Being single

[lilheatha08]

Hello everyone! I just joined today (my sister told me about this site). I have a question I wanted to ask.
I'm 23 years old, almost 24, and am pretty much the only one of my christian circle of friends who is still single. Even my non-christian friends all have someone in their life that they see a future with.
I've prayed for God's will in this..that if He dosen't want me to desire a partner/marriage that He takes that desire away. But it dosen't go away. I try not to dwell on it and fill my life with other things but its always in the back of my mind. I try to read my Bible and focus on God and I do for the most part..but then every so often I just turn into this crying/depressed mess and I get angry at God because its like He has someone for everyone but me. I have been to other churches/young adult groups..but I don't like the whole focal point of those groups. Its all about having a boyfriend and getting married. And I do want my reason for church and small groups to be about growing in my relationship with the Lord.
The scary thing is..my parents are encouraging me to 'just hang out' with the guys I meet who aren't christians. Its like they're as skeptical now about me meeting a good, christian man as I am and they've given up. Its like they don't have faith anymore that God will give me that desire of my heart and it makes me doubt even more.
All I've ever wanted since I was little was to fall in love, get married and have a family. And I've waited on God my whole life for the right person, not giving in to temptation and dating any random guy just so that I won't be alone. I've tried to put my trust in Him and believe He will bring the right person but as the time goes by I feel weaker and weaker in my prayers and my faith for Him in this situation.
Everyone says 'Its all in His timing' but what if His timing is when I'm 30, 40, 50 years old? What if it is never? Why would there be someone for all my friends but yet not even 1 person for me? I don't understand. Could someone please give me their advice. I would really really appreciate it!

God Bless!
Heather

 

[Gods4me]

Hello everyone! I just joined today (my sister told me about this site). I have a question I wanted to ask.
I'm 23 years old, almost 24, and am pretty much the only one of my christian circle of friends who is still single. Even my non-christian friends all have someone in their life that they see a future with.
I've prayed for God's will in this..that if He dosen't want me to desire a partner/marriage that He takes that desire away. But it dosen't go away. I try not to dwell on it and fill my life with other things but its always in the back of my mind. I try to read my Bible and focus on God and I do for the most part..but then every so often I just turn into this crying/depressed mess and I get angry at God because its like He has someone for everyone but me. I have been to other churches/young adult groups..but I don't like the whole focal point of those groups. Its all about having a boyfriend and getting married. And I do want my reason for church and small groups to be about growing in my relationship with the Lord.
The scary thing is..my parents are encouraging me to 'just hang out' with the guys I meet who aren't christians. Its like they're as skeptical now about me meeting a good, christian man as I am and they've given up. Its like they don't have faith anymore that God will give me that desire of my heart and it makes me doubt even more.
All I've ever wanted since I was little was to fall in love, get married and have a family. And I've waited on God my whole life for the right person, not giving in to temptation and dating any random guy just so that I won't be alone. I've tried to put my trust in Him and believe He will bring the right person but as the time goes by I feel weaker and weaker in my prayers and my faith for Him in this situation.
Everyone says 'Its all in His timing' but what if His timing is when I'm 30, 40, 50 years old? What if it is never? Why would there be someone for all my friends but yet not even 1 person for me? I don't understand. Could someone please give me their advice. I would really really appreciate it!

God Bless!
Heather

im single too. i broke up wit my boyfriend over a month ago and im thinking the same thing.
i have a baby boyto this ex which makes things harder but best advice i can give u which i am giving my self every day.
the right guy will come along not in the time u expect but the time god has planed.
have high standards and dont go for non believers its an easyeer relationship if u believe the same thing.
the right guy will come along. dont waste time on guys who u think mite be right like i di just wate nd god will show u the right one.
and dont bother if all ur friendsare toigther and getting married mitew meat a nice guy at the weding lol

 

[fieldmouse3]

I've felt the same way you do! In my old church which I attended from age 21 to 23, there were very few people my age, and the ones who were there were married already, many with kids. I got so many funny looks whenever I'd say that I wasn't sure I wanted to get married or have kids. I not only felt like a freak for not being in hurry to have that kind of life, but I felt like an old maid for not being married already. I WAS ONLY 21!!! Anyway, I know it can be tough when it seems like everyone around you is getting what you want and you're left out. I like to think that means that God is getting someone REALLY great ready for you! In the meantime, I think you're on the right track, wanting to keep the focus of church and your small groups on God. I also think the way you're feeling is totally normal. It's fine to want to find someone, and it's even (to some extent) fine to express your frustrations and anger to God. He wants us to be honest with Him!
I'm going to be praying for you...I'm at a point in my life where I want to find someone, too, and I've dealt with a lot of the same frustrations. Luckily, I have a church and small group that ARE focused on God rather than getting married (although we DO talk about boys sometimes...hee hee...). Anyway, your situation really struck a chord with me.
Have you been to our singles forum here at CF? I think you'll find that you and I aren't the only ones in this situation. There's also lots of fellowship forums that can help you focus on/discuss God if you're not finding that anywhere else.

