before me and my current "girl" (i say this because she is not my girlfriend, lets call her anne) began liking eachother, we were friends for about a year, and then a year after that we became quite close to eachother. at that point we didn't have feelings for eachother. i began dating another girl while still being very close friends with anne. i broke up with my previous girlfriend after 5 months, and shortly after began liking anne. what i'm confused about is that i never had that "butterfly" feeling for her. i wonder if the reason i never got this feeling with her is because we were very close friends before our feelings for eachother developed, but the lack of those "butterflies" are making me wonder if i truly do like her or if i "teased" myself into liking her because we were already so close. i've been losing sleep over this because i care about her so much, but i dont know if my feelings are true or not because i never got those "butterflies" with her.
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butterflies?
- Thread starter nick1992
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"What is unseen is eternal"
"Butterflies" imply fear. What do you fear? Anne's rejection? Previously you may never have imagined the possibility of rejection or never felt threatened by the possibility. Or perhaps you fear where you guess the relationship may be headed--a marriage commitment. Those are two suggested possibilities anyway.
It sounds as if your relationship is still informal and unofficial. You are going to have to decide on the level of your commitment for the future, and that may not be easy. At some point after you have settled your mind in a decision, you will need to be honest with "Anne." She has feelings too, and will need to know what your intentions are. She has her own decision to make. And perhaps that may take time too.
One other comment if I may. Feelings are very important, but they should not be the bedrock foundation of relationships. Duty to God and to people is. Your duty to "Anne" at present might be to make an open decision about your commitment to the relationship for the future. I say "duty ... might be" because I am probably making too many assumptions with the little information in your query--which may be just as well, since your relationship is your business.
And your duty to God surely includes asking Him for His will in your relationship whether or not it accords with your own. Try reading Ephesians 4 through 6 and 1 Corinthians 7 too for a framework.
It sounds as if your relationship is still informal and unofficial. You are going to have to decide on the level of your commitment for the future, and that may not be easy. At some point after you have settled your mind in a decision, you will need to be honest with "Anne." She has feelings too, and will need to know what your intentions are. She has her own decision to make. And perhaps that may take time too.
One other comment if I may. Feelings are very important, but they should not be the bedrock foundation of relationships. Duty to God and to people is. Your duty to "Anne" at present might be to make an open decision about your commitment to the relationship for the future. I say "duty ... might be" because I am probably making too many assumptions with the little information in your query--which may be just as well, since your relationship is your business.
And your duty to God surely includes asking Him for His will in your relationship whether or not it accords with your own. Try reading Ephesians 4 through 6 and 1 Corinthians 7 too for a framework.
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gzt
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Good grief, you like her enough that you're losing sleep with worry, I'm pretty sure you kind of dig her. I suggest you go out with her for a while and then you can figure out whether you really do have something there or not. Worst case scenario: you date for a couple months and figure out that, no, you don't really dig each other and then you break up. This isn't rocket surgery.
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- Dec 17, 2004
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I myself am dating my old best friend and have been doing so for 3 years...
When I got crushes on other guys, I always got those "butterflies". It was exciting, yah. And fun. Heh.
But I have never had "butterflies" with my bf, or at least, I don't remember having any. I get excited to see him, but I don't have "butterflies". I just am extremely happy.
And love him very much. Butterflies fade apparently in relationships, they're just in the beginning and as the relationship gets serious and you get comfortable, they dissipate. Well, my guess is you're already so close and comfortable with her, you've sort of skipped that beginning stage.See thats the thing. If you date her, because you already know each other so well, there will be no beginning stage. It'll probably just jump straight into being serious, and very comfortable.
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Luther073082
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I wouldn't let the "butterflies" decide if you like her or not.
It may actually be a good thing because it implies that you are comfortable around her. (Whereas the "butterflies" imply that you are nervous.)
It may actually be a good thing because it implies that you are comfortable around her. (Whereas the "butterflies" imply that you are nervous.)
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i agree, and i understand that butterflies don't equal "i like you." but how, then, do i decide whether i truly like her or not? i have to base it on something. i'm confused on how to know if i like her or not, without the butterflies.
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Luther073082
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Well its not such a confusing thing. There are a couple things you need to look at.
Do you enjoy spending your time around her? Thats just a basic thing right there. Since she was your friend before, I would say that is hopefully true.
Do you care about her and her happiness? Is her happiness important to you?
The second thing is if you find her physically attractive. You don't have to fall into lust in figuring this out. But if you are going to date her then she should be someone that you are considering marrying in the future. Therefore you should find her physically attractive.
The often overlooked thing that is important is if you guys have similar views on important things such as religion, money, children, sex and other things.
Maybe since you are just starting your relationship this 3rd thing isn't a huge huge thing for right now. But eventually as your relationship progresses you guys need to find out if you can come to an agreement on these things. What church you will attend and how often. How you will handle money. How many children you want and how they will be raised. And what your expections will be in terms of married sex.
And of course you need to know if the two of you can plan a future together.
But for right now just concentrate on if she's attractive to you, if you care about her, and you enjoy spending your time around her. If all 3 are a yes then its a good sign.
I think you are making things more difficult then they are.
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thatdrummer
looking to be what God wants me to be
youll get the butterflies. trust me.
i dont know about girls, but as a guy, when i talked to a girl everything was ok, i liked her and that was fine, no nerves.
but when it came to asking her out/first kiss/saying i loveyou for the first time
lots and lots of butterflies
when your sitting next to her and it gets awkward, you get butterflies
im sure youll experience it soon man dont worry about it
i dont know about girls, but as a guy, when i talked to a girl everything was ok, i liked her and that was fine, no nerves.
but when it came to asking her out/first kiss/saying i loveyou for the first time
lots and lots of butterflies
when your sitting next to her and it gets awkward, you get butterflies
im sure youll experience it soon man dont worry about it
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