Backsliding into belief?

[Sam_P]

I recently (toward the beginning of this year) gave up the faith I had been raised in and which I had tried fervently to practice as a young adult, after a sort of mental breakdown in which I suddenly decided that the God I had been praying to and trusting was just an imaginary friend, and all the guilt I had been wallowing in was unnecessary.

Prior to this point, I had been obsessed with getting victory over "sin" in my life. Filled with despair and hopelessness at times, I was constantly living in fear about being out of control and being judged by society and by God. There is more, but I will spare you the sordid details of what my "faith" almost drove me to do.

Since turning my back on the "God" I had previously tried to know and to please, and since embracing that part of myself I had been repressing for so long, I feel as if things have changed for the better. I am no longer wracked with guilt and fear, and there is no longer the old inner "battle" that believers are so familiar with. Unbelief- what a relief!

However, as of late I have begun to experience pangs of doubt and fear about my decision to turn away from God. I had read books such as The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins to try to educate myself so that I wouldn't slip back into the old familiar (dis)comfort of belief, but I still have a couple of questions and concerns that nothing I've come across can answer to my satisfaction. I have seen that many people on the internet have asked the same questions, but all the replies I've seen don't seem to go deep enough to set my mind at ease. I will now express two of those questions.

First, I can kind of grasp the theory of evolution, but one thing that bothers me is how much more advanced humans are than their primate cousins. The other apes are still living in the jungle playing with sticks and rocks, while we have mastered language, harnessed the electromagnetic spectrum and nuclear energy, and flown to the moon. Obviously my concern comes from the book of Genesis which says we were created "in the image of God", so from a faith-based point of view, that answers my question about why humans are so technologically advanced. However, if I am to be prevented from slipping back into belief, I will need a more rational explanation than this.

Second, there is a prophecy in the book of Daniel (Dan. 12:4) about human knowledge and technology being greatly increased as the "last days" come upon us. It has been demonstrated that knowledge indeed has been increasing exponentially, along with corresponding advances in science and technology. There are some who predict a "singularity" event that could happen soon. In addition to this, there are numerous prophecies in the new testament which seem to be pretty accurate concerning the state of humanity as it appears now. This worries me.

I have a collection of Christian books that I used to read back when I had faith, and I have kept them in spite of my "apostasy", just in case I changed my mind and returned to my prior beliefs. One of these books which is a thorn in my side is A Mind Awake, an anthology of quotes from other books by C.S. Lewis. In it Lewis seems to demolish the arguments of the "New Atheists" like Dawkins, decades before people like Dawkins even came on the scene. Lately I have been perusing this book before going to bed.

I feel like I'm a pendulum stuck in the middle of its swing between opposite poles right now. I started out (as an infant) with no religious faith, then later on I developed faith, then still later I lost that faith. Now it seems like I could swing either way, and this frustrates me because my mind wants some kind of absolute to grasp on to. I am more open-minded now than I have ever been, and yet it doesn't really seem like a good thing, because I just don't know what to believe or disbelieve anymore. I feel like a blind man lost in a fog.

The bottom line is, I don't want to believe in a God. However, I am not so dishonest with myself that I won't believe, if that makes any sense. I understand that both sides (believers and unbelievers) can produce "evidence" that supports their respective positions, but in my cynicism I am especially disinclined to believe anyone who makes claims based on what they "know" apart from empirical evidence, or based on circular reasoning (e.g. "The Bible is the Word of God because The Bible itself says so, and since the Bible is the Word of God, it must be true.")

I guess I'm just looking for some feedback on these thoughts I have shared. Thanks for your time.

 

[seekingsolace]

The bottom line is, I don't want to believe in a God. However, I am not so dishonest with myself that I won't believe, if that makes any sense. I understand that both sides (believers and unbelievers) can produce "evidence" that supports their respective positions, but in my cynicism I am especially disinclined to believe anyone who makes claims based on what they "know" apart from empirical evidence, or based on circular reasoning (e.g. "The Bible is the Word of God because The Bible itself says so, and since the Bible is the Word of God, it must be true.")

I guess I'm just looking for some feedback on these thoughts I have shared. Thanks for your time.

Ironically one of the hardest decisions you might make is believing in God. Really, evidence will be ambiguous to humans. What we need to accept is, our understanding is limited, and that faith on either side - is trusting in a system. It may seem not trusting in God is easier, but also consider what trusting in humanity does. No person can explain adequately the unknowable. Maybe it's sentimental, but I prefer to trust in order rather than chaos.

