Back to day one

[oneandlonely]

Back to day one

I am such a failure. It is hopeless!

I really don't get why I am even bothering to fight the urge right now. I want to cut so freaking bad. I don't know why I am fighting it! It is not like I am not ever going to do it again. I will get weak...

maybe I should call someone, like my youth pastor. But I am scared to. and I kinda feel like, whats the point? I am only on day one, I already cut without calling, what is the point of calling now?

I can't take anymore days like this...

all I want to do is sit in my room and cry today, I have felt so depressed lately...I just feel so hopeless...

I don't know what to do.... I just can't be stong anymore...

 

[bassdrum1]

hey. don't be hard on yourself. i'm back to day 4. i didn't call either. now i'm getting better. it does eventually get better. here's a verse that my youth pastor gave me jeramiah 31:3.i have loved you with an everlasting love.... it helps. say it 25 the 1st day. 20 the second day, 15 the thrid day,10 the foruth,5 the fifth, the next day say it one time a day for 40 days. today i had to say it 15 days. my friend was gonna come today and make sure all the sharp objects i cut with were gone and write stuff on my wall. but she couldn't elude her brother enough to get out to help. do that with a friend. it really helps. now i don't feel like i'm cut. i'm also not afraid i'll do it.

 

[always_hope]

*hugs* You are not a failure. God loves you.

 

[oneandlonely]

hey. don't be hard on yourself. i'm back to day 4. i didn't call either. now i'm getting better. it does eventually get better. here's a verse that my youth pastor gave me jeramiah 31:3.i have loved you with an everlasting love.... it helps. say it 25 the 1st day. 20 the second day, 15 the thrid day,10 the foruth,5 the fifth, the next day say it one time a day for 40 days. today i had to say it 15 days. my friend was gonna come today and make sure all the sharp objects i cut with were gone and write stuff on my wall. but she couldn't elude her brother enough to get out to help. do that with a friend. it really helps. now i don't feel like i'm cut. i'm also not afraid i'll do it.

thanks, I will try that.

 

[oneandlonely]

*hugs* You are not a failure. God loves you.

Thank you

 

[oneandlonely]

[font=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica]I seriously feel like everyone is giving up on me. I mean, none of my friends ask me how I am doing anymore, and neither do my youth sponsors. I just wish that they would check up on me every now and then, is that to much to ask? I don't know, I just feel like, everyone is getting sick of me and giving up. So I can't help but feeling like I want to give up on myself and my recovery too. I mean, if no one else thinks there is any hope, why should I? I just wish that there was someone in my life who wouldn't ever give up on me, and would support me no matter how many times I slip up. Is that to much to ask? Maybe it is and I just need to except that I am going to have to do this on my own... *cry*

Bethany
[/font]

 

[Savedsis]

God will always love you...He created you and you are like the pearl of a great price. Expensive, Valuable...WOrthy, Unique...Peculiar. Precious.....So precious to HIm...You are the Lord's choice.....

 

[churchlady]

[font=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica]I seriously feel like everyone is giving up on me. I mean, none of my friends ask me how I am doing anymore, and neither do my youth sponsors. I just wish that they would check up on me every now and then, is that to much to ask? I don't know, I just feel like, everyone is getting sick of me and giving up. So I can't help but feeling like I want to give up on myself and my recovery too. I mean, if no one else thinks there is any hope, why should I? I just wish that there was someone in my life who wouldn't ever give up on me, and would support me no matter how many times I slip up. Is that to much to ask? Maybe it is and I just need to except that I am going to have to do this on my own... *cry*

Bethany
[/font]

Bethany, I have been keeping up with your posts since coming to this forum about a week ago. I do care very much. You are young and should be enjoying life and not even worrying about such serious things. God is willing and able to set you free from this. In fact, I have added you to those I pray for. Please know that there are those who care, sweetheart.

 

[always_hope]

[font=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica]I seriously feel like everyone is giving up on me. I mean, none of my friends ask me how I am doing anymore, and neither do my youth sponsors. I just wish that they would check up on me every now and then, is that to much to ask? I don't know, I just feel like, everyone is getting sick of me and giving up. So I can't help but feeling like I want to give up on myself and my recovery too. I mean, if no one else thinks there is any hope, why should I? I just wish that there was someone in my life who wouldn't ever give up on me, and would support me no matter how many times I slip up. Is that to much to ask? Maybe it is and I just need to except that I am going to have to do this on my own... *cry*

Bethany
[/font]

God will always be with you and so will we, your friends in Christ! Ask God to provide Christian friends who can care for you and that you can care for them. I asked God for this about a year and a half ago and He's provided some really wonderful people in my life, as well as the assurance that He has loved us first and best and always will.

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever" Hebrews 13:8

Love,
Hope

 

[Renwolf]

[font=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica]I seriously feel like everyone is giving up on me. I mean, none of my friends ask me how I am doing anymore, and neither do my youth sponsors. I just wish that they would check up on me every now and then, is that to much to ask? I don't know, I just feel like, everyone is getting sick of me and giving up. So I can't help but feeling like I want to give up on myself and my recovery too. I mean, if no one else thinks there is any hope, why should I? I just wish that there was someone in my life who wouldn't ever give up on me, and would support me no matter how many times I slip up. Is that to much to ask? Maybe it is and I just need to except that I am going to have to do this on my own... *cry*

Bethany
[/font]

You don't have to do this on your own. It might be that your friends and sponsors and even your youth pastor are afraid of making you feel worse, and that's why they've stopped asking if you're ok. Is there any way you can talk them and get them to agree to check up on you every so often? Make it a contract. Every week, every day, however often you think you need it, someone has to ask you how you are. If you don't feel ready to talk about it, you don't have to, but you'll know that they're thinking of you and you'll have the option to talk if you do want to. And since you won't be obligated to answer, they don't have to worry about putting too much pressure on you. Just a thought. Please take care of yourself.

