Biblical Relationship Advice

[MPV2006]

Hi all! I appreciate so greatly that you're taking the time to read my post, I don't like to ask for much but I really need help on something. My name is Michael. I have been blessed to have a wonderful lady named Jenny in my life that I love very much. She is also a Christian, as I am, and we met at my old job back in September of 2010 when i was working at Macy's in the local mall where I live part-time. We have been going out as boyfriend and girlfriend for 10 months now. Being that we had that common ground as born-again Christians, we quickly became friends fast and got to know each other. What I really love about Jenny is she is not one of those "nominal" Christians- she is really on fire for the Lord and has a testimony and loves Him! In addition, her sweet and patient and loving spirit also attracted me to her. She is a beautiful woman inwardly and outwardly. In addition, what I really love is that she is not only a girlfriend to me but a real good friend who I can talk about anything with and I can be myself around her and be real with her. I love this woman so much and she is very special to me after Jesus, we spent almost every day with each other so our bond really grew.

She is 23 yrs old and I'm 20 (we're both young). I must mention that I am also suffering from scrupulosity (the "religious" form of OCD). God is bringing me through greatly and I feel He is using it to do something in my life, which He uses trials for (to build our faith and refine us as His children), although it is a frustrating and confusing trial that has caused me alot of pain, fear, and tears, not to mention the personal cost it has done to my ability to function normally around family, friends, and even at work. I feel God has really used my girlfriend Jenny to help me and push me through this trial though, she has been a tremendous support to me and does not look at me weird or any different and has been very patient with me. As much as I love her though, we did do some things that were un-Godly. We fell into sexual temptation a number of times, even though every time we felt sorry about it and would immediately repent. Eventually we stopped as God hit us on that one because we struggled with that. We have had our ups-and-downs for sure as a couple and we have endured alot together. We have also had many arguments and I have said and did some dumb things that I feel sorry for. As much as I love her, from praying about this relationship and getting into the Word on it, I feel God is telling me that it is not His timing right now. Jenny is not the problem, but in the relationship I think we are trying to do it all in the flesh and in our own timing and it is causing alot of arguments and quarrels that are destroying our relationship. I hate when we argue! I love her! We have discussed this many times about maybe this not being God's timing, but we love each other so much that we would miss each other and get right back together again. But I kind of knew God was telling me the relationship needs to cease for now and we need to die to ourselves and let Him lead our lives wherever He wants us to be. It doesn't mean I don't love her I do so much and God knows my heart I have prayed about it, but we need to love and obey the Lord and I don't want to make an idol of this relationship, which I have been guilty of. I want to get my issues straight and above all my life right with Jesus!!

About a month-and-a-half ago we had a big argument and to be brief (I'll spare the details) I acted really foolish and childish and said some things to her and did some things I should not have did out of anger. I put her belongings and clothes outside my door, which was very mean of me to do. I admit I was very wrong for doing that. The argument stemmed because I told her that I didn't feel it's God's will for us to be in a relationship at this moment. That's when she got defensive and flipped on me, I tried to explain and tell her she is not the problem just the relationship is right now I still love her, but that was the last straw. I feel really bad about it, and I tried to apologize to her so many times but she changed her phone number on me so now I don't know how to reach her. I repented and asked God to wash me from my sins and to place Holy Spirit-led peace and love between us. I sent her e-mails and even wrote her a letter and called her mom and things like that just to say sorry and also to see how she is doing but we haven't had any contact since then. The only thing I didn't do is call her home phone (which I didn't do out of fear admittedly but also because emotions were hot and I wanted us to cool down a little so we can settle it in peace). I have said sorry before but I love her and want to be genuine, should I call her? I am torn up over this. I want us to have peace, as God does. I really care about her even though she is mad at me. What should I do friends? Be completely honest with me everyone, I am open to rebuke and correction, I just need help!

Much love in Christ to you all, I will be praying for you guys and reading your posts too! God bless you guys! I greatly appreciate it!!

Michael V.

 

[Luther073082]

Ok let me see if I can break this down for you.

