Boundary Suggestion

[amiel]

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to share with you some thoughts that I have recently come to with physical intimacy. My girlfriend and I started to slide recently. We always had boundaries in place which we thought we reasonable, but we kept passing them. We would talk about it and then adjust them again. Then before long one of us would fail. This has been going on for months, and eventually our defenses just got way too low, and we shared more than we should have (no sex or anything, but way too close). The focus of our relationship was changing, and it wasn't half what it used to be.

We can now both see that if we didn't do something drastic, it was going to destroy our relationship. We have now come to the conclusion that the boundaries need to be right near the top of the slope. No matter how firm you think your boundaries are, sometime you will be weak and may easily let them slide.

So for other young couples struggling in this area, could I reccommend absolutely no open mouth kissing. Originally we thought that it was fine and that we could handle that safely. We have proved that no to be so. Its going to hard for us to stick to this, but we know its for the best. So I just want to encourage others, if you have your boundaries a little more relaxed than french kissing, take a long time to think about it and prayerfully consider it.

Hope this proves to help someone else in our circumstances.

 

[Tim114]

Boundaries are just like a padock fence sometime out of wear and tear they break and need fixing. Me and my girlfriend have boundaries that have changed over the 2 yrs 7 mths together although we have discussed them and prayed about them they are foundered on God which is a first person we ask if we fell we have over stepped anything.

Open mouth kissing? Well we've only done it once and everytime we try again we think about it to much so stop right at the last second.

Just a thought to other christians that have relationships I think it as a wise choice to involve God as the center of the relationship more then anything... what do you people think... I don't mind comments

 

[TJWutch]

I completely agree. My girlfriend and I have agreed not to kiss untill the alter, this is only assuming our relationship goes that far. We relieze God hasn't revield his plan for our entire lives yet, and someday he may let us know we were not meant for eachother. If this is the case I would be kissing someone elses wife. It is strange if we look at it from a worldly view, but looking at it through faith is so much more satisfying. And the preassure it takes off the relationship is eye opening in a way.

 

[Inperfected]

We kiss, and often. For us, it's not so much a problem in itself and we often do, alone or when others are around. (brothers/parents and the like)... it's been a part of our relationship since (and i do regret saying this) before we began dating officially, so for us it hasn't been a problem as such.

 

[SoC]

It's a good suggestion, and probably useful to some/most couples.

My suggestion would be that set your boundaries and stick to them. Don't relax, adjust, move, or change them. It's really hard to do that, but if you can, you'll probably not end up where you don't want to be.

 

[holo]

I think the most important thing is that the two of you agree on where you draw the line. IMO it's only natural that you go further when you've been together for a while, than you would the first week. But it's probably a good idea to discuss, and maybe move, boundaries when you're not in the heat, so to speak.

 

[littlemrs]

Great post.

My fiance and I have slipped in the past and crossed a few lines that shouldn't have been crossed. It was a downward spiral, really... we'd convince ourselves that one thing was okay, and then we'd toe the next line before we convinced ourselves that something else was okay, and so on and so on. I am so thankful that we caught ourselves and sought God's forgiveness and strength in maintaining our purity before we crossed too many more lines. We've definitely had to step back and reevaluate some boundaries that were too lenient in the past 3 years.

 

[princessellie]

there is nothing worse than thinking that you have things under control only to find that all self control goes out the window when you spend time alone with your bf/gf

i always thought that i could handle myself if i wanted to, but the issue that arose was that temptation would get the better of me and i wouldnt want to control myself, im not talking about sex here but you get my drift

i used to think my friends were being a little extreme with the boundries in theor relationships (this was befor i came to know christ) but now that i am living it i know that strict boundries have to be in place from the start, as it is hard to go back once you have gone too far, allowing yourself to become intimate sexually with your partner leads to heartache in my experience, it only give temporary satisfaction and then leaves you feeling empty it has the power to leave you feeling empty

i have had to radically change my actions in my relationship and i feel 1000% better for it, now we share more with one another, we do more of the simple things in life, reading, music talking, it is amazing, if i had known it was going to be this good i would have done it so much earlier

i agree with what has been said, for many ppl french kissing may seem ok and it did too me too but through experience i have learned that it only leads to further temptation

i pray that all of you out there who are in relationships or thinking of dating, concider carefully your actions and what the effects can be, i spend alot of my time talking with girls about their relationship issues so i kinda have a semi educated opinion

if you think something is ok to do, dont do it, walk away from the situation, pray over it then decied on it, dont make the decision then and there as your mind is not clear

good luck