being single sucks

[Musician4Jesus]

I swear so many Christians say being single is a blessing. There are good aspects to it, but it says in the Bible that it's not good for man to be alone. We weren't created to live a life of solitude.

To add insult to injury half the Christians who say this are married. This adds insult to injury. It really irks me when Christians try to pretend like they can relate to another person's situation, when they're not in the same situation at all. It just adds insult to injury and quite frankly comes off as patronizing.

It's impossible to just ignore being single when you're bombarded with it in mainstream society. Then you see all these married Christian couples at your church, which doesn't help things.

All the Christian marriages I know of, with friends in real life, they're happily married, and they're healthy stable marriages. They are married to those who are sincere Christian spouses who truly love God, have pure motives for serving etc.

They waited on God's timing etc. etc.

Yes I'm jealous, I'm human. Holidays special occasions etc. SUCK when you are single, it just magnifies the fact you're single. Living by yourself on your own there is nobody to come home to.

No I'm not using a relationship with a guy as an idol before God.

 

[Jupiter Drops]

I swear so many Christians say being single is a blessing. There are good aspects to it, but it says in the Bible that it's not good for man to be alone. We weren't created to live a life of solitude.

To add insult to injury half the Christians who say this are married. This adds insult to injury. It really irks me when Christians try to pretend like they can relate to another person's situation, when they're not in the same situation at all. It just adds insult to injury and quite frankly comes off as patronizing.

It's impossible to just ignore being single when you're bombarded with it in mainstream society. Then you see all these married Christian couples at your church, which doesn't help things.

All the Christian marriages I know of, with friends in real life, they're happily married, and they're healthy stable marriages. They are married to those who are sincere Christian spouses who truly love God, have pure motives for serving etc.

They waited on God's timing etc. etc.

Yes I'm jealous, I'm human. Holidays special occasions etc. SUCK when you are single, it just magnifies the fact you're single. Living by yourself on your own there is nobody to come home to.

No I'm not using a relationship with a guy as an idol before God.

I guess it's time to seek a man!

Do you have anyone you're particularly interested in?

Pursuit works when both sides seek it.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Yes I'm jealous, I'm human. Holidays special occasions etc. SUCK when you are single, it just magnifies the fact you're single. Living by yourself on your own there is nobody to come home to.

Yep I know that feeling. People would often think I am not beign sociable because I avoided things like New Years. Who wants to watch a ton of couple kissing at midnight while I get to sit in a corner and feel lonely and single.

That is why though I started searching more for someone. Now that I have a fiance I feel better. Not to mention I don't have to hear people my age make me out to be weird because "Thats dudes how old and single? Must be a sinner!". Ugh. lol

 

[Strider1002]

Singleness can be a blessing, and a relationship can be a curse. It depends on how you handle them. It's important that you regard God as the only true source of your happiness and fulfillment, which He is. Then you can be content with or without a relationship.

I can say these things, I'm chronically single

 

[BFine]

With the exception of a few other classmates from high school they
all married and had children by the time I married the first time at 27 nearly 28.
I admit to being desperate and marrying an unsaved man...boy, that
was a real roller-coaster ride!

My brother in NC is available...he's 50 and passes for 35, in top shape
blah, blah, blah...He has zero children and no debt.
You can find him at Barnes and Noble during the week, sipping coffee and
reading some business magazine... check his footwear, he's the only black guy
wearing cowboy boots. He works 2nd shift as a shipping supervisor he'd been doing
that for well over a decade.

He is looking for a woman who is in decent shape, doesn't have a cell phone growing out of her ear, no children, no major debt load, has good work ethic and can do home-cooking/make meals from scratch and is willing to travel a few times a year.

Note: He doesn't want a ready made family; he wants to "produce" his own with his wife...he went through enough of the ready made type families in the past and had no success with it.

I told him that woman doesn't exist...could I be wrong? lol.

 

[vortigen84]

I swear so many Christians say being single is a blessing. There are good aspects to it, but it says in the Bible that it's not good for man to be alone. We weren't created to live a life of solitude.

To add insult to injury half the Christians who say this are married. This adds insult to injury. It really irks me when Christians try to pretend like they can relate to another person's situation, when they're not in the same situation at all. It just adds insult to injury and quite frankly comes off as patronizing.

