Best Friend Boasting~

[Melzy]

Hi Everyone! I am new to this forum. I have a situation which I would like some advice. I have known my best friend Sarah since childhood & we are now in our mid 50's. We are both Christians & practice our faith daily. We, ironically, both work in the field of Higher Education. I introduced her to this field after she was miserable teaching high school social studies for a # of yrs. Her career has taken off & I am stepped away from my position last yr. for interpersonal & professional reasons. I am currently looking for f/t work & have endured numerous job rejections which I must say 'sting' & have impacted my morale along the way (please note...I have been down this road numerous times in the past).

Yesterday, I receive a text from Sarah stating that her boss just called her to let her know that she has been promoted & will be receiving a sizeable raise. Ouch! While I realized early on that we may both experience some highs & lows within our career, I want to be happy for her, but I felt that she was rubbing her happiness in may face knowing that I am having a difficult time. I admit I am envious of her as she is well-liked by her co-workers, students & supervisor alike & is sought after to present at national conventions, etc. Don't get me wrong--I, too, have a great deal to offer as well. In my case---I have not yet after 15 yrs. of working in Higher Ed. have found the 'perfect fit; & that's what I'm trying to do now. Realizing that it may take longer, I know that I may need to be more patient. My Christian faith is helping in this area wherein I'm leaning more on God to lead me to the college/university where I am supposed to be., acc. t0 His Will.

I would like guided suggestions on how to respond to her boastful text that I received. I know if the shoes were on the other foot, I would use more discretion & perhaps wait for a better time to announce the promotion/pay raise. As well, doing this over text I found to be highly rude (she also made the announcement on FaceBook). I feel hurt, sad, jealous, slighted. All of the above . My husband told me that as a Best Friend, she should have thought before acting.

Thanks in advance for any constructive criticism that you can provide me! It's much appreciated!

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Hi Everyone! I am new to this forum. I have a situation which I would like some advice. I have known my best friend Sarah since childhood & we are now in our mid 50's. We are both Christians & practice our faith daily. We, ironically, both work in the field of Higher Education. I introduced her to this field after she was miserable teaching high school social studies for a # of yrs. Her career has taken off & I am stepped away from my position last yr. for interpersonal & professional reasons. I am currently looking for f/t work & have endured numerous job rejections which I must say 'sting' & have impacted my morale along the way (please note...I have been down this road numerous times in the past).

Yesterday, I receive a text from Sarah stating that her boss just called her to let her know that she has been promoted & will be receiving a sizeable raise. Ouch! While I realized early on that we may both experience some highs & lows within our career, I want to be happy for her, but I felt that she was rubbing her happiness in may face knowing that I am having a difficult time. I admit I am envious of her as she is well-liked by her co-workers, students & supervisor alike & is sought after to present at national conventions, etc. Don't get me wrong--I, too, have a great deal to offer as well. In my case---I have not yet after 15 yrs. of working in Higher Ed. have found the 'perfect fit; & that's what I'm trying to do now. Realizing that it may take longer, I know that I may need to be more patient. My Christian faith is helping in this area wherein I'm leaning more on God to lead me to the college/university where I am supposed to be., acc. t0 His Will.

I would like guided suggestions on how to respond to her boastful text that I received. I know if the shoes were on the other foot, I would use more discretion & perhaps wait for a better time to announce the promotion/pay raise. As well, doing this over text I found to be highly rude (she also made the announcement on FaceBook). I feel hurt, sad, jealous, slighted. All of the above . My husband told me that as a Best Friend, she should have thought before acting.

Thanks in advance for any constructive criticism that you can provide me! It's much appreciated!

Welcome to CF. I will let others on this forum give you guidance.
Be blessed.

 

[Albion]

Hello, Melzy!

Judging only by your post here, it doesn't "sound" like Sarah is boasting but, rather, is sharing really good news with her friend.

Perhaps it is somewhat insensitive of her, considering your feelings of not having been similarly appreciated and rewarded; but it could be the case that she isn't aware of just how discouraged you are.

