best friends wanting me to tell them everything

[myquestions]

my group of good friends get mad when i don't tell them about deep issues that i am dealing with, i tell them the basics but not wanting to talk heaps about it

(i don't tell them since i have before and they just judge me and they don't understand at all and one even just laughs and thinks it's funny; one feels sorry for me which i don't want either; and one thinks that i am trying to get attention and pretty much thinks i am making it all up......and it's prettty much pointless to tell them, it doens't bring me closer to them since they think it would...; also i seem violated when i tell them becaue they really don't understand and make comments that i really don't need. also i don't want to talk about my problems, who wants to hear them anyway, and the fact that one says that i am making it up to get attention means i don't want to talk about it even more,,,,,but they keep saying 'why do you keep things bottled up, just tell us how you feel etc', but when i do, it just blows up and i feel bad not better for sharing after because i didn't do it out of my own will i was pressured to , of the immediate effects and later too, i feel they keep that and judge me later on it as well...hm)

and also they expect me to tell them others friends secrets that other ppl not in our circle . i knoe they are my best friends but i just don't feel right telling others ppls stuff that they told me not to tell anyone, and it has nothing to do with them either. i knoe they are my bestfriends but am i wrong not to tell them about other ppl's secrets. and is it wrong not to tell them about my problems?!

thanks 4 reading this

 

[inHisgripkim]

my group of good friends get mad when i don't tell them about deep issues that i am dealing with, i tell them the basics but not wanting to talk heaps about it

(i don't tell them since i have before and they just judge me and they don't understand at all and one even just laughs and thinks it's funny; one feels sorry for me which i don't want either; and one thinks that i am trying to get attention and pretty much thinks i am making it all up......and it's prettty much pointless to tell them, it doens't bring me closer to them since they think it would...; also i seem violated when i tell them becaue they really don't understand and make comments that i really don't need. also i don't want to talk about my problems, who wants to hear them anyway, and the fact that one says that i am making it up to get attention means i don't want to talk about it even more,,,,,but they keep saying 'why do you keep things bottled up, just tell us how you feel etc', but when i do, it just blows up and i feel bad not better for sharing after because i didn't do it out of my own will i was pressured to , of the immediate effects and later too, i feel they keep that and judge me later on it as well...hm)

and also they expect me to tell them others friends secrets that other ppl not in our circle . i knoe they are my best friends but i just don't feel right telling others ppls stuff that they told me not to tell anyone, and it has nothing to do with them either. i knoe they are my bestfriends but am i wrong not to tell them about other ppl's secrets. and is it wrong not to tell them about my problems?!

thanks 4 reading this

Hey to you:

You do have a right to your privacy, and if your friends can't respect that, perhaps you need to step back and ask yourself if they are true friends or acquaintances.

You can tell them you would like to talk to them but it hurts you too much to bring personal things up and that it's important to you that they respect your privacy.

If they want you to talk about other people, just tell them you don't know anything.

Hang in there.
Kim

 

[Johnnz]

Don't give in to them. Do they tell you everything about them?

John
NZ

 

[myquestions]

they don't realli tell me everything about them, but they always pick on me and saying that the reason they don't feel closer to me is because they 'just knoe' that i am holding back things. they can feel it. but then i them them that they don't tell me everything, then they are like, they have nothing to tell though. but why do they always pick on me about not saying more about myself. hm

they do tell other ppls secrets though (not that i want them to, them just gossip, which i don't like taking part of) that's why they want me to tell them stuf about other people. what should i say if they always say ' come on , you knoe that we won't say anything' and then they think i don't 'trust' them. but i tell them it's not about trusting them, it's about my morals of not telling them something someone has told me not to say.

 

[myquestions]

thanks john and kim

 

[myquestions]

i do think they are good friends, but sometimes i do feel pressured and used, but then sometimes i go, maybe it's just me interpretiting it wrong. and i think maybe all friendships in life is meant to be like this, like with flaws,

like i wonder if anyone has a friendship that doesn't have flaws???

hm

 

[myquestions]

i do think they are good friends, but sometimes i do feel pressured and used, but then sometimes i go, maybe it's just me interpretiting it wrong. and i think maybe all friendships in life is meant to be like this, like with flaws,

like i wonder if anyone has a friendship that doesn't have flaws???

hm sometimes i lose faith in friendships....

so if anyone has a friendship that doesn't have flaws, hopefulli you can tell me about it

 

[Onlythingavailable]

Not gossiping about others is a wise choice. You have no obligation to go around telling people what you've been told in confidence.

You shouldn't feel guilty either about not telling them everything. We all have a right to privacy, and when you think about their responses, I don't think anyone can blame you for not sharing. Maybe you should let them know that it's because of their responses that you're not sharing.

All friendships have their ups and downs, goodsides and badsides, but I don't think it's right that you go around feeling used. Friends don't use each other, they support and help.

If they make you feel miserable, tell them. If they don't stop, I don't think you can call them friends.

 

[Alive again]

Yes, all friends have flaws, but God's word is clear-don't gossip. Personal baundaries are your choice. I wouldn't tell friends who are prone to gossip details about my life-not safe territory!!! You have the right to tell or not tell anyone anything you want to-that is a personal boundary around privacy.

The question then is do you have someone you can tell things to when you need support that you can TRUST? If not you may need a new friend or even a counselor. I tend to to tell a whole lot about myself, but my counselor knows most of it. It is the only safe place i trust other than God. I do have a few trustworthy friends that know some of the things, but come one your friends are expecting you to tellk them everything???? I don't truly think that is healthy-be transparent before 'God and follow the leadings of the Holy Spirit. He will not lead you worng!

Blessings and prayers!

Blessings!

 

[Johnnz]

Here is some wise advice

Prov 11:13
13 A gossip betrays a confidence,
but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.

Prov 16:28
perverse man stirs up dissension,
and a gossip separates close friends

Prov 20:19
A gossip betrays a confidence;
so avoid a man who talks too much.

Remember too that 'love builds up". Tattle never does that.

Over the years man people have shared their innermost secrets with me. One reason is that they know they are safe in doing so. No one else will ever know without their express permission.

John
NZ

 

[myquestions]

those are good quotes =)

what do you think i should say to friends that urge / pressure me to tell them about my own secrets and other others secrets?

 

[Johnnz]

Just quietly let them know that there are some issues in people's lives that are deeply personal, and will be disclosed only to those who have earned sufficent respect. They are far too precious for general consumption.

Your standards are to endeavour to bless people by what you say, not merely inform. Many years ago I decided that unless I could say something positive about someone why say anything. I always look for the good or the potential in another person. That decsion has been tempered with wisdom over the years, but it is still a significant part of my relationship with people. After all, God treats me like that.

John
NZ

 

[Templedweller]

A friend loves at all times.....that is in psalms somewhere.....If Your friends cannot respect that You are allowed to have boundaries I would just bring this up and tell them Hey I value Your Friendships BUT not Your prying....or trying to dig what I wish not to share with You out of me. In a nicer way than the possibly blunt way I put it, but they ought to respect You I think.

Sincerely,
Templedweller