Bitter Resentment Over Husbands Vasectomy

[bluemarkus]

you can always pull out a scientific study to prove or disprove anything u want its not gonna change his mind. it appears that you have the strong pull towards more children. while your partner has the opposite. it is obvious that through talking ou can never change a persons core beliefs, only prayer can achieve that. i do think that procreation and multipliocation is at the very heart of g-d, he loves to multiply himself. in ancient times people used mandrakes to become fertile.

Jacob’s Wives and Mandrakes | God as a Gardener

 

[BrittanyB]

My heart is aching so bad for a baby. Each time I see a pregnant woman or an infant it takes everything I have to not start crying.
I'm not ready to be done. It's not fair. My FIL mentioned in jest that he would "donate". I have been thinking about that since he said it.

I have taken to praying for a miracle, that maybe just one sperm could get through a snip, cauterize, and tie vasectomy. The odds are 1:4,000. and that is so gutwrenchingly sad. When I get my period this month it's going to crush me and build onto the resentment.

Really I have to feel this way for the rest of my life?

 

[Odetta]

It seems to me that all you are thinking about is what YOU want, and who cares what your husband wants (or doesn't want in this case). If you keep thinking along those lines, then yes you will always feel like your husband cheated you out of something you wanted. Can't imagine that makes for a happy home life.

 

[Mayzoo]

My heart is aching so bad for a baby. Each time I see a pregnant woman or an infant it takes everything I have to not start crying.
I'm not ready to be done. It's not fair. My FIL mentioned in jest that he would "donate". I have been thinking about that since he said it.

I have taken to praying for a miracle, that maybe just one sperm could get through a snip, cauterize, and tie vasectomy. The odds are 1:4,000. and that is so gutwrenchingly sad. When I get my period this month it's going to crush me and build onto the resentment.

Really I have to feel this way for the rest of my life?

Having another child outside your husband's wishes is a VERY bad idea and could easily end your marriage. Especially since one of your proposed methods will result in your child being your husband's sibling. Will your FIL be paying child support for this child? Do you expect your husband to financially and emotionally raise his brother or sister? How would you expect the fact that you would be the mother to his brother or sister to affect how your husband feels about you?

No, you do not have to feel this way the rest your life. Pray for peace and harmony in your marriage and within yourself. Pray for respect for your husband and his choices. Then begin to appreciate all he does that is good. God can help with this, but you will have to a lot of the work of changing your focus from wanting another child to truly enjoying the husband and children you have. God cannot do that alone.

May God bless you with peace.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

With the things you've said in this thread, my heart goes out to your husband, because it seems you don't value him personally, only as a potential father. If you speak to him about this the way you've spoken in this thread, I would imagine the blow to his self esteem from this. I know that my own wife's obsession with having a child with me has ruins our marriage completely, even though she told me before marriage she wanted me with or without a child, because it appears that to her I am simply a means to an end. Have you examined the possibility that you've communicated this same thing to him?

 

[BrittanyB]

I've communicated this to him, he knows. And he knows that I do value him personally. You see, I may seem selfish to you, but it's in the biology. People crave sex to reproduce. End of story.That's why God gave us a drive. "Go forth and reproduce" "quiverful" etc.
Everytime a man wants to initiate sex it's his biology to reproduce. Mine too. It comes down to, is he selfish because he wants sex even though he can't reproduce? Maybe I shouldn't have sex because he can't reproduce. Almost, what's the point of sex in our prime if nothing is going to happen, reproduction wise? Why should he continue to fill his needs when my needs are going unmet?

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Yes, you're right. Those comments do seem selfish.

 

[Mayzoo]

I've communicated this to him, he knows. And he knows that I do value him personally. You see, I may seem selfish to you, but it's in the biology. People crave sex to reproduce. End of story.That's why God gave us a drive. "Go forth and reproduce" "quiverful" etc.
Everytime a man wants to initiate sex it's his biology to reproduce. Mine too. It comes down to, is he selfish because he wants sex even though he can't reproduce? Maybe I shouldn't have sex because he can't reproduce. Almost, what's the point of sex in our prime if nothing is going to happen, reproduction wise? Why should he continue to fill his needs when my needs are going unmet?

It is not only in the biology. If that were the case, you and your hubby would ONLY desire sex during your fertile time. Do you and he only desire sex 48 hours out of 28 days? If either of you desire sex at any time other than your fertile time, clearly it is not "in the biology" in the manner in which you are rationalizing.

You seems willing to consider going elsewhere to get your needs met (a child). Is it okay with you that your hubby goes elsewhere to get his needs met (sex, physical affection, feeling desired and loved)?

You agreed before God to met his needs sexually. He agreed before God to meet your needs sexually. No where in the vow before God was it mentioned that a child would be conceived through this union.

Sex is not meant for reproduction only. It is one of the cements of a marriage. It is the physical means of expressing love and desire for each other. If sex were only meant for reproduction, God would have forbidden it at all times other than a woman's fertile period. He also would have forbidden woman past menopause from engaging in sex. Instead, He forbade withholding sex from each other except by mutual agreement for a short time for prayer.

What if he gets his vasectomy reversed and you still do not conceive? Then what, divorce him and split up your family so you can attempt to find a fertile male? And if the next marriage does not produce a child? Divorce again?

You really need to consider going to counseling. You are obsessed with the idea of having another child to the point you seem willing to throw away a husband and family you already have for the sake of an unborn, not at all guaranteed child.

 

[Galilee63]

To make "love" for procreation within a Marriage Blessed by Jesus/God/The Holy Spirit.

The "vasectomy" should not have taken place.

God sends through His Children in His Holy Will.

If the vasectomy had not been done, there would, in all probability, have been more Children sent through by God in His Holy Will given your heart has wanted another Baby.

Vasectomy is against Jesus/Gods Loving Holy Teachings.

The answer or solution to this situation is to pray in "Trust" to Jesus Christ our Saviour for His Blessing of another Child in His Holy Will ie 'handing over the whole situation to Jesus in complete trust', leaving it at that. Focussing on Jesus and your Husband and Family.

The Blessed Virgin Mary conceived Jesus Christ our Saviour as a Virgin - I am sure God The Most High in His Holy Will is able to send your Family through another Child. Jesus waits for us to hand over our hardships, trials, sufferings, dilemmas, heartaches, traumas, illnesses, and heartfelt requests to Him in complete trust. When that is done with trust; Jesus answers in His Holy Will and Holy ways.

Pray Brittany from your heart in complete trust to Jesus and ask The Blessed Virgin Mary Mother of God for Her Loving Holy intercession praying to Jesus and Our Heavenly Mother Mary Her Hail Mary's. Our Blessed Virgin Mary is our Heavenly Mother of Whom loves to see us happy and joyous while walking in Jesus' Righteousness.

Thank Jesus/God for your healthy beautiful Husband and Children, then thank your Husband for being a wonderful loving Husband and Father to both of your Children, then pray and ask Jesus/God and The Blessed Virgin Mary for another Child 'in trust'.

In the Name of The Father and of The Son, and of The Holy Spirit Amen.

3 x The Our Father's
3 x The Hail Mary's
3 x The Glory Be's

....then wait for our Lord Jesus Christ's Holy response.

Love and kindest wishes your Sister in Jesus Christ our Saviour