Biblical Relationships

[Godsgal001]

I am seeking Biblical advice or direction for the following situation:

I am a child of God, who worships at a fundamental, independent Baptist Church. I have never been married (really no serious relationships in the past). So on to the situation: There is a young man who attends my Church. He led a very sinful, rough life until a few years ago, when he accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior. Since Christ came into his life, he has completely surrender his life to serving our Father in Heaven. This young gentleman is out soul-winning, teaching, mentoring, every second of the day he gets; he truly is a man of God. Well, this young man has shown interest in me, nevertheless he has a child from a previous relationship (out of wedlock). He is doing everything possible to raise his child in a Christian home. I have always envisioned myself in a relationship with an individual like myself: single, waiting until marriage, seeking God to guide, etc. I have never even pondered on the thought of a single dad. So, my question is, from a Biblical stance, is it wrong to engage in a relationship with this man?

 

[Job8]

So, my question is, from a Biblical stance, is it wrong to engage in a relationship with this man?

The answer is "No, it would not be wrong to be in a relationship with this individual" who, as you say, is now a child of God and is truly serving the Lord.

His child out of wedlock was born when he himself was a sinner. Now that he is saved by God's grace, he is "a new creature in Christ, old things are passed away, behold all things are become new" (2 Cor 5:17).

As long as you both clearly understand what God expects in a Christian marriage, and the role of the husband and the role of the wife, and as long as there is genuine love and respect for each other, God would certainly bless your marriage. What you should be clear about is that it will also mean that you must become a true mother to this child in every way. You must treat the child exactly as your own children, and he or she must become a part of your family.

 

[Sketcher]

If he wasn't married to the child's mother, then you can go right ahead.

Whether you should or not, that's something that deserves more thought. What I mean by that is, a single parent has to make the transition from the child being "my" child to "our" child. That's not an easy one to make. For instance, my brother married a single mom, everything that had to do with her being a single mom occurred out of wedlock, she refused to abort. He does all he can to be a dad to her son. However, she gets in his way. She doesn't let him father at times. She even welches on agreements they made on raising him. While this man is not the same person as my sister-in-law, and not all single moms are necessarily like this, seeing this has given me a good reason not to date single moms myself. Raising children is too important to quibble over who has more say in raising them. When you both make the baby together or adopt the kid together, there is literally no room for such an argument to take place. I never would have thought of this if I hadn't seen it happen. I imagine it can happen equally so among the widowed, and there is no Biblical restriction on widows/widowers that the rest of us don't have. If you go forward with this, find a way to lovingly make sure that this doesn't happen to you. I personally have no practical ideas for doing that.

 

[1watchman]

As with anyone, you should be much in prayer that God will lead, and NOT let you go the wrong way and be with one who is not right for you. I have seen many sad cases over the years of bad choices --and many regrets. Earnestly seek the help of the Lord Jesus in every step you take, and ask Him to clearly open and close doors before you.

 

[Unix]

From what is described in the OP I draw the conclusion that there are no problems present. It certainly doesn't sound like he is going back to his old life. What You seem to feel uneasy about, is his amount of experience. Even though I don't defend sin (his past sins) nor think anyone can learn much from sinning, experience does have some value. If for a moment setting aside how the things have been learned, an experienced man is different from an inexperienced. What You should hope for is that:
a) he has learned how to treat others?
b) he hasn't gone from extreme positions in his past life to other as extreme positions now. Check what kind of theology he has, does it hold to some scrutiny such as scholarship and research? At ages about 34-44 few can successfully hold to some of the most extreme beliefs that have been discredited by more modern methods decades or centuries ago.
c) that he doesn't think he has to correct Your theological views. But it's OK if he wants to study the Bible with current research together with You, (or important historical views).
d) that he wants a mother for the child and is wanting to marry?

 

[iambren]

First,my personality bent is to the skeptical side. Though the longing to marry may be great the misery that can come from a bad marriage can be worse.

I've seen people who have led a wicked life turn and live a blessed Christian life. I've also seen people do the "pendulum" thing after encountering God,be full-tilt for godly service only to burn out later. This may be real,it may be for you,simply move cautiously and prayerfully.

 

[1watchman]

This is true, iambren, and I believe we can clearly say: "all that glitters is not gold" --that is, that one might be trying to follow the teachings of Christ, going to church meetings, speaking about God; yet, not a "born again" believer by personal faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. That one MIGHT get saved one day, and might not ---turning away after other interests. One MUST be sure there is possession of Christ and not just profession. Talk to some older faithful Christians you know and can trust.

 

[Froesler]

If you're both good christians and sincerely love one another, I see no wrong with it.
Relationships are built on trust, tolerance, knowledge and love... so I'd say to you: talk to him, know him and let him know you better.
It would also be a good idea to ask some close friends and family for some advices.

 

[Renee Arisen]

x

 

[deetwang]

I married a divorced man (his wife was unfaithful) who had two kids, aged 8 & 9. He was a recent convert from Catholicism to true faith in Christ. He witnessed a lot and led people to Christ and even got in trouble for leaving Christian tracts in the lobby of the post office he worked at. I'm just warning you to go very slowly, because as it turned out, he stopped going to church, no longer reads the bible (still prays) but it seems as in the parable of the sower, that he was on shallow ground, came up fast in faith, then the cares of the world (he is a working musician and that got to be an obsession) took him away. Now I go to church alone, both kids are not "right with God"...we did take them to church as kids but now they are 34 and 33 yrs old....and I'm often left alone here, while he goes out on gigs. My life is fairly sad because of marrying him and having him not keep going with his faith that seemed so strong in the beginning. Please pray about meeting a man who has been a Christian for a LONG TIME, not a recent convert.

 

[Sketcher]

I married a divorced man (his wife was unfaithful) who had two kids, aged 8 & 9. He was a recent convert from Catholicism to true faith in Christ. He witnessed a lot and led people to Christ and even got in trouble for leaving Christian tracts in the lobby of the post office he worked at. I'm just warning you to go very slowly, because as it turned out, he stopped going to church, no longer reads the bible (still prays) but it seems as in the parable of the sower, that he was on shallow ground, came up fast in faith, then the cares of the world (he is a working musician and that got to be an obsession) took him away. Now I go to church alone, both kids are not "right with God"...we did take them to church as kids but now they are 34 and 33 yrs old....and I'm often left alone here, while he goes out on gigs. My life is fairly sad because of marrying him and having him not keep going with his faith that seemed so strong in the beginning. Please pray about meeting a man who has been a Christian for a LONG TIME, not a recent convert.

For our own information, how long had you known him before marrying him? And how long after that did it take for him to lose his devotion? How long had he been acting like a Christian when you made the decision to marry him?

 

[deetwang]

I knew John for about a year before we became engaged for another year. So it was just two years before we were married. I would not recommend any woman to marry a man with custody of his children, because looking back it does seem that he wanted and needed someone to do all their laundry, cooking, cleaning the house etc etc.

 

[classicalhero]

First thing you need to is be honest with this guy about his previous relationship and how it makes you a bit nervous. Don't forget that God has forgiven him of his sins, so his is past is behind him. He does deserve a good future just like the one God gave him, so if you do have some interest in the guy then talk to him about the potential issues you might have.

 

[Sketcher]

I knew John for about a year before we became engaged for another year. So it was just two years before we were married.

Thanks. And how long after that did it take for him to not be devoted to following God anymore?