back to square 1

[BlueJay83]

my wife was transferred back to ICU at the mental hospital again.
she's walking backwards, talking to dead people, not sleeping despite MAX dosage sleeping pills, ........and to top it all off now she wants a divorce again).

today i saw her, she said "i have no place in my life for you anymore"...then walked away from me.

she's "fallen in love with" a patient there, and wants a divorce.
one day she loves me, the next day she wants nothing to do wih me.

I don't know how much longer I can take this. This rollercoaster is making me sick.. sometimes i have thoughts tht it would be easier if I just left.
(and tok the kids with me obvously.. i couldn't live without them)

I don't want to think like that, but every time she rejects me, despite how much i've continued to be loving and faithful to her, ... it just puts another dagger in my heart and i get hardened towards her.

I want to get through this.. i don't know if i can without dying of a stroke/heart attack from the stress of this all.

 

[mum24]

My heart goes out to you. I don't have any great words of wisdom. I know when I was at my lowest my husband was tempted to leave me but we didn't have the same issues as you (I wasn't pushing him away, falling in love with others or asking for a divorce). Still it was very hard on him and he wanted out and said so. I was very glad that he stayed by my side, and things did get better again. I don't know what will happen in your future, I can only encourage you to pray and search the scriptures for wisdom and comfort and help. This is so hard and I don't minimize that for a second.
Prayers for you

 

[BlueJay83]

thanks, that's good advise...i'm trying to read, and i get to listen to preaching while i work (headphones in the office) ....i still feel like i want to punch someone, throw up and cry all at the same time.

I'm sorry to hear of your own situation.
It is very very hard...
if she was still loving it would be ok.. I'd hang in there. I do love her and I can make this work if she is going to work with me.
Unfortunatley she fights me on everythig i do.. even wen she's not unwell.
I wan to build a strong family, and educate them properly and do a good job.. she seems to just want to cruise to through life and let things take care of themselves. I feel really bad saying this (and even thinking it i feel is wrong) ...deep down inside i want a wife that is a help.. not a facebook addict that neglects the family.

i don't know if i want to put myself through all of this, and then she stays with me for another few years and then wants a divorce again.

If she keeps on this attack at me, I'd rather end it now, move on with my life and at least have a chance at being happy... even if i do have to be a solo dad for the rest of my life.

like I say.. if she wasn't rejecting me I could handle this all. I could wait until she came home and i could fight through another brakdown again. (which is inevitable)

but, this is just one piece of baggage too many.. and this plane is going to crash if it keeps going.
She's biting the hand that's trying to do it's best to keep her head above water, and to keep the family on it's feet. (we have 3 kids under 7)

my life = ruined


i need a miracle.. without one I don't know how i can cope.




thank you for listening

 

[Alive again]

1 John 1:9 Praying for you to have wisdom from on high for what is best for you and your kids and your wife. Run to God and hold tight! This illness is so very hard on those around us.

 

[MattyD]

Praying for you.

 

[Solomon's Portico]

I continue to pray for you brother. I'm not going to pretend to know how you feel. I'm the one that is sick and i dont know how my wife put up with me. As I said the only thing i can do is stand beside you in prayer. You must be in a lot of pain brother and it's ok for you to feel that way. Don't beat yourself up so much, remember you have feelings too and you have a right to them.

Great Father God, I pray for candleman and his family. I pray that his wife gets better and remembers her vows of marriage. Help candleman to hold on in this struggle show him its ok to hurt and not to feel guilty about it. Help his children through this chaos as there to young to understand. In Jesus Name Amen

 

[jsrdrnr]

I am praying for you. I dont know what it is like being on that side. I am the one with bipolar. I have done the same thing to my husband from time to time and I dont know how he has managed to stay with me. I do know that a lot of it is indeed the illness, but the fact that she does this while she is "well" had to be frustrating. I wish I had the answer that you are looking for. All I can say is to agree with the others and keep reading and praying. God is a great God and he can work all this out. For all thing work together for the good for those that love him. My heart goes out to you.

 

[BlueJay83]

all i can say is thank you, everynone for your love and support.
I'm all out of words, ..but Thank You

We found out she's been mis-treated and locked in a padded room for simply not going back to bed after a 5 hour sleep. There are two lounges and an art room in her wing.. and they didn't thin to put her in there so as not to disturb other patients. She was terrified from being locked in there and bit her arm.
A family member has taken pictures of bruising all over her arms and back. Yes, she does fall over from the medication.... but there are obvious bruises on the top of her arms too.. which indicate being manhandled.

GREAT ..now she's being abused by the only place that can help her. ......like I needed that.

 

[mum24]

I'm so so sorry. You have my prayers. You and your wife and your children and family. This is so hard... That doesnt even begin to describe it I'm sure. I'm short on words. I'm sorry. But I wanted to support you so here it is, and a listening ear.

 

[jsrdrnr]

I am so sorry to hear the latest update. That is just not right. I am praying for you and the situation. I hope that you can figure out something to do. I dont know about the laws and all that where you are. I wish I could help, but I am praying. Please keep us posted.

 

[Solomon's Portico]

You know i'm praying for you brother but i was wondering about your church family. Have they been supportive. Like pastoral visits maybe meals being dropped off for you and the kids. These things can really help. If there not doing anything ask for it. It's just a thought. Please keep in touch

 

[BlueJay83]

The ladies in the church have been amazing.

we get a meal brought to us almost every night, and they take turns looking after my youngest son on a Thursday. That has been a good help.. we wouldn;t be eating anything but toast or take-out if it wasn;t for them. I can hardly cope as it is.

The elders/pastor still haven't even e-mailed or called me.. no once from any of them.
not that i really care.. I don;t have much faith in their ability to actually help because I know that they don't care about the heep anyway.

its really hard to concentrate on anything.. stress seems to be putting me in a "zoned out" state and its hard to hold a conversation.. i often forget what i was supposed to be doing.

we're trying to force a meeting with the Charge Nurse and Doctores in control over this all to see aht their action plan is (if they even have one)

i'm really sick of hearing the political jargon they all babble.. it's like they are walking random buzz-word generators. .

Thank you for all being listening ears, and even a fleeting prayer I deeply appreciate.
thank you all so much.

 

[Alive again]

Prayers!!!

 

[jsrdrnr]

Continued prayers!!!

 

[BlueJay83]

Thanks guys! please keep at it.

i'm feeling alot better.. not nearly as stressed.

she's horribly sedated and didn't recognise me.. but she's starting to sleep again which is a good sign.

 

[jsrdrnr]

I am glad that you are feeling a bit better. I will continue to pray.

I am glad that she is getting some rest, even if she is having to be sedated to get it. I am sorry that is the way it is though. I know that is hard on you. Hopefully in a few days they can start lowering the doses she can start coming around again. I will pray that when she does start coming around that she will have a clear mind.

Blessings and prayers!!!