Hi there,
So I have struggled with this so much, and I can save you time: it won't make a difference - your salvation - unless you repent to the end (you really must commit). This is the seed that brings forth a hundred, sixty and thirty fold - the seed that takes root, and goes beyond tentative expectation, to become habitually ingrained. You must pray Day to Day, repent Day to Day. Salvation is in place, for you: you can trust it, you can believe through it, you can celebrate by it - but you will never know how great, how pure, how holy that Salvation is, until you commit beyond this life, to the life that it implies in the Holy Spirit, that you are able to have.
This is what it means, for scripture coming to pass (in the Days of Vengeance - from memory, gospels) - we simply cannot make scripture come to pass on our own, we must be trusting wholly and completely, the Lord Jesus, who Himself contemplated the possibility of stopping short of the cross and the prayers that went with it and realised Himself, that He had to keep going ("Not My Will, Father, but Yours be done" from memory, gospels). That was the tipping point, the Cross was not to Him something to be abused, rested upon. He kept praying.
In other words, the Cross was written on Jesus' Heart, He poured out His life into the container of His prayers, the shutting up of His Spirit - as Noah was shut up (the Spirit bears witness) - the bearing out of His Intercession, that the Cross become a thing of "power", power that could deliver, redeem and transport: deliver, the Spirit; redeem, the flesh; and transport, the Soul. We have eternal strength in this, but it means nothing if there is still Sin in our hearts, unRighteousness in our way, unholy Judgment on our lips - all of which confession wipes away and cleanses and replenishes despite.
There is something dynamic about this, that only confession can elevate. We are mud, we are dust, we are blown about - but we must be certain that it is not even in hope of being our sin, that we pursue what this means. We must not deceive ourselves (or be deceived, but we only can be sure we are not deceived, unless we first confess ourselves) and think that the time will come on Earth when we are tempted no more - that is not God's way, if you want what is of Earth, you will sink into its ways; that is not the end, but it is against the better End that is in Heaven. We must make our passion's way, through this, through these prayers - Lord we thank You for them all.
Start to feel the suffering, start to feel the pain - this is your holy calling.
Be blessed.
EDIT: Praise God, we have repented! Praise God, we have confessed our Sin, to the End. Praise God in the Holy Spirit, He has borne our burdens as close to the End as anyone is able. In Jesus' Name Amen.
So I have struggled with this so much, and I can save you time: it won't make a difference - your salvation - unless you repent to the end (you really must commit). This is the seed that brings forth a hundred, sixty and thirty fold - the seed that takes root, and goes beyond tentative expectation, to become habitually ingrained. You must pray Day to Day, repent Day to Day. Salvation is in place, for you: you can trust it, you can believe through it, you can celebrate by it - but you will never know how great, how pure, how holy that Salvation is, until you commit beyond this life, to the life that it implies in the Holy Spirit, that you are able to have.
This is what it means, for scripture coming to pass (in the Days of Vengeance - from memory, gospels) - we simply cannot make scripture come to pass on our own, we must be trusting wholly and completely, the Lord Jesus, who Himself contemplated the possibility of stopping short of the cross and the prayers that went with it and realised Himself, that He had to keep going ("Not My Will, Father, but Yours be done" from memory, gospels). That was the tipping point, the Cross was not to Him something to be abused, rested upon. He kept praying.
In other words, the Cross was written on Jesus' Heart, He poured out His life into the container of His prayers, the shutting up of His Spirit - as Noah was shut up (the Spirit bears witness) - the bearing out of His Intercession, that the Cross become a thing of "power", power that could deliver, redeem and transport: deliver, the Spirit; redeem, the flesh; and transport, the Soul. We have eternal strength in this, but it means nothing if there is still Sin in our hearts, unRighteousness in our way, unholy Judgment on our lips - all of which confession wipes away and cleanses and replenishes despite.
There is something dynamic about this, that only confession can elevate. We are mud, we are dust, we are blown about - but we must be certain that it is not even in hope of being our sin, that we pursue what this means. We must not deceive ourselves (or be deceived, but we only can be sure we are not deceived, unless we first confess ourselves) and think that the time will come on Earth when we are tempted no more - that is not God's way, if you want what is of Earth, you will sink into its ways; that is not the end, but it is against the better End that is in Heaven. We must make our passion's way, through this, through these prayers - Lord we thank You for them all.
Start to feel the suffering, start to feel the pain - this is your holy calling.
Be blessed.
EDIT: Praise God, we have repented! Praise God, we have confessed our Sin, to the End. Praise God in the Holy Spirit, He has borne our burdens as close to the End as anyone is able. In Jesus' Name Amen.
