Honestly, DeerGlow, when you say you've already "sinned so wickedly" — if there's something particular you've done that is wrong, my prayers are with you too to support you in letting go and turning away from it, whatever it may be. But if you're simply being bombarded by involuntary thoughts and fears that are ungodly... that's not sinning, if you are not intentionally and deliberately and wilfully acting against God. You can pray to handle and throw out those dark thoughts, whatever they are, instead of them handling you. I agree, First John is a wonderful and very helpful book of the Bible to read at times like these.