I really do understand your position, I hope you get the light you need.

 

[RC1970]

“I do not seek to understand in order that I may believe, but I believe in order to understand.” ~ St. Anselm of Canterbury

You can't "know" anything without first believing it.

 

[Troy Rambo]

I can tell you what finally woke me up. I looked back at 40 years of experiences and saw events that looked like the wrath of God to me. Then I started to gather information from the Bible on the consequences of sin. Ive been sinning all my life and I paid for it:

"You can be sure your sins will find you out." Numbers 32:23

I lost family, friends, and even jobs because of my poor choices. Now Im trying to get them all back.

I thought church was a waste of time and inconvenience. But by choosing this path I suffered a lot of depression and tragedy. This convinced me of the truth of God. Going back to church I started to feel love again. I listened to what my heart was telling me.

Now as far as evolution goes; its a deception along with many other deceptions of the world. The Bible warns us of this:

“They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved. For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie and so that they will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness.” 2 Thessalonians 2:10-12.

“See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than Christ.” Colossians 2:8

The best advice I can give you is to pay attention to how people are reacting to you. Look for social cues. Go back to church and seek the truth. Ask questions and look for the answers. Think!

 

[paul1149]

after a sort of mental breakdown... Prior to this point, I had been obsessed with getting victory over "sin" in my life. Filled with despair and hopelessness at times, I was constantly living in fear about being out of control and being judged by society and by God...

from a faith-based point of view, that answers my question about why humans are so technologically advanced. However, if I am to be prevented from slipping back into belief, I will need a more rational explanation than this...

Second, there is a prophecy in the book of Daniel (Dan. 12:4) about human knowledge and technology being greatly increased as the "last days" come upon us...

I feel like I'm a pendulum stuck in the middle of its swing between opposite poles right now…. I am more open-minded now than I have ever been, and yet it doesn't really seem like a good thing, because I just don't know what to believe or disbelieve anymore. I feel like a blind man lost in a fog.

Hi Sam,

I wish you God speed on your journey, and have just a few thoughts to reflect back to you.

Your description of the Christian life does not square with what I know of it. We do have times and seasons when we struggle with sin, but the Lord is with us in them, and sin is not the main focus. The focus is the person of Jesus Christ, His Spirit at work in us, and our co-laboring with Him to establish His kingdom in the world. Our consciences have been cleansed from "dead works", and the sufferings and sadnesses are in the context of the joy of the Lord. If this is not the reality we are doing something wrong. We are taking too much upon ourselves, rather than bearing His burden, which is “light” (Mt 11.28-30).

If you are in Christ you do not come under judgment, period. Read Romans 8, for instance, about there being no condemnation, and about the persistent love of Christ. If our focus is on Him, and on pleasing Him, everything else about our lives will fall into place without obsessing. I'm not saying it's easy, but the difference in perspective and focus makes all the difference in the world.

I think what happened here was that you lost sight of this fundamental dynamic, felt alone in your Christian walk, and then the other side began to look greener. The problem is that the other side has no answers, only theories and criticisms. The other side cannot offer eternal life – not a pie in the sky life, but a real life with Jesus that begins right now.

So essentially it seems to me that you have been a victim of a straw man argument. You believed in a false representation of Christianity, compared to which the world's alternative began to look good. But neither of these two things can ever satisfy. Only the reality of Christ can.

As for intellectualism, as you know, there have been some very high-caliber Christian minds throughout history, even to the present day. Aquinas, Newton, and the rest. Even Einstein was a believer in God. I love the apologetics of Ravi Zacharias. Faith and reason do not conflict. Actually, I subscribe to the belief that rationalism requires more faith than theism. I came across a quote recently, that rationalism says “spot me the first miracle, and then I’ll explain the rest.”

I have always found the cited prophecy of Daniel to be powerful, especially considering that it was given at a time in which human progress essentially was flat-lining, and no one could possibly have known what would eventually happen. Back then, maybe every few hundred years you’d develop a hotter fire to smelt a different kind of metal.

Given what you wrote, I can see how you would be halting on two opinions. But “the Lord, He is God.” You will never find a better savior than Jesus. I hope you will consider returning to Him and allowing Him to put all the pieces of this puzzle into place for you, perhaps for the first time. Through His love and grace, He's the only one who can.

