Bleeding heart

[bellalady46]

If he loved my why would he be calling his exgirlfriend and be meeting her for lunch. He says this wasnt a date it was just lunch so they could talk. Isnt that a date. He says is wasnt because he didnt pay for her meal. He called 3 days after we got married. Been married for only 4 years. i was single after a hard divorce for 19 years, raised my children alone and honestly felt the Lord had led me to my current husband. We are currently separated he says he did nothing wrong and denies callling her the third day after he made a commitment before God to me his wife. He has told everyone at church i thew him out on the street not true he chose to leave.He says i have to forgive him or God wont forgive me. We have some serious issues yet he says we have to forgive an forget, nothing is ever dealt with, just swept under the rug. If issues arent dealt with how can there be reconciliation and harmony. I have so much hurt and mistrust toward him i just cant forgive him. I know this is sin. How do I forgive him.I have asked God to help me and soften my heart toward him. If there are any men here can you please give me some insight on to why a man would do this if he was deeply in love with his wife.I dont want to go through another divorce i know its not Gods will but at this point we are not communicating at all

 

[Autumnleaf]

Dan the Marine has me thinking of the Marine Corps and the strategies they employ. One of those is running into the ambush. If some Marines get ambushed they are supposed to attack the ambushers by running toward them in short bursts and shooting at them. This strategy has worked for me in many areas of my life since my enlistment in the Marines ended. Be interested and insist on meeting and befriending the people your spouse talks to or wants to talk to. Insist on meeting the exes he or she still talks to and get to know them. That way its not like some forbidden thing for them to contact them since you are okay with it and part of it. Sort of takes the fun out of sneaking around for them.

If you want to keep him then invite him home and treat him well. Insist on meeting the people he talks to or has lunch with. If he lies then meet them on your own and just tell them who you are and mention how you are interested in getting to know the people your husband talks to and spends time with. Dealing with this head on without hostility can be very effective in defusing problems. If you yell at him for it he will realize he will have to lie to you in order to placate you.

 

[Romanseight2005]

If he loved my why would he be calling his exgirlfriend and be meeting her for lunch. He says this wasnt a date it was just lunch so they could talk. Isnt that a date. He says is wasnt because he didnt pay for her meal. He called 3 days after we got married. Been married for only 4 years. i was single after a hard divorce for 19 years, raised my children alone and honestly felt the Lord had led me to my current husband. We are currently separated he says he did nothing wrong and denies callling her the third day after he made a commitment before God to me his wife. He has told everyone at church i thew him out on the street not true he chose to leave.He says i have to forgive him or God wont forgive me. We have some serious issues yet he says we have to forgive an forget, nothing is ever dealt with, just swept under the rug. If issues arent dealt with how can there be reconciliation and harmony. I have so much hurt and mistrust toward him i just cant forgive him. I know this is sin. How do I forgive him.I have asked God to help me and soften my heart toward him. If there are any men here can you please give me some insight on to why a man would do this if he was deeply in love with his wife.I dont want to go through another divorce i know its not Gods will but at this point we are not communicating at all

Hugs! I don't really have any advice except that for me, when things are confusing, and I am hurting, It helps to take some time to fast and pray. This can help to gain clarity and wisdom. Then you may be a little more prepared to know what you have to do, whatever that is.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

Dan the Marine has me thinking of the Marine Corps and the strategies they employ. One of those is running into the ambush. If some Marines get ambushed they are supposed to attack the ambushers by running toward them in short bursts and shooting at them. This strategy has worked for me in many areas of my life since my enlistment in the Marines ended. Be interested and insist on meeting and befriending the people your spouse talks to or wants to talk to. Insist on meeting the exes he or she still talks to and get to know them. That way its not like some forbidden thing for them to contact them since you are okay with it and part of it. Sort of takes the fun out of sneaking around for them.

If you want to keep him then invite him home and treat him well. Insist on meeting the people he talks to or has lunch with. If he lies then meet them on your own and just tell them who you are and mention how you are interested in getting to know the people your husband talks to and spends time with. Dealing with this head on without hostility can be very effective in defusing problems. If you yell at him for it he will realize he will have to lie to you in order to placate you.

Dang that's good advice AL.

 

[whitebeaches]

im just curious, how do you know he called her 3 days after you married? phone record? or instinct?

 

[c1ners]

I'm sorry, I think I'm a little confused. Did you say that he contacted his ex girlfriend three days after you were married and you have now been married for 4 years? Honey, if you've been married for this long and are just now finding this information out, you need to let it go. It's in the past and it needs to stay in the past. The present is what you should be concerned with.