Bipolar Disorder...

[alaurie]

Thanks LC,

Your prayers and your friendship mean more than you know.
About Madelyn...it's weird but she gravitates to me. We had a family wedding Saturday, a 28 year old bipolar I cousin who has been treated since she was 15 and is the most godly, gentle woman I know. Her wedding was so simple and worshipful. Anyway back to the point, Madelyn spotted me, asked my cousin could she sit with me and was with me pretty much like glue most of the rest of the time. And I'm not really a "kids" person. I wonder if she senses my sympathy? I try to treat her grandious and paranoid stuff very seriously and try to come up with (sometimes silly) solutions for her. She'll just grin and hug me, but will sometimes turn into a little terror if people try to push her out of wherever she is in her mind.
My cousin said - out of earshot of Madelyn and wryly - "I think that child has a demon." I of course immediately though of some of our posters here! She's still not open to discussing bpd.

Continued prayers are appreciated,
Allye

http://www.christianforum.com/t97789

Post #4 speaks volumes

 

[Laurel Crowned]

My cousin said - out of earshot and wryly - "I think that child has a demon." I of course immediately though of some of our posters here! She's still not open to discussing bpd.
Allye

Hi Allye,

If she ever says this again, look at her quiet seriously and say, "Y'know I agree with you. The "demon" is called bipolar and can only be cast out through prayer, medication, and counseling." While she may want to go all hyper-spiritual on you... use whatever in she'll give you to discuss her daughter's problem. Why people can't accept mental illness as a real medical problem is beyond me. It's easier for some people to hunt for demons under every bush than to accept something so simple as a mental illness.

I pray that your cousin and spouse would not be bound by fear or pride. Fear that their genetics did this to their daughter or pride... that they couldn't possibly have a daughter with a mental illness. We both know that BP isn't a demon... but if that's the only thing she'll consider... then run with it. While I don't think people with BP are demon possessed... I do think Satan goes after christians with BP and oppresses them until they feel so guilty about who they are they can't see straight.

Of course, I will keep your little niece in prayer. Again, I thank God that she has you. God forbid that she'd have to live her life that way until college... but if she does... when she's an adult and away from her parents... she will always have you to turn to for support.

Peace,
LC

 

[alaurie]

http://bipolar.about.com/cs/kids_diag/a/red_flags4.htm

 

[alaurie]

Hi Allye,

If she ever says this again, look at her quiet seriously and say, "Y'know I agree with you. The "demon" is called bipolar and can only be cast out through prayer, medication, and counseling." While she may want to go all hyper-spiritual on you... use whatever in she'll give you to discuss her daughter's problem. Why people can't accept mental illness as a real medical problem is beyond me. It's easier for some people to hunt for demons under every bush than to accept something so simple as a mental illness.

I pray that your cousin and spouse would not be bound by fear or pride. Fear that their genetics did this to their daughter or pride... that they couldn't possibly have a daughter with a mental illness. We both know that BP isn't a demon... but if that's the only thing she'll consider... then run with it. While I don't think people with BP are demon possessed... I do think Satan goes after christians with BP and oppresses them until they feel so guilty about who they are they can't see straight.

Of course, I will keep your little niece in prayer. Again, I thank God that she has you. God forbid that she'd have to live her life that way until college... but if she does... when she's an adult and away from her parents... she will always have you to turn to for support.

Peace,
LC

The pride thing is the biggy- she's a pretty superficial person currently, not very spiritual at all. That's part of whats making talking too her so difficult. I'm actually not trying at all now after our first bad conversation- am just trying to love her and Madelyn and be there for them when circumstances get to the point that the issue can't be ignored. I have a feeling school might be a catalyst.
Allye

 

[Laurel Crowned]

The pride thing is the biggy- she's a pretty superficial person currently, not very spiritual at all. That's part of whats making talking too her so difficult. I'm actually not trying at all now after our first bad conversation- am just trying to love her and Madelyn and be there for them when circumstances get to the point that the issue can't be ignored. I have a feeling school might be a catalyst.
Allye

Hey Allye,

Love will cover a multitude of her sins.

