Best creationist theories ever!

[calidog]

I'd have to put my vote into the argument that water on Mars proves the flood - see, that's where god sent all the water after the flood (and why we can't find the required amount of water to flood the Earth on the Earth any more).

I believe that water is below ground.After the flooding it took about a year for the water level to equalize so dry land appeared.

 

[calidog]

The Universe is 6000 years old. God created it with the appearance of age. Much of what we see in the night sky never actually happened - it is there for reasons beyond what we can fathom. Similarly God created the Earth with geology apparently millions of years old. There were never any dinosaurs. The fossil record was created insitu by God for reasons we dont know.

You are correct but left out that He also created Adam with age. Also, there WERE dinosaurs, you'll find a discussion about them in Job. The "fossil record" has been disproved as being a chronological record. Go to ICR to see the arguments against it.

 

[calidog]

Is it any whacker than the theory of a Master Being sitting out there in nothingness and out of nothingness spontaneously making everything that exist?


.

For the unseen things of Him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being realized by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, for them to be without excuse.

 

[calidog]

Because, knowing God, they did not glorify Him as God, neither were thankful. But they became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.

 

[Caphi]

I believe that water is below ground.After the flooding it took about a year for the water level to equalize so dry land appeared.

Ignoring the fact that there should be a smooth cueball Earth because of intense erosion, ignoring the fact that we should find evidence of rainfall in tree and ice rings, ignoring the fact that no cloud could maintain that much water intensity for that much time...

AND allowing that the water reached to the peak of Mt. Everest, some 28000 feet high, and allowing that the underground water reservoir starts at precisely sea level and is present and equally deep the entire world around, and allowing for mountains and trenches...

There should be a 30000 foot deep reservoir of water immediately below the crust.

Well?

 

[Caphi]

Oh, he's started spouting random scripture. I'll leave him to it.

 

[Guywiththehead]

lso, there WERE dinosaurs, you'll find a discussion about them in Job.

You'll find discussions about fire-breathing monsters in Job. Emphasis on fire-breathing.

Now reply with something about the beetle that sprays chemicals as a defense of the ridiculousness of dinosaurs that magically breathe fire.

The "fossil record" has been disproved as being a chronological record.

Hahaha, I'd like to see this disproving. I'd also like to hear how the fossil record is something that you'd expect from animals being killed and buried by a world-wide flood.

 

[Electric Sceptic]

I believe that water is below ground.After the flooding it took about a year for the water level to equalize so dry land appeared.

Then you believe wrongly. There is nowhere near enough subterranean water to flood the earth.

Also, there WERE dinosaurs, you'll find a discussion about them in Job.

Yes, there were, but they are not discussed in Job, or anywhere else in the bible. Which is hardly surprising, since they all died out millions of years before humans existed.

The "fossil record" has been disproved as being a chronological record. Go to ICR to see the arguments against it.

Complete rubbish. When it comes to science, I consult scientists, not religious websites.

 

[FSTDT]

Brilliant new creationist theory just submitted to my site:

"I'm sorry so few can answer this truthfully, I'll be the sacrificial lamb I guess. The truth is, God created three races, and created them separately. The black and brown races were created in Genesis 1:26 on the 6th day of creation. Adam wasn't created until after the 7th day of rest in chapter 2, a Strong's concordance will straiten this up for you. The truth is, there are 7 differend Hebrew words in Scripture that get translated into man. In chapter one of Genesis, the word is "ish". In chapter two, it is "adam" (Strong's Hebrew word #119). Proof of this is the definition of "adam" as an adjective, "to have ruddy skin or to show blood in the face", only caucasians can do this completely. The reason for not mixing is simple, only Adam recieved the "breathe of life and living soul", the others didn't. Therefore a hybrid would be incomplete or corrupted from the original design."

ou182, Bibleforums.org

Translation: Race mixing is bad because black people have no souls.

 

[Grengor]

Wow.... just... wow....

 

[Mystman]

Those arguments from FSTDT are all perfect examples of Poe's Law...

I honestely can't see if they are parody or not >_<

If not though, it's a weird combination between funny and extremely sad.

 

[mike_253]

There was someone on WinAce's site who said that God created the dinosaurs, killed them off, and slammed them into the opposite side of the Earth, causing it to orbit the Sun.

I wish I had the quote, it was hilarious.

God did create dinos...
the atmosphere was different, and the air pressure was higher.
sinse they had small nosedrills, they could still survive.
after the flood, the atmosphere changed, so the dinosours couldnt breathe they died.about the slamming part...
they died, and the earth was rotating before, dinos getting slammed had nothing to do with it...

 

[Guywiththehead]

God did create dinos...
the atmosphere was different, and the air pressure was higher.
sinse they had small nosedrills, they could still survive.
after the flood, the atmosphere changed, so the dinosours couldnt breathe they died.about the slamming part...
they died, and the earth was rotating before, dinos getting slammed had nothing to do with it...

Aren't Creationists nice? They'll give us more ridiculous theories for us to laugh at.