This "analysis" could be totally incorrect, but that's the feeling I got, judging only by what I read.

As for what to do about it, I'd say to respond with the usual "That's great news, Sarah. You surely do deserve it" kind of reply. Nothing else would be to your advantage.

 

[PloverWing]

Higher education is a tough field right now, and I feel for you in the difficulties you're having in finding a job that's a good fit for you.

Nevertheless, the correct response to Sarah is "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you."

 

[Sophrosyne]

Boasting or not people do get swept up in the moment and do/say things that can be self centered and seemingly uncaring at times as we are all human. What matters is your friendship with focus on the past and how things have or haven't changed. In time the "high" of it all will wane and the adrenaline rush will wear off and she may emotionally sort of crash and then your "normal" friendship will continue. It is likely that your life may have a similar episode of blessing and you will have a similar "high" etc.
People boasting and bragging can irritate us but often it can be a sign of insecurity and that people that thrive for attention aren't necessarily bad, just perhaps damaged goods and need the right attention and often that attention is a long term steady loving relationship that cements them and raises their level of confidence such that their 'lows" in life and insecurities are less problematic to their personality. I've done the "victory dance" bit when things go super right in my life and calmed down over time but I realize that I'm not immune to wanting to boast and get high fives and such when things go great as often I don't feel like sharing when things go bad with anyone or I feel nobody really wants to listen to it.

Likely in time she will get the "new" of it all out of life and may actually improve things for the both of you if her job improves her life considerably but it is possible that it will only add additional stress to things. Time will tell.

 

[Hazelelponi]

Hi Everyone! I am new to this forum. I have a situation which I would like some advice. I have known my best friend Sarah since childhood & we are now in our mid 50's. We are both Christians & practice our faith daily. We, ironically, both work in the field of Higher Education. I introduced her to this field after she was miserable teaching high school social studies for a # of yrs. Her career has taken off & I am stepped away from my position last yr. for interpersonal & professional reasons. I am currently looking for f/t work & have endured numerous job rejections which I must say 'sting' & have impacted my morale along the way (please note...I have been down this road numerous times in the past).

Yesterday, I receive a text from Sarah stating that her boss just called her to let her know that she has been promoted & will be receiving a sizeable raise. Ouch! While I realized early on that we may both experience some highs & lows within our career, I want to be happy for her, but I felt that she was rubbing her happiness in may face knowing that I am having a difficult time. I admit I am envious of her as she is well-liked by her co-workers, students & supervisor alike & is sought after to present at national conventions, etc. Don't get me wrong--I, too, have a great deal to offer as well. In my case---I have not yet after 15 yrs. of working in Higher Ed. have found the 'perfect fit; & that's what I'm trying to do now. Realizing that it may take longer, I know that I may need to be more patient. My Christian faith is helping in this area wherein I'm leaning more on God to lead me to the college/university where I am supposed to be., acc. t0 His Will.

I would like guided suggestions on how to respond to her boastful text that I received. I know if the shoes were on the other foot, I would use more discretion & perhaps wait for a better time to announce the promotion/pay raise. As well, doing this over text I found to be highly rude (she also made the announcement on FaceBook). I feel hurt, sad, jealous, slighted. All of the above . My husband told me that as a Best Friend, she should have thought before acting.

Thanks in advance for any constructive criticism that you can provide me! It's much appreciated!

You're out of work for months now: a situation that's a recurring one in your life, by your own admission.

So I'm curious when you think would have been an appropriate time for your "best" friend to celebrate her accomplishments with her friends and family?

3 months? 6? A year when you finally have your life back on track?

It seems to me that instead of celebrating your friend's joys, your focusing on yourself a little too much and letting jealousy win out over common sense.

If this woman really is your friend, then being happy for her is something that truly shouldn't be a difficult proposition, regardless of your own circumstances.

Don't let this be a rift between you. There may easily be a time things go poorly for her when they are good for you. You may think that you would be more sensitive somehow but honestly, would you postpone telling freinds and family just because one of those people in your life aren't as happy? Excluding someone from a joy in your life is not positive... Be happy she sees you as enough of a friend that she is including you and not just shutting you out.