 

[oneandlonely]

God will always love you...He created you and you are like the pearl of a great price. Expensive, Valuable...WOrthy, Unique...Peculiar. Precious.....So precious to HIm...You are the Lord's choice.....

Thank you I needed that reminder

 

[oneandlonely]

Bethany, I have been keeping up with your posts since coming to this forum about a week ago. I do care very much. You are young and should be enjoying life and not even worrying about such serious things. God is willing and able to set you free from this. In fact, I have added you to those I pray for. Please know that there are those who care, sweetheart.

Thank you. This means a lot

Bethany

 

[oneandlonely]

God will always be with you and so will we, your friends in Christ! Ask God to provide Christian friends who can care for you and that you can care for them. I asked God for this about a year and a half ago and He's provided some really wonderful people in my life, as well as the assurance that He has loved us first and best and always will.

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever" Hebrews 13:8

Love,
Hope

I have been praying for a friend like that for a while, but I havn't found anyone yet. I mean the friends I have now are awesome, but they aren't the most understanding. I hate how upset and hurt they get when I tell them I am cutting again

Thanks tho

Bethany

 

[AnointedPoetess]

Hi Bethany, im so sorry your going through such a hard time but i can relate becuz i stuggle with self injury as well only in a diff way and i have very bad depression, so i know wat it feels like to feel all alone and like ur cracking.. if u ever need to talk you can pm anytime.. your not alone hun.. *hugs*

 

[oneandlonely]

You don't have to do this on your own. It might be that your friends and sponsors and even your youth pastor are afraid of making you feel worse, and that's why they've stopped asking if you're ok. Is there any way you can talk them and get them to agree to check up on you every so often? Make it a contract. Every week, every day, however often you think you need it, someone has to ask you how you are. If you don't feel ready to talk about it, you don't have to, but you'll know that they're thinking of you and you'll have the option to talk if you do want to. And since you won't be obligated to answer, they don't have to worry about putting too much pressure on you. Just a thought. Please take care of yourself.

I see what you are saying, and I totaly agree. I think that a contract like that yould be a great help but I don't know how to ask for something like that . I mean, how do I suggest something like that without sounding selfish in a way. I don't know I just feel that I am being selfish. any ideas as to how to ask for people to check up on me? I don't know. I mean, I am considering emailing mike in a few moments to tell him that i am not doing well, but I feel like I don't really want to bug him. yeah, any thoughts would be great

thanks you

Bethany

 

[bassdrum1]

i hear u on not bugging him. but i think he would rather u bug him and tell him what's going on and that u want and need help than to cut. anything is better than that. i didn't call my friends and they were not mad but disappointed with me that i didn't call them. the only one that was mad was my friend who is like my sister and she had cut before so she knew i could get through it if i would have called her. she talks to me and all she just wishes i would have called her. so tell him. it'll be better in the long run.

 

[oneandlonely]

i hear u on not bugging him. but i think he would rather u bug him and tell him what's going on and that u want and need help than to cut. anything is better than that. i didn't call my friends and they were not mad but disappointed with me that i didn't call them. the only one that was mad was my friend who is like my sister and she had cut before so she knew i could get through it if i would have called her. she talks to me and all she just wishes i would have called her. so tell him. it'll be better in the long run.

Thanks . I am sure that you are right

I emailed him about it. so we shall see how this goes

Bethany

 

[ceedaisy]

I pray that today is finding you better. Never ever be afraid to ask for support to get through a tough time. That is what friendships are for. God gave us friends to share His love. And friends aren't just there for happy moments. They are there for the bad things in life also! You are worth the attention! I feel so bad that you have to fight a battle like this. But you will survive, because you recognize you have a problem and you are willing to fight. And at such a young age. That takes tons of courage!! STAY STRONG!

 

[oneandlonely]

I pray that today is finding you better. Never ever be afraid to ask for support to get through a tough time. That is what friendships are for. God gave us friends to share His love. And friends aren't just there for happy moments. They are there for the bad things in life also! You are worth the attention! I feel so bad that you have to fight a battle like this. But you will survive, because you recognize you have a problem and you are willing to fight. And at such a young age. That takes tons of courage!! STAY STRONG!

Thank you. you are probaly right, but I don't want to be a burden to others and i feel so worthless today.

Thanks for the encouragement

Bethany

 

[oneandlonely]

Unfortanatly, I cut yet again today. I was doing so well! i made it a week. I even stopped and tried talking to my youth pastor first, I havn't done that is a while. But then today i got in a fight with mom. I wansn't doing well, so I wanted to get a friends number from an email and give them a ring. But mom wouldn't let me on. She was like "Who are you talking to that you need to check your email that baddly. What are you hiding from me? I am sure that it is not that urgent" I said "Mom, if you must know, I am emailing Mike (youth pastor). But I don't want to say what about, that is betwen me, Mike, and God."
She got so mad that I wouldn't tell her. But I mean, he is my youth pastor! I shouldn't have to tell anyone what I am talking to him about . an I wrong? Do I have to tell mom what i am talking to Mike about? I just don't think that i am ready for that.
So anyways. I was really upset. and I didn't get to get into my email to get the phone number that I needed to call Mollie (one of my youth sponsors). I surely wasn't going to be aloud to call Mike after that fight... so I gave in. and I cut. and i want to do it again. I can't take this stress. I am sick of crying... I want to give in again...

Bethany