Blessings,

Paul

 

[Gordon Wright]

Real faith isn't something you're raised in. It's something you choose.

 

[elopez]

First, I can kind of grasp the theory of evolution, but one thing that bothers me is how much more advanced humans are than their primate cousins. The other apes are still living in the jungle playing with sticks and rocks, while we have mastered language, harnessed the electromagnetic spectrum and nuclear energy, and flown to the moon.

Out of all things to bother one about the theory of evolution, that does seem like one of the more array reasons. Regardless, it is interesting. Unlike chimps, humans undergo a really big "explosion" in white matter growth - the connections between brain cells - the first two years in life. Simply put, during evolution our genome must have changed in order to account for such a massive brain growth in order for that to happen. Scientists think the gene originated in us after our ancestors and those of chimps split from the same evolutionary path about five million years ago.

Obviously my concern comes from the book of Genesis which says we were created "in the image of God", so from a faith-based point of view, that answers my question about why humans are so technologically advanced. However, if I am to be prevented from slipping back into belief, I will need a more rational explanation than this.

Evolution and Christianity are not mutually exclusive. The theory of evolution does not disprove God. That is not even the conclusion or intent of the theory. So you don't want to believe in God again, so you a seek a resolution to an alleged issue of evolution, when in fact that answer has no bearing on the existence of God.

Second, there is a prophecy in the book of Daniel (Dan. 12:4) about human knowledge and technology being greatly increased as the "last days" come upon us.

I am not sure that is what the verse means. First, technology obviously isn't mentioned. Second, the "increase of knowkedge" as far as I can tell, refers to a sense of "knowledge of the Lord."

I hope that helps answer your two questions, however, your struggle with faith shouldn't rest on them.

 

[Troy Rambo]

The theory of evolution is a lie. The earth is only approximately 6000 years old. Here is some insight that proves that the creation account in seven days in Genesis is true:


All my life I had trouble believing that the stories such as Noah’s Ark and the creation of the earth in seven days were true because of the supernatural activity. I even considered that Jesus may have existed but the stories in the Old Testament were most likely false. But I have come across scripture that gave me some insight into the truth of these stories. You see, Jesus endorsed at least two events that I know of in the book of Genesis:


Matthew 24:37. “As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. For in the days before the flood , people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered into the Ark; and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man.”


Luke 17:32. “Remember Lot’s wife! Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.”


An interesting fact about these verses is that Jesus wasn’t focused on the supernatural activity to prove God’s power or even that Genesis is true. Instead He told these stories to teach us moral truths.


But nevertheless, He endorsed these stories to be true. Therefore, you can logically reason that if these two stories are true, then the whole book of Genesis is also true, including the creation in seven days.


Now I humbly admit that I don’t know how God works in our lives. But I know that He does. Noah didn’t force all those animals to board the ark. That would have been impossible for him to do. Those animals boarded the ark themselves and Im thinking that God controlled those animals to do so. If God controlled those animals then, then I suspect that He still does today; at least some of the time.


This is a prime example of how important it is to be inquisitive and to seek the Lord and His word:


Matthew 7:7-8. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”

 

[ToBeLoved]

Do not forget that your relationship with God is primarily spiritual.

Why not pray and ask God to give you more faith and lead you to the answers to your questions? I think you feel that spiritual connection to God that all of us feel who have faith. God can give us more faith. He gives liberally to those who ask.

 

[orangeness365]

If you were suffering grief as a type of repentance, then that is a good thing.

2Corinthians 7:10
English Standard Version
For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

Suffering as a Christian is also good thing.

1 Peter 4:12-13
12Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

When becoming a Christian again, I think you need to count the cost, because while Jesus does give joy to his followers, his followers are often persecuted. But it is well worth the cost.

Luke 14:25-28
25Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, 26“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. 27Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. 28For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?

Romans 8:18
English Standard Version
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

 

[ron4shua]

Hallelu-YAH .

 

[Gentle Lamb]

I recently (toward the beginning of this year) gave up the faith I had been raised in and which I had tried fervently to practice as a young adult, after a sort of mental breakdown in which I suddenly decided that the God I had been praying to and trusting was just an imaginary friend, and all the guilt I had been wallowing in was unnecessary.

