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Discussion in 'Younger Adults 17-23' started by NaturallyGone, Apr 6, 2012.

  1. NaturallyGone

    NaturallyGone ילד של האל הופרדו את אחד אהבת אמת

    United States
    Need some help/advice. After breaking up about a year ago, my ex and I became best friends. But there's always been a sort of strain between our friendship whenever one of us starts seriously liking someone else. When she had a new actual bf, her and I almost quit being friends cause I honestly was acting like a jerk. Come to find out, I was jealous. Anyways, a few days ago, last night in fact, her and I were talking, and she was mad at me cause I had accidentally picked on her, and she's really sensitive to being picked on, and inadvertently called her a bad friend. Somehow (i forget how), the conversation went to her;s and my dating past, and she told me that part of her had always liked her, and that she got jealous anytime i talked about whatever girl i'm "currently obsessing over". Then the question was raised by her as to if I think her and I should, after a certain amount of time, if neither one of us had found anyone else, if we should give dating another shot. I honestly have no idea what to do. I mean, her and I ARE way closer than we were back when we were dating cause we had only known each other for about a month, and whenever we hang out with each other (been trying to avoid doing it as much as possible, much to her dismay), it's felt kind of awkward cause most of the time, it's in settings where we could easily act like bf/gf, but honestly, I'm afraid of the chance that her and I might actually be better off as friends now. I seriously need some advice. Been trying to listen for what God is telling me, but so far, either he isn't saying anything or i just can't understand what he's trying to tell me. :/ And what complicates things even more is that I currently like a girl OTHER than my ex. But a relationship with my ex would be so much easier due to location, but i don't want the relationship that's easier. I want whichever relationship is the one God has planned for me to be striving towards.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. EndlessSerenade

    EndlessSerenade Newbie

    You need to think about which girl you like the most. I mean easy set aside, do you really like your ex in the same way as you like this other girl? Do you really think you want your ex long term again and that she can be the one? The fact that you are saying you may be better of as friends makes me think that it's not really meant to be right now because if you really did like her a super super lot then you wouldn't be saying that and this other girl you say you like wouldn't even be in the equation. Tell your ex how you're feeling and that you don't want to give false hope. IF she's angry or upset then let her be, she will eventually get over it.
  3. FullyAlive

    FullyAlive Newbie

    Not all relationships are meant to be as you might have noticed. There must have been a reason you two broke up to begin with? It can be hard maintaining a friendship after a break up, no matter how much you both tries.

    The mention of another girl that you may like makes it sound to me like the feelings for your ex isn't in the romantical sectors, since I think you wouldn't have thoughts for this other girl if that was the case.
    There is no telling you what to do, my only advice is to take it easy and let the chips fall where they may. There is no need to rush things.
  4. RobertMerton

    RobertMerton Veteran

    What you have at the moment is quite a rare occurrence, as rarely do exs stay friends, let alone best friends.

    One question you might ask, is why you want to have a relationship in the first place.

    is it for a good time?
    is it for a companion?
    is it for marriage?
    or something else?

    There is a 5 step 'test' that I actively advocate within my youth group, when it comes to relationships. Here it is in a nut shell.

    1. Does the relationship glorify God?
    2. Do you and your girlfriend become stronger in your faith, through the relationship? Does it cause any issues spiritually? (main issue here is often related to sexual immorality)
    3. Does each person's parents support the relationship?
    4. Does your spiritual mentor (pastor, cell group leader, preist), support the relationship?
    5. Does it edify the Church?

    Hope that helps.
  5. Rhayven

    Rhayven Newbie

    Honestly you should break up totally. Being friends after a break up is a nono because there are things that are called "soul ties" soul ties take lots of time to heal and mend. Most of what I read in your post sounds to me like there are some that havnt healed yet. Going back into that relationship with those that havnt been mend will always open up again and again. I would honestly stop and take a breath and seriously take a look at where you are at and honestly search your heart--find your inner strength in God. Id highly suggest you stop talking to this girl until both of yall heal those ties. Then if its meant to be. God will bring you guys back together and when you do. It will be on a stronger foundation. Just remember this verse. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 --first part of it is ":4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."

    I pray that you find that inner strength and fight that good fight and take it one day at a time and you will look back and see how far you went. But it takes that first time.

    PS: reading your post for a second time, it also sounds like you never really broke up with her. So this just reinforce my suggestion about breaking it off totally.


  6. NaturallyGone

    NaturallyGone ילד של האל הופרדו את אחד אהבת אמת

    United States
    lol. completely forgot I had put this thread. SO, because of that, UPDATE TIME

    Her and I have decided that, if we're meant to be, that it will happen. But for now, we're focusing on other people, although fairly recently, there wouldnt have been a problem cause her family almost got evicted from where they are living, but that was resolved.

    ck_psy, reason I am interested in having a relationship isn;t completely wholesome and godly. I'm honestly kinda tired about being single almost my entire life (aside from the 3-4 weeks that said friend and I dated), but I also know that somewhere out there is a woman that God created with me in mind, and I am interested in semi-actively seeking.

    Rhayven: two things: 1) awesome name. lol. 2) yeah, sometimes it seems like we act like boyfriend and girlfriend, and i understand what you mean about "soul ties". Honestly, over the past year, we havent hung out on a one to one basis as much as she would have liked for us to, cause it always felt weird to me after we broke up for us to be hanging out. I've had a LOT of friends date and break up, and typically they don't wind up talking to each other very much anymore. With her, i guess because of how short we dated (and the fact that i was a pretty lame boyfriend and her and i hardly spent any alone time while we were dating), there hasn't been much difference between when we were courting, and now when we're best friends. we're both still super care-free. if anything, it seems like being in a relationship with her put a strain on us cause i was so uptight (first girlfriend nerves). Anyways, as of right now, just focusing on whatever I feel God calling me to do, and not really worrying about relationships. I know that when God has planned for me to meet my future wife (cause that's why I date, to find the person I will have a great legacy with, not just a great time with), I'll meet her, and it will be crystal clear as to why God chose to not have us meet until then.