Birth Control

[sunnyrightup]

I was going though my daughter's purse looking for a pen. I accidently came across some birth control pills. She is only 15 and now I am dumbfounded. How and where could she get birth control pills without my knowledge? Has anyone else been though this? If so... How did you handle the situation? While I try to supervise my daughter and know what she is doing at all times. This has really come as a shock. She is so secrative these days. I don't even know how to approach this situation.

 

[3girls2dogs]

We just found condoms in my 15 year old's bedroom. I was baffled also.

But I am curious also how she would get birth control without your knowledge. Have you spoken to her school health teacher? Perhaps they would know where she could have gotten them. Other than that, I don't know what else to say.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

That's normal though now - isn't it? Health officers are not required to inform parents of any medication/medical intervention (inc. abortions) given to school students - it's covered in the privacy laws for sure.

I remember this from Legal Studies - in Australia they still have to, but we were getting American documentation stating that parents were no longer required to be informed about any medication/intervention given to students...

I'll see if I can find it!

Sasch

 

[Linnis]

In most states girls 12 and older can go to Planned Parenthood and places like it without needing the consent of their parents.

That being said don't automatically think the worst of them, those rules we're originally put in place for females being abused at home. Girls being abused at home and not wanting to get pregnant etc. Although now many use it as a way to get birth control and condoms cheaply without parental consent. She also could be getting it from a friend and many doctors give out free sample packs.

She could have them for a number of reasons A) She is being hurt by someone and as horrible as that sounds I was that fifteen year old so don't dismiss it as impossible. B) She is having sex willingly and doesn't want to become pregnant C) She is in a relationship which she believes may become sexually active and wants to be prepared but nothing has happened yet.

If you freak out AKA(Yelling, What in the world do you think you are doing etc) she will probably tell you nothing but if you ask to speak to her and say it calmly and say honestly you just want to find out the truth, she may be more forth coming. None of these situations are without hope, all of them can fixed or helpped. If it's A or B, I'd advise you ask to take her to your own doctor for a full work up, as in a pap and pelvic exam. Hopefully she's not become pregnant or contracted an STD. Once that is determined you can decide how you want to handle it, obviously if she's being hurt you must stop it and if she's doing this willingly you must express why fifteen year olds shouldn't be having sex and the dangers and long term effects of sexual activity not just physical but emotional. Same goes for the third, most girls don't realise how much of their emotions will be wrapped up in sex and that it should be saved for when they are older and wiser and hopefully married.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

there could be another reason too... (just giving another reason)...

I am birth control for no other reason than gynecological issues - maybe she talked to the school nurse about issues with her period, and they sent her a referral (my understanding is that most schools only offer referrals to places like PP for contraceptives, and only a few give prescriptions)...

Just another idea... before you start thinking the worst!

Sasch

 

[Linnis]

Oh yeah.. Duh many of my friends who had killer cramps wanted to go on the pill but their mother's always assumed they we're lying so they could have sex. They went behind their backs to get it.

 

[3girls2dogs]

In most states girls 12 and older can go to Planned Parenthood and places like it without needing the consent of their parents.

That being said don't automatically think the worst of them, those rules we're originally put in place for females being abused at home. Girls being abused at home and not wanting to get pregnant etc. Although now many use it as a way to get birth control and condoms cheaply without parental consent. She also could be getting it from a friend and many doctors give out free sample packs.

She could have them for a number of reasons A) She is being hurt by someone and as horrible as that sounds I was that fifteen year old so don't dismiss it as impossible. B) She is having sex willingly and doesn't want to become pregnant C) She is in a relationship which she believes may become sexually active and wants to be prepared but nothing has happened yet.