Hi all! I appreciate so greatly that you're taking the time to read my post, I don't like to ask for much but I really need help on something. My name is Michael. I have been blessed to have a wonderful lady named Jenny in my life that I love very much. She is also a Christian, as I am, and we met at my old job back in September of 2010 when i was working at Macy's in the local mall where I live part-time. We have been going out as boyfriend and girlfriend for 10 months now. Being that we had that common ground as born-again Christians, we quickly became friends fast and got to know each other. What I really love about Jenny is she is not one of those "nominal" Christians- she is really on fire for the Lord and has a testimony and loves Him! In addition, her sweet and patient and loving spirit also attracted me to her. She is a beautiful woman inwardly and outwardly. In addition, what I really love is that she is not only a girlfriend to me but a real good friend who I can talk about anything with and I can be myself around her and be real with her. I love this woman so much and she is very special to me after Jesus, we spent almost every day with each other so our bond really grew.

She is 23 yrs old and I'm 20 (we're both young). I must mention that I am also suffering from scrupulosity (the "religious" form of OCD). God is bringing me through greatly and I feel He is using it to do something in my life, which He uses trials for (to build our faith and refine us as His children), although it is a frustrating and confusing trial that has caused me alot of pain, fear, and tears, not to mention the personal cost it has done to my ability to function normally around family, friends, and even at work. I feel God has really used my girlfriend Jenny to help me and push me through this trial though, she has been a tremendous support to me and does not look at me weird or any different and has been very patient with me. As much as I love her though, we did do some things that were un-Godly. We fell into sexual temptation a number of times, even though every time we felt sorry about it and would immediately repent. Eventually we stopped as God hit us on that one because we struggled with that. We have had our ups-and-downs for sure as a couple and we have endured alot together. We have also had many arguments and I have said and did some dumb things that I feel sorry for. As much as I love her, from praying about this relationship and getting into the Word on it, I feel God is telling me that it is not His timing right now. Jenny is not the problem, but in the relationship I think we are trying to do it all in the flesh and in our own timing and it is causing alot of arguments and quarrels that are destroying our relationship. I hate when we argue! I love her! We have discussed this many times about maybe this not being God's timing, but we love each other so much that we would miss each other and get right back together again. But I kind of knew God was telling me the relationship needs to cease for now and we need to die to ourselves and let Him lead our lives wherever He wants us to be. It doesn't mean I don't love her I do so much and God knows my heart I have prayed about it, but we need to love and obey the Lord and I don't want to make an idol of this relationship, which I have been guilty of. I want to get my issues straight and above all my life right with Jesus!!

This is where a lot of Christians make a huge mistake. . . They strongly sexually desire their partner. . . so they think that their realationship is somehow all wrong because of that sexual desire.

But the bible tells us that sexual desire is natural and that God has given us marriage as a place for that sexual desire to be used in a positive situation.

Now a word about God's will. . . God's will for your life is directly communicated to you through the word. If you want to know if Jenny will make a good wife (which is really what this should be about.) then you need to check the word. . . Is there anything in the word that would make you think that she won't be a good wife?

For her she needs to do the same thing to determine if you will be a good husband.

But really this sexual thing . . . its a temptation, a strong temptation for just about anyone who is in a relationship. It was for my wife and I before we got married, its been for just about anyone I've ever talked to about it. To think that this relationship is somehow different is very nieve. You are no different then anyone else . . . you are feeling in love with a person, you are bonded with them and your body has an urge to engage in sex with that person. Thats totally natural and its why we where given marriage. Paul tells us that couples who burn in lust for one another should marry so as to avoid sin.

