I don't know that there is an answer, but I am tired of asking for help and walking away with more issues than I started with.
When my husband first died, I remember telling people how tired I was and how I needed a break. Instead of getting offers for the kids to go visit people (including their grandparents), I'd get instructions on time management.
Now at 3 years, our church had a big purity event for the teens. I went to the parent talk. After sitting through the "how tos" for a Christian two parent family, I asked if they had any suggestions for any materials that might address how a mother could talk about things that probably should have come from a dad. I made it clear that I don't have any Godly men in our lives at the moment that were close enough to send my son too...and I really don't think that I should...he is my son. I was told to come talk to a gentleman afterwards for some suggestions...but ended up walking out of the room after being told that I needed to join a "small group". I cried for a couple hours because I really don't know how I can fit one more thing in my over crowded schedule, and I feel like I was failing once again at meeting everyone else's expectations.
I was told I had to take care of myself too...but I can't find a single verse that says that I should sacrifice the good in my children's lives in order to increase my friendship circle...and something in their lives would have to go to make room for one more thing. And I'm not sure where I'd find time to prepare for a small group study without cheating someone else in my life. I only have them kids for a few more years and then I'll have more than enough time on my hands to attend small groups.
I promised, so I looked. I could pick a group that meets on Saturday night but is about 40 minutes away...and probably not the support I'd need if I was in trouble. OR I could pick one on Wednesday night but that means I can't go to Wednesday service or Bible studies (and my 13 year old can't volunteer with the younger kids like she has been begging to do). OR I could go to the one on Mondays which means I miss my monthly widows group, my daughter would have to quit Kids Community Service Club and my son is riding his bike a mile each way in the dark going to and from a Boy Scout event that he adores. My other choices means I quit the Cub Scout pack that desperately needs me, my daughter quits her figure skating lesson (NOT an option because this is about dealing with her grief), or my son quits Boy Scouts (also not an option because this is his male time).
Am I missing something? Am I really screwed up because I can't fit "small group" in my life at this season in my life? And yes, I cried because I shouldn't be the one having "father/son" talks but why must I always DO something in order to be helped by the church. I don't want anyone to raise my kids...just looking for advice for good materials that don't say that "dad and son should take a retreat weekend" to talk about this stuff...even if I wanted to do a retreat of sorts, I'd have no idea of what to do with his younger sister.
I hate it but I find that the churches really don't know what to do with us younger widow/ders. If we cry after a year, we must not be following God. If we aren't "happy in Christ", we must be doing something wrong. Why is it not enough that my kids are doing well and growing in their relationship with God and I'm surviving and pursuing a way to support us? Why do I have to wear my false "happy" mask even among Christians?
When my husband first died, I remember telling people how tired I was and how I needed a break. Instead of getting offers for the kids to go visit people (including their grandparents), I'd get instructions on time management.
Now at 3 years, our church had a big purity event for the teens. I went to the parent talk. After sitting through the "how tos" for a Christian two parent family, I asked if they had any suggestions for any materials that might address how a mother could talk about things that probably should have come from a dad. I made it clear that I don't have any Godly men in our lives at the moment that were close enough to send my son too...and I really don't think that I should...he is my son. I was told to come talk to a gentleman afterwards for some suggestions...but ended up walking out of the room after being told that I needed to join a "small group". I cried for a couple hours because I really don't know how I can fit one more thing in my over crowded schedule, and I feel like I was failing once again at meeting everyone else's expectations.
I was told I had to take care of myself too...but I can't find a single verse that says that I should sacrifice the good in my children's lives in order to increase my friendship circle...and something in their lives would have to go to make room for one more thing. And I'm not sure where I'd find time to prepare for a small group study without cheating someone else in my life. I only have them kids for a few more years and then I'll have more than enough time on my hands to attend small groups.
I promised, so I looked. I could pick a group that meets on Saturday night but is about 40 minutes away...and probably not the support I'd need if I was in trouble. OR I could pick one on Wednesday night but that means I can't go to Wednesday service or Bible studies (and my 13 year old can't volunteer with the younger kids like she has been begging to do). OR I could go to the one on Mondays which means I miss my monthly widows group, my daughter would have to quit Kids Community Service Club and my son is riding his bike a mile each way in the dark going to and from a Boy Scout event that he adores. My other choices means I quit the Cub Scout pack that desperately needs me, my daughter quits her figure skating lesson (NOT an option because this is about dealing with her grief), or my son quits Boy Scouts (also not an option because this is his male time).
Am I missing something? Am I really screwed up because I can't fit "small group" in my life at this season in my life? And yes, I cried because I shouldn't be the one having "father/son" talks but why must I always DO something in order to be helped by the church. I don't want anyone to raise my kids...just looking for advice for good materials that don't say that "dad and son should take a retreat weekend" to talk about this stuff...even if I wanted to do a retreat of sorts, I'd have no idea of what to do with his younger sister.
I hate it but I find that the churches really don't know what to do with us younger widow/ders. If we cry after a year, we must not be following God. If we aren't "happy in Christ", we must be doing something wrong. Why is it not enough that my kids are doing well and growing in their relationship with God and I'm surviving and pursuing a way to support us? Why do I have to wear my false "happy" mask even among Christians?
This is not on subject but I cannot reply to a post I received in this forum.If someone could direct me where to go to get help.I would appreciate it.
