being a spoiled brat has become the end of a relationship

[Vendetta99]

Well... it is finally the end of a 6 month relationship that I am in with a woman that I loved... I truly wanted her so much that I did anything to still continue the relationship no matter what the circumstances were... but those were feelings of selfishness... and not love... only did I realize that too much love from one person can lead to feelings of possessiveness, the inability to LISTEN to her when she wants to let go, the LACK OF CONSIDERATION of her decisions when it involved to the result of breaking up, my recurrent TEMPER tantrums when she doesn't love me back when she isn't on the mood (I always wanted to have all the attention in me...), my INABILITY TO HANDLE THE DELAY OF GRATIFICATION whether she loves me or not... or whether she wants to go back with me or not... I was just totally IMPATIENT... I always demanded that it will always be "MY WAY"... and that I always DOMINATED OVER HER DECISIONS... yes... the capitalized words are those of a true and genuine SPOILED BRAT...

I never knew I had it in me though... I was a spoiled brat before when I was still in grade school and even a school bully myself... I promised to make a change for myself when I entered highschool... I changed and became a different person. But ever since she came to my life, the true test finally came...

She was really not that committed to me since she loved her studies more than love life. So she always kept the relationship "on and off"... OFF meaning that she wanted to let go because she said she doesn't want to have a relationship" and ON meaning she reconciled and can't take it when I'm out of her life... she needed me when in times she was lonely. To shorten up what I've said in here, she is indecisive and has a fickle mind. I can't blame her though... she's still young as well. But it was a problem that has tested my patience and let my darkest of my personality out.

I knew that it wasn't good to even continue the relationship with her due to her inability to decide a fully committed relationship. But I loved her so much that I wanted the relationship to continue.

The final blow that ended the relationship was the time when I felt mad that she wasn't that "loving" to me and had an argument about it... I pushed myself to the limit and called her "plastic" for not being that committed and other more hurtful words that made her decide to break with me. I felt hurt for her breaking with me and wanted to say sorry and come back. She forgave me but refused on continuing the relationship. The next day I still pursued to let the relationship continue but she refused due to the fact that she kept a "secret" from me.

Since last week, her aunt discovered that her elder sister had a relationship. Her aunt is the one that helped them from their education by giving them money and is strict when one of their niece is having a relationship. Now their aunt isn't supporting her elder sister anymore because she doesn't trust her anymore and that if any one of their other niece slips up and does the same thing, she will also stop helping them from their schooling. This is the thing that blocked her from continuing our relationship and why she kept refusing to come back with me.

She wanted me to understand that she will ALWAYS give up love life over her studies since that was her main goal in her life... to finish her studies. I still was mad at her for not telling me that earlier and that I still insisted to keep the relationship secret so that we could still continue it. She got discouraged from me... I almost didn't let her fulfill her dreams due to my own selfish feelings... so this is where she finally decided that she won't come back with me because "I only cared for myself and didn't consider her part". I was on the wrong this time... this is where I "lacked the ability to understand others"... I kept insisting on going back but her mind was made up... she was tired of my attitude.

I know that this will scar me for the rest of my life... But I also thanked for her time... At least from that experience I know what to do next if ever I come in contact with another relationship... it is UNDERSTANDING... the most important part in a relationship(imo) and getting rid of my attitude of being a SPOILED BRAT. This will also serve as a lesson to me in later life to never do it again...

If any of you have things to add up and advice me, I will be glad to read them.

-Vendetta99

 

[LilGrim1991]

It sounds like there were two people in this relationship that needed a bit of self-improvement and prioritizing in their lives.

Now, what I'm wondering is...where is God in this relationship? I think the biggest question you should ALWAYS be asking in your plans, whatever, wherever they may be or take you, is "what about God?".

She didn't love you enough to choose you over something trivial like a career, or fear of the opinions of everyone except you.

"Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."
3 What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?

and

13When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "Who do people say the Son of Man is?"

14They replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets." 15"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"

I think its important if you specify whether she beleives and follows the words of God, as well as if you do wholeheartedly...but for now, you can see that
A. Working for riches and sacrificing your spiritual needs is not fruitful. You could work all your life for 'things', and in a single day, you could lose them all (look at Job), but if you work for honest, warm, loving relationships with all the people in your life, including God, no one can take that away from you. Thats a treasure that matters.

B.People are going to be saying different things about you all the time. It didn't matter to Jesus what everyone else said he was. It mattered to him who the ones that loved him, followed him, said he was.

She needs to prioritize the people and goals in her life. Maybe she does need some time to think that through, and maybe you too could help her, but that doesn't mean your not at fault here too.

You are clinging and following her to her every word. I know when you love someone you'd follow them to the ends of the earth. That sounds romantic, but its not right. What good are you to her if you spend all your time seeking her and not helping yourself out in life, and so you are an empty vessel to her?

It sounds ironic because you're calling yourself a spoiled brat, but you're denying yourself peace by even considering friendship. You don't need to be satisfied with just that, but you need to see what needs to be done first. Like God relies on your faith in things you can't see, a "maybe yes or maybe no" in the future should be enough for you. God is the love of your life, you need to model your relationship after Him.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

This goes for both of you. You need to love yourself enough to realize you've beenputting her up on your altar instead of God.

Psalm 118:8-9

8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man. 9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.

Please take these things into account, God has big plans for you, whether you know it or not, but you need to break out of the mold you've been in these 6 months. You owe it yourself, to her, and to God to give real closure to your situation. I'll keep you in my prayers in the hopes you reignite your life and find true peace and true love.

-God Bless