Breaking up with my girlfriend part 4...

[Albion]

Lol she wants to get married now. She does not want to take a one year break. I did already suggest to her in my first attempt to breakup that we could just take some time off and she said no.

This is becoming strange. If you have no option but to do whatever she says, you are headed to the altar since that, of course, is part of what she requires.

If you are sure that you do not want this scenario, and also that you will not regret being without her, you have no choice but to separate from her whether or not she agrees to it. It took us a little time to realize that there is no middle way, but based on what you've told us, there isn't one.

 

[Michie]

We never had sex. I never made promises about getting married to her.

It’s up to you. Stop turning it into endless conversations and end it. The problem is you not having the backbone to stick to it and cut it off. Is this really part 4 on the same topic? C’mon. Man up. Seriously.

 

[trophy33]

We never had sex. I never made promises about getting married to her.

You have a choice, then.

 

[bèlla]

You appear to have trouble making decisions (where’s she’s concerned) and saying no. That doesn’t bode well. If you remain she’ll have the reins eventually. Her influence is great and your unwillingness to stand your ground is telling.

You aren’t doing her a favor by dragging it out. Let her go and move on. But if you’re on the fence tell the truth. She isn’t tying your hands.

If you were certain nothing she said would change your mind. You’re not. That’s the problem. Not inexperience or feedback.

 

[bèlla]

That is why you have to bring accountability by involving a Pastor...

To help you end a relationship. Seriously?

 

[turkle]

This is really sad for both of you. Because of your lack of courage, this sick cycle is continuing again. She's a nice lady, but you are not, according to what you said, what she needs. I'm guessing that because her biological clock is ticking, she doesn't want to start over with someone else, so she's sticking with you.

A happy and successful marriage occurs between two people who cannot imagine living life without the other. This is not what you have. If you prolong this, you are headed for a much bigger heartbreak and disaster. She's a lovely lady, but you two are not compatible.

I agree with the others. You need to grow a spine and stop letting her manipulate you. You said you didn't have a choice. YOU DO. You just need to screw up the courage to do what you know is the right thing. Stop allowing yourself to be so easily manipulated. You want out. By prolonging this charade of a relationship, you are making it much, much worse.

 

[trophy33]

This is really sad for both of you. Because of your lack of courage, this sick cycle is continuing again. She's a nice lady, but you are not, according to what you said, what she needs. I'm guessing that because her biological clock is ticking, she doesn't want to start over with someone else, so she's sticking with you.

A happy and successful marriage occurs between two people who cannot imagine living life without the other. This is not what you have. If you prolong this, you are headed for a much bigger heartbreak and disaster. She's a lovely lady, but you two are not compatible.

I agree with the others. You need to grow a spine and stop letting her manipulate you. You said you didn't have a choice. YOU DO. You just need to screw up the courage to do what you know is the right thing. Stop allowing yourself to be so easily manipulated. You want out. By prolonging this charade of a relationship, you are making it much, much worse.

I think he is what she needs, thats why she is so desperate to marry him.

She is not what he needs, though. He needs a woman that will give him a lot of freedom and privacy.

If he loves her (as he said), they could find a compromise. Not sure why they are unable, being both adult and in age.

 

[Carl Emerson]

To help you end a relationship. Seriously?

Seriously.

What is being presented is an emotional circus.

If there is substance to the relationship it will survive a break.

Loving Pastoral (Pastor and wife) support will establish the ground rules and ease the pain.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

 

[eleos1954]

So a continuation of this thread: I think I will break up with her again tomorrow. Advice?

You guys keep telling me it's not fair to her for me to keep dating her and I need to let her go so she can stop wasting her time with me.

Well. I tried. It was so sad and hard to do because I do really love her and care about her and I want the best for her. The look on her face was so sad. We both cried. She reframed things saying she doesn't want to just give up and she said how about we try to work things out. I said ok. We continued to hang out and by the end of the night it was as if nothing had happened.

I know I should have just continued to say no but it's just so hard and sad to see someone in her situation. And with her continuing to persist it makes things reallllllyyyy hard to just continue to say no. It's as if she can't be happy unless I stay with her and get married to her. I don't think that's good for her to think that way and I try to help her out and say that it's going to be ok regardless. She has told me that she knows God told her that I am the one. That thinking is so dangerous. I've thought like that before and it usually doesn't end well because then you aren't prepared if things don't work out. You always want to plan for the worst.

Please help me. And don't tell me I'm the bad guy. I have tried to take your guys' advice and "do the right thing" and let her go so she can find someone else. But she won't let me. Remember this is the second time I have tried breaking up with her. But yeah. I'm out of ideas. Let me know if you have any.

Relationships are to be centered in Christ ... if not ... they will not work out very well.

Where is Jesus in the relationship?

If your relationship is centered on Christ and you each have that desire to grow in a relationship with Him, then both of you will feel a sense of pleasing God. You want someone who can support you in reading the Bible daily and attending church and Bible studies. You want someone who will pray with you before each meal and every night; someone who will pray for YOU. Set an example to those around you, even for your future children on what a relationship is to be: centered on Christ.

How much do you talk about and include Jesus in your lives?

What does a Christ centered marriage look like?

The questions (rhetorical) .... there are many questions the two of you need to discuss before considering marriage.

 

[Mink61]

I mean she doesn't really give me much of an option. I tried to tell her it's over. But she wouldn't let me.

You need to stop blaming her for your inability to break this off.

It's not that she "doesn't let you go". It's that *you* won't stand up for yourself and be a man about this.

Doesn't mean you have to be mean. But no matter how 'nice' you are, you're never going to be nice enough to separate from her without some tears on her part.

You're both on different pages regarding a BIG issue, and that's kids. You can't compromise on this issue. You either agree to have them or don't. If you're not firmly resolved to having kids, then don't. And that means, you can't be together. Period.

She also can't seem to be happy unless she's in your presence. She's way too needy to have a healthy relationship, PLUS she knows you don't want kids.

Please end this. Now. And don't back down.