Awkwardness

[Bless1]

I am very interested in pursuing a woman in my home church. We are both long term members, and neither of us would want to leave under any circumstance. Keep in mind, I would not be seeking a girlfriend, rather a kindom spouse. My concern is the pursuit not panning out and it becoming awkward afterwards. Has anyone here ever navigated this situation? What advice do you have?

 

[Michie]

Kingdom spouse? What is that and what does that entail?

 

[Bless1]

Kingdom spouse? What is that and what does that entail?

That's basically an equally yoked person, possibly someone God has chosen for you.

 

[Michie]

That's basically an equally yoked person, possibly someone God has chosen for you.

So what happens? What does the relationship entail? Never heard of a kingdom spouse before.

 

[Bless1]

So what happens? What does the relationship entail? Never heard of a kingdom spouse before.

Just consider the biblical fact that a 3 stranded cord is not easily broken. The 3 is referring to husband, wife, and God. The Lord can do magnificent things with a God centered marriage when they are both focused on the things of God and the advancement of His Kingdom.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I am very interested in pursuing a woman in my home church. We are both long term members, and neither of us would want to leave under any circumstance. Keep in mind, I would not be seeking a girlfriend, rather a kindom spouse. My concern is the pursuit not panning out and it becoming awkward afterwards. Has anyone here ever navigated this situation? What advice do you have?

Welcome. What is a Kingdom spouse?
Thanks for clarifying.
Blessings

 

[timf]

Inquire if she might be interested in getting a coffee sometime. This is vague enough so that if there is no interest it can be declined with minimum awkwardness. If she is interested, you should still proceed incrementally slowly such that if either one of you reach a point to break things off or keep things just friends you can do it without embarrassment.

 

[Richard T]

No to rain on your potential spouse but you say you "would not leave your (home church?) under any circumstance." Why such a restriction? It seems far too inflexible for career or future ministry. God's will is not always known past the current step. What if there are far better opportunities down the line? Here is just one scripture that is in play.
Matthew 19:29 (KJV)
29 And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.

 

[timewerx]

That's basically an equally yoked person, possibly someone God has chosen for you.

Why not just refer to such woman as "wife" as the Bible refers to as well? Just to keep things simple. I'm just worried you might be putting too much value on marriage by using "glorified" terms on something the Lord only regard as "optional".

 

[Bless1]

Inquire if she might be interested in getting a coffee sometime. This is vague enough so that if there is no interest it can be declined with minimum awkwardness. If she is interested, you should still proceed incrementally slowly such that if either one of you reach a point to break things off or keep things just friends you can do it without embarrassment.

That's good advice. Finally, someone who just answers the question without disecting it. Thanks.

 

[com7fy8]

I understand you mean you would not let a problem in your church drive you elsewhere. And you believe she feels the same way.

But if God wanted you to move, both of you hopefully would want to obey Him.

If you don't know how to handle this, maybe you need to get to know her better so you know how she feels about things.

If you don't know her enough to know about this, there can be other things that would be an issue, too.

You have an adventure waiting, perhaps with her . . . to learn how to handle issues together. This might be the *first* matter to talk about with each other.

 

[Zceptre]

I have an easy solution for you. Nothing complicated.

Best friends make the best spouses.

Be a best friend and in time with patience be open and honest and if she doesn't feel the same you keep being the best friend a person can have.

This is an absolute win-win situation and you cannot be awkward if you don't jump in head first.

God will not leave you hanging either in my experience, so long as He is first in your selection of actual absolute best friend.

You don't have to chase anyone down and declare anything with long poems or intense emotion.

Just be her friend and regardless of the outcome you have something genuine and priceless.

Love must grow in a relationship between two people, it cannot be manufactured or requested with expectation to be summoned.

Plant the seed of friendship, water it regularly with godly love and genuine selflessness, and find things you share in common.

Having heartfelt conversations and making each other laugh without any pressure of any kind is where it's at.

Prayer... pray to God that she not become a distraction from Him and you will never lose the joy in your life no matter the answer or outcome.

If she is going to fall in love with a man, it will be one that has a strong relationship with his Lord for sure.

Praying for your growing friendship!!!

 

[Bless1]

I understand you mean you would not let a problem in your church drive you elsewhere. And you believe she feels the same way.

But if God wanted you to move, both of you hopefully would want to obey Him.

If you don't know how to handle this, maybe you need to get to know her better so you know how she feels about things.

If you don't know her enough to know about this, there can be other things that would be an issue, too.

You have an adventure waiting, perhaps with her . . . to learn how to handle issues together. This might be the *first* matter to talk about with each other.

I obviously will remain obedient to God's guidance if He decided for me to fellowship at another church. It's just that I've seen numerous couples who break up and one or the other stops attending the same church. That would be neither of us. It's the awkwardness that may remain afterwards that concerns me.

