet people. I've prayed for the Lord to send new friends into your life, this is not difficult for Him. Be yourself ! God bless you, sister in Christ.

 

[brinley45cal]

Just wondering because every relationship in my life is a complete joke/failure. My parents have all but forgotten I exist (and we all live in the same town), my 'best friend' is about the most negative and annoying person in the world at times, and well....I don't even KNOW what a boyfriend is. I have no close friends from my church...they are either all my parents' age or early college-age and younger and only seem to know I'm alive during the 'turn around and greet one-another' portion of the service. However, I haven't wanted to switch churches because I actually like going to this one. If it were up to me though, I'd pack a few necessities, leave town unannounced and live in a cave someplace where I could avoid contact with other humans as much as possible. I doubt anyone in my own stupid family would notice! For crying out loud....I'm a part-time dj on a local radio station that plays music my parents like and do they ever tune in? NO! My co-workers at my 'day job' offer more support than anyone in my church or my family---And you know you can't really ever be close with coworkers because it could come back and bite you on the backside. Basically I have nobody outside of God Himself. I'm sick of it. If I am not meant to mingle with intelligent life outside of the internet then I wish God would send me away to a remote island someplace! There, I feel better....sorta

Just remmember you are never alone,Jesus said he wouldnt leave us and that he would stick closer than a brother.I have been in your shoes and it can be tough.But mybe the lord wants you to spend more time with him first,you know work on your relationship with him.Take care of the spiritual part first then rest will fall into place.Theres someone out there for everyone it will happen,dont let the enemy lie to you,its just another tactic of the devil.Hang in there jesus loves you and so do we.

 

[Stanfi]

HoosierCanuck,


I can relate, but becoming a hermit is a bad idea! God is a relationial being (Father, Son, Holy Spirt). He created us to be relational beings as well. We need other people in our lives. That is just the way we are made. Good relationships are often hard to come by, and take a lot of work to maintain, but we need them. We need to be needed by others, loved and accepted by other human beings. These are basic God given human needs and when they are not met, we don't funciton properly.

Pray and ask God to help you cultivate, good quality friendships in your life!

 

[HoosierCanuck]

HoosierCanuck,


I can relate, but becoming a hermit is a bad idea! God is a relationial being (Father, Son, Holy Spirt). He created us to be relational beings as well. We need other people in our lives. That is just the way we are made. Good relationships are often hard to come by, and take a lot of work to maintain, but we need them. We need to be needed by others, loved and accepted by other human beings. These are basic God given human needs and when they are not met, we don't funciton properly.

Pray and ask God to help you cultivate, good quality friendships in your life!

I wonder WHY we are made that way. Some people (me!) just can't handle close friendships/relationships. I become bored too easily. I don't know anyone in person who really shares any of my interests (being a hockey fan in Indiana doesn't help!). My one friend that I mentioned in the original post like I said is not a Christian and has a very negative attitude about life in general. She really brings me down sometimes. She makes comments like "I hate the world, I hate people in general." It's very sad. I don't like to be around people like this. Men avoid me like the plaque and think I'm after them or wearing out my welcome if I wanna hang out and talk sports.....why??? Guys!!!! I just want to talk sports!!!! aaaargh!!!!

 

[Stanfi]

I wonder WHY we are made that way. Some people (me!) just can't handle close friendships/relationships. I become bored too easily. I don't know anyone in person who really shares any of my interests (being a hockey fan in Indiana doesn't help!). My one friend that I mentioned in the original post like I said is not a Christian and has a very negative attitude about life in general. She really brings me down sometimes. She makes comments like "I hate the world, I hate people in general." It's very sad. I don't like to be around people like this. Men avoid me like the plaque and think I'm after them or wearing out my welcome if I wanna hang out and talk sports.....why??? Guys!!!! I just want to talk sports!!!! aaaargh!!!!

Your friend is like that because she does not have peace in her life. If she is not a Christian she needs God. First and foremost, without God life has no purpose, without purpose life is meaningless and the point of living it become questionable.

I used to question why we are made that way. I tried the hermit thing a bit, and was miserable. Decided to accept the fact that I needed people and asked God to give to them to me. I also cut out people in my life that brought me down. I have depreesion trouble anyway, last thing I need is people that bring me down.

WHY? God makes the rules, cause he is God.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Your friend is like that because she does not have peace in her life. If she is not a Christian she needs God. First and foremost, without God life has no purpose, without purpose life is meaningless and the point of living it become questionable.

I used to question why we are made that way. I tried the hermit thing a bit, and was miserable. Decided to accept the fact that I needed people and asked God to give to them to me. I also cut out people in my life that brought me down. I have depreesion trouble anyway, last thing I need is people that bring me down.

WHY? God makes the rules, cause he is God.

I sometimes feel like I need/couldn't live without my parents. I sometimes feel a relief when I can find someone to share a joke with but that is so difficult because it seems no one has a sense of humour like mine or because the things I tend to think about/joke about are things that people around here just don't get.