Prior to this point, I had been obsessed with getting victory over "sin" in my life. Filled with despair and hopelessness at times, I was constantly living in fear about being out of control and being judged by society and by God. There is more, but I will spare you the sordid details of what my "faith" almost drove me to do.

Since turning my back on the "God" I had previously tried to know and to please, and since embracing that part of myself I had been repressing for so long, I feel as if things have changed for the better. I am no longer wracked with guilt and fear, and there is no longer the old inner "battle" that believers are so familiar with. Unbelief- what a relief!

However, as of late I have begun to experience pangs of doubt and fear about my decision to turn away from God. I had read books such as The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins to try to educate myself so that I wouldn't slip back into the old familiar (dis)comfort of belief, but I still have a couple of questions and concerns that nothing I've come across can answer to my satisfaction. I have seen that many people on the internet have asked the same questions, but all the replies I've seen don't seem to go deep enough to set my mind at ease. I will now express two of those questions.

First, I can kind of grasp the theory of evolution, but one thing that bothers me is how much more advanced humans are than their primate cousins. The other apes are still living in the jungle playing with sticks and rocks, while we have mastered language, harnessed the electromagnetic spectrum and nuclear energy, and flown to the moon. Obviously my concern comes from the book of Genesis which says we were created "in the image of God", so from a faith-based point of view, that answers my question about why humans are so technologically advanced. However, if I am to be prevented from slipping back into belief, I will need a more rational explanation than this.

Second, there is a prophecy in the book of Daniel (Dan. 12:4) about human knowledge and technology being greatly increased as the "last days" come upon us. It has been demonstrated that knowledge indeed has been increasing exponentially, along with corresponding advances in science and technology. There are some who predict a "singularity" event that could happen soon. In addition to this, there are numerous prophecies in the new testament which seem to be pretty accurate concerning the state of humanity as it appears now. This worries me.

I have a collection of Christian books that I used to read back when I had faith, and I have kept them in spite of my "apostasy", just in case I changed my mind and returned to my prior beliefs. One of these books which is a thorn in my side is A Mind Awake, an anthology of quotes from other books by C.S. Lewis. In it Lewis seems to demolish the arguments of the "New Atheists" like Dawkins, decades before people like Dawkins even came on the scene. Lately I have been perusing this book before going to bed.

I feel like I'm a pendulum stuck in the middle of its swing between opposite poles right now. I started out (as an infant) with no religious faith, then later on I developed faith, then still later I lost that faith. Now it seems like I could swing either way, and this frustrates me because my mind wants some kind of absolute to grasp on to. I am more open-minded now than I have ever been, and yet it doesn't really seem like a good thing, because I just don't know what to believe or disbelieve anymore. I feel like a blind man lost in a fog.

The bottom line is, I don't want to believe in a God. However, I am not so dishonest with myself that I won't believe, if that makes any sense. I understand that both sides (believers and unbelievers) can produce "evidence" that supports their respective positions, but in my cynicism I am especially disinclined to believe anyone who makes claims based on what they "know" apart from empirical evidence, or based on circular reasoning (e.g. "The Bible is the Word of God because The Bible itself says so, and since the Bible is the Word of God, it must be true.")

I guess I'm just looking for some feedback on these thoughts I have shared. Thanks for your time.

Hello lovely person! I totally understand where you're coming from. I too had to turn my back on the God I was raised with as it just wasn't working for me. I never fully lost my belief in God, but I just stopped believing certain things I'd been brought up with. Sometimes leaving is the best thing you can do. Perhaps you should try praying this prayer, it won't hurt either way since you are searching: "God, I am searching for you. If you exist, please show yourself to me as you truly are, please show me who you really are, what your real nature is, and please help me to understand what I do not understand about you and this world." Short, sweet, and to the point, just say whatever comes to your mind. If God exists, then He will hear and answer your prayer as He is never far from us and always answers those who are searching for Him. Believe me when I say religion is the worst thing that ever happened to us. Religion does nothing for us, it's us who is always doing stuff. Jesus on the other hand when He died said "It is finished." Therefore, it is done. Our next step is to accept Him once we know that it was because of His love that He came to restore us to the Father.