If you freak out AKA(Yelling, What in the world do you think you are doing etc) she will probably tell you nothing but if you ask to speak to her and say it calmly and say honestly you just want to find out the truth, she may be more forth coming. None of these situations are without hope, all of them can fixed or helpped. If it's A or B, I'd advise you ask to take her to your own doctor for a full work up, as in a pap and pelvic exam. Hopefully she's not become pregnant or contracted an STD. Once that is determined you can decide how you want to handle it, obviously if she's being hurt you must stop it and if she's doing this willingly you must express why fifteen year olds shouldn't be having sex and the dangers and long term effects of sexual activity not nice physical but emotional. Same goes for the third, most girls don't realise how much of their emotions will be wrapped up in sex and that it should be saved for when they are older and wiser and hopefully married.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Linnis again.

Linnis, no fair. Not so much good advice in one week please ​

 

[Linnis]

Linnis, no fair. Not so much good advice in one week please ​

Thanks.

 

[sunnyrightup]

Hello... Thank you everyone for your advice. I am still sitting on this. I haven't said anything yet. I am mulling over exactly what I want to say and how the conversation might go. The entire situation has my anxiety levels going through the roof and this has left me extremely uncomfortable. Any conversation pointers anyone might have would be appreciated. Since this is a serious topic I am trying not to rush into things. I don’t want to screw this up. Thanks.

 

[Linnis]

You have to try and be calm. Tell her you honestly we're not snooping but you saw what you saw and you need answers.

Then gage her reaction. How does she normally act when she knows she's caught doing something she shouldn't?

No matter what the reasons are for the pill remind her that at fifteen you have the right to know what's going on and no matter what you'll love her and will help her.

 

[Athene]

Edit: just to clarify, I think its terrible that they can get birth control pills so easily.

~ ~

I'd rather teen girls were given condoms instead, the pill stops pregnancy but not STD's. Or the pill in conjunction with condom and scarey booklets on all the STD's.

Anyway, I agree with Linnis, going ape is not going to help matters, probably make things worse, I think you need to be less protective mother and more confidant and friend.

 

[Linnis]

I'd rather teen girls were given condoms instead, the pill stops pregnancy but not STD's. Or the pill in conjunction with condom and scarey booklets on all the STD's.

Anyway, I agree with Linnis, going ape is not going to help matters, probably make things worse, I think you need to be less protective mother and more confidant and friend.

I'd rather girls get birth control and condoms, because some will have sex anyway. They know the risks but they do it anyway and the last thing we need is more children growing up in foster care because their parents don't want them. Not to mention the widespread STDs that would be a result, I like how most places advocate the pill & condom together.

But that's not what this thread is about, the fact is she's got them and you don't know why and you need to find out.

 

[sunnyrightup]

My daughter was honest with me. She did admit to being sexually active with her boyfriend. She said that she would like to remain being sexually active. She received the birth control pills at the local health clinic because she didn’t feel I could handle her being honest with me.



I would like to thank everyone who gave information and advice. It helped me greatly.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

oh It sounds like you handled this really well - and you're welcome for the advice.

Is she doing okay? Not too angry or anything? Things WILL settle down - most girls I know are secretly relieved when mum finds out about things like this - it gives them someone to talk to about it (and that can be a huge relief after having to hide it for so long).

Are you doing all right?

Sasch

 

[Linnis]

I agree you seem to have handled it really well. Do you plan on telling her Father?

I must admit, it hasn't been that long since I was a teen and I'd expect she at the very least get punished for lying but I cannot tell you how to handle your own daughter. The long term effects of her actions don't only effect her, do you plan on babysitting while she finishes high school? I know it's a lot to think about but *most teens* (I know I'm gerneralizing but I said most) do not think their actions affect others and think they are the smartest beings on the planet and everyone else is out of touch.

I'll continue to pray for you & your daughter.

 

[sunnyrightup]

Sascha, I think she is doing okay. She wasn’t really angry. She didn’t accuse me of snooping after I told her that I was looking for a pen. I was honest with her and she was honest with me. It was a nice talk overall. I was expecting much worse. Even though I felt crushed when everything was confirmed, I decided anger would not be the right way to go about things.



