BP-depressed

[HeartsnFlowers]

I'm depressed. I'm on Zoloft and Wellbutrin. I thought I was doing good by getting in to the Pdoc this year before the downward spiral, but here it is, just like every year. I just want to stay home in bed all day.
The days are too short. I tried Light therapy 2 years ago and didnt notice any difference.

I guess I just want to talk to someone about it. I dont have anyone in my life I can talk to about depression, or BP. I just got the diagnosis recently. The Pdoc said I may have to change meds or add a mood stabilizer. What are your experiences with meds?

I do pray about this. There is nothing (except being overweight) that I am down about. There is nothing making me unhappy. It's just me and the disorder.
I dont feel like I can handle any little bit of stress at all. Feel like I'm gonna burst into tears at any time.

 

[nb_christseeker]

i love you. youll be ok. if you ever need someone to talk to, PM me.

 

[DLX]

Hey Sister,

I noticed a huge difference when taking a mood stabilizer. First we tried a few antipsychotics and they didn't do much for me. Talk to your Dr about it. How are you feeling about the diagnosis? I just got mine about 2 weeks ago (although I have been feeling well for a while now). At first it was a little upsetting, but then I realized that it made so much sense. I had been struggling with depression since I was 12 years old. I had been in and out of the hospital with major bouts of depression. Finally, they diagnosed me and I am kind of happy about it in a way. I finally make some sense and I haven't been crazy all this time.

Dear Lord, I pray that you would just touch heartsnFlowers right now. Help her to find the right combination of medications that will have her feeling well and able to take on new and exciting things throughout her days. Bless her today and be with her through this season, in Jesus' name.

Lexi

 

[Alive again]

Hi again, I would definitely try a mood stabilizer. I was not able to kick my depression until I was on a mood stabilizer. I had to try three or foru before I found the one that works for me. After years of depression so severe I could hardly get out of bed, with the right med it was like a switch was turned on and I truly felt Alive again (the double meaning behind my cf name-faith and illness) I eventually had to stop my antidepressants because they began triggering my mania side. Major change for me. So talk to your doc and be very truthful and honest with him. I had side effects from meds I could not tolerate and we had to change.

BTW, The books by Christian authors are In the Pit by Nancy Hagerman and Seek His Face, He will provide by Gayle Darhouwer (? spelling) I found them both at Amazon and then double checked e bay./ They are both easy to understand and approach by from the standpoint of your Christian Faith. There are many wonderful books, websites, etc out there by non Christians as well. I have laso enjoyed a couple of other books that are not related to mental illness but directly related to things that impacted my emotional state. They are: The Myth of the Submissive Christian Woman by Brenda Waggoner (excellent Biblically based book that helped me see the difference between God's view and the American churches view) and Peculiar Grace by Charlie Jones ( an incredibly fun book to read that finally help me to give up the load of guilt I have carried my entire life). HOpe this helps!

Prayers and Blessings to a True Princess, a beloved daughter of the King of Kings-YOU!!!!

 

[HeartsnFlowers]

I appreciate all you for responding. I guess when I get depressed, I dont make decisions as well as normal. It seems to take me a while to realize that I better get to the doctor. She was leaning towards putting me on a mood stabilizer but she could sense I wasnt quite ready for that.

Alive again, I'll check out those books on Amazon.
I have been in a spiritual slump this year.

Doula- Happy Birthday! I feel about the same as you describe about getting the diagnosis. A little sad about it at first, but the more the dr explained it, how on AD's I shouldnt be getting depressed like I do and explained about hypomania, the more sense it made to me. Also my brother is BP (untreated).

Thank you all for your prayers and kind thoughts. It helps so much.

 

[rushingwind62]

I'm depressed. I'm on Zoloft and Wellbutrin. I thought I was doing good by getting in to the Pdoc this year before the downward spiral, but here it is, just like every year. I just want to stay home in bed all day.
The days are too short. I tried Light therapy 2 years ago and didnt notice any difference.