It sounds like you grew up much like I did, thinking that we have to try so hard for everything. It was only when I gave up on the God I'd grown up with, when I gave up trying, that was when He came in like a flood and was able to show me who He is and show me His true love, but first I had to let go of the preconceived notions about Him, what I had been taught to believe. Think about it, when you love someone, if that person thinks that you are a cruel, hard-hearted person who would be vindictive at every opportunity, do you think that person would ever learn to trust you? Do you think that person would ever be able to grasp the concept that you would do absolutely anything for him or her even lay down your life that he or she might live? Probably not at all. But if that person let go of those terrible ideas about you and began to see you for who you really are, see the love that you have for that person, it turns into a whole different story.

It is always good to keep looking at both sides of the coin, so don't be afraid to keep looking into belief. I promise it won't hurt you, won't bite at all

I've been listening to this all week, I pray that it will touch your heart

May the God of Heaven and earth who has changed my life and shown me all of His love and made my life worth living touch your life as well and show you His true nature that you too might fall in love!!!! God bless you my friend!

 

[Gentle Lamb]

I read this and I thought of you, just scroll down to where the numbers start if you find the intro too long (that's what I did):

http://www.christianforums.com/thre...hrist-asked-me-to-share-with-you-all.7903054/

 

[Steven Wood]

I recently (toward the beginning of this year) gave up the faith I had been raised in and which I had tried fervently to practice as a young adult, after a sort of mental breakdown in which I suddenly decided that the God I had been praying to and trusting was just an imaginary friend, and all the guilt I had been wallowing in was unnecessary.

Prior to this point, I had been obsessed with getting victory over "sin" in my life. Filled with despair and hopelessness at times, I was constantly living in fear about being out of control and being judged by society and by God. There is more, but I will spare you the sordid details of what my "faith" almost drove me to do.

Since turning my back on the "God" I had previously tried to know and to please, and since embracing that part of myself I had been repressing for so long, I feel as if things have changed for the better. I am no longer wracked with guilt and fear, and there is no longer the old inner "battle" that believers are so familiar with. Unbelief- what a relief!

However, as of late I have begun to experience pangs of doubt and fear about my decision to turn away from God. I had read books such as The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins to try to educate myself so that I wouldn't slip back into the old familiar (dis)comfort of belief, but I still have a couple of questions and concerns that nothing I've come across can answer to my satisfaction. I have seen that many people on the internet have asked the same questions, but all the replies I've seen don't seem to go deep enough to set my mind at ease. I will now express two of those questions.

First, I can kind of grasp the theory of evolution, but one thing that bothers me is how much more advanced humans are than their primate cousins. The other apes are still living in the jungle playing with sticks and rocks, while we have mastered language, harnessed the electromagnetic spectrum and nuclear energy, and flown to the moon. Obviously my concern comes from the book of Genesis which says we were created "in the image of God", so from a faith-based point of view, that answers my question about why humans are so technologically advanced. However, if I am to be prevented from slipping back into belief, I will need a more rational explanation than this.

Second, there is a prophecy in the book of Daniel (Dan. 12:4) about human knowledge and technology being greatly increased as the "last days" come upon us. It has been demonstrated that knowledge indeed has been increasing exponentially, along with corresponding advances in science and technology. There are some who predict a "singularity" event that could happen soon. In addition to this, there are numerous prophecies in the new testament which seem to be pretty accurate concerning the state of humanity as it appears now. This worries me.

I have a collection of Christian books that I used to read back when I had faith, and I have kept them in spite of my "apostasy", just in case I changed my mind and returned to my prior beliefs. One of these books which is a thorn in my side is A Mind Awake, an anthology of quotes from other books by C.S. Lewis. In it Lewis seems to demolish the arguments of the "New Atheists" like Dawkins, decades before people like Dawkins even came on the scene. Lately I have been perusing this book before going to bed.

I feel like I'm a pendulum stuck in the middle of its swing between opposite poles right now. I started out (as an infant) with no religious faith, then later on I developed faith, then still later I lost that faith. Now it seems like I could swing either way, and this frustrates me because my mind wants some kind of absolute to grasp on to. I am more open-minded now than I have ever been, and yet it doesn't really seem like a good thing, because I just don't know what to believe or disbelieve anymore. I feel like a blind man lost in a fog.

The bottom line is, I don't want to believe in a God. However, I am not so dishonest with myself that I won't believe, if that makes any sense. I understand that both sides (believers and unbelievers) can produce "evidence" that supports their respective positions, but in my cynicism I am especially disinclined to believe anyone who makes claims based on what they "know" apart from empirical evidence, or based on circular reasoning (e.g. "The Bible is the Word of God because The Bible itself says so, and since the Bible is the Word of God, it must be true.")

