Being Single

[SusanJill]

I have been asked to speak to a group of ladies at our Church on the topic of being single. I personally do not have this life experience but I do have many single friends for whom I have a heart for. As a pastor's wife I have spent many hours listening to singles and encouraging them in the unique struggles they face.

At first I did not want to teach the class as I don't have personal experience but I want to be open if this is a topic God has called me to teach. I am hoping to find help from singles through the forums.

I am new to these pages and am so thankful to have found you through a hubpage writer.

Thank you for any help or insight you may provide.

God Bless!

Mekenzie

 

[Humble Pie]

Sometimes we're single because we've been rejected by someone we loved. I now don't try to work it all out myself but have cast my care on the Lord and he can work things out for me.

 

[blackribbon]

First of all, there are at least 3 extremely different kinds of "single". 1) the ones who never have got married (those that have chosen this life and those who don't want to be single). 2) the ones who were married but are now divorced (subgroups - those glad to be divorced and those who are not glad to be divorced) 3) those of us who are widowed (in our brains we are still married in a weird way). Life circumstances may have some parallels, but our brains and hearts are in very different places.

What kind of insight are you looking for?

A common question on this board include "Why am I still alone when I long so deeply to be married?"

As a widow, "How do I learn to be content as a single when I was happy being married and miss it tremendously?"

As an unmarried single, I'd imagine that the questions is "Why don't I deserve someone to love me?" (actually, maybe that question also goes to the divorced and widow also).

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Susan Jill,
Welcome to CF and the mature singles forum. We are the best group on this message board.

Well, I will give you one thing, you ask the most open question I've read of someone coming and looking for info on a talk you have to give.

Random thoughts:
Singles don't like being told by married people that they shouldn't be sexual beings. I've seen this complain many times. Even know a woman who walked out of the meeting as soon as she heard it the last time!

I'm divorced, and it was my fault. The person in this situation is usually given no to little hope of a righteous way to be in a relationship again.
Yet, isn't there usually fault on both sides? With no fault divorce in the court and no official judgment from the church, it seems unfair to have an undertone of fault being taught!

What about people who divorce and there isn't a Biblical reason. Are we going to heap blame/guilt on them? Jesus never does on anyone he meets. How do we evaluate these type of contrasts?

I hear women saying no Christian guy asks them out. WHY? Guys are taught as long as they have sexual feelings that aren't pure they aren't ready to get married. So they don't want to offend a Christian woman who clearly is pure sexually, so they stay away. How should this be handled?

Another guy said he used to ask single Christians out for a meal. But he found the date was taken to mean they were committed to each other. No he thought it was just a time out to have some friendship and a nice meal!

The models we have about dating seem to be so defined. Too many assumptions are made as to what the other wants.

There is a fairly reasonable dating model for teens and early twenty year olds. But does that work for older people with kids? What about really old single who can't have kids any more. What about dating when inheritances might be lost to their kids?

I think these topics would be meaningful. Often singles talks to older singles is a rehash of 20 y/o dating teachings and I don't think they fit very well for us mature type. At least I don't have much interest in thinking about dating the way I did back then!

there are my thoughts!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I'm curious why you are doing the talk or teaching the class? Is it just because you are the Pastor's wife? I mean no offense or disrespect, I am just trying to understand.
What I often find at my church is there is too much talk of being married. Like giving examples in sermons etc about their spouse or how to treat their spouse. It's like sometimes they forget that not all of us are married and it is extremely frustrating at times. Not all the time, but we are basically a left out group.
For me, I find the "singles" group at my church to be kind of clicky and wonder what happens when these "singles" do find someone? Of course they can keep their friendships with these people, however, since (if they got married) they would no longer be "single" all of a sudden they are excluded from the "group". For that reason I am reluctant to get involved in such a group. It's different for say, a women's bible study, because most likely you will never stop being a woman, same thing for men.
The best "advice" our pastor gave at one of these single functions was to "Live, not look". In other words, just live your life to the fullest you can for God and He will help you. Not necessarily help you to find a mate, but you will be more content if your focus is on Jesus, than on "finding someone". Also it's been my experience in my own life that whenever I was "looking" I never found anyone. It was when I decided "you know what? I don't care if I EVER find anyone" that I met my husband.

I think this is a hard thing for you to do, and while I commend you for doing it, at the same time, if someone at my church that was married, was giving me advice on being single, for ME, it wouldn't be too well received because my thoughts would be "they don't understand because they have someone" so I wish you the best and I would suggest that you be open about your lack of experience in this area at the start and maybe that would make whatever you say be better received. That's JMHO.

