It's a situation that I have come to a place of forgiveness on but it still triggers me to think about it sometimes. It's one of those things that you can forgive but you will never forget because such a valuable lesson was learned. And I thought it was worth sharing because these types of distortions are so common and maybe you are even guilty of something similar and don't realize it.
Three and half years ago I found myself in need of help. I'm not a person who asks for help because I don't like to trouble others so this one situation represents the single time in my life where I needed outside help and couldn't solve it myself.
I live in a very densely populated area where rents are very high and it's extremely rare to find a good quality apartment rental at an affordable price. It would literally cost me about six thousand a year more to move plus moving expenses. So at a minimum for one year alone I was looking at a six thousand dollar a year expense increase. But over four years about 24K. So a big chunk of money plus a lot of difficulty and expense in moving.
After twelve years of living at the same apartment my corporate landlord suddenly and without warning required all cats to be declawed or face eviction. I don't believe in declawing animals because i honestly believe that it's not only like decapitating the animal but the cat can't defend itself if it gets out. So I was faced with an extremely serious situation of what to do with the 12 year old cat that i adored.
A friend VOLUNTEERED to take her and this began a two and a half year nightmare of emotional blackmail and abuse. The woman lives a few states away from me so I had to drive a long way to get the cat this home. To make a long story short the whole ordeal cost me extreme and ongoing stress and literal health problems but it also cost me close to two thousand dollars in gifts and thank you's for this big favor that was done for me (about four hundred was the vets expense which she required before my Cat would be eligible to meet her requirenments so that part of the expense is completely understandable). I actually REALLY did consider it an enormous favor and went to astronomical proportions to demonstrate my appreciation but had I known that it would be used to emotionally rape me I obviously never would have agreed to accept the favor.
For two and a half years on a weekly basis I had to listen to every single thing that was done for the cat. Every treat, every play episode...everything. Month after month after month in the nicest way possible I told her that i missed the cat and that constantly hearing about her was making me sad. She just ignored me and continued to bait me into ongoing compliments and rewards. She has six other pets and she never mentioned the others...she just kept bring up my cat to remind me of the enormous favor she had done. What she wanted was excessive servile fawning for the rest of my life. She not only wanted to be praised frequently but she had unimaginable expectations in many other areas as well. I honestly feel like the very second she had the cat in her possession, she pulled up a chair and said to herself..."everything you are and everything you have is now mine so I will NEVER let you forget this favor."
After two and a half years i ended the relationship because there was other emotional abuse involved too.
I saw that she posted on a forum how she had been betrayed (presumably because she concocted a false narrative in her own head) and to this day it's difficult for me to think about the whole ordeal without feeling triggered.
I just wanted to vent this because there was so much pain involved in this experience and it really took an emotional toll on me. I allowed it to go on far to long because I feared she might take it out on the cat.
I learned a very tough lesson about accepting favors and about my own need for approval and my own lack of self worth . And I know the Lord wanted me to lean from this experience So I embrace the lessons and i'm not bitter. The type of stuff she was doing was just so mean an hard to believe.
So BEWARE when someone spins a story of betrayal because they very well might be the perpetrator!
Thanks for listening!
Three and half years ago I found myself in need of help. I'm not a person who asks for help because I don't like to trouble others so this one situation represents the single time in my life where I needed outside help and couldn't solve it myself.
I live in a very densely populated area where rents are very high and it's extremely rare to find a good quality apartment rental at an affordable price. It would literally cost me about six thousand a year more to move plus moving expenses. So at a minimum for one year alone I was looking at a six thousand dollar a year expense increase. But over four years about 24K. So a big chunk of money plus a lot of difficulty and expense in moving.
After twelve years of living at the same apartment my corporate landlord suddenly and without warning required all cats to be declawed or face eviction. I don't believe in declawing animals because i honestly believe that it's not only like decapitating the animal but the cat can't defend itself if it gets out. So I was faced with an extremely serious situation of what to do with the 12 year old cat that i adored.
A friend VOLUNTEERED to take her and this began a two and a half year nightmare of emotional blackmail and abuse. The woman lives a few states away from me so I had to drive a long way to get the cat this home. To make a long story short the whole ordeal cost me extreme and ongoing stress and literal health problems but it also cost me close to two thousand dollars in gifts and thank you's for this big favor that was done for me (about four hundred was the vets expense which she required before my Cat would be eligible to meet her requirenments so that part of the expense is completely understandable). I actually REALLY did consider it an enormous favor and went to astronomical proportions to demonstrate my appreciation but had I known that it would be used to emotionally rape me I obviously never would have agreed to accept the favor.
For two and a half years on a weekly basis I had to listen to every single thing that was done for the cat. Every treat, every play episode...everything. Month after month after month in the nicest way possible I told her that i missed the cat and that constantly hearing about her was making me sad. She just ignored me and continued to bait me into ongoing compliments and rewards. She has six other pets and she never mentioned the others...she just kept bring up my cat to remind me of the enormous favor she had done. What she wanted was excessive servile fawning for the rest of my life. She not only wanted to be praised frequently but she had unimaginable expectations in many other areas as well. I honestly feel like the very second she had the cat in her possession, she pulled up a chair and said to herself..."everything you are and everything you have is now mine so I will NEVER let you forget this favor."
After two and a half years i ended the relationship because there was other emotional abuse involved too.
I saw that she posted on a forum how she had been betrayed (presumably because she concocted a false narrative in her own head) and to this day it's difficult for me to think about the whole ordeal without feeling triggered.
I just wanted to vent this because there was so much pain involved in this experience and it really took an emotional toll on me. I allowed it to go on far to long because I feared she might take it out on the cat.
I learned a very tough lesson about accepting favors and about my own need for approval and my own lack of self worth . And I know the Lord wanted me to lean from this experience So I embrace the lessons and i'm not bitter. The type of stuff she was doing was just so mean an hard to believe.
So BEWARE when someone spins a story of betrayal because they very well might be the perpetrator!
Thanks for listening!
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