I have been dating my boyfriend for about two years. I am convinced that he is ADHD or has a cognitive disorder. I get so frustrated at times because he is impulsive and lacks the ability to think through decisions. My current frustration: I have one male friend who I have known for about 4 years or so. He doesn't live closely so the only real connection is via email. Used to include texting and calling but no more because my bf gets jealous. So he has been asking me to stop communication with my friend all together even though we rarely communicate and when we do, it's brief and just to ask how things are. My bf this week, in spite, started talking with an old female friend. I have no problems with this except it was for spite and to "retaliate" as my boyfriend put it. This bothers me so much. This is so childish IMO. He is 31. I am still irritated with him having found this out today. He wants it to all be ok because he said he is sorry. Yet he doesn't even get why I am mad even though I've explained it several times. He says he was wrong to retaliate, but it wasn't like he was cheating on me. I get so frustrated. If I explain all the similar stories they would be too numerous. I honestly believe he does not know how to think things through. I love him but this gets so frustrating. I can't figure out what the answers are. I don't even know what my question is in this post. I ask myself how does one know when to stay and when to go. And when he doesn't understand.....
-
Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
-
CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
Boyfriend
- Thread starter Faith1983
- Start date
CounselorForChrist
Senior Veteran
First I'd ask him as nicely as possible if he knows of any issues he has. And as such would he be willing to go to a doctor/counselor. Maybe go together because if this is how he is now and your frustrated, imagine spending the rest f your life with someone who is like that? We all have our issues and flukes, but if its bugs you enough often enough then it needs to be talked about.
On a side note I've never cared for people who tell me who I should and should not talk to. Of course obviously though I don't really believe in talking to exs, so I don't, buts thats just me. To me it builds up more trust. Now, obviously since this guy is just a friend I'd be more concerned that maybe your bf has a control issue. People in these situations often find the person they are with has no real trust. They want to know who you are with, where you are, what you are doing. Then they read your emails, phone records..etc t make sure your honest.
The first time they find one little problem (even if there isn't really one) they attack like "HA! I knew you would cheat on me!". So if he does anything like that where he seems to be acting like a sleuth around you. I'd be cautious. I know I got tired of the dating game in America for this reason. The media and other places fill our hear with things like how its ok to sleep around, then they talk about how common divorce and cheating is...etc. It makes everyone so paranoid of who they are with that their trust is barley there.
Just be careful and starting asking your bf some questions. If he gets angry about it then it might be a flag. Granted the first reaction people have when asked things is usually confusion.
On a side note I've never cared for people who tell me who I should and should not talk to. Of course obviously though I don't really believe in talking to exs, so I don't, buts thats just me. To me it builds up more trust. Now, obviously since this guy is just a friend I'd be more concerned that maybe your bf has a control issue. People in these situations often find the person they are with has no real trust. They want to know who you are with, where you are, what you are doing. Then they read your emails, phone records..etc t make sure your honest.
The first time they find one little problem (even if there isn't really one) they attack like "HA! I knew you would cheat on me!". So if he does anything like that where he seems to be acting like a sleuth around you. I'd be cautious. I know I got tired of the dating game in America for this reason. The media and other places fill our hear with things like how its ok to sleep around, then they talk about how common divorce and cheating is...etc. It makes everyone so paranoid of who they are with that their trust is barley there.
Just be careful and starting asking your bf some questions. If he gets angry about it then it might be a flag. Granted the first reaction people have when asked things is usually confusion.
Upvote
0
- Aug 24, 2012
- 20,800
- 13,243
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Constitution
The best I have found to make decisions of the heart is to ask yourself if the situation fits this discription.
James 3:17
But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.
James 3:17
But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.
Upvote
0
He already has a counselor but its military related and won't address these concerns. Plus my bf doesn't share much in therapy.
I hate not knowing what to do. So many times I think that going our separate ways would be better but I also know people aren't perfect. And yet, these sorts of things come up over and over. He is always sorry and usually doesn't have any bad intent towards me (this was the first spiteful one, usually he just makes poor choices and doesn't mean to hurt me). I just don't get how he doesn't understand things and I find it harder and harder to explain the concerns I have with others.
I hate not knowing what to do. So many times I think that going our separate ways would be better but I also know people aren't perfect. And yet, these sorts of things come up over and over. He is always sorry and usually doesn't have any bad intent towards me (this was the first spiteful one, usually he just makes poor choices and doesn't mean to hurt me). I just don't get how he doesn't understand things and I find it harder and harder to explain the concerns I have with others.
Upvote
0
NiobiumTragedy
Glorious Tragedy
Jealousy and spite are not issues involved with ADHD. That's not to say there isn't another mental issue going on there, but it sounds to me that this jealousy comes from fear or being hurt in a past relationship. Either way, if he doesn't straiten up, then you may as well get out of the relationship because it will only end badly.
It won't be easy for him, jealousy and mistrust is a hole you dig yourself into which is very hard to escape. It will likely require real psychological counseling to get to the roots of the issue and face them and most people, especially males, hate the idea of seeking help or can't afford it. You've got some hard decisions to make in the near future it seems.
It won't be easy for him, jealousy and mistrust is a hole you dig yourself into which is very hard to escape. It will likely require real psychological counseling to get to the roots of the issue and face them and most people, especially males, hate the idea of seeking help or can't afford it. You've got some hard decisions to make in the near future it seems.
Upvote
0
Luther073082
κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον
- Apr 1, 2007
- 19,202
- 841
- 43
- Faith
- Lutheran
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Others
Honestly I would break up with this guy.
Jealousy is not a issue with ADHD or anything like that.
And at 31 this guy seems too immature and too jealous to have a good future with.
Some of his behavior seems more appropriate to a 16 year old then a 31 year old man. And if he hasn't matured beyond that sort of behavior by now, he may never, and if he does it may be so many years down the road that it's pointless.
Break up, get out now, date a person who acts like a grown up.
Jealousy is not a issue with ADHD or anything like that.
And at 31 this guy seems too immature and too jealous to have a good future with.
Some of his behavior seems more appropriate to a 16 year old then a 31 year old man. And if he hasn't matured beyond that sort of behavior by now, he may never, and if he does it may be so many years down the road that it's pointless.
Break up, get out now, date a person who acts like a grown up.
Upvote
0
iambren
Newbie
- Mar 2, 2008
- 3,223
- 163
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Nazarene
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Republican
You are under NO obligation to marry this guy. I firmly believe we have to "pick our poison" --meaning do you want to be dealing with this the rest of your life? Can you?
Obviously you care for him, but are coming apart at the same time. His needs seem great and I would encourage him to do all that he can so you can make a wise decision. Does he know you are thinking of leaving?
Obviously you care for him, but are coming apart at the same time. His needs seem great and I would encourage him to do all that he can so you can make a wise decision. Does he know you are thinking of leaving?
Upvote
0
Similar threads