About a month-and-a-half ago we had a big argument and to be brief (I'll spare the details) I acted really foolish and childish and said some things to her and did some things I should not have did out of anger. I put her belongings and clothes outside my door, which was very mean of me to do. I admit I was very wrong for doing that. The argument stemmed because I told her that I didn't feel it's God's will for us to be in a relationship at this moment. That's when she got defensive and flipped on me, I tried to explain and tell her she is not the problem just the relationship is right now I still love her, but that was the last straw. I feel really bad about it, and I tried to apologize to her so many times but she changed her phone number on me so now I don't know how to reach her. I repented and asked God to wash me from my sins and to place Holy Spirit-led peace and love between us. I sent her e-mails and even wrote her a letter and called her mom and things like that just to say sorry and also to see how she is doing but we haven't had any contact since then. The only thing I didn't do is call her home phone (which I didn't do out of fear admittedly but also because emotions were hot and I wanted us to cool down a little so we can settle it in peace). I have said sorry before but I love her and want to be genuine, should I call her? I am torn up over this. I want us to have peace, as God does. I really care about her even though she is mad at me. What should I do friends? Be completely honest with me everyone, I am open to rebuke and correction, I just need help!

Well of course you upset her, that would upset anyone. You probably sounded like you where a few inches short of hitting her with the old "God told me to break up with you" routine.

In this situation as tough as it is, I've found sometimes its best to say you are sorry and give her time and space to forgive you. What can happen is that when you set someone off and get them angry, your very presence makes them upset and only builds the anger. Anger of course prevents everyone from thinking with a clear head. So give her some time to just clear her head, and hopefully she will forgive you.

If she doesn't forgive you then you know this relationship was probably a bad idea because she isn't a forgiving person. But you need to let her forgive you on her own time.

Are you in college or anything? One thing I didn't see in your whole thing was your life situation. Are you and her going to school or are you working? What is going on in that direction?

You are bit younger then I typically like to recommend marriage for (I usually say about 23), but I think you certainly need to consider marriage as the end result of all of this. At the very least at this point you need to have a clear idea of when the two of you will get married so long as everything continues to work out.

And this timing needs to at the point that between the two of you, you can work and make enough money to live on your own as a couple. If that requires both of you working then so be it.

So my advice is not necessarily to get formally engaged at this point. But between the two of you, start seriously talking about and thinking about marriage. That means you need to save up as much money as possible, its also helpful to pay off debts if you have them, especially credit card debts. You need to figure out what you will be doing for work, find out what rent is in your area and start working out a budget so you know about how much money you are going to need to make between the two of you to do it.

The formal engagement I would recommend take place roughly a year before you guys plan on getting married. You shouldn't set a specific date until after you are formally engaged, but you should have a general idea of when you will get married.

Also during this time, be on guard, don't let your mind make excuses to have sex. God didn't say wait until you start thinking about marriage or wait until engagement to have sex. God said wait until marriage. A lot of people get trapped into thinking that since they plan on getting married that sex is ok. . . and thats completly wrong.

In short my advice is that after you guys work out your previous fight and she forgives you. Then start looking seriously at marriage and everything thats involved. If you want help with that, you can ask people on CF about it, talk to a pastor or people who know. Preferably people you trust who've been married for a long time. If your parents are those people then great!

Financially speaking you BOTH should do the following. (Finances are very important, the majority of marriages break over finances.)

Stop using any debt unless you have to.

Really pay down any high interest debts such as credit card debt. While you don't need to be "debt free" to get married, debt is not a positive thing on a starting marriage. Walking into marriage with a lot of debt, is a sure fire receipe for financial and marital disaster.

After you've paid off high interest debt, start saving money as crazy as you can. Its common sense that walking into marriage with a boatload of savings will really help things a lot. This not only allows for an easier transition into married life but also allows for a good honeymoon. Each of you open a savings account and shove as much money in that as you can. Don't combine accounts until after you are married though.

Try and figure out a budget of the cost of living for one month verses the amount you can both make in a month. Allow some amount of extra room in the budget. You never know when your car will break down and you will need money to fix it or one of you have to visit the doctor or something.

 

[MPV2006]

Ok let me see if I can break this down for you.



This is where a lot of Christians make a huge mistake. . . They strongly sexually desire their partner. . . so they think that their realationship is somehow all wrong because of that sexual desire.

But the bible tells us that sexual desire is natural and that God has given us marriage as a place for that sexual desire to be used in a positive situation.