See, I am in the widow camp. I didn't want my husband to die, but God chose to take him home at 55. I am 52 now and he's been with the Lord for 7 years. I haven't so much as had a date, or even an opportunity for a date. I have 2 teenagers, the youngest being 14 and the oldest just turned 18. I have not really wanted to bring a man into the situation anyway, but it doesn't mean I don't long for companionship, because I do. And sometimes, when I am on a low, I am extremely jealous (just sometimes) of the married couples I know, because they have a partner and I don't. God is faithful and He sees me thru, but this is a road, I never thought I would travel and it sucks. I would like to have someone love me, but as I said, no interests as of yet. In the mean time, my focus is Jesus and my kids. That's what gets me thru.

 

[SusanJill]

Hi Susan Jill,
Welcome to CF and the mature singles forum. We are the best group on this message board.

Well, I will give you one thing, you ask the most open question I've read of someone coming and looking for info on a talk you have to give.

Random thoughts:
Singles don't like being told by married people that they shouldn't be sexual beings. I've seen this complain many times. Even know a woman who walked out of the meeting as soon as she heard it the last time!

I'm divorced, and it was my fault. The person in this situation is usually given no to little hope of a righteous way to be in a relationship again.
Yet, isn't there usually fault on both sides? With no fault divorce in the court and no official judgment from the church, it seems unfair to have an undertone of fault being taught!

What about people who divorce and there isn't a Biblical reason. Are we going to heap blame/guilt on them? Jesus never does on anyone he meets. How do we evaluate these type of contrasts?

I hear women saying no Christian guy asks them out. WHY? Guys are taught as long as they have sexual feelings that aren't pure they aren't ready to get married. So they don't want to offend a Christian woman who clearly is pure sexually, so they stay away. How should this be handled?

Another guy said he used to ask single Christians out for a meal. But he found the date was taken to mean they were committed to each other. No he thought it was just a time out to have some friendship and a nice meal!

The models we have about dating seem to be so defined. Too many assumptions are made as to what the other wants.

There is a fairly reasonable dating model for teens and early twenty year olds. But does that work for older people with kids? What about really old single who can't have kids any more. What about dating when inheritances might be lost to their kids?

I think these topics would be meaningful. Often singles talks to older singles is a rehash of 20 y/o dating teachings and I don't think they fit very well for us mature type. At least I don't have much interest in thinking about dating the way I did back then!

there are my thoughts!

Dayhiker, Thank you for the warm welcome. You gave me many issues to consider. Of course God made all of us as sexual beings .. I agree that we must not tell people they are 'bad' because of this. In my experience, it's all about what you do with it. If a person finds himself as a single because he/she has not found her/his true love or if he/she is single because of a mess up they themselves have created .. then each is called to be pure in the way that we treat the opposite sex.
I can almost guarantee you that those single woman, you spoke of, who have saved themselves for marriage, also deal with being created as a sexual being. I don't believe that should keep a man from asking a girl, who is pure, to go out. Temptation to take those God given desires outside of the bonds of marriage will tempt every single person. We all struggle against temptation and sin. Does that make sense? Feel free to challenge me .. I'm trying to learn.
The assumptions another makes when you ask them out cannot be controlled. I believe we must be clear on what our intention is.
Dating with inheritance for children ... I have thoughts on that ... but they are only thoughts. I don't believe the money is a 'given' for children. It is what a person has made during their lifetime ... it belongs to them. If that person chooses to marry again they become responsible to care for their wife/husband. A child who 'expects' is out of line .. again in my opinion.
You have given me much to contemplate and I appreciate your openness.
God Bless YOU!
SusanJill

 

[SusanJill]

I'm curious why you are doing the talk or teaching the class? Is it just because you are the Pastor's wife? I mean no offense or disrespect, I am just trying to understand.
What I often find at my church is there is too much talk of being married. Like giving examples in sermons etc about their spouse or how to treat their spouse. It's like sometimes they forget that not all of us are married and it is extremely frustrating at times. Not all the time, but we are basically a left out group.
For me, I find the "singles" group at my church to be kind of clicky and wonder what happens when these "singles" do find someone? Of course they can keep their friendships with these people, however, since (if they got married) they would no longer be "single" all of a sudden they are excluded from the "group". For that reason I am reluctant to get involved in such a group. It's different for say, a women's bible study, because most likely you will never stop being a woman, same thing for men.
The best "advice" our pastor gave at one of these single functions was to "Live, not look". In other words, just live your life to the fullest you can for God and He will help you. Not necessarily help you to find a mate, but you will be more content if your focus is on Jesus, than on "finding someone". Also it's been my experience in my own life that whenever I was "looking" I never found anyone. It was when I decided "you know what? I don't care if I EVER find anyone" that I met my husband.