I guess I just want to talk to someone about it. I dont have anyone in my life I can talk to about depression, or BP. I just got the diagnosis recently. The Pdoc said I may have to change meds or add a mood stabilizer. What are your experiences with meds?

I do pray about this. There is nothing (except being overweight) that I am down about. There is nothing making me unhappy. It's just me and the disorder.
I dont feel like I can handle any little bit of stress at all. Feel like I'm gonna burst into tears at any time.

Hearts,
I have been diagnoised with BP for three years now and just 3 months ago admitted myself to the hospital for the 5th time in those 3 years. Like you it seems to come at certain times of the year.

One thing I recommend is get in counseling and stay in it to help you work through the options and struggles. Meds do play a big part in helping you maintain stability. But know this as well. NO MEDS will heal you of this condition, they will just help you maintain levels so the swings aren't as severe. Talk with your PD and tell him/her that you don't think you are getting full benefit from your meds.

You mention one thing though about this time of year. Did something bad happen to you at this time of year? Could you be stuck in a grieving process? I know the two hardest times of the year for me are the months of March and September. I lost my dad in March of 2003 and Sept was his birthday.....find the triggers of your depression and you'll be better able to deal with the depression. And a counselor can help you do that.
You are in my prayers and
God Bless YOU.....Rob

 

[HeartsnFlowers]

Rob,

It's just the shorter days with less sunlight I believe. When I first began treatment 9 years ago, I was diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder. There have been a couple of years when I didnt need any meds during spring and summer (but would have been more stable if I had stayed on them).
I generally get depressed November through Feb. or March. Getting outside and getting exercise seems to help. But those are the last things I want to do.

 

[rushingwind62]

Rob,

It's just the shorter days with less sunlight I believe. When I first began treatment 9 years ago, I was diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder. There have been a couple of years when I didnt need any meds during spring and summer (but would have been more stable if I had stayed on them).
I generally get depressed November through Feb. or March. Getting outside and getting exercise seems to help. But those are the last things I want to do.

Hearts,
well you aren't alone. Many people suffer from that...I'll keep you in my prayers and that the Lord will be a bright spot always in your day.... ....Rob

 

[s_gunter]

Ah, the Silly Season (the Thanksgiving-New Years holidays) rears it's ugly head again.

I realize that during this time of year, that the days are shorter and can definately cause depression. However, could it also have something to do with the holidays themselves? For me, it is.

This time of the year is supposed to be a joyous one. Well for me, it's not. It's stress, stress, and more stress trying to make it joyous for everyone else. That, and it's weird for me seeing everyone so happy and joyful, when I can't seem to muster up those same feelings. Then, everyone makes fun of me because I can't, which only makes the 'bad' feelings worse. I wish that we could just skip November, December, and Jan 1. To tell the honest truth, I don't really want to bother with it at all.

Now where's that rock from which I crawled, so I can crawl back underneath it?

 

[HeartsnFlowers]

Hi s_gunter

I love the holidays, am playing Christmas music all day long. It cheers me up. The decorations and lights cheer me up. It must be doubly hard if those things get you down.
At the first of the year, when there are 2-3 more months of winter to face, that depresses me.

 

[HeartsnFlowers]

I am feeling lots better today. The doc gave me some Mood Tracking sheets to rate depression/irritability/elevated mood on a daily basis. For women, they look to see if there is a trend related to the menstrual cycle. It's helping me to be more aware of my moods.

 

[DLX]

I had to fill out a mood diary too. At the end of it, the Dr diagnnosed me with BP. It helps the Dr understand what is going on and make the appropriate calls as far as your meds go and stuff. I pray that this goes well for you.

Lexi

 

[s_gunter]

Hi s_gunter

I love the holidays, am playing Christmas music all day long. It cheers me up. The decorations and lights cheer me up. It must be doubly hard if those things get you down.
At the first of the year, when there are 2-3 more months of winter to face, that depresses me.