Now a word about God's will. . . God's will for your life is directly communicated to you through the word. If you want to know if Jenny will make a good wife (which is really what this should be about.) then you need to check the word. . . Is there anything in the word that would make you think that she won't be a good wife?

For her she needs to do the same thing to determine if you will be a good husband.

But really this sexual thing . . . its a temptation, a strong temptation for just about anyone who is in a relationship. It was for my wife and I before we got married, its been for just about anyone I've ever talked to about it. To think that this relationship is somehow different is very nieve. You are no different then anyone else . . . you are feeling in love with a person, you are bonded with them and your body has an urge to engage in sex with that person. Thats totally natural and its why we where given marriage. Paul tells us that couples who burn in lust for one another should marry so as to avoid sin.



Well of course you upset her, that would upset anyone. You probably sounded like you where a few inches short of hitting her with the old "God told me to break up with you" routine.

In this situation as tough as it is, I've found sometimes its best to say you are sorry and give her time and space to forgive you. What can happen is that when you set someone off and get them angry, your very presence makes them upset and only builds the anger. Anger of course prevents everyone from thinking with a clear head. So give her some time to just clear her head, and hopefully she will forgive you.

If she doesn't forgive you then you know this relationship was probably a bad idea because she isn't a forgiving person. But you need to let her forgive you on her own time.

Are you in college or anything? One thing I didn't see in your whole thing was your life situation. Are you and her going to school or are you working? What is going on in that direction?

You are bit younger then I typically like to recommend marriage for (I usually say about 23), but I think you certainly need to consider marriage as the end result of all of this. At the very least at this point you need to have a clear idea of when the two of you will get married so long as everything continues to work out.

And this timing needs to at the point that between the two of you, you can work and make enough money to live on your own as a couple. If that requires both of you working then so be it.

So my advice is not necessarily to get formally engaged at this point. But between the two of you, start seriously talking about and thinking about marriage. That means you need to save up as much money as possible, its also helpful to pay off debts if you have them, especially credit card debts. You need to figure out what you will be doing for work, find out what rent is in your area and start working out a budget so you know about how much money you are going to need to make between the two of you to do it.

The formal engagement I would recommend take place roughly a year before you guys plan on getting married. You shouldn't set a specific date until after you are formally engaged, but you should have a general idea of when you will get married.

Also during this time, be on guard, don't let your mind make excuses to have sex. God didn't say wait until you start thinking about marriage or wait until engagement to have sex. God said wait until marriage. A lot of people get trapped into thinking that since they plan on getting married that sex is ok. . . and thats completly wrong.

In short my advice is that after you guys work out your previous fight and she forgives you. Then start looking seriously at marriage and everything thats involved. If you want help with that, you can ask people on CF about it, talk to a pastor or people who know. Preferably people you trust who've been married for a long time. If your parents are those people then great!

Financially speaking you BOTH should do the following. (Finances are very important, the majority of marriages break over finances.)

Stop using any debt unless you have to.

Really pay down any high interest debts such as credit card debt. While you don't need to be "debt free" to get married, debt is not a positive thing on a starting marriage. Walking into marriage with a lot of debt, is a sure fire receipe for financial and marital disaster.

After you've paid off high interest debt, start saving money as crazy as you can. Its common sense that walking into marriage with a boatload of savings will really help things a lot. This not only allows for an easier transition into married life but also allows for a good honeymoon. Each of you open a savings account and shove as much money in that as you can. Don't combine accounts until after you are married though.

Try and figure out a budget of the cost of living for one month verses the amount you can both make in a month. Allow some amount of extra room in the budget. You never know when your car will break down and you will need money to fix it or one of you have to visit the doctor or something.