I think this is a hard thing for you to do, and while I commend you for doing it, at the same time, if someone at my church that was married, was giving me advice on being single, for ME, it wouldn't be too well received because my thoughts would be "they don't understand because they have someone" so I wish you the best and I would suggest that you be open about your lack of experience in this area at the start and maybe that would make whatever you say be better received. That's JMHO.

See, I am in the widow camp. I didn't want my husband to die, but God chose to take him home at 55. I am 52 now and he's been with the Lord for 7 years. I haven't so much as had a date, or even an opportunity for a date. I have 2 teenagers, the youngest being 14 and the oldest just turned 18. I have not really wanted to bring a man into the situation anyway, but it doesn't mean I don't long for companionship, because I do. And sometimes, when I am on a low, I am extremely jealous (just sometimes) of the married couples I know, because they have a partner and I don't. God is faithful and He sees me thru, but this is a road, I never thought I would travel and it sucks. I would like to have someone love me, but as I said, no interests as of yet. In the mean time, my focus is Jesus and my kids. That's what gets me thru.

Michelle, I really did not choose to speak on this topic ... in my intro question I share how at first I wanted to say no, but then I took a step back to see if it is something God wanted me to do. No offense taken dear one, I question it myself. I am not currently a Pastor's wife .. it was the Pastor's wife of our Church that asked if I would be willing to teach a class on being single.
I appreciate your advice and understand your concerns. I do not want to come across as the person who gives advice, because as you say, I don't have that life experience and though I have wept with those who weep .. I still have not walked in the singles daily shoes. My thought is for this class to be more of a discussion with the people involved throwing out questions and allowing the group to answer. I would need to have God's word as the measure of truth and to keep us on track .. not sure how to do this yet. Perhaps pose questions and gather answers.
I am sorry that you have lost your husband. My heart hurts for you as it is clear you loved him and miss his companionship.
The reason for the class is because many singles in the Church have voiced that there is nothing for them ... even as you have expressed. It would be my desire to provide a safe place for expression, growth and love. A sense of belonging while incorporating singles into families as well. We do have small groups which are made of both couples and singles.
Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts .. they have helped me to delve a bit deeper in my own thoughts.
God Bless!
SusanJill

 

[SusanJill]

First of all, there are at least 3 extremely different kinds of "single". 1) the ones who never have got married (those that have chosen this life and those who don't want to be single). 2) the ones who were married but are now divorced (subgroups - those glad to be divorced and those who are not glad to be divorced) 3) those of us who are widowed (in our brains we are still married in a weird way). Life circumstances may have some parallels, but our brains and hearts are in very different places.

What kind of insight are you looking for?

A common question on this board include "Why am I still alone when I long so deeply to be married?"

As a widow, "How do I learn to be content as a single when I was happy being married and miss it tremendously?"

As an unmarried single, I'd imagine that the questions is "Why don't I deserve someone to love me?" (actually, maybe that question also goes to the divorced and widow also).

Blackribbon, Thank you for pointing out that being single means different things dependent on how each individual has become single or remained single. The questions you pose are thought provoking and here is where I would see it a hard pill to swallow coming from a married lady. Hmmmm Perhaps some of the singles here on this forum would be willing to share the answers to the questions posed. I can see the possibility of sharing your answers with the class, as one who experiences and has wrestled with these questions.
Anyone up for the challenge?
Thank YOU!
SusanJill

 

[SusanJill]

Sometimes we're single because we've been rejected by someone we loved. I now don't try to work it all out myself but have cast my care on the Lord and he can work things out for me.

