Building brick walls?

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[DreamsAreFree]

Not due to trust but I know that I put up walls sometimes as a result of the abuse. Main reason for that is that I carry guilt and have experienced judgement because of my experience of abuse and don't feel 'good enough'. I try not to have such walls, sometimes they are there more than other times. I do have friends and people do tend to like me but I don't feel I'm always a 'warm' person unless I feel 'safe'. I don't know if that makes sense.

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[dariya]

Building walls to protect your self from other people. Yes that can happen. But that means that you are not wheeling to let go your past and the people that hurt you.

It is your choice…your decision.
You have two options: To live your life allowing the bad memories and people that hurt you to control your life or…
To learn to let go the past and to build new life and to be happy person….with good people , yes that is possible….
But decision is YOURS…You have control on your on happiness…


God bless you

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[UnitynLove]

Thank you for listening. I have forgiven those in my past who have hurt me and understand why it happened. I'm not sure though it is that easy to let go of the walls because I do have happiness in my life and am generally a happy person. I'm not sure happiness and trust are that black and white for me.

Thanks again for listening.

forgive the situations where they hurt your and you shall be free. The Lord showed me that it really isn't situations, people, places, things that make us sad it is our own lack of mercy, love, and forgiveness when others make a mistake, and people will make mistakes because they are not perfect. Many people are depressed because they can't face truth, but the Holy Spirit came to reveal truth to us. We can't get past depression until we quit making excuses and blaming everyone else. We must face the truth and take responsibility for our actions. When we do that and ask God to help us, the spirit of heaviness leaves us and we feel light and free. Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:30, ...My burden is light and easy to be borne. Being depressed about circumstances does not change them, and it is a total waste of time and a thief of joy. So we must stop letting our feelings, mind, body, and past experiences rule us and allow God to give us a fresh plan, a new idea, a new goal! You can experience victory over your emotions by being led, guided, controlled, and ruled by the Holy Spirit, whom Jesus sent to us as our Comforter, Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener and Standby to remain with us forever (see John 14:16). Thank God, we don't have to be disappointed, discouraged, despondent, depressed, or in despair. Jesus is not only the Way, but He is also the way out! Jesus is our healer, our glory, and the lifter of our heads.

 

[DreamsAreFree]

Thank you for listening. I have forgiven those in my past who have hurt me and understand why it happened. I'm not sure though it is that easy to let go of the walls because I do have happiness in my life and am generally a happy person. I'm not sure happiness and trust are that black and white for me.

Thanks again for listening.

You're right, it's not as easy as simply choosing to 'let go'. If only it was! #1, you'll find there are plenty of people who just don't 'get it' but have the answer. The fact is, with something like abuse, you learn to live with it and not have it rule you but it is always there. Working through it is a process.

Telling someone to just let go doesn't work and is actually quite callous. Sure, there are some people who are invested in being in a bad space and seeking sympathy, most are not. Healing is a journey and can take a long time. People are at different stages of that journey.

Nor is it as simple as forgiveness. Building walls has nothing to do with forgiveness, and often can involve people that have never wronged us at all and have no need for forgiveness, but it is understandable when trust has been so badly betrayed that it may lead a person to wait to feel some safety in a situation before they can step out. That's ok.

#1 - have you ever found someone you can safely confide in? It does help. Someone who gets it, will listen and not tell you to to just 'get over it'.

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[dariya]

Thank you for listening. I have forgiven those in my past who have hurt me and understand why it happened. I'm not sure though it is that easy to let go of the walls because I do have happiness in my life and am generally a happy person. I'm not sure happiness and trust are that black and white for me.

Thanks again for listening.

you are right....happiness is not black and white...
Let go the past is ok, but not fun from ut. That is diference.
To "let go" means that we have to let God take us through things and let Him work in us so our mess becomes our message.
Letting go of the past involves looking to the future in a new way.

I was reading your last post and you are doing well...I'm happy that you are on right direction. Your post means that you don't wont to live in bondage any more...
New miracles, mercies ...God is ready to give you every day. God is not waiting for us to do all the right things before He blesses us.

I do understand you...
God bless you

 

[dariya]

Also I do understand you about guilt...I know,I had felt guilty as long as I could remember ( I was abused).
Guilt steals faith..Pray for that and ask trusted people to pray for you.....When will start to feel guitly about something, think about your faith and that Lord loves you.

Satan wants to press us down. He is accuser of those who beleive in Christ.
But David psalmist wrote: "You Lord, are a shield for me, my glory, and the lifter of my head" Ps.3:3

God bless you Cindy, sorry if I wrote something that was not understandible.
But I know about Building brick walls...I hade same problem..take your time, healing is a process and dont't forget God loves you perfectly....

The love of God will carry you through the storms of life and into a place of calm peace....You are precios to God.

 

[DreamsAreFree]

I think one of the reasons for the brick walls is the uncertainty how people would react if they 'knew'. Certainly is for me. The wall probably comes down when we know the person will have a 'safe' reaction. A safe reaction is NOT 'you choose to get over it' or 'it's about forgiveness' or 'just get over it'. Without those sort of responses there would be no need for walls .

 

[dariya]

I think one of the reasons for the brick walls is the uncertainty how people would react if they 'knew'. Certainly is for me. The wall probably comes down when we know the person will have a 'safe' reaction. A safe reaction is NOT 'you choose to get over it' or 'it's about forgiveness' or 'just get over it'. Without those sort of responses there would be no need for walls .

Hi Dreamsarefree,
Can you explane me about "safe reaction" again, please?
I think again that forgivness is the key...to my self (that is not my fault).Also dealing with feeling of guilt and shame are another step try emotional healing.

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[dariya]

Yes, I definitely hide most of what's inside also because I "know" what will happen. I think reactions play a big part of keeping the brick walls up. I think I equate it with not being able to control their reactions (which I know I can't). I think it's easier to manipulate a response and get the unpleasantness over with rather than waiting for the hurt. I know I'm being unrealistic and black and white here. I just think that's where the knew jerk response of defensiveness comes in.

Is it like that for anyone else?

Thanks for answering,

Cindy

I do understand that...but we can't control other people...other reactions.
after abuse I find a new job. I'm working with lots of people...Just it's realy dificult to comunicate, sooooo dificult ...We need time to trust other people again, and not feeling guilty or shame.Or sometimes I wont to be alone, just me...
I know sister that is hard ....
God bless you

 

[R.A.IN]

Does anybody else have trouble trusting people to the point of building brick walls to avoid getting hurt again? Do these brick walls create problems? I know I constantly push people away because I expect them to hurt me. Then the slightest thing will push my buttons, get me angry, and then I can say "see, they couldn't be trusted." I'm tired of this. I'm really tired of messing this up. So is there anyone out there with similar troubles?

Thanks,

Cindy

I don't have any advice for you because I do this all the time.