Those have the opposite effect on me. Decorations and lights....into the garbage can they go (if I could get away with it.). Christmas music, other than what is heard in church, literally drives me crazy!! Do I shop in stores during the holidays? Not anymore. I shop online, because of the crowds, and that music over the PA system. It is a trigger for me, since I have horrible holiday memories. These are the hardest for me to shut off.

Mood tracking, I never had to formally do that. I'd cycle right in front of my doctor during appointments. Do I take meds? Not anymore. However, that is not to say I'm cured. I still have mood swings, I'm just more aware of them now and all that therapy I had is helping me so much. Now, since it's the Silly Season, I wish I could be a hermit until it passes. If it wasn't for my babies, I'd probably would/could literally sleep the holidays away.

I forgot to say this before about your OP: It is okay to cry when you need to. You're just making it harder on yourself if you don't. We all need a (sometimes several) good cry sometimes. IF you do get discouraged, and need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me, or click that IM thingy by my character.

 

[HollyHobbie]

I also have BP disorder, the doctor says its boarder line,though the way I have been feeling off and on lately, I am begginning to question that.
She (my doctor is ) slowly weaning me off of Nuerontin and is introducing me too a stronger medicine Xanax, while keeping me on Prozac and Welbutrin......geesh I feel like a drug addict .

As I said in a previous post above this one, I am really struggling today if I could justify taking my life , I would but I can't ! I am a born again christian, and I know God didn't create me to kill myself !, He has a special calling on my life and is allowing me to be a Mother too 2 adorable Autistic treasures ages 3, and 5 and has given me a husband who is finally starting to understand me more and more , though lately I feel like more of a burden to him than anything, but I'm sure that the devil is trying to get me to think that way !

The deppresion and the mood swings get so bad that I often find myself wanting to go back into the hospital again ,which would be the 3rd time over a year.
I do have moments where I find myself thinking about lashing out at my husband and my kids and really hurt them that scares me,deep down inside I know I would or could never hurt them. I love them far too much !

I am sure that some of this could be seasonal deppression though I started feeling a little loopy in October.

I also know that its been a year November 10th since I spent my first week in a mental ward of a hospital in 16 yrs only to go back and spend 5 days in February (the week of my sons birthday )

The good thing is I have less stress this year than last, since God got a hold of my husband and he has repented and now no longer treats me like a bowl full of maggots (sorry for the disgusting mental picture ) Our marriage has been wonderful the past 3 almost 4 months !.

My husband seems to think the doctor has me on way too much medication sometimes I agree with him and some times I don't.

I am not sure where I am going with this except too say that , I know what many of you go through dailey with BP , In an odd sort of way I am greatful to be going through this because now I can go up to someone who is struggling with this or has a loved one struggling with this and say, I know what your going through or cry with them (ect ).

That is another reason for me to live !!!

Love In Christ
Holly Hobbie
Laura

 

[rushingwind62]

The deppresion and the mood swings get so bad that I often find myself wanting to go back into the hospital again ,which would be the 3rd time over a year.
I do have moments where I find myself thinking about lashing out at my husband and my kids and really hurt them that scares me,deep down inside I know I would or could never hurt them. I love them far too much !

Laura,
The first year I was diagnoised I was hospitalized 3 times and all together now in 4 years I have been hospitalized 5 times at my own desire. If these feelings of suicide or harming your family memebers happen often then you should and let them try to find meds that work for you. Because extreme episodes of BP do lead into psychotic episodes where you do things and you have no clue what you are doing. I know, my first BP episode went into those limits and I lost a period of 7 days. Fortuneately Iwas only chasing the women and asking them to marry me ( out of character for me) and was not trying to hurt myself or anyone else. Don't mess with it is my advice . My other hospitalaztions were because I was having suicidial thoughts and feared I was falling back into the psychotic stage. It takes time for them to find the right combo of meds that will work the best for you....Took them 4 years with me, but I am finally about as good as I am going to get I think. I still have ups and downs but not near assevere. And I am able to deal with those ups and downs now. And just remember the meds won't cure you they will only help you get to level where you can maintain.....Rob

 

[justafayes]

I'm depressed. I'm on Zoloft and Wellbutrin. I thought I was doing good by getting in to the Pdoc this year before the downward spiral, but here it is, just like every year. I just want to stay home in bed all day.
The days are too short. I tried Light therapy 2 years ago and didnt notice any difference.

