Being "judgy"

[DZoolander]

I like to think I'm not a terribly "judgy" person - but sometimes I guess I can be.

Example... An old friend of mine has 5 daughters. Three of them have gotten pregnant out of wedlock at an early age - the latest still in HS and apparently due in a couple of months.

After I found that one out, I found the "judgy" genes kicking in.

Would you? lol

 

[Mountainmanbob]

Three of them have gotten pregnant out of wedlock at an early age - the latest still in HS and apparently due in a couple of months.

After I found that one out, I found the "judgy" genes kicking in.

It's the world that we live in and sin is never pretty.

Regarding these sinning young ladies, I was guilty of the same many, many, many years ago. Best for us to pray for them and their babies in a very sincere way.

It's hard for me to get to judgemental these days after finally realizing who I am. Dirty sinner who repents daily.

M-Bob

 

[Tolworth John]

It is oh so easy to judge other peoples behaviour and to condemn their actiuons.
The real difficulty is being supportive while also letting that person know one does not aprove of their action.

 

[akmom]

I am a little curious, what do you envision when you think of a "judgy" person then?

Looking down on people for inferior choices, when those choices aren't particularly egregious or criminal, is pretty much the definition of judgy. Teenage humans have been reproducing since the beginning of time. In modern society that puts them at an economic disadvantage. But frankly, it's not that outrageous for an adolescent to be pregnant. It's not like she's eating her young. She's just not setting herself up for a middle class adventure. Chances are, no one will even starve.

 

[jacks]

When you stop judging others, you will be the first one to do so.

 

[DZoolander]

I am a little curious, what do you envision when you think of a "judgy" person then?

Looking down on people for inferior choices, when those choices aren't particularly egregious or criminal, is pretty much the definition of judgy. Teenage humans have been reproducing since the beginning of time. In modern society that puts them at an economic disadvantage. But frankly, it's not that outrageous for an adolescent to be pregnant. It's not like she's eating her young. She's just not setting herself up for a middle class adventure. Chances are, no one will even starve.

My view is that a parent's role is to equip the child to (hopefully) make the best decisions possible leading to a comfortable life...or at the very least to have enough common sense to avoid decisions that would be detrimental to that goal. I'm pretty sure that having a child in your high school years (in today's economic realities) is about as bad a decision as you can put yourself into.

I get that things happen. One child out of 5 - ok. Two children out of 5 - ok. But now you've crossed half.

And it isn't like pregnancy is hard to avoid. Birth control isn't rocket science. With over half getting knocked up really early - it's like birth control isn't even a consideration.

That's where my mind starts to go - and what I think is "judgy"

 

[akmom]

I think you're running into the "birth control fixes everything" mindset that so many people seem to fall into. Historically, cultures have often practiced birth control, even before modern medicine made it "so easy." They controlled it at the family level, and on a population level. Where there is a will, there's a way.

The number of births out of wedlock today versus what it was before modern birth control says a lot. I don't think reproduction is as much of an accident as people suggest. I think it really comes down to an innate desire to have children. Even if people aren't actively trying (or admitting to trying) or in a good position to be parents, I think there is some degree of compulsion there that prompts people to "let" things happen anyway.

Perhaps the teen parent experience of the older siblings, in that family's view, did not turn out so terrible. Perhaps it just didn't inspire the younger siblings to do things any differently.

 

[DZoolander]

I tend to agree - especially with the part about it "not being as much of an accident as people suggest."

I wasn't a prude when I was dating - but ya know - I didn't knock anyone up. I think it's because I was actively working to NOT have kids. Even if the girl said she was on the pill - that made no difference in my choices of how to handle my own "duties" in the effort not to have kids. Why? Because I hear people say all the time "I was on the pill but got pregnant anyhow". My guess always was - you likely weren't being very responsible with it. Maybe ya missed a day here, maybe you missed a day there. Taking the leap of faith to leave it 100% in someone else's hands really rubbed me the wrong way.

And as a result - no kids until I actually wanted them.

It's funny how those that seem to "accidentally" get pregnant seem to have it happen to them over and over again. Like you said - most likely not nearly as a big of an "accident" as they make it out to be.

 

[akmom]

Yeah, birth control failure is 1% with perfect use, and 3% even with imperfect use. That doesn't explain the 6/10 unplanned pregnancies or the 30% out-of-wedlock birth rate. It's just a way to save face.