boundries

[lovefire]

Ok this is an interesting subject. I thought I would ask to see if there are any boundries that anyone has set? And if so what are they? I think boundries are good, but man I would love to not be so limited by fear of temptation. Guess thats what the ring is for

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Boundaries,

Well most of mine came out of reading 'Boundaries Before Marriage' (also called Boundaries in Dating), by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

My boundaries extend beyond sexual ones. I believe that sometimes having the 'other' boundaries up first, can often make the temptations be reduced somewhat.

But you asked for specific sexual ones, so here goes:

1. B can not be too cuddly when I am being emotional. My rational thought tends to go out the window when I'm very teary, and I can slip into sin far more smoothly when I'm in a sad mood. He can hug me and brush my hair, but he MUST not kiss me, or let me kiss him. It may sound tough, but I know it's a struggling point for me.

2. I can no longer spend a lot of time lazing with him, either in his bedroom, or on the couch. An inactive body often steers you into filling it with sexual things. Sometimes we have devotions in his room before bed, so with that, I've had to ensure I stay off his bed, on the floor (a bean bag comes with me), and I leave immediately after the devotion happens. We've recently moved this activity to the lounge room, due to me finding myself falling asleep in there - SO NOT A GREAT IDEA!

3. Putting the other first. Both of us, in past relationships where sex came into the equation, found ourselves easily distracted from things we should be discussing, cos sex was so much fun and FAR easier than finding out about each others dreams, beliefs, behaviours, etc. Since we've been focussed on discovering more about each other emotionally, psychologically, relationally, etc, the temptation to have sex has decreased dramatically.

4. Realising the place sex has in a relationship biblically, and why it was put there. I had to go through the hard way to work out why sex was best after marriage, but I think you can still work this out WITHOUT having done it. Reading really great books like the aforementioned 'boundaries' or 'Kissed the girls and made them cry' helped me out immensely with working this out for myself.

Anyway, yeah, there's my basics. Of course then we go into no spooning, no kisses below the neck, no falling asleep together (it's amazing what happens when you're virtually asleep and have been dealing with the temptation just before bedtime!), no graphic sex things like oral, fondling, simulations, etc etc.

Sasch

 

[flounder7786]

well. my boyfriend and i have actually sat down together and made up boundaries for ourselves, so that way we are both clear on how far we want to go or not go...we decided that we dont want to take it far at all, and to help rid ourselves from that, we have limited kissing, cuddling, and being together. it is tough, cause i know i want to marry him, but we still have to keep these strong...lol...and i cant WAIT till we are married!!!!!

 

[sweetmercy]

Yup, for sure. I learned the hard way that boundaries are needed after my past relationships! A good book on this is Boundaries in Dating by Cloud and Townsend.
1. I will NOT date a non-Christian (have made that mistake too many times!)
2. I will not kiss until the fourth date
3. The man will pursue me (I usually tend to go after the guy out of fear that he'll "get away" if I don't; I need to just trust and wait on God to bring me the one He has for me)
4. No sitting alone in a parked vehicle in the dark
5. We will never be alone with nobody else in the house
6. no kissing with tongue
7. we will not see each other every day; that results in the relationship moving too quickly, emotionally and physically
8. if there is ever any nudity involved, we MUST take a break from the relationship (rather than just move on and try to forget it happened)

Jen

 

[KristianJ]

Even though it'll be still a few months before we actually meet, I've seen it as important that Danie and I discuss boundaries early in our relationship. The stuff we talk about is guided to a degree by boundaries that we've set along the way too, and we've also discussed the sort of limits that are appropriate in terms of physical affection. They're not too dissimilar to the ones that Sasch and Jen have listed already, and I've considered books like Boundaries Before Marriage to be more than ideal in guiding where to set limits.