It's impossible to just ignore being single when you're bombarded with it in mainstream society. Then you see all these married Christian couples at your church, which doesn't help things.

All the Christian marriages I know of, with friends in real life, they're happily married, and they're healthy stable marriages. They are married to those who are sincere Christian spouses who truly love God, have pure motives for serving etc.

They waited on God's timing etc. etc.

Yes I'm jealous, I'm human. Holidays special occasions etc. SUCK when you are single, it just magnifies the fact you're single. Living by yourself on your own there is nobody to come home to.

No I'm not using a relationship with a guy as an idol before God.

Yeah, you need a guy, you don't sound happy being single. This is normal.

Find a place where decent single Christian men gather, go there, get involved with something there, and wait. For example, an inner city church which is quite involved in community outreach. A lot of guys find their wives in relation to some task they are working on; Christian men are no different. You should start getting guys approaching you for dates. Take your pick of whoever strikes your fancy, don't be too picky, don't be too easy, feel free to get second opinions about a guy before you say yes to anyone. If you don't want someone who makes an advance, tell him but also commend him for having the courage to ask, this will help leave you both on good terms and help him work through his feelings. If there's a specific fellow you're after, you can put yourself in his path but don't manipulate, if he doesn't ask after a while it means he doesn't want you and you should move on.

If it's not working, ask your closest friends (ie., those who are most blunt with you) for advice. Could be something in your character or appearance that's a turnoff. On the other hand, could be that guys there are dimwits and have grand ideas of being single for the Lord in between watching porn and feeling guilty about it. If all else fails, come to New Zealand.

Whatever you do, don't go harlot. You'll attract the wrong guys; decent guys are turned off by that. Don't feel under pressure to chase guys or manipulate things too much to get one. If a gentleman likes you he will initiate and pursue, otherwise you'll end up in a dumb relationship with someone who doesn't want you, which is not good. If a guy tries to drag out dating forever and won't put his foot down and propose, dump him, he doesn't know what he wants.

Finally, if you already do date and/or get proposals but keep turning guys down (I noticed you're 28, so this is more likely than not), why?

 

[Robby058]

I find a lot of benefits to being single...I've been happier single than when I've had girlfriends. Less pressure. Much less pressure, unless you thrive on that sort of thing which I don't. Look at the upside.

 

[vortigen84]

I find a lot of benefits to being single...I've been happier single than when I've had girlfriends. Less pressure. Much less pressure, unless you thrive on that sort of thing which I don't. Look at the upside.

That's fine so long as you're not sexually frustrated ("burning with passion" as St Paul eloquently puts it) or find yourself longing for romance, a cuddle and some intimate affection at the end of the day. If that's not you, you may have the unusual gift of singleness. If not, you still need a spouse. There's pros and cons either way, obviously, but if being single ever leads you into sin or you're frustrated about it, you need to aim for the altar and not just learn to be content on your own.

 

[BlueJay83]

...i know the feeling.

 

[Itagaki]

For once, a post I can agree on.

 

[Life2Christ]

No I'm not using a relationship with a guy as an idol before God.

you tell 'em!

 

[gideon123]

the answers are not as easy as you seem to think.

marriage will offer you the advantage of not being lonely, fulfilling your sexual desires, and having companionship. but these things also lead to children and parenthood. and suddenly all your free time and money will be completely gone. GONE! Are you truly willing to make that sacrifice right now. it's more of a sacrifice than many people appreciate.

i have been fortunate to be married for 24 years. i can honestly say that I have never seen a time that is as tough on marriages as the current age. being married, and staying married, is really hard right now. american families are under serious financial pressure. this causes you to be working ALL the time these days. seven days a week - not always in a job, but at home, fixing things, cleaning and mending, it's never-ending. it is often true that young married couples fight over money - but these days I think it's probably even harder for them. these are not easy days to be making a marriage work. i am not saying that love is bad, or that finding the right mate is wrong. only that you should not underestimate the challenge ... even if you do these things.

good luck to you.