 

[com7fy8]

It's the awkwardness that may remain afterwards that concerns me.

Thank you for sharing such a personal thing with us.

You trust God about whether or not you will feel awkward. And my opinion is He will not have you feeling awkward if you two gave your relationship to Him and you honored His choice.

If He rules that you are not for each other, He means this for your good, nothing to be ashamed or awkward about. So, it is good to pray and prepare so you will be pleased and even feel honored, whatever is His will. And you will be able to more deeply trust her, if both of you are truly honorable and God rules for you not to marry > you both will know you honored God, and you will reap from this.

And while you pray with each other and receive support from others who are not prejudiced about you, but support you in making sure with God in prayer . . . this will help to build you and your church in relating and in making sure with God about His will. And then, in case He has others for you two to marry, you will have valuable experience you can use to help you for discovering who you belong with. Plus, you will be able to use this as a testimony for helping and counseling others.

So, there would be no reason to feel awkward, if you have honored God so.

In any case, make sure with God.

"Test all things; hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21)

This includes making sure about who you listen to. "Well-meaning" and "wishful" people can be hasty to feel it would be so nice for two nice people to get married. But this can backfire. And there can be people who "hear from God" that you belong with each other; but not all people are reliable when it comes to hearing from God. So, make sure with God about who you listen to!

Make sure with God about "all things"; this way, you grow in being good at this, for the big things

"'He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much.'" (Luke 16:10)

So, my advice is that you two make sure with God about even the little things; be faithful to make sure with Him about what is "least", and this can help us to develop and mature so we are good at making sure with God about much bigger matters. And my experience is that when we give God even little things, He does great things with our supposedly unimportant things.

If you have a brick house, that house is a big thing. But one brick so small can be quite important > I mean, if one brick is missing from the wall of your house. Little things can be actually quite important . . . building blocks, even, for what is greater. So, it is good to be good at testing to make sure with God, all the time.

And as we get good at this, we get more confident and creative with God . . . not awkward!

And we do this for others. God is all-loving; so how He guides us will have His all-loving good for others, too. In little things or in being a married couple, what you do with God will be good for you and minister His grace also to others. So, part of what He might have you evaluate is if and how well your relationship now is already ministering to others to help us all grow and learn how to relate as brothers and sisters; and while you are learning from Jesus, right now you can be helping others, also, to evaluate for and even prepare for marriage. As you get grace for this, minister this >

"As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God." (1 Peter 4:10)

 

[Bob Crowley]

I am very interested in pursuing a woman in my home church. We are both long term members, and neither of us would want to leave under any circumstance. Keep in mind, I would not be seeking a girlfriend, rather a kindom spouse. My concern is the pursuit not panning out and it becoming awkward afterwards. Has anyone here ever navigated this situation? What advice do you have?

Your information is a bit short on detail to give a clear answer. For a start is this a specific woman in your church, or are you talking generally in the sense you want to marry some (as yet unknown) woman from your church?

Secondly if you're interested in a specific lady, is she interested in you?

I'll tell my rather embarassing story, and you can make of it what you want. I'd been married and was going through a divorce when I became a Christian. I hold myself responsible for most of the problems but that's past history.

I was celibate for some years but eventually the bug started to bite. I developed a crush on a particular lady in our church, but she wasn't interested in me. I made a bit of an idiot of myself, and the pastor was trying to talk me out of it, pointing out we were very different personalities.

He said "Maybe you'll got to a conference or something like that, and meet someone there." So the next thing I found myself going to conferences I wasn't even interested in half the time hoping that the "someone" would be there.

No go. Back to the pastor. He said "That's not quite what I meant. I meant something like "Christians without Partners" where you're both looking for the same thing!"

But precisely as he said that this sense of bubbling joy hit me. It only lasted a couple of seconds but there was no doubt in my mind that I had to go to "Christians without partners". Sure enough I met my future wife there and we're still married 33 plus years later. Of course there have been ups and downs, and marriage isn't a bed of roses. Just ask any spouse. For a start you're growing old together and that brings a bunch of problems in their own right.

I also went from Protestant to Catholic and she's still Protestant. We've weathered that and she helps me with St. Vincent de Paul Society visits. But belonging to different denominations does make it a bit harder. Bear that in mind.

I think you might need to set your sights outside your local parish. I'm not saying you have too, but it is a small playing fied. Having said that I know of three marriages even in the small church I attended back then where parishioners married each other and they've been going longer than we have. As I'm pretty sure one of them would say "Scary, isn't it??!"

Get advice from your pastor if need be, and consider joining a Christian singles group if there is one. As my old pastor said "that way you know you're both interested in the same thing."