LC

 

[Serving4Christ]

Update on my situation...

I was taking Lexapro 20mg for about 3-4 weeks and I seemed to be getting worse...I mean the moods seemed to be exagerated 10 fold. So I've been placed on a different class of medication called Wellbutrin XL 300mg 1 every day. Anyone with experience with this medication?

 

[alaurie]

Why am I not happy and why so my moods go from one extreme to another?

I can't bare to listen to my wife for more than a minute or so without feeling I have something more important to do. I get agitated at a drop of a dime. I have troubles concentrating... I'm forgetful... I have no patience. I spend money that I don't have just because I feel like it'll satisfy that need at the time. My sleep is interrupted all through the night. I'm taking Lexapro and have been on it for 3 weeks and feel no different. I'm having to take benadryl to help me get some sleep. My sex drive is through the roof! I just don't get it...

Update on my situation...

I was taking Lexapro 20mg for about 3-4 weeks and I seemed to be getting worse...I mean the moods seemed to be exagerated 10 fold. So I've been placed on a different class of medication called Wellbutrin XL 300mg 1 every day. Anyone with experience with this medication?

Hi Serving4Christ

Have you gotten diagnosed with bpd yet? If you are bp, Lexapro, Wellbutrin, and other antidepressants taken alone can push you more into mania. I'm no psychiatrist but that's what sounds like what was happening with your Lexapro. Wellbutrin XL is supposed to be least likely to make the mania worse, but if you are bp you are going to need a stabilizer for the mania (such as lithium, depakote, trileptil sp?) along with an antidepressant.

In your researching bp have you come across a term called dysphoric mania or hypomania? That's what I have- I'm wired but feel terrible, irritable, can't sleep. Depakote er is supposed to help best with that and is really helping me.

I'm keeping you in my prayers. The getting diagnosed, finding the right meds stage is so hard.

Love,
Allye

 

[Serving4Christ]

Thank you Allye,

I'm doing the research now with the information you just put on here. I'm in the research stage right now, trial you might call it. I'm anxious to start the Wellbutrin and see how it does or what it does...I've tried Zoloft years ago, and it had no effect on me.

Keep me in your prayers please.

 

[alaurie]

Keep me in your prayers please.

I will continue to pray for you. PM me if you need anything-
Allye

 

[Laurel Crowned]

It's been a while since I posted here because I have a bp problem. Normally I just post in my journal. Today I'm feeling my mood starting to swing. One minute I'm feeling tense. The next minute I'm angry. Now I'm depressed. Not suicidally so... but enough to want to have somebody else's life.

I know what triggered this current morose state: my job. One parent in particular. It's parents like her that make me hate teaching. I want to cry... but I'm too tired to even care. Every year I get 1-2 parents who seem to make it their personal mission in life to make my life miserable.

In the past my bipolar made a mockery out of my work life. I was absent from work more times that I was actually there... and I've quite more jobs during depressed episodes than you can imagine. I don't know how many I quit when I was manic.

That I've stayed in teaching for 5 years despite having really horrid teaching situations... horrid for me... I know other teachers who have worked in more challenging situations... but hey, being me is a challenge. Not taking mental health days was an area of particular pride for me. Right now I just want to take a mental health week. Parent conferences are this week and I don't want to deal with this parent. She has a tendency to try to brow beat me and I get defensive.

When I talk to my doctor on Friday I want to find out how to change my response to known triggers like this parent. I'm doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I just started. So far... I don't have a real opinion about it. Is anybody familiar with it or a book called The Feel Good Handbook ??

I'd be interested in hearing how people cope with their stress or things that trigger their depression. I've finally clued in that my depression can, at times, be repressed rage. When I turn the rage inward I start to feel useless and then I get depressed. That's when I get suicidal. Confronting this woman... who ironically, attends my church isn't an option. At least I don't think it is.

Thoughts?

LC

 

[alaurie]

Hello LC,

I will pray. I worked for a verbally abusive boss for 2 years and found it best to put myself into a detached mode when dealing with her. To realize that she had a problem and determine that she was not going to escalate me. Sometimes when she would get really outrageous, I wouldn't say anything at all- just gave time and silence for her words to come back to her. She would often get flustered and contridict herself when I did that which helped even more to keep me detached because I would get internally amused.