I guess I just want to talk to someone about it. I dont have anyone in my life I can talk to about depression, or BP. I just got the diagnosis recently. The Pdoc said I may have to change meds or add a mood stabilizer. What are your experiences with meds?

I do pray about this. There is nothing (except being overweight) that I am down about. There is nothing making me unhappy. It's just me and the disorder.
I dont feel like I can handle any little bit of stress at all. Feel like I'm gonna burst into tears at any time.

yeah, I know what you feel,, I'm on Lexpro, Strattera (ADHD) and a mood stabilizer too. The beautiful thing is,, we know what the problem is,,, we are not going out of our mind,, we just have a fluke (chemical imbalance).. thank God He's greater than this stuff... and a wonderful truth is... when things in our lives are out of control,, we KNOW He is in control.

I have started crying over nothing and get into heaves.. the next morning,, I looked like a bassett hound.. lol

What a wonderful husband I have,, he has no clue about this stuff.. but tolerates me just the same.. the crying,, the absent mindedness,, misplacing EVERYTHING<<

I have my own language,, my words get so mixed up... they come out funny...

I laugh at myself,,, (not when I'm crying of course) but,,, it's just a joy to know that this is a common problem,, it is curable,, it answers alot of the weird happenings,, and knowing someday,, we can encourage someone else going through this with no idea why or what...

Be blessed lil lady,,, God is in control... sometimes people know theres a problem,, but we have been bless to know the core.. now we can do something about it and know what to pray about... God is Good!!

 

[HeartsnFlowers]

Laura

Sorry to hear what you're going through. My 8 yr old stepson is autistic- he lives with us full time. He is a treasure. My 2 from a previous marriage have adhd (which my doc told me is on the same chromosome as BP). So I understand the special challenges you may be dealing with. But our kids are full of rewards too!

I pray they find the right medication mix for you to find relief and peace. Those kids need you very much so dont give over to those feelings you are having. Call your doctor.

My dh has suggested I go off meds in the past, and it has been a mistake. I just have to trust the MD to know best in the psych arena. I hope you do too. If you're like me, it's hard to make logical decisions when you're down in the pits.

It is hard being on several meds when you're young and knowing it is for life. My doc asked me if knowing this about the meds bothered me, and I said a little, but I know the alternative, and I'd do most anything to avoid going back to that.

 

[HeartsnFlowers]

yeah, I know what you feel,, I'm on Lexpro, Strattera (ADHD) and a mood stabilizer too. The beautiful thing is,, we know what the problem is,,, we are not going out of our mind,, we just have a fluke (chemical imbalance).. thank God He's greater than this stuff... and a wonderful truth is... when things in our lives are out of control,, we KNOW He is in control.

I have started crying over nothing and get into heaves.. the next morning,, I looked like a bassett hound.. lol

What a wonderful husband I have,, he has no clue about this stuff.. but tolerates me just the same.. the crying,, the absent mindedness,, misplacing EVERYTHING<<

I have my own language,, my words get so mixed up... they come out funny...

I laugh at myself,,, (not when I'm crying of course) but,,, it's just a joy to know that this is a common problem,, it is curable,, it answers alot of the weird happenings,, and knowing someday,, we can encourage someone else going through this with no idea why or what...

Be blessed lil lady,,, God is in control... sometimes people know theres a problem,, but we have been bless to know the core.. now we can do something about it and know what to pray about... God is Good!!

You're right, it is a common diagnosis. It's just people are too ashamed to talk about it, or too ashamed to even get help. So they turn to alcohol or drugs. My words are getting mixed up sometimes too, I cant find the right word I want, etc. Oh well.

So glad we can help each other here!