I guess I'm just looking for some feedback on these thoughts I have shared. Thanks for your time.

Oh buddy I'm gonna have fun talking to you lol. You do your research. Unfortunately I'm not here to tell you there is no GOD but I will tell you you're right about Daniel 12. Try reading Daniel 2. As for Creation and evolution I suggest looking up a man named Dr. Kent Hovind, he'll shed some light on that, he did for me. As for the battles you've had with guilt, I've had that same problem. I don't know what denomination you were in or what people you surround yourself with. What teachings they gave you but I will say this. When you're a new body in Christ you have the problem wrestling with thinking you're going to fail and aren't good enough. That's the weapon(and I'm going to say it lol) satan has to turn us away. This isn't true. We're going to fail. But since the good news is we've been saved by what Jesus did, we can only be saved by him and our best try falls short means we that guilt you were feeling and always walking around with wasn't from GOD. Believe it not when I first started going to church, I felt for a while like I couldn't even go because I was sinning so much I shouldn't even be allwoed in the door til I got a grip on what I was doing. How stupid does that sound? Can't go to church because I was sinner. That's the whole reason Jesus was here. Remember Satan tempted Jesus with the whole world. The reason you felt a lot better when you gave in was because he burdened you with the guilt then took it away when you gave in, that's all. It had nothing to do with GOD. The evolution part is funny and even though it's coming from someone I never thought it would Kat Williams comedy says a lot about what's going on in this world. He does a bit on this where he says if evolution were true why are there still monkeys? I've talked to a whole bunch of people in the last few months that have had an overwhelming call or call back to Christ. They can't explain it and neither can I And I've read the Bible in ways that I never have, especially the prophets. I'm telling you, You're right on track and you're being called back for reason. Keep Talking to people, Keep researching, keep reading the Bible. Do me a favor and Give GOD a chance and if you start to feel a heavy guilt about things remember, even though you know what you should do and what you shouldn't do, the things you shouldn't do will fall away but they won't all at once, it's a process and GOD knows this, You are saved and loved, not condemned.

 

[aiki]

I recently (toward the beginning of this year) gave up the faith I had been raised in and which I had tried fervently to practice as a young adult, after a sort of mental breakdown in which I suddenly decided that the God I had been praying to and trusting was just an imaginary friend, and all the guilt I had been wallowing in was unnecessary.

Prior to this point, I had been obsessed with getting victory over "sin" in my life. Filled with despair and hopelessness at times, I was constantly living in fear about being out of control and being judged by society and by God. There is more, but I will spare you the sordid details of what my "faith" almost drove me to do.

Well, this is very sad. I don't know in what stream of Christianity you were moving, but it did not explain your faith to you very well. One of the most basic truths of the Christian life is that, as Christ declared, "you can do nothing." Particularly in the spiritual area, you are totally without the power, in and of yourself, to be who God calls you to be. It is God, through the Person of His Spirit, who enables us to be "victorious" as believers. Too many believers think the sin problem is theirs to resolve but nothing could be farther from the truth. It is God working in and through us who deals with our sin problem and transforms us into "vessels meet for the Master's use."

Philippians 2:13
13 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.

You also were not told, it seems, about the basis upon which any person gains acceptance with God. As Scripture tells us, every believer is "accepted in the beloved" (Eph. 1:6) who is Christ. It is because the believer is "in Christ" that God accepts them. And because the holy perfection of Christ never fails, the believer in him never has cause to fear for their acceptance with God. We are accepted by God solely because of our position in Christ, not because of our success in living righteously. If you had been taught this, you could have saved yourself a lot of inner turmoil and torment.

Since turning my back on the "God" I had previously tried to know and to please, and since embracing that part of myself I had been repressing for so long, I feel as if things have changed for the better. I am no longer wracked with guilt and fear, and there is no longer the old inner "battle" that believers are so familiar with. Unbelief- what a relief!

I know alcoholics who are tormented with a desire to drink and when they yield to that desire they, too, experience "relief." But it is a relief that ultimately destroys.

However, if I am to be prevented from slipping back into belief, I will need a more rational explanation than this.

Well, you're in the wrong forum if you're looking for confirmation of your atheism/naturalism.