Linnis, there will not be any punishment. I promised her I would not get angry or punish her if she was honest with me. I truly feel she was. What I think hurt my feelings most is that she said she didn’t think she could come to me because I couldn’t handle it. She is convinced that she loves this guy so I doubt there would be anything I could have said to dissuade her. At the same time though I would have at least had liked to have the opportunity to talk to her first.



Our talk was pretty long. I told her about all the possible consequences. She said she was aware of them and is doing everything she can to prevent them. She says that she uses condoms with the birth control pills. I made her promise me that if anything went wrong that she would come to me before trying to handle things on her own. Hopefully I will never be put into the position of babysitting while she finishes high school, but if it happens I will do what I have to. I definitely want my child to finish high school and hopefully college.



Far as telling her father goes, yes I plan to. He will take it fairly hard so I am not sure how to go about this.



Thank you for your prayers.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

i know im chiming in really late, but i just wanted to offer you prayers, i know im not a mom yet so i dont know how you feel finding out that your daughter is sexually active. but i hid it from my mom for a long time, she didn't find out til i ended up pregnant and ive seen what it's done to her and how i hurt her...im praying for you and your family...especially your daughter.

 

[Estefana]

I have had the pill since I was 13 due to very strong period problems but my parents didn't care so they always knew. However, my friend had to do it behind their back for the same reason because her parents would nopt have understood and been difficult about it.

 

[christalee4]

Wow - all this stuff blows me away. To the OP-er, you are to be commended for having a calm, level attitude about this.

This is my experience with my stepdaughter when she lived with us briefly. She was 18, going out with her first boyfriend, who was going into the Air Force. His parents were apparently permissive, because she lost her virginity to him, in his house, while his parents were there. I found out by asking her, because I had an instinctive feeling that something had happened. She claimed in the beginning that they had used a condom. Since she seemed to be serious about this young man, I took her to get birth control, and with the doctor's help, explained everything she needed to know. I stressed the proper use of condoms. Her own mother had never spoken to her once about sexuality, consequences, how to protect oneself, etc. Since then, she has left, broken up and shacked up with another loser boyfriend, and is now back at her mother's house. At 21, she is still very immature and irresponsible, doesn't work, and doesn't really have a clue what to do with herself. We also found out that she did not, and still does not use condoms with these young men she consorts with. She said the condoms were "icky" and uncomfortable. The birth control pills she was on caused her mini strokes, and she lost partial vision in one eye, so now she is not allowed to drive.

Your daughter is quite young. Fifteen is a very young age to be sexually active. Where is the boyfriend in all this? I would focus on getting the young man involved with this responsibility too, along with his parents. If they are sexually active, do they do so at a friend's house, or his parent's house? If you disapprove of their sexual activity, I would tell both of them so, that they are too young to be involved this way. But if they make that choice without you, I would insist that the boyfriend be a man and pay for your daughter's birth control. I would also insist on 1) HIV and STD tests for both her and him, and 2) that both attend some kind of sexual education class, to make sure that he knows how to use a condom properly, and that he uses a condom each and every time, whether it's with intercourse or oral sex. Be up front and unrelentingly personal with him, if you can. Is the boyfriend ready to be a father in case she gets pregnant? Another important part of responsibility.

I know all this may sound too gross and personal, to think of one's teen engaged in this activities, but if they already have the birth control, then they are doing the unthinkable, most likely without care or skill. In this day and age of life threatening STD's, it's your daughter's life at stake.

Good luck with everything.

 

[eturner74]

At 15 these days kids are having sex I dont care if you try to know where they are 24 hours a day and 7 days a week you cant keep them under lock and key maybe she is not having sex but is being careful if she does decide to have sex and maybe she was scared to come to you about birth control because she thought you would be mad at her. I would just sit her down and talk to her and try not to get upset