I agree with you about my friend. She has no peace. Her dad wasn't a Christian, her mom is. She refers to her mom's church friends as 'freaks.' She has this one narrow-minded view of the whole thing. For example, I listen to RadioU which plays a lot of 'alternative' Christian music. She thinks all Christian music is stuff like the Gaithers, etc... in spite of the fact that I mostly play RadioU music in my car when we're going anywhere. She doubts the Bible 'how do we know it's real?' I couldn't get her to go see "The Passion." Her mom went. I went with my church. She has a nephew that lives with her/her mom. He's a teenager, doesn't like to go to church...wants to rebel, smoke, cuss, etc... But....he likes going to a youth thing that's somehow connected to the church. My friend says she is glad he likes that kind of thing but is 'shocked that he would enjoy something that has to do with church.' She's totally clueless. Sadly, she's the only person I know who has time for me. If that's the best I can do in life then why bother?

Again, I agree with you....I also have depression issues and don't need anyone to bring me down.

Sorry this post was long...felt like venting a little here.

 

[Stanfi]

I sometimes feel like I need/couldn't live without my parents. I sometimes feel a relief when I can find someone to share a joke with but that is so difficult because it seems no one has a sense of humour like mine or because the things I tend to think about/joke about are things that people around here just don't get.

I agree with you about my friend. She has no peace. Her dad wasn't a Christian, her mom is. She refers to her mom's church friends as 'freaks.' She has this one narrow-minded view of the whole thing. For example, I listen to RadioU which plays a lot of 'alternative' Christian music. She thinks all Christian music is stuff like the Gaithers, etc... in spite of the fact that I mostly play RadioU music in my car when we're going anywhere. She doubts the Bible 'how do we know it's real?' I couldn't get her to go see "The Passion." Her mom went. I went with my church. She has a nephew that lives with her/her mom. He's a teenager, doesn't like to go to church...wants to rebel, smoke, cuss, etc... But....he likes going to a youth thing that's somehow connected to the church. My friend says she is glad he likes that kind of thing but is 'shocked that he would enjoy something that has to do with church.' She's totally clueless. Sadly, she's the only person I know who has time for me. If that's the best I can do in life then why bother?

Again, I agree with you....I also have depression issues and don't need anyone to bring me down.

Sorry this post was long...felt like venting a little here.

Well I do know how frustrating it can be. All I know to do is pray.

 

[Galadriel]

Hey there!
I know how you feel, I too am hermit-like. The thing is, there is a difference between WANTING people around you but just not seeming to be able to find the right people, and NOT WANTING people around you and being happiest like that.
I know personally, I am just one of those people who does not want to be around lots of people, I prefer to have maybe one good friend, and thats fine for me. Belive me I have tried all my life to force myself to go out and hang out like "normal " people do, and I have learned that its just not me.
I have gotten lots of ridicule from my family over this, but I have tried to fit where I don't belong and its just not me. You have to make that decision for yourself, and find out who you are.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Hey there!
I know how you feel, I too am hermit-like. The thing is, there is a difference between WANTING people around you but just not seeming to be able to find the right people, and NOT WANTING people around you and being happiest like that.
I know personally, I am just one of those people who does not want to be around lots of people, I prefer to have maybe one good friend, and thats fine for me. Belive me I have tried all my life to force myself to go out and hang out like "normal " people do, and I have learned that its just not me.
I have gotten lots of ridicule from my family over this, but I have tried to fit where I don't belong and its just not me. You have to make that decision for yourself, and find out who you are.

Wow! You said this way better than I have in my previous posts. I feel your pain.....my family gives me grief over it too. Both of my parents are single and they are 'not wanting to be alone' and they just don't understand that I am okay with it. Dad is the 3rd of 4 children, mum is the 3rd of 5 children. I was an only child until I was 10. I think that makes a difference too. My parents worked 2nd and 3rd shift when I was growing up. I had nobody growing up and adjusted to it. I just wish my parents understood.

When I was in college I tried to 'go out' but I just didn't like it. I went to a state college so going out meant 'party'. I tried that twice....hated it. I tried getting involved with a christian group but never felt that I fit in there either. I was involved with them for the better part of my freshman year but I would guess less than 1/4 of them even knew my name or even spoke to me for that matter.

I don't care for the secular world and I don't feel accepted in the Christian world so in my opinion it's best for me to be a hermit.

 

[sr. scholls]

I am a hermit...if you want seclusion move to some of the unsettled parts in Alaska. I would if I were a burly hunter-type woman at least!

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I am a hermit...if you want seclusion move to some of the unsettled parts in Alaska. I would if I were a burly hunter-type woman at least!

LOL! I hear ya!!! I used to have a friend who moved from Chicago to Anchorage. Unfortunately he passed away two years ago. When I was checking his obituary online I read the others that were in that particular newspaper and noticed nearly every one of them said something to the effect of 'moved to Alaska in 198- (insert year!)' from (insert state).' This must be more of a problem than we realize. lol!! I visited Alaska (well, Ketchikan) 7 years ago and loved it. Although, if it were up to me I'd move to the Queen Charlotte Islands of British Columbia. Now THAT'S paradise!