Humble Pie, Beautiful testimony of your acknowledgement that God is your all in all. It reveals a pure heart for God and is also very attractive to another who acknowledges that God is his/her all in all.
The way I explain this devotion when it comes to marriage is by saying that God is the glue that holds relationships together. If both partners are committed to God and have taken their vows seriously then when the winds blow and the storms blast at your house each partner is firmly glued to God and He to us.
May God bless you and your sweet heart.
SusanJill

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Blackribbon, Thank you for pointing out that being single means different things dependent on how each individual has become single or remained single. The questions you pose are thought provoking and here is where I would see it a hard pill to swallow coming from a married lady. Hmmmm Perhaps some of the singles here on this forum would be willing to share the answers to the questions posed. I can see the possibility of sharing your answers with the class, as one who experiences and has wrestled with these questions.
Anyone up for the challenge?
Thank YOU!
SusanJill

Well Susan, I think the answers will be different for everybody. There are different reasons why we are all single as to the first question. And there could be other reasons that may be keeping us from finding someone. Some are too busy, some have issues (well we all have issues lol), it may be the season in life we are going thru. So the first question is not easily answered and there isn't really just one answer.

Second question is kinda the same, but for ME, I have learned to be content by focusing more on my relationship with the Lord and others and not on me and my "needs". I'm the friend that I would want someone to be for me, and I wouldn't turn down an opportunity IF it arised AND I was interested but this long in widowhood it's either I become bitter or content. I don't like being around bitter people, so I try to root up bitterness in me if I see it. The Lord has allowed me to be here, so here I am Lord is how I look at it. What do you want me to learn Lord? But of course I have my selfish moments too when I look at some other couple and say to myself "why can't I have that?" And then of course I'm kind of used to being single now (7 years) so it would take alot of work to start and have a relationship and some days I don't have the energy for it. I used to joke that my husband wasn't fully trained when he "left" and I'm just not ready to "train" another one.

3rd question I have absolutely no idea. I think I'm just as deserving as the next person, (although none of us really DESERVE anything IMO), and I just don't know or understand God's plan for my life totally yet so...work in progress I guess.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Susan,
I must say I like your attitude in all this.
Your right that its about how we use or not use our sexuality. I'm from the point of that its all about love. 1st and 2nd commandment, only way the Bible says we can fulfill the law, etc.
I also went an read your replies in the other forums you posted on. Saw that you will be addessing ladies. So much of what I say would only fit in helping women understand how man think. Clearly, that can be very different.
On the inheritance thing, Its not that my kids expect one, its that I want to give them one. I wouldn't feel right about marrying a rich woman, her dying, me getting her money and giving it two my kids. I'd expect the same from a wife at my age. Clearly, this is a topic that we have no firm Biblical command. Its an area that needs to be discused up front and prehaps a prenup written on. So this might be an example of topics that older people need to talk about, but a topic that 20 year olds wouldn't be to important, while child raising would be high on their list.

I also like your idea of group discussion. Looks like you will have enough data to have some seeds to get the thoughts going in the ladies minds.

Dayhiker, Thank you for the warm welcome. You gave me many issues to consider. Of course God made all of us as sexual beings .. I agree that we must not tell people they are 'bad' because of this. In my experience, it's all about what you do with it. If a person finds himself as a single because he/she has not found her/his true love or if he/she is single because of a mess up they themselves have created .. then each is called to be pure in the way that we treat the opposite sex.
I can almost guarantee you that those single woman, you spoke of, who have saved themselves for marriage, also deal with being created as a sexual being. I don't believe that should keep a man from asking a girl, who is pure, to go out. Temptation to take those God given desires outside of the bonds of marriage will tempt every single person. We all struggle against temptation and sin. Does that make sense? Feel free to challenge me .. I'm trying to learn.
The assumptions another makes when you ask them out cannot be controlled. I believe we must be clear on what our intention is.
Dating with inheritance for children ... I have thoughts on that ... but they are only thoughts. I don't believe the money is a 'given' for children. It is what a person has made during their lifetime ... it belongs to them. If that person chooses to marry again they become responsible to care for their wife/husband. A child who 'expects' is out of line .. again in my opinion.
You have given me much to contemplate and I appreciate your openness.
God Bless YOU!
SusanJill

 

[blackribbon]

I was contemplating WHY would I attend an event where the topic was "On being single". What would I be hoping to find out?

I guess the first thing I would be searching for was permission that this life is "okay" and that I wasn't really a second class citizen in the church for being unfortunate enough to be both single and female.

However, since I really am not at peace with being alone, I think that I might also be looking for someone to give me a magic formula for "fixing" this situation so that I didn't have to be alone any more.

And then because I wouldn't really expect for anyone to be able to do either of the above, I'd probably not go at all. Who has time for conferences as a single mother anyway?

I don't seem to fit anywhere anymore.