I have a collection of Christian books that I used to read back when I had faith, and I have kept them in spite of my "apostasy", just in case I changed my mind and returned to my prior beliefs.

This sentence reveals the reason why you apostasized. Christianity is, at heart, not a set of propositions, but a Person: Jesus Christ. When a person is truly saved, they meet with Jesus. Christianity, then, is not just a set of beliefs you can swap out for ones that you come to think suit you better, but a Person with whom you relate. It seems apparent that you did not understand this.

I feel like I'm a pendulum stuck in the middle of its swing between opposite poles right now. I started out (as an infant) with no religious faith, then later on I developed faith, then still later I lost that faith. Now it seems like I could swing either way, and this frustrates me because my mind wants some kind of absolute to grasp on to. I am more open-minded now than I have ever been, and yet it doesn't really seem like a good thing, because I just don't know what to believe or disbelieve anymore. I feel like a blind man lost in a fog.

Your pendulum motion is between ideas and beliefs, but Christianity, as I pointed out, is fundamentally a relationship with a Person. The question isn't "What set of beliefs will I adopt?" but rather "What will I do with Jesus?"

If you want an absolute to grasp on to, you will find no more absolute a thing than the Person of Jesus who said,

John 14:6
6 ..."I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.

You aren't really more open-minded. In fact, you have closed off your mind to an entire system of belief. But this is the odd thing about how non-believers view their non-belief. Although in their atheism/naturalism they are totally shut off to wide swathes of ideas and beliefs, they are convinced they are the ones who are "open-minded." Ironic, really. And sad.

Feeling in your apostasy like a "blind man" is actually quite biblical. This is exactly how those who live in rejection of God are described in the Bible. The answer to your blindness seems pretty obvious to me...

The bottom line is, I don't want to believe in a God. However, I am not so dishonest with myself that I won't believe, if that makes any sense. I understand that both sides (believers and unbelievers) can produce "evidence" that supports their respective positions, but in my cynicism I am especially disinclined to believe anyone who makes claims based on what they "know" apart from empirical evidence, or based on circular reasoning (e.g. "The Bible is the Word of God because The Bible itself says so, and since the Bible is the Word of God, it must be true.")

You might be helped by taking a look through this website:

www.reasonablefaith.org

Selah.

 

[ToBeLoved]

I recently (toward the beginning of this year) gave up the faith I had been raised in and which I had tried fervently to practice as a young adult, after a sort of mental breakdown in which I suddenly decided that the God I had been praying to and trusting was just an imaginary friend, and all the guilt I had been wallowing in was unnecessary.

Prior to this point, I had been obsessed with getting victory over "sin" in my life. Filled with despair and hopelessness at times, I was constantly living in fear about being out of control and being judged by society and by God. There is more, but I will spare you the sordid details of what my "faith" almost drove me to do.

Since turning my back on the "God" I had previously tried to know and to please, and since embracing that part of myself I had been repressing for so long, I feel as if things have changed for the better. I am no longer wracked with guilt and fear, and there is no longer the old inner "battle" that believers are so familiar with. Unbelief- what a relief!

Dear brother,

Don't you see the lie that you have bought hook, line and sinker about your faith?

It is the 'overcoming sin' is the most important aspect of who you are in Christ. That is not true.

Jesus overcame sin on the cross FOR YOU. Jesus sent His Holy Spirit to you to convict you of your sin, not that you obsess about your not obtaining victory over it. We all sin and fall short. ALL OF US.

Do not obsess with who YOU are in Christ, know WHO CHRIST is in you. That is who YOU ARE. You are a sinner made righteous through the precious blood of Christ. It is NO LONGER you who lives, BUT CHRIST who lives in you! CHRIST. Not you. Don't obsess who you are in your inadequacies and sin. If we do that, we obsess over what we DO NOT DO. Know that it is not WHAT WE DO, BUT WHAT CHRIST HAS DONE FOR US.

Chuck your sin obsession to the curb. Satan has convinced you that your sin is who you are. It is NOT who you are. You are a 'new' creature in Christ Jesus. HIS BLOOD has washed you clean, His blood has obtained VICTORY OVER SIN. HE DID IT. You don't have to do what God has done for you.

Please re-evaluate who you are. You are a KING's Kid. Jesus OVERCAME SIN and as His child, He is your perfect advocate. He will stand in your place and wash EVERY SIN AWAY.

Don't sweat what Jesus has already done. PM me. Let's talk.