 

[mike_253]

The Universe is 6000 years old.

amen...

There were never any dinosaurs.

then... I guess you can rip out a couple of pages from Job, and say that it's not true...

<H4>Job 40



15 "Look at the behemoth, [a]
which I made along with you
and which feeds on grass like an ox.

16 What strength he has in his loins,
what power in the muscles of his belly!

17 His tail [b] sways like a cedar;
the sinews of his thighs are close-knit.

18 His bones are tubes of bronze,
his limbs like rods of iron.

19 He ranks first among the works of God,
yet his Maker can approach him with his sword.

20 The hills bring him their produce,
and all the wild animals play nearby.

21 Under the lotus plants he lies,
hidden among the reeds in the marsh.

22 The lotuses conceal him in their shadow;
the poplars by the stream surround him.

23 When the river rages, he is not alarmed;
he is secure, though the Jordan should surge against his mouth. 24 Can anyone capture him by the eyes, [c]
or trap him and pierce his nose?

</H4>

Job 41



1 "Can you pull in the leviathan [a] with a fishhook
or tie down his tongue with a rope?

2 Can you put a cord through his nose
or pierce his jaw with a hook?

3 Will he keep begging you for mercy?
Will he speak to you with gentle words?

4 Will he make an agreement with you
for you to take him as your slave for life?

5 Can you make a pet of him like a bird
or put him on a leash for your girls?

6 Will traders barter for him?
Will they divide him up among the merchants?

7 Can you fill his hide with harpoons
or his head with fishing spears?

8 If you lay a hand on him,
you will remember the struggle and never do it again!

9 Any hope of subduing him is false;
the mere sight of him is overpowering.

10 No one is fierce enough to rouse him.
Who then is able to stand against me?

11 Who has a claim against me that I must pay?
Everything under heaven belongs to me.

12 "I will not fail to speak of his limbs,
his strength and his graceful form.

13 Who can strip off his outer coat?
Who would approach him with a bridle?

14 Who dares open the doors of his mouth,
ringed about with his fearsome teeth?

15 His back has [b] rows of shields
tightly sealed together;

16 each is so close to the next
that no air can pass between.

17 They are joined fast to one another;
they cling together and cannot be parted.

18 His snorting throws out flashes of light;
his eyes are like the rays of dawn.

19 Firebrands stream from his mouth;
sparks of fire shoot out.

20 Smoke pours from his nostrils
as from a boiling pot over a fire of reeds.

21 His breath sets coals ablaze,
and flames dart from his mouth.

22 Strength resides in his neck;
dismay goes before him.

23 The folds of his flesh are tightly joined;
they are firm and immovable.

24 His chest is hard as rock,
hard as a lower millstone.

25 When he rises up, the mighty are terrified;
they retreat before his thrashing.

26 The sword that reaches him has no effect,
nor does the spear or the dart or the javelin.

27 Iron he treats like straw
and bronze like rotten wood.

28 Arrows do not make him flee;
slingstones are like chaff to him.

29 A club seems to him but a piece of straw;
he laughs at the rattling of the lance.

30 His undersides are jagged potsherds,
leaving a trail in the mud like a threshing sledge.

31 He makes the depths churn like a boiling caldron
and stirs up the sea like a pot of ointment.

32 Behind him he leaves a glistening wake;
one would think the deep had white hair.

33 Nothing on earth is his equal—
a creature without fear. 34 He looks down on all that are haughty;
he is king over all that are proud."

 

[random_guy]

amen...


then... I guess you can rip out a couple of pages from Job, and say that it's not true...

So which dinosaurs could breathe fire?

 

[Guywiththehead]

All I see in those verses are animals that many people think may be an elephant or hippopotamus and a fire-breathing monster.

I'd like to know why the fire-breathing monster couldn't be a mythical animal.

 

[random_guy]

All I see in those verses are animals that many people think may be an elephant or hippopotamus and a fire-breathing monster.

I'd like to know why the fire-breathing monster couldn't be a mythical animal.

Because we all know dragons are real. From AIG's website, the Chinese zodiac has 12 creatures, 11 of which exists today. The last one, the Dragon, must also exist, then. I guess there must be an 11/12 chance it exists and 1/12 chance it doesn't.

 

[Athene]

This isn't really a theory but it made me laugh.

The sky used to be purple because the earth was surrounded by an ice sheet which was in the atmosphere, the atmosphere used to slow down light so when the stars or the sun shone it wouldn't be the light waves would have become sound waves.

I kid ye not, I was told the above in absolute seriousness.

 

[PACKY]

My THEORY!!

 

[Hydra009]

Because we all know dragons are real. From AIG's website, the Chinese zodiac has 12 creatures, 11 of which exists today. The last one, the Dragon, must also exist, then. I guess there must be an 11/12 chance it exists and 1/12 chance it doesn't.

*edit*

Oh snap, Poe's Law strikes again and I got punked. There really should be a "not a creationist" icon, because it's getting increasing more difficult to tell the parody from the real thing.