Breaking Up

[hasnoname]

Recently my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She had a great reason and I support it 100%. She wants to focus on God right now and I need to do the same. However, the pain comes from two other areas. She told me that she does not love me, and while I am 18, it still hurts because I do care for her, enough to stay together for 2 years. I know we were very immature and still are but it doesnt take the pain away. Also, at the time I had already told her I need a little space so that I can focus on God and be the man God intends me to be, or basically focus on Him. And for three weeks things between us from my perspective were getting better. She would tell me she loved me every night and we seemed closer. To top off that hurt, which was immense at the time she did this, she began, "and there is another guy". This was the worst of all. It was my ex-youth pastor who moved to Colorado from TX 6 months ago. Apparently they have talked on the phone and developed "feelings" for each other. Now it is three days after. I could not stop being her friend because all our friends are the same. I also cannot stop thinking about her like what is she feeling, what is she doing etc. It is very hard to just not be loved all of the sudden. And while God is helping me, I am so hurt. It is definitely pushing me closer to God and I feel blessed that He knows that He can test me like this and I can bear it. But it is so hard. I just want to cry and not stop. And I cant. I have a life and work to do. Please give me advise.

 

[forgivenmuch]

you seem like a nice person. im sorry that your heart is broken.
the good news is .. it will heal. when your younger .. you go thru things like this.
everyone almost has. first loves are often hard to break off.
just focus on God and pray to him to take the pain away. i have been where you are before yrs ago. i married my highschool sweetie and we have been together for 19 yrs.
we went thru things like this .. on and off .. dated other people but always found ourselfs back to one another. and yes i loved him .. but i totally got over him after a month or so ... and we did not see each other for a yr. and when we did .. we got married about 3 yrs afterwards. we have been married for 13 yrs now. if its meant to be ..it will be if you pray and seek God. sometimes its not and you just have to let go. no matter what ... God will send you the one he wants you to be with .. in the future.

 

[hasnoname]

Its just so very hard. Does anyone know any verses that could help me? I learned today that she closed her heart to me three weeks ago when I decided that I needed to take a break with her to focus on God. She was heart broken and never told me. But you know, learning that gave me peace, because I know there is nothing there now. I can try to move on by myself and with my friends. It still hurts.

 

[Antoinette.Marie]

Sweetie, you are not alone in this. EVERYONE has had a broken heart at one time or another.
Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. (James 1:2-3)

Remember that this is all part of God's plan. He can see your future, and knows what He wants you to do with it. If He wants you to be together, He will bring you together when you are both ready for each other. It seems like right now, you aren't ready for each other. You both need time to grow into the beautiful, mature people God wants you to be.

Be patient. God has big plans for you!!

 

[hasnoname]

Thanks for the verse, I love the Word, it is always awesome. He is leading me to just put it behind me now. Im sure the pain will remain but I will only get stronger. And whoever He has for me will be even better which is awesome. Just have to trust Him.

 

[Antoinette.Marie]

You will be fine, trust me. That which does not kill us makes us stronger. That which DOES kill us, brings us Home to Him.

 

[football4christ]

Hey dude i some what went through the same thing only that me and my girl were together for about 5 months! Its really, really tough! My girl told me same kind of stuff on how she isnt in love with me anymore but 2 days before that she was sayin i love you to baby to me u know? God works in mysterious ways but he works for the better even when you cant see it right away! God is always gonna be there for you and he will never leave you! Send me a pm or IM sometime and we can talk!! Take care!!

 

[Anti Existance]

Love is a 2 way road, and its something you have to accept that you cannot FORCE someone to love you, you need to be kind and loving to her, but you must also face reality that she is NOT IN LOVE with you , this is her clear expression of free will which you must respect. And then you must focus on your own life which must continue on without the presence of this woman of willing to be your girlfriend. You should pick up your life and continue because she will certainly continue hers, it also hurts because you have to realise that you should never go into a relationship thinking it will work out just because it concerns you. I would advice and encourage you to move on with your life, and the only cure against this pain is to replace your ex-gf with a new-gf, there is plenty of fish out there in the sea, and honestly you might run into something better then her, a person who REALLY loves you. Don't think that God has intended you to be with someone, you have your own free will to be and not to be with the person that you desire as same as she has her own free will which should be respected at all times. In the eventuality that things go wrong for her don't take her back, she only is using you as an emotional support, the moment a new guy will come in your life you will again be second best in her life , and terribly hurt, don't let this happen. Pack your bags and leave when that happens.

 

[hasnoname]

One great thing about this is how God is working in my life. Man is He amazing. I tell you what, you ever want to get closer to God, go through something like this and keep your eyes on Him the whole way through. Yeah, its awesome. But anyways, I just want to tell you what God has shown me over the past 4 days. Two years ago, I yoked my self in a deep relationship with a non-believer. While after a year she came to Christ, we never had a Godly relationship, that is as a couple focusing on God. This led to many problems and it just wasnt right. I was bitter towards her for making me drop God and I treated less than a princess like she deserved. But, before we dated, let me tell you I was on fire for God. I was thirsty and hungry and couldnt let Him go. The past two years, the enemy has taken advantage of my fall. He has beaten me down. But praise God Almighty, this break-up the Lord help me to kick to poo out of Satan and his buddies. And now I am on fire again. Its tragic that this is what it took, but hey, God is all-knowing. In three months I head off to live at my college on campus. I will focus on Him and school as everything I need is payed for due to high school achievement (scholarship), and I am pumped. This summer is about work and Him. I am pumped. I am ready to continue the voyage God has for me, and face the even worse challenges that I knows He has looming ahead. This victory over the enemy gives me hope, he did not get me down this time, but God pulled me way up, from the lowest place I have been since I became a believer, and He is ready (just as He has been and always will be) to take off with me. I say, Let's Go! Praise the Lord God Almighty!