I don't know if the above helps any, but I know prayer will and I will do that.

Love you very much
Alley

 

[Serving4Christ]

It's been a while since I posted here because I have a bp problem. Normally I just post in my journal. Today I'm feeling my mood starting to swing. One minute I'm feeling tense. The next minute I'm angry. Now I'm depressed. Not suicidally so... but enough to want to have somebody else's life.

I know what triggered this current morose state: my job. One parent in particular. It's parents like her that make me hate teaching. I want to cry... but I'm too tired to even care. Every year I get 1-2 parents who seem to make it their personal mission in life to make my life miserable.

In the past my bipolar made a mockery out of my work life. I was absent from work more times that I was actually there... and I've quite more jobs during depressed episodes than you can imagine. I don't know how many I quit when I was manic.

That I've stayed in teaching for 5 years despite having really horrid teaching situations... horrid for me... I know other teachers who have worked in more challenging situations... but hey, being me is a challenge. Not taking mental health days was an area of particular pride for me. Right now I just want to take a mental health week. Parent conferences are this week and I don't want to deal with this parent. She has a tendency to try to brow beat me and I get defensive.

When I talk to my doctor on Friday I want to find out how to change my response to known triggers like this parent. I'm doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I just started. So far... I don't have a real opinion about it. Is anybody familiar with it or a book called The Feel Good Handbook ??

I'd be interested in hearing how people cope with their stress or things that trigger their depression. I've finally clued in that my depression can, at times, be repressed rage. When I turn the rage inward I start to feel useless and then I get depressed. That's when I get suicidal. Confronting this woman... who ironically, attends my church isn't an option. At least I don't think it is.

Thoughts?

LC

Prayers and Blessings to you LC,

I understand how you feel. Emotionally, sometimes it's draining and hard to hold back the anger/rage you'd like to express. In a counseling session one time, I learned about how true anger and rage affects the other person...would you like the secret? It doesn't affect them. Not one single bit. They don't feel the emotions or even relate to the ones we have at those very heart wrenching moments.

To fully understand what rage does, you'd have to first realize that the only person it truly hurts, is yourself. In those moments I get raged, I find it easy and relaxing to know Jesus was once raged...he was raged and felt similar emotions. He was upset His Father's house was turned into an exchange house. So knowing that, I realized I'm not such a monster after all for having those emotions. Then I didn't get so angry with myself, fueling the already raged episode. I didn't let Him down after all.

Now, to deal with those emotions? For me, I found one trick that works well. I surround my area with those things that soothe me. I'm a nature guy. I love moose, bear, elk, deer, trees, mountains. I find whenever I walk into a store that has the wilderness scent, and the scenery of moose, trees, bears, deer and elk, I about as relaxed and calm as it gets. So I make my surroundings that way.

Whether it's the music, sounds, scenery, or pictures...take yourself to that place. I enjoy the creation God gave us to enjoy. I love the deer drinking from a running river in the stillness of the forest. I envision Jesus and I sitting on a hill overlooking a valley with Bear, moose, and deer with soaring eagles.

Find your outlet. Find what soothes your heart and soul. My prayers are with you LC, and I surely enjoy the fellowship and advice these past couple weeks.

Love in Christ,

Dan

 

[Laurel Crowned]

Prayers and Blessings to you LC,

I understand how you feel. Emotionally, sometimes it's draining and hard to hold back the anger/rage you'd like to express. In a counseling session one time, I learned about how true anger and rage affects the other person...would you like the secret? It doesn't affect them. Not one single bit. They don't feel the emotions or even relate to the ones we have at those very heart wrenching moments.

To fully understand what rage does, you'd have to first realize that the only person it truly hurts, is yourself. In those moments I get raged, I find it easy and relaxing to know Jesus was once raged...he was raged and felt similar emotions. He was upset His Father's house was turned into an exchange house. So knowing that, I realized I'm not such a monster after all for having those emotions. Then I didn't get so angry with myself, fueling the already raged episode. I didn't let Him down after all.