I greatly appreciate your help Luther! You don't know how relieving it is just to know someone cared to listen to my story and give some sound Scriptural advice! Thanks alot friend! Thanks for shedding light on the sex issue, that is something we struggled with quite a bit. I think just the biggest problems in our relationship is that we are trying to do it all in our flesh and wants and timing. We need to die to ourselves, pray about this, and search God's Word for direction. In addition, the relationship is a distraction to me right now, and as much as I love her, I admit I have been distracted from a clear-minded relationship with Jesus and have made too much an idol of this relationship by loving my girlfriend more than God. It's not that Jenny is the problem, she is a wonderful lady, but fighting with OCD and not being too mentally stable doesn't help it at all. It was a hard decision to break up the relationship, I didn't want to but I feel it is something God is leading us to do and we need to love and obey Him, no matter what. I tried to talk to her about that, but she did not take it the right way. I tried to be peaceful and explain, but the reaction was not pretty at all. I just pray God will show both of us what we should do in our lives. If God tells me something about our relationship, He will tell Jenny too and we will be of one accord, Our Lord is certainly not the author of confusion! That I am praying for, and also for love and peace between us despite the argument and dumb things I did, just for forgiveness and reconciliation, and for understanding and humility for both of us. From thinking about this, I just think it boils down to putting it completely in the Lord's hands, if it is led by Him it will succeed and we must submit to the Spirit. If not, we are headed for disaster.

As for working and school, she is in college for business administration and she is working at Macy's part time. We are both blessed to have jobs, thank the Lord! I am working at a warehouse for a local grocery chain down here in Florida and I thank the Lord, the pay is very good and there are some excellent benefits as well, and they have a known record of job security in this bad economy, they are not known to lay people off so that is a sure blessing! I have been able to save money for probably the first time in my life. The hours are demanding and the work is physically grueling, but I thank God! So financially brother Luther, God-willing I am still working there (which I plan to for now) financially if I just ask God for wisdom with money and practice it. I would love to talk to a pastor or someone from my church who understands this and has been in relationships, and the help here at CF is also invaluable! I just want to fully die to myself and love and go all-out for the Lord and give it to Him! I have been praying about His will and calling for my life, but I'm not fully clear on it yet. I do have a love for people and helping them and being a friend to others. I love sharing Christ with people and also getting into deep Bible study and apologetics and things of that nature. But I will leave it in His hands. And I also will definitely get into the Word to see if Jenny lines up with who God would want me to marry if it be His will for that to happen, I pray she would too. Thank you so much brother Luther, much love in Christ! )

 

[Luther073082]

I greatly appreciate your help Luther! You don't know how relieving it is just to know someone cared to listen to my story and give some sound Scriptural advice! Thanks alot friend! Thanks for shedding light on the sex issue, that is something we struggled with quite a bit. I think just the biggest problems in our relationship is that we are trying to do it all in our flesh and wants and timing. We need to die to ourselves, pray about this, and search God's Word for direction. In addition, the relationship is a distraction to me right now, and as much as I love her, I admit I have been distracted from a clear-minded relationship with Jesus and have made too much an idol of this relationship by loving my girlfriend more than God. It's not that Jenny is the problem, she is a wonderful lady, but fighting with OCD and not being too mentally stable doesn't help it at all. It was a hard decision to break up the relationship, I didn't want to but I feel it is something God is leading us to do and we need to love and obey Him, no matter what. I tried to talk to her about that, but she did not take it the right way. I tried to be peaceful and explain, but the reaction was not pretty at all. I just pray God will show both of us what we should do in our lives. If God tells me something about our relationship, He will tell Jenny too and we will be of one accord, Our Lord is certainly not the author of confusion! That I am praying for, and also for love and peace between us despite the argument and dumb things I did, just for forgiveness and reconciliation, and for understanding and humility for both of us. From thinking about this, I just think it boils down to putting it completely in the Lord's hands, if it is led by Him it will succeed and we must submit to the Spirit. If not, we are headed for disaster.