So what you say is, that's wonderful, and take some time off from your own misery to celebrate in your good friends happiness... It seems like that would do you some good too.

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[com7fy8]

Yesterday, I receive a text from Sarah stating that her boss just called her to let her know that she has been promoted & will be receiving a sizeable raise. Ouch!

I introduced her to this field

So, you set her up for her success! So, I would think of course she would let you know . . . so you can thank God for using you to bless her and for how God gave the increase to how you helped her, by blessing her well beyond however you might have tried to help her.

Sensitivity can work in different ways.

May be she needs to be sensitive by not making a project of telling you about her success; but she should thank you for helping her get in a position for succeeding like she has.

But . . . on the other hand . . . perhaps you need to be sensitive by not taking her the wrong way.

Also . . . would you be ready to handle success like she has gotten? Would you be able to make sure you kept God first and kept attentive to your church sharing and family life? And would you be able to keep from burning and stressing out?

It is possible that if you can suffer now about her success, then may be such success means too much to you. And so, if you were to get more, it is possible you would have emotional trouble whenever anything came along to threaten your newfound success, or seemed to you to be a threat when it wasn't. And so you could spoil your success by being too able to worry and hurry and make things happen.

But if you become able to be gracious at the success of others . . . as if it was you being so blessed . . . now you would be ready to stay gracious about how God makes a way for you.

A real friend can be what a successful person needs. And being able to love like a real friend is more than what many professional people have ever done while getting their millions and billions. Being her real friend could be the best job anyone could have, then discover how God takes you as He grows you for all He is committed to doing with you.

First a child needs to develop, before he or she can even get a clue, sometimes, about what the child needs to learn. There are things you can not see and appropriately value, until first God matures and develops you for all He desires to share with you.

He is able to bring you to better than what you can dream; boast who He is and how He is able!

Especially loving is precious . . . beyond what billions of universes of gold and silver can buy or social advancements can get for you.

"be content with such things as you have" > in Hebrews 13:5 > and there is all else we can feed on, of God's word.

 

[bèlla]

How can you be best friends with someone you envy? Seriously. Friendship isn’t contingent on mutuality. If you can’t be happy for her unless you’re in the same place you should rethink the bond. She may outpace you. Can you handle that? Most can’t.

The majority choose friends from similar backgrounds and income levels. Inequality isn’t the norm. Primarily for the reasons shared. It causes problems.

I’ve been in your friend’s shoes and the connections didn’t last. There came a point when the disparity was too much. And I don’t want to tiptoe. I want the liberty of sharing highs and lows just like the other.

Now we’re all in the same boat. I don’t have to sanitize my conversation or downplay things. It’s tiring. I can be myself completely. I wouldn’t trade that for anyone.

If you value the friendship knock it off. It isn’t hard to find companions when you’re successful. Every one wants support every now and then. She’s no different. You don’t have a monopoly on that because you’re struggling.

Have you considered what she tolerates from you? I’ve borne my share of complaints, rants, moods, etc. But my plate was empty. I wasn’t bothered at all. They were dumping on me.

Life looks different when you change perspectives.

 

[turkle]

A good friend celebrates their friend's successes with them and mourns with them when they are hurting. Your immediate response to your friend's success was jealousy. You are coveting what she has instead of celebrating with her. It's not a good look.

I doubt that she was bragging, as you say. She was sharing her good news with you, the person who is supposed to be her friend. The fact that you call it boasting reveals your jealousy.

I understand that you are having a hard time, but if you want to be a good friend, I think you need to take a good look at yourself and your reaction to your friend's happy news. People who are self centered lose friends. I hope that is not you.

 

[StillGods]

just say congratulations, that's great or something similar. and ask God for grace to mean it. it's really hard when others are sharing their good news with you and your own life is not having great times, I get it, but show grace, ask God for His grace to truely be happy for her. He will help you