BTW, my personal observation is that most people who are "lonely" are usually stuck in a rut. They need to really change their lives and how they are making new friends. But quite often they refuse to get out of their comfort zone. So they sit around and complain. if this describes you - you know what to do.

gideon123

 

[Life2Christ]

marriage will offer you the advantage of fulfilling your sexual desires,

It won't even guarantee that.

 

[Itagaki]

I think there's something to be said for marrying wisely. Not just anyone will do. And not just anyone, but wears a label "Christian" is sufficient either.

 

[Pal Handy]

I swear so many Christians say being single is a blessing. There are good aspects to it, but it says in the Bible that it's not good for man to be alone. We weren't created to live a life of solitude.

To add insult to injury half the Christians who say this are married. This adds insult to injury. It really irks me when Christians try to pretend like they can relate to another person's situation, when they're not in the same situation at all. It just adds insult to injury and quite frankly comes off as patronizing.

It's impossible to just ignore being single when you're bombarded with it in mainstream society. Then you see all these married Christian couples at your church, which doesn't help things.

All the Christian marriages I know of, with friends in real life, they're happily married, and they're healthy stable marriages. They are married to those who are sincere Christian spouses who truly love God, have pure motives for serving etc.

They waited on God's timing etc. etc.

Yes I'm jealous, I'm human. Holidays special occasions etc. SUCK when you are single, it just magnifies the fact you're single. Living by yourself on your own there is nobody to come home to.

No I'm not using a relationship with a guy as an idol before God.

Marriage will not solve your problems...

If you cannot be content with being with yourself now,
what make you think being with someone else will change your
heart and suddenly make you happy.

Everywhere you go you always take yourself so work on
the problems you have within you so that God can bless someone
else through you as He wants to bless you through someone else.

God wants to be your source of love, joy, peace and contentment
so that no matter what happens in this life, you will always have
Him as your rock to rely upon.

Once your learn to depend upon God as your source, everything else
in your life will find its proper place and purpose.

You are a Christian so follow hard after Christ and place your desires
at the feet of Jesus and stop worrying, fretting, doubting, laboring
and being fearful over your future and live each day as God gives it
to you and trust that God knows best.

You are wasting your life by living it out in the shadows of what
may or may not happen tomorrow.

God never promises us tomorrow in this life.

Day by day we live by His mercy, grace and love.

Lord willing you will meet and marry someone.


James 4:13
Yet you do not know [the least thing] about what may happen tomorrow.
What is the nature of your life? You are [really] but a wisp of vapor
(a puff of smoke, a mist) that is visible for a little while and then
disappears [into thin air].
You should instead to say, If the Lord is willing,
we shall live and we shall do this or that [thing].
But as it is, you boast [falsely] in your presumption and your self-conceit.
All such boasting is wrong.
So any person who knows what is right to do but does not do it,
to him it is sin.

Focus your life on each day that God gives you and do not WORRY
about what has not even unfolded in your life.
Trust God so that you will untie His hands and allow Him
the ability to bless you day by day and bring you where He wants
to take you in His blessings and purposes.

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about its own things.
Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

 

[PaladinValer]

I swear so many Christians say being single is a blessing. There are good aspects to it, but it says in the Bible that it's not good for man to be alone. We weren't created to live a life of solitude.

And yet the Holy Writ clearly says celibacy is also a blessing.

And being celibate doesn't mean being in solitude. The Church is corporate, not individualistic.

To add insult to injury half the Christians who say this are married. This adds insult to injury. It really irks me when Christians try to pretend like they can relate to another person's situation, when they're not in the same situation at all. It just adds insult to injury and quite frankly comes off as patronizing.

Or because you don't understand or, for some reason, accept that celibacy is a gift to whom God calls to be it.

It's impossible to just ignore being single when you're bombarded with it in mainstream society. Then you see all these married Christian couples at your church, which doesn't help things.

Then those who think this way have made an idol out of marriage.

All the Christian marriages I know of, with friends in real life, they're happily married, and they're healthy stable marriages. They are married to those who are sincere Christian spouses who truly love God, have pure motives for serving etc.

Unless you live behind their doors, that's a very uninformed opinion with all due respect. All marriages have their issues; they just don't like to air them.

They waited on God's timing etc. etc.

Well, that's true.

Yes I'm jealous, I'm human. Holidays special occasions etc. SUCK when you are single, it just magnifies the fact you're single. Living by yourself on your own there is nobody to come home to.