As for working and school, she is in college for business administration and she is working at Macy's part time. We are both blessed to have jobs, thank the Lord! I am working at a warehouse for a local grocery chain down here in Florida and I thank the Lord, the pay is very good and there are some excellent benefits as well, and they have a known record of job security in this bad economy, they are not known to lay people off so that is a sure blessing! I have been able to save money for probably the first time in my life. The hours are demanding and the work is physically grueling, but I thank God! So financially brother Luther, God-willing I am still working there (which I plan to for now) financially if I just ask God for wisdom with money and practice it. I would love to talk to a pastor or someone from my church who understands this and has been in relationships, and the help here at CF is also invaluable! I just want to fully die to myself and love and go all-out for the Lord and give it to Him! I have been praying about His will and calling for my life, but I'm not fully clear on it yet. I do have a love for people and helping them and being a friend to others. I love sharing Christ with people and also getting into deep Bible study and apologetics and things of that nature. But I will leave it in His hands. And I also will definitely get into the Word to see if Jenny lines up with who God would want me to marry if it be His will for that to happen, I pray she would too. Thank you so much brother Luther, much love in Christ! )

So wait a sec, did you break up with her or not?

I personally am not much for these personal communications from God. People too often use that as something they came up with on their own and things like that. Just use the word, if God has something to say, he'll say it in the word.

As far as making her an idol... perhaps you are but I'm not sure you are. Relationships, especially ones that are married or on their way to being married are very tricky. The reason is that God even tells us that behind him our first priority sould be to our spouses. . . and one would think that those approaching marriage would begin to make them a similar priority.

So its a really fine line to walk in terms of making God number 1 but also following God's direction to make your spouse number 2.

I really again don't recommend break ups because you feel like you are idolizing your relationship. In that case if its really that bad, you should both just decide to maybe spend less time together and use the extra time toward your spiritual life in some way. Either that or make the time you spend together be also a part of your spiritual lives.

But like I said, its a really fine line to walk... God says make me #1 and make your spouse #2. (And in a long term relationship you first begin to learn to walk that line.)

 

[MPV2006]

So wait a sec, did you break up with her or not?

I personally am not much for these personal communications from God. People too often use that as something they came up with on their own and things like that. Just use the word, if God has something to say, he'll say it in the word.

As far as making her an idol... perhaps you are but I'm not sure you are. Relationships, especially ones that are married or on their way to being married are very tricky. The reason is that God even tells us that behind him our first priority sould be to our spouses. . . and one would think that those approaching marriage would begin to make them a similar priority.

So its a really fine line to walk in terms of making God number 1 but also following God's direction to make your spouse number 2.

I really again don't recommend break ups because you feel like you are idolizing your relationship. In that case if its really that bad, you should both just decide to maybe spend less time together and use the extra time toward your spiritual life in some way. Either that or make the time you spend together be also a part of your spiritual lives.

But like I said, its a really fine line to walk... God says make me #1 and make your spouse #2. (And in a long term relationship you first begin to learn to walk that line.)

Well, being that she changed her phone number after the whole thing, I think we can safely say we broke up. I just am getting that leading from the Holy Spirit that now isn't the right time, and it's hard because I love her and never want to break her heart but if God wants it to be, He will allow it in His timing. I tried to apologize so many times but she won't respond. I will leave it in His hands. Thank you for helping me with this Luther, if we are in a relationship we need to fully submit it to the Lord and have balance, so that we won't be distracted and make idolatry of a relationship above Jesus. I feel I have been making idolatry Luther because I am very distracted from my relationship with Christ and more consumed with my girlfriend than my spiritual life with God. It's not that she is the problem or that she is the distraction, I just think the relationship is. Perhaps it is best for us to break it off until we have God's clear leading from the Holy Spirit and His Word. Perhaps maybe right now is not His timing. And it could be we're not meant to be together, but only God knows. I hope she is the one, I really do love her! I will for sure search the Scriptures to see if she lines up with who God would want for me if He wills me to have a wife. I read 1 Corinthians 7 too, which helped a great deal as Paul shed light on the subject. This is not an easy thing, but I want us to love and obey God more. I love her so much and it's hard my brother! What I pray for is love and peace between us and for reconciliation. Thank you for the great help and insight brother, I appreciate it so much! Much love in Christ my friend!

