Blonde Joke

[Amatire]

a blond went to the hairdressers and asked for a bowl cut. She was listening to a walkman, so the barber asked her to take it out but she refused.

"youll just have to cut round it"she said,
"ok", he replied,

after a while he got curious, what was so exciting that she couldnt stop listening to it? football? the news? so he pulled both speakers out of her ears and lifted them up to his, suddenly the blonde dropped down dead.

in his ear he heared, "breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out."

 

[altya]

Then there was the married blonde who got her contraceptive pills mixed up with her valium pills for 20 years. She had 14 children, but hey! She didn't give a damn!

 

[altya]

Why do blondes have T.G.I.F. printed on their shoes...

stands for Toes Go In First.

 

[juliet16]

ok here's one for you guys lol:

A blond woke up one morning and decided she wants to be a brunette...so she gets the stuff and dyes her hair. When she was done she looked in the mirror and saw it looked pretty good and decided to go out for a drive. As she driving along, she has to stop the car. A shephard and his many, many sheep are crossing the road. She gets out of the car and says to the shepherd "if i can guess how many sheep you have in your flock here, can i take one home with me." The shepherd aggrees and the woman starts to think. Amazingly enough she decides on a number and she's correct. She goes around and looks at each sheep and finally decides on the cuttiest, playful one and begins to put it in her car. When she getting ready to leave the Shepherd comes over to her and says "Hey, if i can guess your real hair color...can i have my dog back"?

HA HA HA HA HA!!!

 

[EspressoDuck]

*rolls eyes* I'M a blonde!



But... I really do think those are funny, except that they're not true. I have a GPA of 4.0, have an IQ higher than my moms, and I love to read. But they're still funny.

 

[DeputyDan]

was soooooo excited that she finished the puzzle in only 8 months.

The box said 6 to 8 years.

 

[DeputyDan]

simply couldn't figure out the problem with the disposable diapers.

 

The box said 24 to 32 pounds but they seemed to never hold over 8 pounds..........................

 

[Aviyah]

There once was this blonde, and she was sitting at the table
with her husband eating breakfast before he went to work. Out
of the blue the blonde says,"Honey today while your at work I
am goning to paint the house." The husband says "No, no dear
don't paint the house because then when I come home from work I
will just have to clean everything up, just please don't do
it." So the husband went to work and when he came home the
house smelled like paint. Then he went up to their bedroom, and
he saw his wife laying on the floor with 2 coats on and
sweating to death. He ran over to her and said, "Honey, honey
what's wrong why on earth are you sweating to death?" She got
up and grabed the paint cane, went over to her husband and
said, "Well look at the can dummy, it says for best results put
on 2 coats!"

 

[Aviyah]

Two blondes were waiting at the Pearly Gates and struck up a
conversation.
First blonde says "How did you die?"
Second says "I froze to death".
First blonde says "Must have been awful."
Second blonde says "How did you die?"
First blonde says "I had a heart attack, I knew my husband was
being unfaithful so I came home unexpectedly one day and rushed
to the bedroom and found my husband alone reading. I rushed to
the basement and nobody was hiding there, I rushed to the attic
and still no one, and after all that rushing around I had a
heart attack and died."
Second blonde says, "If only you'd looked in the freezer we'd
both still be alive

 

[MizDoulos]

All righty, here's another one . . .


THREE BLONDES & THE POLICEMAN

A policeman was interrogating three blondes who were training to become
detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the
first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect,
How would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he
only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the
picture shows his profile." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response,
he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her,
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, Ha! "He'd be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,
What's the matter with you two??? Of course only one eye and one ear
are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile. Is that the best answer
you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde
and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you
recognize him?" He quickly adds...think hard before giving me a stupid
answer.

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmm
....the suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and
speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears
contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer" ... Wait here for a few
minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that.

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in
his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. Wow!!!
I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact
lenses.

Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because
he only has one eye and one ear."