 

[lilheatha08]

Thankyou for replying!

You know whats funny..is that everytime I get really down I also say 'thankyou Lord that he's going to be the best of the best'. That the girls (and guys) that have to wait and fully put their trust in the Lord will be blessed beyond what we can even hope for. (even though sometimes I have to force myself to believe this ).
Thankyou for your prayers..I will be praying for you too because when I hear of someone else who feels the same way I just want to give them a hug. I just totally understand how rough it can be at times.
I haven't checked out the singles forum yet. I will though!

What does reputation and blessings mean?

Heather

 

[Ainuhina]

I've been single for my entire life too....never had a boyfriend...and it's really really hard sometimes when all people are talking about is having a boyfriend (and non christian friends talking about having sex).....

and since I'm the oldest of my generation in my family everyone waits for me to get married and have children so that my greatgrandmother willl be great great grandmother

I've been praying for God to show me the right guy or to take this feeling of missing something away....so far he has done none of both....but I think he knows what he is doing and he knows I'm not far enough with accepting myself to be able to have a good relationshp with someone....

I know God has a plan and that he knows the right time for sending us Mr. Right we just have to hang on there, pray and someday he'll turn up out of nowhere ....

I'll be praying for you

be blessed <><

PS: you can find everything about blessings here and about reputation here

 

[Utah Knight]

Don't woory about it there are many who are single. Maybe you are still single because it is Gods will for you to be at the moment and not for all times there are many paths to follow and many ways to reach the path you must get to before the time is right fo you to be with someone. My advice is to walk with Christ and continue to so for all times. There is someone for everyone you may not have found them yet but let me assure you when the time is right you'll know my sister. Until then follow the path that is set out in front of you. and if you want to talk feel free to PM me

 

[KarateCowboy]

Ignore all that stuff about 'His timing' except the part where you know it will happen some day. When people talk about how 'God is going to take care of you' they take it too far, like God's going to pick them up out of bed every morning and get the dressed.
I think one of the most important questions you can ask yourself is "Do I want someone right now because I want to get married, or is it because everyone says I shouldn't be alone?". People get into relationships for the wrong reason sometimes and then end up unhappy. If you think you need someone because 'everyone else does' then know that you don't need anyone. If you want to get married, then get to work and it will happen eventually! That's the best thing: be patient, and work at it --yet still 'let it happen'.

 

[Johnnz]

Enjoy your singleness. It's not a disease. Just continue to develop who you are, and when you are ready to begin wanting someone special you will ahve a lot to offer.

John
NZ

 

[PrivataAbsolutio]

Well, I'm in a relationship, so I can't really relate too directly, but here's some scripture. Matthew 19 talks a little about this: in v. 11, he says that "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given." I'm not sure about the phrase "this word", but I think it refers to "the situation between a husband and wife" (v.10), i.e. marriage. So some of us aren't called to marriage.

A little more clearer is the argument by Paul. He wasn't married, and said in 1. Cor. 6-7: "I wish that all men were [unmarried] as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.". Again, some of us are called to singleness. Others are called to marriage.

What if it is never? Why would there be someone for all my friends but yet not even 1 person for me? I don't understand.

I'm not going to pretend to understand God, but maybe he has a different calling for you. Pray about it, with an open mind, and see what comes up.

my parents are encouraging me to 'just hang out' with the guys I meet who aren't christians.

Bad idea. Really, bad idea. I've heard (aka, remember reading, but I can't back this up with links to statistics) that most mixed-religion marriages end up with the Christian leaving his/her beliefs, or divorce. Marriage is a joining by God, and joining with a non-believer by God tends to be difficult.

I'll be praying for you, Heather. God bless, and I hope you find some answers

 

[Lake]

everyone finds their better half someday,it takes knowing what you don't want first..and that's where the ex's come in. but,there are couples who only knew eachother..they were firsts and although I know this isn't true in my case there is no reason it cannot happen to others. I don't fit that criteria.