Then if you admit that you have the problem ("I'm jealous"), then it isn't those who say being single and celibate is a blessing for those called to that vocation who are to blame or to point fingers at, is it?

No I'm not using a relationship with a guy as an idol before God.

Are you sure? You admit jealousy and you are pointing fingers at others for our own frustrations. Is that acceptable?

 

[CounselorForChrist]

If you cannot be content with being with yourself now,
what make you think being with someone else will change your
heart and suddenly make you happy.

This is so true. We are our own worst enemies sometimes. I was so busy being mad at God for awhile that I failed to see that everyone around me didn't need to change. I DID! Sure some people can be mean or whatever. But its how I react that determines how I will feel. If I am angry and annoyed just like others then I am setting myself up to fall. But if I ignore others who wish to do harm and just smile and be happy, then I am being (for lack of better words) better then them.

If you live happy, you often will be happy. If you live cynical and angry, then you will be that way. My mom has rage issues and says everyone else needs to change, but the fact is she needs to change and stop worrying about what everyone else is or is not.

 

[brohammer26]

Yeah I feel the same way. Going on 30 here in about a month. I have a feeling it is close...just a lil tire of waiting lol

 

[Musician4Jesus]

I am NOT looking for a guy to make me happy and to love myself! How many times do I have to tell you this?! Shut up and go away if you're not even going to read the post! Quit twisting it around to believe what you want it to believe, what you think is there as opposed to what is ACTUALLY there!

It's difficult for me to accept myself when the things I like about myself offend others; I can't just blow it off, because these ppl are close to me, and I actually give a crap about them, what they think etc.

If I look for a guy at church, I'm using the church as a dating ground, a guy as an idol before God. If I serve and happen to meet or look for a guy while serving, my motives for serving are impure, totally defeats the purpose of doing so. If I date I'm 'not trusting in God'. What is left?!

I never said I don't have issues, I'm well aware of them, and I fully acknowledge them; I'm not blaming others for being honest about my problems, life issues etc. and I'm getting sick of being told that because I'm being honest, that's what I'm doing.


Celibacy to me sucks! If you like it fine, but I don't! I'm not denying there are good parts to being single, I ACKNOWLEDGED THAT POINT BLANK!

However looking at all the great parts there are to being single doesn't cancel out all the things that SUCK about it!


If I was using a relationship as idolatry before God, I'd be living vicariously by constantly going on dating sites, dating the first guy I see, constantly reading romance novels etc. none of which I do.

The standards I have for guys are a real down to earth Christian guy; whose love and faith for God etc. are real, they practice what they preach etc. They need to have a good sense of humor and be smart; we have to have some hobbies/interests goals in common; not everything, but if we have nothing in common, the relationship won't go anywhere.

Christian guys who meet my criteria are taken; those available, their faith is fake, and they're superficial.

W/old church I went to, it's an unwritten rule that you befriend Christians of the same sex; if you don't, then Christians look at you like you're weird.

It's frustrating to me, that 'you want to find a Christian guy, find one'. However if you happen to meet one, try to meet one at church, your'e using it as a dating ground. If you happen to look/meet a guy while serving w/ministry, 'oh your motives are impure, and totally defeats the purpose of serving etc. ' If you date 'you're not trusting God'. What is left?!


Christians say live happy be happy, etc. However because I don't spend 24/7 burning myself out serving others, I'm being selfish and my love for God faith for him etc. isn't real etc. Part of serving others is taking care of yourself, taking time out for yourself so you can serve others.

I really don't get the get the issue of if guys keep rejecting you, you're doing something that is turning them off. I see no point in being fake, if they're really that 'into me' as a mate, they'll accept me as I am. This isn't saying that gives me cart blanche to act however I want, not be accountable etc.

I get real love isn't like love in a fairy tale, and it requires work sacrifice etc. I know you take the good with the bad etc.

To me the 'good parts' about being single still make me long for a relationship even more. I have to do everything by myself (chores and even stuff that I enjoy). It gets very lonely doing everything by yourself incessantly.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Ignore those who say not to find someone at church. Many couples meet through church! God doesn't tell us "You must only look for someone here, here and here!".