'Book' Parents

[gracefaith]

Do you/ did you read books about parenting and discipline or do you parent based on intuition or how your parents parented? Do you subscribe to a 'theory' of discipline, like Grace Based Discipline or Ezzos or something like that? If you subscribe to a theory or use a book, have you found that it's pretty accurate and useful in real life?

 

[Redguard]

We're just winging it.

I don't think that we've ever really put anything that we've read into practice. But that isn't to say that books don't have good information.

We know what ethics and morals and behaviours are acceptible to us, so we raise our daughter within those boundaries.

The compliments that we're receiving on our daughter's behaviour and intelligence are endless, so I'd suspect that we're doing okay so far. Though I'm pretty sure we're going to be singing a different tune once she becomes a teenager.

 

[Saint_Rita]

I read so many parenting books and in the end they didn't do a lick of good lol I had some many pre-conceived notions on how I would raise DS and they were totally thrown out the window when I laid eyes on him for the first time.

We parent as God guides us... mostly Gentle Discipline, but instinct has kicked in when say DS reached up to touch a hot burner - I watched in slow motion as my hand smacked his bottom - I cried for an hour afterwards. But at the time I really believe God was working and he hasn't touched the burner since... nor have I repeated that action at any other time.

 

[Katydid]

I read a ton of books. BUT, the philosophy I believe in was a journey. First off, I came to it without reading a book on it. It just kinda happened, then I found the name for it. So, I go on instinct, but it does have a name.

 

[oliveplants]

We've read several. (Meaning I've read them and talked to DH about it.) Babywise, Love and Logic, Bringing up Boys... We find things to agree wtih in most books, but we find things to disagree with in ALL books (articles, etc), so I couldn't say we use a particular style.

When it comes down to it, I mostly just do the best I can.

The one person who has influenced my DH the most is Doug Phillips of www.visionforum.com. A close second would be Denny Kenaston of www.charityministries.org.

 

[megg]

I have read many books on parenting but they never seem to quite come in to synch with how we parent.
We let God lead us and it has worked so far.

 

[RoseofLima]

Having never even changed a diaper before our oldest was born--my husband and I never ever would have made it without The Baby Book by Dr. William and Martha Sears that and Parenting Your High Need Child by the same.

I am soooooo not a mother by nature- mothering does not come naturally for me. Nurturing does not come naturally for me....and my 'instincts' took a lot of honing and guidance. I came from a screwed up home and so I really needed outside help to learn what healthy parenting looked and sounded like.

 

[Neenie1]

I thinkI do a bit of both. I read the odd parenting article in a magazine and have at least one parenting book, but mostly it's just going along as I go, being as honest as I can with them, and admitting I make mistakes. Even apologising to them occasionally if I have said or done something to hurt them or done the wrong thing while they were watching or what not. I am very big on being honest with my children, and there have been times when I have said soemthing that wasn't the nicest thing to say and have had to go back and ask forgiveness for it. I am hoping my children will learn that this is important.

A lot of what I do with the kids is also what I have seen other people do with their kids, and picked up ideas of what has worked for them as well.

 

[Primrose]

I have read some parenting books, but most of them are in line with my parenting instinct. IOW I wouldn't read Ezzo or Dobson because I am not the type of parent that would benifit from their information. I like Pantley and Brazelton and other positive parenting approach. Still I read for little tips and ideas. I don't make parenting decisions based on what I read.

 

[zoeykristanyc]

What to Expect when Your Expecting and What to Expect the first year were my savoirs. Also read many books on caring for multiples. No one method though.

 

[okiemommy26]

Well I read the what to expect serious but I used some of the first year book for things to recognize like mild stones and stuff. For everything else I just followed my way. It has worked so far lol.

 

[katelyn]

I guess you could say I'm an advocate of "natural" parenting or using your intuition, but I think this was a lot easier back when most girls grew up watching their own mothers and other moms in their extended family raising children of various ages - and participating in the care of children.

Today it seems common for a girl to reach adulthood without knowing much about some important aspects of parenting. I think without that experience it's hard for us to have the appropriate intuition built up. So, I've read a lot of books to figure out what I feel are the parenting methods I want to use. The ones I feel most comfortable with tend to be part of the attachment parenting philosophy.

 

[Jehane]

Mostly we just wing it but I was very impressed by the philiosphy of The Continium Concept - prob., 'cause I was already halfway there & a book called How to Really Love Your Kids - which is prob., what the 5 love languages stuff is on about. I haven't read any of those so I can't be sure.

 

[Katydid]

I have heard of the Continuum Concept, what is it about?

 

[Jehane]

It was a study of how a S American tribe raised their kids compared to Western civilization & the impact the differing approaches had on the development of child into adult. Two things really stood out for me.

1. Close physical bonding between infant & mother
2. Trusting children to be competant.

No 1. was easier to put into practice than no.2 but I tried. ie from 4/5 our boys were allowed their own fishing knives & never damaged themselves though some neighbour's kids did when they nicked them. We had to reign them in a bit when we went into town as they weren't savvy about things like traffic.

I found it fascinating.

 

[InTheFlame]

I like to stay open to new ideas, and to criticism of my current methods. There's always something I could be doing better, and sometimes a book will help me pinpoint an area in which I'm falling down and didn't realise it. Especially since I didn't get the best upbringing myself... though in all fairness, I've come to realise (partly through books) some of the areas my parents DID do well in.

 

[conorsdad]

Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel is an amazing book. To hear a Christian parenting book finally say to drop the legalism (but do not drop moral standards) and to let the Holy Spirit guide you is refreshing. Too many other Christian parenting books, Dobson et al, seem to rely too much on people than on God.

 

[wanderingone]

I don't parent by books. The primary books I had around when my kids were small were general child care and nutrition books.

While most of my parenting is "instinct" that "instinct" is clearly prompted by my own experience with non spanking, limited "rules" parents. (The primary rule being "It's not all about you so pick up the cookie on the living room floor even if YOU didn't leave it there and be polite while your sister tells that really bad joke for the 25th time)

 

[overit]

Combination of instinct and reading material. I feel more informed as a parent when I read. There are tons of things I've learned and have applied and found extremely beneficial to our relationship. I don't necessarily understand the "i'll just do what my parents did" when there is so much more about development known today. Why is it that we accept being educated on everything else in life but when it comes to our children, some believe they can do no wrong and need to learn nothing, it will all come from instinct. Yes, a lot of it does, and are instinct can also tells us when a great book has a paragraph you would never apply also. I guess i find that attitude as some what ignorant and closed to growth/learning/being educated to IMPROVE on what we already have.
I subscribed more to Sears and the Positive Discipline theory (Lisa Faber, etc). Then since I have boys I found books like Raising Cain (just got this one), Real boys (Pollack, LOVE this book), Gurian's book about helping boys in school (can't remember the title now). Oh, also, found this book called ScreamFree parenting and LOVED it! It has SO much good stuff in it (and no it doesn't only speak of not screaming it's a LOT more then that).
I don't care for Dobson or really most traditional, conservative christian authors for parenting or relationship advice though.

 

[jazzbird]

I had definite ideas about how I wanted to parent - certain things that seemed right to me, and I later found that my ideas did fit in with a specific philosophy of parenting.

I have read a few books. I haven't approached the books as "how to" manuals, but I have found them valuable as a resource when I'm not sure what to do, and they have also been helpful in validating my views and feelings about parenting. It's easy to feel alone and "weird" when most friends and peers choose to parent differently. Sometimes it is easy to question things when your methods might not be the popular or "normal" ones.