Bothered by fiance's past

[Hetta]

I mean what I said in the first paragraph, what I mean is it can't always be that way. My concern is that with everything in life she'll always sugarcoat and then later tell the truth, I can't live that way. I understand why it was hard but from now on, I need her to be honest

You just did it again! You say you meant what you said about understanding why, and then you said you'll always have issues trusting her. I don't see your relationship making it when you are in two minds.

I'm not saying it's okay to lie or that you should want to marry someone you don't know if you can't trust, but you can't have it both ways either. PLEASE do not marry her pretending it's okay but be constantly doubting her. That would be miserable for you both.

 

[akmom]

What exactly do you need her to be honest about? She admitted she's not a virgin. You have a general knowledge of the circumstances in her previous relationship. Why in the world would you need any more detail than that? You're not her therapist. You can either accept who she is or you can't. It shouldn't come down to details. The only reason for details would be so you can obsess over them or try to justify them in your mind. That isn't normal. You're clearly uncomfortable with the fact that she has a past. It has nothing to do with trust. Nothing at all. It would be a trust issue only if she denied the past relationship flat out. She didn't, so now it's not about trust, but about the fact that you really wish she didn't have that past. Don't drag her through the experience again hoping you'll feel better about it.

You do need to be honest with her about how hard it has been for you to accept her past. Whether you had a rough childhood or not, she deserves to know your reservations.

 

[ParentofChildren]

Let her go. She deserves a guy who doesn't hold her past against her, and you deserve a woman with a past you can be okay with.

Yes, as we all have sinned..... Sounds like young man is more into judging than forgiving Mich 6:6-8

 

[BeautifulLove]

You just did it again! You say you meant what you said about understanding why, and then you said you'll always have issues trusting her. I don't see your relationship making it when you are in two minds.

I'm not saying it's okay to lie or that you should want to marry someone you don't know if you can't trust, but you can't have it both ways either. PLEASE do not marry her pretending it's okay but be constantly doubting her. That would be miserable for you both.

I agree with what Hetta is saying. First and foremost if you really want your relationship to work out the first thing you have to learn is to forgive her. If you are angry at her and still don't trust her then you haven't forgiven her. Talk to her about how you truly feel and the steps that HAVE to happen to help make your relationship work. If she truly feels bad about her past and wants to change for the better I thing your relationship can be successful. If she keeps doing something that she knows hurts you (like lying) definitely don't marry her.

God most certainly has one person in mind for you. If she clearly isn't the one, don't fret! Move on because your soulmate could be just around the corner.

Everything happens for a reason and this relationship may have happened to either better both of you or for you to move on and find someone who does.