Now, to deal with those emotions? For me, I found one trick that works well. I surround my area with those things that soothe me. I'm a nature guy. I love moose, bear, elk, deer, trees, mountains. I find whenever I walk into a store that has the wilderness scent, and the scenery of moose, trees, bears, deer and elk, I about as relaxed and calm as it gets. So I make my surroundings that way.

Whether it's the music, sounds, scenery, or pictures...take yourself to that place. I enjoy the creation God gave us to enjoy. I love the deer drinking from a running river in the stillness of the forest. I envision Jesus and I sitting on a hill overlooking a valley with Bear, moose, and deer with soaring eagles.

Find your outlet. Find what soothes your heart and soul. My prayers are with you LC, and I surely enjoy the fellowship and advice these past couple weeks.

Love in Christ,

Dan

Dan!

You are so right about the anger. In fact, I tell her son the same thing almost daily because he's got some major anger issues. I have him blow bubbles with the little wand until he's calmed down. He gets angry and when he can't make the other person feel bad or apologize he throws screaming tantrums. I tell him it's ok to be angry but the way he's expressing his anger isn't affecting the other kid. They are continuing to play and have a good time.

My problem with these parents is that I have wanted them to care that they are making me miserable. You're right... with the truly obnoxious ones... they aren't going to care.

As for the whole nature thing? I'm a nature person myself except it's the beach for me. I just love to go and walk along the beach. I go there when I'm stressed out and I just walk and talk to Jesus. Finding that safe space in my mind to calm me at school? Never crossed my mind. I'll take a personal time out and pray... or recite a scripture... but to be honest, that doesn't always make the situation better. I like you suggestions because they are things that I already knew but had yet to internalize.

THANKS!!!!

LC

 

[Serving4Christ]

LC, how are you doing?

 

[alaurie]

Hey Dan,

She's on spring break. I checked her journel entry in the journels forum "adventures of bipolar girl" and it looks like her meeting went bad/good. I'll be glad when she's back. I answered your question addressed to her because I didn't want you to worry about her. There have been a few people who've posted struggles here before who don't post again, and that's kind of disturbing.

How are you doing? Is the Wellbutrin helping?

Allye

 

[California Dreamin']

My real dad has this!
He had to divorce my mom because of doctor's orders. He had some other probs as well and it would have been bad for me to grow up with, I was 6 then.

 

[alaurie]

My real dad has this!
He had to divorce my mom because of doctor's orders. He had some other probs as well and it would have been bad for me to grow up with, I was 6 then.

How is he now? How are you? That all must have been hard to go through.

 

[Serving4Christ]

Thanks Allye,

I was worried about her. I was constanly checking my UserCP to see if she responded.

Actually, no the Wellbutrin is not working. What I've noticed while taking it is that I get thoughts out of nowhere. In situtations I'm normally calm in...I find myself raged. And have to remind myself of a Godly life. At least the Lexapro didn't make me psycho, like I feel on this medication. I don't know if it's the coming off Lexapro that's doing it to me or the Wellbutrin. Maybe I should have dealt with the side effects of Lexapro and stayed on it a bit longer. I don't know. All I know is that I'm usually not this bottled up inside.

 

[California Dreamin']

He's pretty bad. He was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes.
A university here in Nova Scotia was doing a study about bipolar and diabetes, apparently it is VERY serious.
His weight goes UP and DOWN, you never know what he'll look like. Or how he will act either.
He has always been very jealous of me. He was VERY protective of me as a baby and no one could touch me. He had a traumatic childhood, his father died when he was 6 or 7 with heart disease and his mother died when he was 18 with breast cancer and he never finished school because of taking care of her. He was the youngest of 5 and he was always very babied and never grew up..
He has tried a million times to quit smoking. He has been successful some of the times but I don't know how that's going now. He was doing great and then started up again, and now he is stopped again I think.

How is he now? How are you? That all must have been hard to go through.

 

[alaurie]

Dan,
What type doctor are you seeing, general or psychiatrist? Is it someone supportive who will talk with you about your reactions to the meds?