Bad Words

[Godsgirl481]

Bad Words



You said that you loved me
and wanted me to be with you.
You said how happy we could be
and how happy I could make you.


I felt something weird.
Something I have never felt before.
As the time got near,
I felt it even more.


When you came the see me
It became clear.
This was meant to be
I was meant to be here.

I pondered on it,
Talked it through
I thought about it
And thought I knew


I moved here
Not knowing what to do
I wanted you near
I wanted you

I loved you
And I thought you loved me
But eventually your bad words grew
And with every bad word, you take a part of me


I cry every time you hurt me
I can't take much more
You keep yelling at me
Telling me to find the door


You always say that you're sorry
But you never stop
It's nice to hear you're sorry
But it would be nicer if you'd stop


I wish you could understand
How much I really do love you
I wish you could understand
How much I really want you


I hope one day you will
See just what bad words can do
I hope one day you can feel
What I feel for you


Bambi 8/16/04
​

 

[Truly Blessed]

Good Work

 

[Yasha]

Pretty, tragically, pretty.

I know this poem inside...it spoke to truths in me. Thank you!

Loving well....and alone...it is a painful service to be alongside the abused and therefore, too often, abusive.

Words, can hurt so much. The quandry is, at first I only knew the Lord through words. In listening, I found Him more deeply. Sometimes, and we are NOT all anointed for this, we can find Him even in the abuser, if they know Him. I go through this in one love in my life.

It is Hard, it grows more absent as the Master grows in them. A truly difficult calling and not for all of us. I am a pretty busted up x- this-and-that myself. So, I am a little bit of the Daywalker in the dark with some effectiveness...ALL provided by our Lord's strength and Power and GRACIOUS MERCY. Not a mission field for many of us to travel, and none to travel alone or apart from Jesus...to be sure.

Loved your poem!

 

[Godsgirl481]

Thank you. If you read the very first part of my Journal....you will find that Billy was exremly verbally abusive. This was written to him when we were still together. Now however, I feel no more love for him...not in the relationship way anyways...

 

[Yasha]

It comes to that, often.

I taught my son, since early on, something I still believe is true now. We spend a lot of time and energy learning how to love, to be charming, attractive and seductive to find mates and partners. We spend next to no time at all learning how to be angry, appropriately, or teaching that to our kids. Owning the hurt and the pain that underlie all the anger, and learning prayer, acceptance, longsuffering and forgiveness; all of which are actions connected with those words. Because so many of us move ahead ill-equipped into love and living arrangements and marriage...we soon learn that if we don't settle and resolve and accept the pain and the hurt that we cause each other with skills meant just FOR THAT....

--->the anger eclipses the love...buries it...convinces us it never really was there. And off we go, disappointed and wounded....<---

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm not saying that stuff above cause I can DO it all the time and I'm not judging you, either. I think we all have an illness in this world that wants the best, and prepares for the storms in many parts of life, but forgets to do that, as well, in preparation for living in groups. It just happens more and more...and we end up with families like mine where people don't even know what to do to remain well and sane and sober in the same household....starving to death for each other and sad because of the weaknesses we are all passing around.

'Tis an epic problem....the tongue is my FIRST clue when my husband is going down to the 'pit' for a spell. And, over the years, though the words still make my stomach turn and churn and heave each time, my own tongue has been eroding away when he hurts me......words...such power and too little respect for them. His 'bad words' have also been caving in to the power of Jesus' conviction of him from within(I must add). He is a Christian, and you can't live next to me without a lot of the Lord spilling all over you. He's been getting drenched for 16 years now. As he is a HARD case, it could take 16 more for all I know.Anyway, the Lord chisels away at him.

......words...such power and too little respect for them. God actually spoke us into being...the word is God...'logos'...it is all so sad....we will never get it without Him to help us.

I pray for you and me and Billy and my family, poetic one. Maybe, one day, for each of us the resurrection of the tongue will be a reality we can thank Him for...the words will regain their rightful place of honor and respect. We'll hook our tongues back up to hearts of peace, praise, thanksgiving and edification. amen.

PS Speaking of words....when I get on a roll, I sometimes use words too big and don't know I did. If you don't understand, 60 second question me, or grab a dictionary. It is of no use at all to type all these words and be misunderstood. I am trying to be encouraging, not annoying.

 

[SeekAnd]

It comes to that, often.

I taught my son, since early on, something I still believe is true now. We spend a lot of time and energy learning how to love, to be charming, attractive and seductive to find mates and partners. We spend next to no time at all learning how to be angry, appropriately, or teaching that to our kids. Owning the hurt and the pain that underlie all the anger, and learning prayer, acceptance, longsuffering and forgiveness; all of which are actions connected with those words. Because so many of us move ahead ill-equipped into love and living arrangements and marriage...we soon learn that if we don't settle and resolve and accept the pain and the hurt that we cause each other with skills meant just FOR THAT....

--->the anger eclipses the love...buries it...convinces us it never really was there. And off we go, disappointed and wounded....<---

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Shachah again.

That is just brilliant!