 

[Common Sense]

Here I am a married man for 43 years to the same lady answering a post about being single. I know Paul said it was good to not marry. Probably could be applied to anyone in full service for the Lord. I had and Uncle who was never married and also a Sister, from that experience I saw them living a happy life untill they began to grow old. neither of them ever said it but I'm sure they began to feel lonley were thinking about the wife and children they couldn't grow old with. Thats really tough and often leads to depression. In the case of divorce and re-marriage we have certain Churches that look down upon you and you begin to feel like second class Christians and often you leave that Church.I believe of course a Christian should only date Christians of like faith then date when you feel the person is all those things you like in a parner. Remember they are at their best while dating so if you encounter problems backoff right away. Take your time, don't rush, this is a very important. Don't try to hard to inpress, just be yourself and you will feel much more comfortable. If they love chldren, dogs and life, thats apretty good positive.Lastly, don't go out searching for someone, just let it be spontaneous and happen on it's own.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Common Sense,
Welcome to CF and the mature singles, the best Christian forum!

Lot of truth in what you say. Singles by our time have seen enough things that turn us off that its pretty easy to see problems and break up or end a relationship. It issue I think tends to be how can I live with this person and not have this or that issue bug me. I'm talking smaller issues, not robbing the local bank of being drunk by 1PM.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I was contemplating WHY would I attend an event where the topic was "On being single". What would I be hoping to find out?

I guess the first thing I would be searching for was permission that this life is "okay" and that I wasn't really a second class citizen in the church for being unfortunate enough to be both single and female.

However, since I really am not at peace with being alone, I think that I might also be looking for someone to give me a magic formula for "fixing" this situation so that I didn't have to be alone any more.

And then because I wouldn't really expect for anyone to be able to do either of the above, I'd probably not go at all. Who has time for conferences as a single mother anyway?

I don't seem to fit anywhere anymore.

I feel similar to you in a different way. See, for me, I have NEVER felt like I fit in anywhere in my whole life. So that scripture that tells us we are aliens and strangers and this is not our home, I can relate to very well. I can look back on my life and no matter if I was part of a group, or not, I just never totally felt like people "got me" and I still feel that way today. I like that you looked at why you would go to such a meeting or conference or whatever it's called on "being single". I wouldn't go either, and if I did end up there as soon as the person speaking said they were married, I probably would start discounting everything they say because they have no experience to gleen from. ( Sorry Susan, it's not you, it's me) And it's easy to look at other's situations and say you should do this or that but it's not easy to take advice, and especially from someone that does not know what you go thru. And there are really no cut and dry answers on "being single". It seems to be a group most don't want to be in (there are a few that are single and want to be)same with widows/widowers and the church, as a whole, does not seem to know what to do with us. We have only God to lean on, but sometimes we need support in the physical form.


@CommonSense,

Good points you make. Date only like minded people (christians on the same page), Don't rush, Don't try too hard to impress, Be yourself (THE most important point IMO) and Don't Search.
I would say that being yourself is most important because you don't need to give false impressions that would cause problems later. Alot of people do this in dating. They do things they don't enjoy to please their date, and then if they get married they stop, and the other person is like What?
Friendship is really a key as well. I think for older singles it's sometimes more important because you have to enjoy being around and with this person, so you would want a good friend in your mate.

 

[Common Sense]

Some good solid conversation here, I like the openess. I probably wouldn't attend a meeting because for some reason I don't like going to sit and listen to someone who has all the answers or think they do. If I can't work it out witnin myself I would confide in a good friend who might have a suggestion. Memories, I feel you do fit somewhere but I don't think it's with a crows or group, you can be aquainted with several folks but friends with at most a couple , I'm judging by the way I feel, I am belssed if I have one good friend and two would be almost to good to be true. I don't think a good friend would have to 'get' you but only accept you. I have two brothers and a sister and I don't get any of them but I love them and accept them for who they are. I would say after being alone for a long period one would get a pattern set that might have to be changed or adjusted here or there. Out of respect we would have to compromise some things but some things we don't compromise, we work out ourselves which things we do what with. Sorry, I'm about to confuse myself. I agree there is no magic formula for fixing everything, it at best is going to be trial and error but I can't allow myself to believe that if we don't want to be alone ,that can't be fixed and if we arn't happy that can be fixed. I know that within myself there are things I can fix that need fixing so that's probably the first place to start because we need to be happy with ourselves first before we can get anywhere with others. I may be ratteling on to much but that's just me.