 

[forgivenmuch]

some verses just for you

The LORD [is] nigh unto them that are of a brokenheart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. psamls 34:18

He healeth the broken in heart,[font=Times New Roman,Times] and bindeth up their wounds.[/font]
psalms 147:3
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1peter 5:7

Because he hath set his love uponme, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.

psalms 91:14
Blessed [be] God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; 1corinthians 1:3

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy [cometh] in the morning. psalms 30:5


GOD BLESS YOU

 

[candyandcake]

OH yea I have been there sooooo many time cause I was dumped soooo many times by loves and it nearly killed me every time one time I was in sever depression for 2 years I slept 15 hours a day. Dont let this happen to you. I am sure hear it over and over again that it must not have been ment to be. Trust me there are soooo many more better girls out there. I know it hurts best thing to do is get out of the house and stick around friends and stuff. That is the worst but it happens to everyone constantly I feel for you man

 

[hasnoname]

Hey guys, this break up hurt really bad, but all the pain and suffering was just used for absolute good. God used me to share the Gospel with a long time classmate last night. It was so awesome because she was searching. Someone who I had just used for homework help, was searching for God and God used this event and my experience to plant a seed in her, that hopefully He will sprout into faith. It was awesome and exhilirating. Im telling you God is capable of all things. If he could completely turn me around in 3 days, of course there will be pain, but I have forgiven both parties, then He can do anything. Not only did He heal me immensely, He is giving me the strength to focus on Him and His will, like tonight. It is so awesome and I am excited.

 

[Antoinette.Marie]

Good for you. Just remember to take it day by day.

 

[forgivenmuch]

that is awsome chris. i am so happy that God is using you to help others.
God bless you and ty for the blessings you sent me.

 

[kevin~]

hey chris,

i experienced the EXACT same thing u are going through 2 years ago, and understand how you are feeling. rest assured that what is yours will be yours, God has better plans for you ahead. and dont worry about those feelings that you still feel for her, it WILL get better, time will surely heal.

 

[lead bassist]

I am only 18 as well, and I have only had one girlfriend. And...to briefly explain myself, I've got a strong personality. If I pulled out my Sr. yearbook, half the sigs say "Isn't it funny, I hated you when I first met you, now I love you." and what's wierd with me is...once I start growing on people I tend to grow close to them QUICKLY. I think this is largely the reason I turn women off is because I *AM* easy to get along with...so much for women wanting "nice guys"...anyhow, sorry about the tangent...ummm, so being that I get close, I knew my ex for 2 yrs before we started dating...and we were already close. We gre MUCH closer very quickly. Then one thing led to another and I ended up having to end it. And much like you, I can't just avoid her (mainly because she has my number and I just don't hve the heart to say "leave me alone"). To this day, while she is only 18...she was reluctant to first say these words, she STILL tell me that she loves me. She means good, I think, but it's like a constant reminder of the heartache. However, I have overcome it, and I'm going to tell you the secret:

Love God. He won't break your heart. Give yourself to Him, and He will take care of you. I say this a lot on the forums, and it's odd...every day I really do seem to re-learn to do this. And every day I follow that advice, life is so much sweeter. Heartache comes and goes. And, my friend, it'll likely come again. Learn from this...and it won't be near as bad the next time. Now...if I may comment on your current situation (and be warned, it might come across as harsh because...well, it's harsh. So if you really don't want something blunt atm, I'd suggest you don't read the rest...but one day when you're better, might help)

Your girl wants to grow closer to God by being single, yet there is another guy? If a guy tried this against a girl, he's a dog. Don't nobody go jumpin' the gun and get offended, I'm stating it like it is. I can only assume she's near your age as well, and...to be honest, most people our age want to enjoy the fruits of youth. Not many of us want commitment. So don't take it too personally....I'm not justifying her actions, only trying to help you understand them.

If you'd like more...and if you want me to try to relate to it more to make it more personal or anything, plz feel free to PM me...I just don't want to spam these boards too much with my own stuff...cuz while I try to use it to help people, I'm always afraid I come across as attention-seeking (hope that made sense)

Best of luck to ya pal! (refer back to first paragraph )

 

[dews]

I'm sorry for you that your heart is broken. Check out www.fathersloveletter.com. That is how he feels about you and it will never change. I hope it helps heal the pain.

 

[RadioGuy80]

Chris, isn't it amazing that a post (and an event in life) that started out and contains so much pain also shows so much growth in Him? You are being a true servant to God by sharing his Word to a searching soul while your heart hurts so much. Praise God for that!

As for the pain you are experiencing, well, James said it better: "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."