 

[Wolseley]

A blonde is driving along a country road when she suddenly sees a brunette crossing the road in front of her. She slows down and hears the brunette chanting "49...49...49...49," with every step.

Curious, the blonde parks her car, walks over, and asks the brunette, "What are you doing?"

"Walking back and forth across the road and saying '49...49...49'", the brunette replies. "You should try it---it's fun!"

So the blonde starts walking back and forth across the road, chanting "49...49...49", when all of a sudden, a beer truck tops the hill, slams into the blonde, and hurls her into the ditch at the side of the road.

The brunette walks over and looks at the blonde lying in the ditch, shrugs, and goes back to pacing back and forth across the road, chanting "50...50...50...".
_______________________________________________________

A blonde is driving through Iowa, and suddenly spots a big sign in a cornfield that says, "Boat Rides: $1.00" She looks into the cornfield and sees another blonde sitting in a rowboat, rowing for all she's worth.

The first blonde gets out of her car and yells, "What are you doing???"

"Can't you read?" the blonde in the boat yells back. "I'm giving boat rides for a dollar."

"Are you insane?" the first blonde yells back. "There's no water for miles around here!!! You know, it's stuff like like this that gives us blondes a bad name----and if I could swim, I'd come out there and slap you silly!"

 

[Aviyah]

A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and
approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason
that you're weaving all over the road?" The woman replied, "Oh
officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident!
I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved
to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved
to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror,the
officer replied, "Ma'am...that's your air freshener.







Slot machine winner
A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"

The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

 

[puppydoggie]

ROTFL!

 

[CJF]

How do you kill a blonde?

Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

How do you confuse a blonde?

Put them in a round room and tell them to pee in the corner.

How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?

Wave.

 

[Child of God78]

Originally posted by altya
A blonde is driving home and she gets caught in a
really bad hail storm.

The hail is as big as tennis balls, and she ends up
with her car covered with large dents.So the next day she
takes her car to the repair shop.

The shop owner, seeing she is blonde, decides to have a
little fun.

He tells her just to go home and blow into the tail
pipe, really hard, and all the dents will just pop out.

The blonde drives home, gets out of the car, gets down
on her hands and knees and starts blowing into the tail pipe.

Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and
still nothing happens.

Meanwhile, her roommate, also a blonde, comes home and
asks, "What in the world are you doing?"

The blonde car owner tells her how the repairman had
instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to
get all the hail dents to pop out.

Her blonde roommate rolls her eyes and says,
"Hell-OOOO! Don't you think you should roll up the
windows first!"

 HA!!!!!! GOOD ONE

 

[SoccerAaron]

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the! light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in PENNSYLVANIA and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!!!

 

[SoccerAaron]

Three blonds met one day and they decided to go off and fine their "big word" and then meet back where they were. So the first blonde walked until she found a football game and the cheerleaders were saying "We did it! We did it" So she thought "that'll be my big word". The second blonde found a basketball game and she asked the coach on the winning team "how much did you win by?" He told her "baskets and baskets!" So that would be her big word. The third blonde walked until she saw some little girls on a swingset saying "we like swinging! We like swinging!" So the blonde said "that will be my big word" So all three blondes met back together and were talking about their big words when a police car drove up. A police man got out and asked "there's just been a robbery at the bank, do you know anything about it?" The first blonde said "We did it! We did it!" So the cop said "You did?! How much did you steal?" "Baskets and baskets!" "you aughta hang for this!"
"We like swinging, we like swinging!"

 

[SoccerAaron]

Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes lined up ear to ear?

A: A wind tunnel!


Q: How many blondes does it take to make M&M cookies?

A: 10, one to make the batter and nine to peel the M&Ms.

 

[SoccerAaron]

Blonde Snowman

Q: Which is harder to make? A blonde, brunette or a red-headed snowman?

A: A blonde, because you have to hollow out its head,

 

[SoccerAaron]

Q: What do you call a hundred blondes stacked up on each other?

A: An air mattress.