 

[blackribbon]

Common sense...you don't need a bunch of friend because you have a wife. That may sound like an over simplization but trust me, it isn't. You can't even contemplate the realities of a life alone. I couldn't even when I knew my hubby could die.

 

[Javanwarbler]

The thing that's so impossibly hard about being single is being older, never married and no kids, and living among a sea of married people or singles who have kids. People judge that and may see me as "less than" or "overly selfish." It makes it that much harder to fit in when I struggle so much with that already.
I wish more people, especially christians, actually thought it was a good thing not everyone has kids or gets married simply because there are people that do and yet really shouldn't have.
Either because they just marry and have kids for the wrong reasons, or because there is this pressure to do so or simply they aren't willing (or able) to put the needed and essential 110% into developing, nurturing, and giving their all into a little person's life!
On the note about children:
I"m bitter over this big time. I'll just say it. Then maybe it will get better and I won't feel this way! I see people (well we all have seen it or know about it) out there that may have kids from 3 fathers and are abusive or don't pay enough attention to their kids or whatever, yet someone like me is looked down on and considered so selfish, or is lacking something, or is the weird one when I think it is really being smart about it. At least i think it through on all levels and decide if I SHOULD even have kids in the first place. Not everyone who are parents should be parents or be married for that matter.

I've never fit in anywhere or with anyone. I'm one of those "leftovers" who are basically pariahs in society. Since marriage hasn't happened yet and with being single indefinitely, i don't know how God wants me to fit in! I still don't know from God, if I'm supposed to be single or married. I sure as heck don't want to be single like this the rest of my life! I think I would just end my life if the latter were the case. And children? I don't think I want them enough to just have them. God would have to change my heart on that and have it be with truly the right spouse to raise them with.

Society and a lot of churches make it very difficult for people like me and those in similar situations to feel they have a niche and belong.

 

[Common Sense]

I am married, but before I was married I felt the same about what a good friend was. The word friend is used loosly and to describe a good friend would take a lot of two finger typing for me. I feel I understand a bit, nothing like you would but I did leave my position and my Church because of how they viewed women. I did watch my Uncle suffer depression because he was alone, with all his family around him, it's not the same as being married and having children. I can't begin to know your feelings but I know my experiences with my Uncle, my Sister and others that have toutched my life in the past. If your not happy alone, you need to have someone but I don't believe it's something you search for but something that happens when you least expect it. I know we all have a place God would like for us to be so we do fit in somewhere and we have gifts that makes us special and very helpfull to others. I pray for answers and direction and many times I think God is taking a long time getting back with me but I keep praying, may be thats what he's waiting for. Some times I am allowed to see why things happened that I couldn't see any good in, sometimes I don't get to see or haven't yet but I know I'm there in Gods plan somewhere. If you feel I'm not able to contribute to the conversation don't feel rude by telling the truth, I will understand.

 

[blackribbon]

I honestly feel everyone has something to contribute....but at the same time, the memories of being single are not the same. The first time I was single, there was the hope of having someone. Now I am at a different place in my life. My life is not my own. My responsibility lies in making sure my children understand that life still exists and God is God...and a God who loves them very much. After that, there isn't much time left for me. It is also frustrating to hear that maybe I should just go find someone...really?, where? Single men aren't just everywhere like when I was 20. And then single men that I'd trust my life and my children to, well, that makes it an almost impossible feat. Yes, I trust God. I do pray that I won't have to be alone....but I also believe that we are to learn to trust God and accept the situations that we find ourselves in. On so many levels, we are incredibly blessed inspite of the heart-break in our family. If it weren't for prayer...constant prayer...I'd never have survived this and I'd give up right now. Instead, I am taking two girls to ice show practice...then taking my daughter to another practice (watching both)...and then may be helping a friend go shopping for inexpensive furniture for her new apartment. If the friend doesn't go, then we will go to church this afternoon since ice practice is again tomorrow morning. (Idealistically, church should be the more important activity...but this friend desperately needs someone to show some love at this point in her life and my son and I can watch church on the computer in the morning if we don't physically go today...the middle school church isn't meeting this weekend anyway.)

....addition....I don't think my response is really a response to what you posted...maybe it is just a outpouring of some of the frustrations inside of me...I started to delete it but changed my mind...I will repeat that I believe that and everyone does have something to offer to this conversation no matter where life has placed you because "being single" is a huge part of life...we have all been there...and since most don't get the luxury of dying at the same time as their spouse, half of us will be there again....