Being Single

[Aspireman]

I'm 33, and suffer from Depression, Anxiety, Vertigo and struggle with sexual sin. I'm seeking disability and live with my parents who are also disabled. I made up my mind (most of the time) on staying single. I don't want to mess up other life with my own baggage, so I never seek out significant other. I know that I get jealous sometimes of other people that have just as many problems as me that seek out relationships. I know I have to leave it in God's hands. Just thought I'd share my thoughts.

 

[Life2Christ]

I know that I get jealous sometimes of other people that have just as many problems as me that seek out relationships.

Maybe you are jealous because you dont have the confidence that they have to go after what you want? Could that be it? I know it is tough to be single when you dont want to be.

 

[blackribbon]

You have a lot on your plate right now. I think you have a healthy attitude because I think if God presented the right woman, you would be open. However, you are best to focus on getting your own life together and healthy. Your health issues don't exclude you from having a relationship, but they could make it more difficult so really work hard to find healthy ways to cope and to recognize early when you need outside help.

I am in a similar situation...as a 46 year old widow with two teenagers and going to school full-time...I just don't have time to pursue a relationship right now....even if I really kind of want one. I am working hard to accept that this is where God has me right now...and that is okay. However, my prayers still include my desire not to be alone forever.

I also feel pangs of jealousy when I see other widows finding new loves. However, if I really look at the big picture, I also see a lot of widows who a few years later are horrified to find themselves in marriages that they hate because they were more about filling the hole in their lives. (Others are still happy though). Anyway, I think it is important for us to remember that hole needs to be filled by God before we really are ready to enter into a healthy relationship otherwise we expect another person to make us happy.

 

[Aspireman]

Maybe you are jealous because you dont have the confidence that they have to go after what you want? Could that be it? I know it is tough to be single when you dont want to be.

No, I guess I think more judgmentally like "they shouldn't be in a relationship the way they are". I can't judge what they do with there lives, I have to realize that. And I wouldn't want to pursue a relationship the way that I am and mess up there lives. A lot of times I think "What in the world is wrong with me?" I had interests in the past, but I think they see how messed up I am, so they don't pursue any farther. Some of these things I was born with, others I inherited, others I brought on to myself. Some will never leave me and others I hope I can keep a handle on with God's help.

 

[Aspireman]

You have a lot on your plate right now. I think you have a healthy attitude because I think if God presented the right woman, you would be open. However, you are best to focus on getting your own life together and healthy. Your health issues don't exclude you from having a relationship, but they could make it more difficult so really work hard to find healthy ways to cope and to recognize early when you need outside help.

I am in a similar situation...as a 46 year old widow with two teenagers and going to school full-time...I just don't have time to pursue a relationship right now....even if I really kind of want one. I am working hard to accept that this is where God has me right now...and that is okay. However, my prayers still include my desire not to be alone forever.

I also feel pangs of jealousy when I see other widows finding new loves. However, if I really look at the big picture, I also see a lot of widows who a few years later are horrified to find themselves in marriages that they hate because they were more about filling the hole in their lives. (Others are still happy though). Anyway, I think it is important for us to remember that hole needs to be filled by God before we really are ready to enter into a healthy relationship otherwise we expect another person to make us happy.

Thanks for your input. Must be hard being in that situation. I know that God has me in the place He wants me to be. I have a lot of believers that think otherwise. They think I should move out and basically "Live the American Dream". Get a job, buy a house, find a wife, have some kids. They believe that all my problems sprout from my parents, which maybe somewhat true to some degree. They aren't so bad that they need to be in a home, but I help them out from time to time. They are both weak at times and my mother has a balance issue. My family doesn't help, so I'm the only one. I'm not leaving them to fend for themselves.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Thanks for your input. Must be hard being in that situation. I know that God has me in the place He wants me to be. I have a lot of believers that think otherwise. They think I should move out and basically "Live the American Dream". Get a job, buy a house, find a wife, have some kids. They believe that all my problems sprout from my parents, which maybe somewhat true to some degree. They aren't so bad that they need to be in a home, but I help them out from time to time. They are both weak at times and my mother has a balance issue. My family doesn't help, so I'm the only one. I'm not leaving them to fend for themselves.

You seem like a good and wise son. Are these "friends" that tell you to live the American Dream also disabled and/or sick?
No matter what our situation is that we are not happy with, it can always be difficult at times. I can understand why you might think "they" should not be in relationships and you never know, the relationship might not be a good one on the inside. God knows just where you are and He DOES care about you where you are. He is there even when we can't see or feel Him. I hope you can get a handle on the things you think can be handled and deal with the rest too. You sound like a nice caring person and God loves a heart like that.

 

[Lone Wolfe]

First off, let me wish you the best of luck with getting disability because, you have three serious strikes against you out of the gate. #1 is being younger than 50, #2 Depression is not a reason for disability and #3 Anxiety is not a reason for disability either? When it comes to mental issues winning disability cases, 96% are denied unless you have documented proof of being hospitalized for mental problems and an actual medical diagnosis of altered personalities, actual mental/physical impairment or the like. Take it from someone who fought for disability who had 7 letters from doctors detailing why I could no longer work (actual debillitating physical diagnosis'), had medical files dating back 15 years, hired 3 different attorneys and was not 50 years of age yet and I lost twice in federal court. All three attorneys told me I would not win because I wasn't over 50 and don't you know that less than 45 days after I turned 50, my disability case was finally approved? Then all I had to do was fight for what I was going to receive and that took another 2 years so yeah... good luck with your disability case!

Now to the being single with problems? I understand where you're coming from however, I have never believed we are meant to live alone and especially with you being so young... keep the faith my friend and look for that special someone. Don't let your personal issues get in your way of being happy with someone in your life.

 

[Aspireman]

First off, let me wish you the best of luck with getting disability because, you have three serious strikes against you out of the gate. #1 is being younger than 50, #2 Depression is not a reason for disability and #3 Anxiety is not a reason for disability either? When it comes to mental issues winning disability cases, 96% are denied unless you have documented proof of being hospitalized for mental problems and an actual medical diagnosis of altered personalities, actual mental/physical impairment or the like. Take it from someone who fought for disability who had 7 letters from doctors detailing why I could no longer work (actual debillitating physical diagnosis'), had medical files dating back 15 years, hired 3 different attorneys and was not 50 years of age yet and I lost twice in federal court. All three attorneys told me I would not win because I wasn't over 50 and don't you know that less than 45 days after I turned 50, my disability case was finally approved? Then all I had to do was fight for what I was going to receive and that took another 2 years so yeah... good luck with your disability case!

Now to the being single with problems? I understand where you're coming from however, I have never believed we are meant to live alone and especially with you being so young... keep the faith my friend and look for that special someone. Don't let your personal issues get in your way of being happy with someone in your life.

My vertigo sometimes feels like being on the Scrambler at the fair for 3 days, as well as days that I feel like I'm in the middle of a merry go round slowly turning around. This makes living very difficult as well as working. How are you suppose to date in these circumstances, or work for that matter?