 

[DeaneRenata]

Hi all! I appreciate so greatly that you're taking the time to read my post, I don't like to ask for much but I really need help on something. My name is Michael. I have been blessed to have a wonderful lady named Jenny in my life that I love very much. She is also a Christian, as I am, and we met at my old job back in September of 2010 when i was working at Macy's in the local mall where I live part-time. We have been going out as boyfriend and girlfriend for 10 months now. Being that we had that common ground as born-again Christians, we quickly became friends fast and got to know each other. What I really love about Jenny is she is not one of those "nominal" Christians- she is really on fire for the Lord and has a testimony and loves Him! In addition, her sweet and patient and loving spirit also attracted me to her. She is a beautiful woman inwardly and outwardly. In addition, what I really love is that she is not only a girlfriend to me but a real good friend who I can talk about anything with and I can be myself around her and be real with her. I love this woman so much and she is very special to me after Jesus, we spent almost every day with each other so our bond really grew.

She is 23 yrs old and I'm 20 (we're both young). I must mention that I am also suffering from scrupulosity (the "religious" form of OCD). God is bringing me through greatly and I feel He is using it to do something in my life, which He uses trials for (to build our faith and refine us as His children), although it is a frustrating and confusing trial that has caused me alot of pain, fear, and tears, not to mention the personal cost it has done to my ability to function normally around family, friends, and even at work. I feel God has really used my girlfriend Jenny to help me and push me through this trial though, she has been a tremendous support to me and does not look at me weird or any different and has been very patient with me. As much as I love her though, we did do some things that were un-Godly. We fell into sexual temptation a number of times, even though every time we felt sorry about it and would immediately repent. Eventually we stopped as God hit us on that one because we struggled with that. We have had our ups-and-downs for sure as a couple and we have endured alot together. We have also had many arguments and I have said and did some dumb things that I feel sorry for. As much as I love her, from praying about this relationship and getting into the Word on it, I feel God is telling me that it is not His timing right now. Jenny is not the problem, but in the relationship I think we are trying to do it all in the flesh and in our own timing and it is causing alot of arguments and quarrels that are destroying our relationship. I hate when we argue! I love her! We have discussed this many times about maybe this not being God's timing, but we love each other so much that we would miss each other and get right back together again. But I kind of knew God was telling me the relationship needs to cease for now and we need to die to ourselves and let Him lead our lives wherever He wants us to be. It doesn't mean I don't love her I do so much and God knows my heart I have prayed about it, but we need to love and obey the Lord and I don't want to make an idol of this relationship, which I have been guilty of. I want to get my issues straight and above all my life right with Jesus!!

About a month-and-a-half ago we had a big argument and to be brief (I'll spare the details) I acted really foolish and childish and said some things to her and did some things I should not have did out of anger. I put her belongings and clothes outside my door, which was very mean of me to do. I admit I was very wrong for doing that. The argument stemmed because I told her that I didn't feel it's God's will for us to be in a relationship at this moment. That's when she got defensive and flipped on me, I tried to explain and tell her she is not the problem just the relationship is right now I still love her, but that was the last straw. I feel really bad about it, and I tried to apologize to her so many times but she changed her phone number on me so now I don't know how to reach her. I repented and asked God to wash me from my sins and to place Holy Spirit-led peace and love between us. I sent her e-mails and even wrote her a letter and called her mom and things like that just to say sorry and also to see how she is doing but we haven't had any contact since then. The only thing I didn't do is call her home phone (which I didn't do out of fear admittedly but also because emotions were hot and I wanted us to cool down a little so we can settle it in peace). I have said sorry before but I love her and want to be genuine, should I call her? I am torn up over this. I want us to have peace, as God does. I really care about her even though she is mad at me. What should I do friends? Be completely honest with me everyone, I am open to rebuke and correction, I just need help!

Much love in Christ to you all, I will be praying for you guys and reading your posts too! God bless you guys! I greatly appreciate it!!

Michael V.

Hello. I live here at home. I used to have relationship problems all the time with my dad until i changed my way of thinking: 1) I am the master of my own destiny and 2) Why should I care what people think? 3) Focus on the things that interest me. And I would find happiness in life and learn to ignroe the people that bothered me or caused me a bad time.