 

[Straightnarrow]

Well, I'm only 18, so I dont really have personal experience to share, however I do have a few close friends who are in the same boat as you, and I know how difficult it is for them. One of them, who's also 23, has definately had some rough times, but her attitude is this.."God has given me this extra time for a reason. So during this time while I am waiting, I shouldn't just be idle or dating around, I should use it to grow more in Him and serve his purposes." And I might add that she is one of the most eligible young women I have ever met (I've joked with her on numerous occasion that if I were 5 years older she wouldn't have to worry about being single anymore..) Her way of thinking that this time of singleness is not some 'sentence' that God has put on her but actually a BLESSING.

Just thought I'd share that

JJ

 

[Johnnz]

Each stage of life has its issues that we must face. Singleness, just like marriage, or illness, or ageing etc all require us to discover how Jesus can make Himself known and real to us in whatever our sutuation is. This sdoes not mean that it's somehow wrong to open up and discuss issues tahtwe are facing. We just need to keep our horizon's level.

John
NZ

 

[handmaiden97]

Im in the same boat, always been single. I dont believe in dating just to have someone in your life, and will only get in a relationtionship when I know it is God's timing and He has brought the right man into my life.

Sometimes it is hard, but hank in there. God has great plans for you, use your singleness to its fullest!! And becoem the sort of woman your future hubby is hoping and praying for! and if you never marry live each day in a way that you have no regrets.

Im 28 I long to be married to have a family, yet I have my eyes on Jesus not my singlenss and try not to have it on my single guy friends!!! I have traveld the US, am involved in a great ministry, been overseas many times. I have used my single years to draw closer to God, to learn new hobbies and bless my friends. I hope to get married I pray to, but I dont live today like Im missing out on anything....

thats my advice for you

 

[prodigy4god]

I am 21, turning 22 in August and yes many people tell me or encourage me to get a girlfriend and oh boy how much I want to have a girlfriend! right now in fact!!!I had 2 girlfriuends in the past but as someone said it ended kinda "not so well" we remain friends but my motivation of having a girlfriend was different back then! But I can say for myself I am not ready for a relationship at the moment. I know that I am still young and have to work on my character and there are many flaws I have to "fix" and I know that God is preparing and when the time is right I just have to do something ~~ just dont worry about it

 

[Alenci]

Im in the same boat, always been single. I dont believe in dating just to have someone in your life, and will only get in a relationtionship when I know it is God's timing and He has brought the right man into my life.

Sometimes it is hard, but hank in there. God has great plans for you, use your singleness to its fullest!! And becoem the sort of woman your future hubby is hoping and praying for! and if you never marry live each day in a way that you have no regrets.

Im 28 I long to be married to have a family, yet I have my eyes on Jesus not my singlenss and try not to have it on my single guy friends!!! I have traveld the US, am involved in a great ministry, been overseas many times. I have used my single years to draw closer to God, to learn new hobbies and bless my friends. I hope to get married I pray to, but I dont live today like Im missing out on anything....

But I can say for myself I am not ready for a relationship at the moment. I know that I am still young and have to work on my character and there are many flaws I have to "fix" and I know that God is preparing and when the time is right I just have to do something

I applaud and admire you guys for your dedication in using this time to the fullest and giving it in service. And waiting. I wish that I could say I waited to get into a relationship, too, but in a larger context I'm definitely still "single." So I have got to roll up the sleeves and join you guys!!!!

 

[2LivIsChrist]

God loves you so much, and I'm sure he has someone perfectly picked for you. His timing is the best timing, and before you know it you'll meet that guy. Then you'll realize that guy was worth waiting for. Maybe at this time, God wants to show you new things and prepare you for marriage so you and your future spouse can have a healty relationship. God is in control and he cares about you. I know its hard to trust God sometimes but our time will come.

 

[CaliforniaJosiah]

Hello everyone! I just joined today (my sister told me about this site). I have a question I wanted to ask.
I'm 23 years old, almost 24, and am pretty much the only one of my christian circle of friends who is still single. Even my non-christian friends all have someone in their life that they see a future with.
I've prayed for God's will in this..that if He dosen't want me to desire a partner/marriage that He takes that desire away. But it dosen't go away. I try not to dwell on it and fill my life with other things but its always in the back of my mind. I try to read my Bible and focus on God and I do for the most part..but then every so often I just turn into this crying/depressed mess and I get angry at God because its like He has someone for everyone but me. I have been to other churches/young adult groups..but I don't like the whole focal point of those groups. Its all about having a boyfriend and getting married. And I do want my reason for church and small groups to be about growing in my relationship with the Lord.
The scary thing is..my parents are encouraging me to 'just hang out' with the guys I meet who aren't christians. Its like they're as skeptical now about me meeting a good, christian man as I am and they've given up. Its like they don't have faith anymore that God will give me that desire of my heart and it makes me doubt even more.
All I've ever wanted since I was little was to fall in love, get married and have a family. And I've waited on God my whole life for the right person, not giving in to temptation and dating any random guy just so that I won't be alone. I've tried to put my trust in Him and believe He will bring the right person but as the time goes by I feel weaker and weaker in my prayers and my faith for Him in this situation.
Everyone says 'Its all in His timing' but what if His timing is when I'm 30, 40, 50 years old? What if it is never? Why would there be someone for all my friends but yet not even 1 person for me? I don't understand. Could someone please give me their advice. I would really really appreciate it!

God Bless!
Heather

Heather,

I embolden the stuff that hit me...

I'm a guy, young and in a relationship so I'm not going to pretend anything here. But some thoughts anyway.

1. Some people (not all people) seem to have a need for someone. I'm one of those. If this wasn't so public, I'd share some stuff - but just let it stand: Some really feel that HOLE in their hearts - and it hurts. I get that. And yeah, it can start like at 12! But pretty soon, it just feels like everyone else is paired off - and we're the loner looking in from the outside, the "third wheel" in the crowd. Been there. It totally can hurt. And because society puts so much emphasis on this, you can start to feel weird (which can spiral down fast!).


2. Of course, "waiting for the Lord" need not be a passive thing! I don't get the impression you're staying home, waiting for the Lord to drop some guy through the ceiling, wearing a tux and holding an engagement ring - I don't get that at all from your post. Even at 18, I totally know what you mean about some groups being SO focused on this, spooks me too (and I think most people). But, being with people of both genders with whom we share interests and values supplies opportunities for friendship... Kinda a balance there.


3. When I was younger, and it was all about fun, her faith didn't matter. Now that it's more focused and the relationship more important and intimate, it matters a LOT. My Christianity is at the very core of who I am. No one can really "connect" with me or even really understand me apart from that. And vise versa. I would never date anyone who was not a Christian. They wouldn't need to be of my particular faith community, but being "in Christ" is important to me. If you're like me, I'd support your choice to consider only Christians.


4. The reality that it may NEVER happen. While we all realize it's statistically very small, it is a possibility. I'm tempted to say to you that it's better not to merry than to marry badly - but I suspect that would be of zero help to you. I could counsel patience but nothing makes me madder than when people tell me to be patient, LOL. I don't know. You can only control what YOU do, you can only take responsbility for YOUR stuff. The rest is up to others and the Lord - and we have ZERO control over that. So, consider what's cool about you - what you like about you, what the right guy would like about you. Develop that, put that into practice. Get out into the world where you can met Christian guys. If some guy doesn't like who you are - you shouldn't get involved with him anyway, because you can't be who you aren't nor should be what you don't like. Okay, I'm a lot younger than you and stuff, but I totally mean this. Hold yourself - and your standards high. Because if you don't, no guy will. There are a LOT of girls out there who are (I hate to be so blunt) despirate, and who really seem to convey that any guy will do. It's HUGE put off and and huge self put-down. You gotta like and love you - if you expect some guy to.


Sorry for sounding like Dr. Phil...


Thanks for being so open and real...


Hugs.


- Josiah


.

 

[salvationwriter17]

I like to tell people...when they talk to me about getting a girlfriend- that I will not worry about that, but instead if it is God's will for me to have a wife in the future then I will go on doing his work, and he will provide.

 

[superdave]

Use singleness as a blessing. I mean there are so many things you can do when you are single--that you couldnt do when your married, or even dating someone. Have fun, date around, date ANYONE.
You know I really have a problem with Christians and their views on dating. They think if they just throw it all away forget about it, God will magically make someone appear. No it doesn't work like that. You have to get out there meet new people, be available. And stop looking at yourself. The minute you stop looking at yourself and your lonliness, and when you start having relationships based on others...is the minute someone is going to come around. You are 24! That is still very young, your life is not over. It's just beginning. I have heard of people that get married much older than you--and they were happy when it happened, when it did. That's the way I look at it. We are all going to get married eventually. I mean there are a slim number of people who are actually called into celebacy. And the rest that are not getting married, arent making anything happen. God wants us to be proactive--and go for it. I know this might step on a few toes. But Joshua Harris, and all these I Kissed Dating Goodbye books, are not scriptural theology...and we need to stop acting like they are.

Be Active in Dating! Be Available! And just live!

 

[roloreaper]

I'm soon 25 and trust me God gives ppl only what they need not nesassarily what we want... And when u need a Guy God will give u one.

I had the same questions and the same prayers until just 2 months ago where God showed me alot about me and revealed a really cool friend to me which seem will be my soul mate.