Avoidant Anxiety

[brudspirea]

I'm 21 now, and I'm fairly certain it hasn't always been like this.
It started with a pretty simple fear of being judged. I avoided voicing opinions I knew would get me in trouble, stopped posting anything that could make me a target.
Eventually this morphed into an INTENSE fear of people finding out how I really felt, particularly in political matters. I was even afraid I was being *too* quiet, that people would grow suspicious of me and think I was hiding something (which I was).

Bit by bit, I removed myself from situations that caused anxiety. It's always been a fear of confrontation, and subsequent public humiliation, or alienation from whatever social group. So I alienated myself on purpose to avoid that outcome.

The issue, of course, is that the anxiety never subsided. It would just transplant itself onto something else. I'd distance myself from THAT thing, and so on and so forth, my world growing ever smaller with each little step.
The sources of anxiety became impossibly vague. The thought process was something like "i could imagine this hypothetically leading to X, which would inevitably lead to Z. It's safer to just not do it at all."

Today, since I have little left to be reasonably anxious about, my brain just compensates by creating insane hypothetical scenarios that, let's be honest, will never happen. And I know that, but I still get all the symptoms. My chest gets tight, I struggle to breathe, I can't focus, I feel nauseous. Sometimes I just start bawling, because I'm so tired of feeling like this.

And increasingly, those physical symptoms just SHOW UP before I've even thought of anything! At this point it just seems like a daily reality for me, that I will never be calm, I will never be at peace. I don't remember the last time my mind was truly still.

I'd love some insight from Christians with similar experiences, past or present. What helps? Can I ever be normal? To what degree can I even rely on my own strength or wisdom to solve this? To what degree can I rely on earthly solutions like therapy? Will prayer solve it all?

Hopefully this isn't too all-over-the-place. Thanks.

 

[Aaron_Bethlhm]

Jesus helps. Don't even try nor hope to be normal (like all the fleshly society inhabitants) because that's not spiritually nor mentally healthy.
DO not rely on yourself at all, for anything. Rely on God for everything, and actively do as He Directs, when known.
Do not rely on earthly anything, except when and if God directs something.
Prayer is the totally most awesome, most important , to do very frequently every day ....
Not earthly, worldly, fleshly nor selfish prayer, but surrender to God, (if you want to), and talk with Him out of the heart - as written HE IS VERY NEAR... and gives grace to the humble, and resists the proud.

key is seek HIM, trust HIM... talk to Him and listen to Him, no matter what happens.

 

[Aaron_Bethlhm]

Maybe just do the chores. Do the dishes. Do the laundry.

"Be Still and Know That I AM God" is one of the simplest statements from God Himself.
Let the racing thoughts or distraught thoughts all be turned over to God, and rest in Him.
Tell Him how hard everything is, how much trouble the world is in, and your own life. He is the only one who is able to grant over-abundant grace as needed to help and to heal totally, from the inside out. By Jesus Blood, and in Jesus' Name, as He Says.

p.s. man's ways are not God's Ways, and cause destruction and anxiety.
I just read some of your previous threads or posts, and when you seek trouble, you will find trouble. If you seek God's Kingdom instead, seeking the Truth, God's Way, and keep seeking the Truth as God Says, then there is hope. Not if someone trusts man's ways though.

 

[turkle]

It sounds like the source of your fears is pride. If so, then you are afraid of anyone saying anything negative to you or about you, and you see your opinions as ammunition for others to use against you. The bottom line is you probably can't bear anyone thinking anything but the best about you.

As you have already stated, this approach backfires on you, making you close in on yourself and withdrawing from others. The very desire to be liked and thought highly of actually causes others to often think less of you.

God is very clear that we are to release our pride and put our identity in Him and Him alone. Choosing to do so frees you up because you don't stress about what others think of you. You can be kind and honest at the same time. If someone doesn't agree with you, it doesn't matter. You can still have a relationship with him or her. I would go to God in prayer and ask Him to help you overcome being self centered and grow into God centered thinking.

 

[brudspirea]

It sounds like the source of your fears is pride. If so, then you are afraid of anyone saying anything negative to you or about you, and you see your opinions as ammunition for others to use against you. The bottom line is you probably can't bear anyone thinking anything but the best about you.

As you have already stated, this approach backfires on you, making you close in on yourself and withdrawing from others. The very desire to be liked and thought highly of actually causes others to often think less of you.

God is very clear that we are to release our pride and put our identity in Him and Him alone. Choosing to do so frees you up because you don't stress about what others think of you. You can be kind and honest at the same time. If someone doesn't agree with you, it doesn't matter. You can still have a relationship with him or her. I would go to God in prayer and ask Him to help you overcome being self centered and grow into God centered thinking.

I've thought about how it might be a desire for control, to some degree. Fear that I can't control what happens to me, how I'm perceived, etc.. and as you say, there's an almost narcissistic component to it since it's like I refuse to be humbled. I've become *more* sensitive because of all this, not less. Since I make it so I can't experience these scary scenarios, my brain is free to play it up as worse than it really is and I become even more spineless over time.

Another issue that I didn't really elaborate on in the original post is that I'm just.. far too agreeable. It makes me tolerate behavior I shouldn't, it makes me silent about things I shouldn't be silent about, etc etc.

Rationally I know my sense of self shouldn't be rooted in earthly things like social standing, ESPECIALLY in a world where you need to compromise with God's will to be liked by others. It's hilariously short-sighted, but I just don't know how to stop caring. I suppose prayer is the only way out. I really hope there'll be a day where I look back at this and roll my eyes at how silly I was.

 

[xaris]

3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusts in thee. Isaiah Isa 26:3

 

[turkle]

I've thought about how it might be a desire for control, to some degree. Fear that I can't control what happens to me, how I'm perceived, etc.. and as you say, there's an almost narcissistic component to it since it's like I refuse to be humbled. I've become *more* sensitive because of all this, not less. Since I make it so I can't experience these scary scenarios, my brain is free to play it up as worse than it really is and I become even more spineless over time.

Another issue that I didn't really elaborate on in the original post is that I'm just.. far too agreeable. It makes me tolerate behavior I shouldn't, it makes me silent about things I shouldn't be silent about, etc etc.

Rationally I know my sense of self shouldn't be rooted in earthly things like social standing, ESPECIALLY in a world where you need to compromise with God's will to be liked by others. It's hilariously short-sighted, but I just don't know how to stop caring. I suppose prayer is the only way out. I really hope there'll be a day where I look back at this and roll my eyes at how silly I was.

I admire your self-reflection and insight. That's the first step to resolving deep seated issues such as your desire to control and for approval. You are on the path to healing.

It's natural, especially when you're young, to want to be liked and approved. As you mature in your faith walk, you can find that when you shift your need for approval from people to God, your perspective changes and you become more courageous. It comes with your choices, one at a time, to prioritize truth over fear. You don't need to be obnoxious, but you can speak your mind with kindness and humility. You will find that as you do this that you will gain respect from others that you likely don't have now.

I also had to learn this the hard way. But I believe that when you make a firm choice to allow God to drive your behavior over fear that you will become more and more confident over time. That certainly happened to me, and I pray that it will for you.

 

[kvolm]

Taking our thoughts captive and making them align with Christ is a discipline that we learn and grow more skilled in, aided by the power of the Holy Spirit. However the strategies for learning how to do this effectively are often gained by working with a pastoral counselor to help you sort out where the faulty thought patterns and habits are rooted. As in most situation of personal growth, there is a portion for God to do and a portion for us to do. Are you open to considering a counselor's help in this?

 

[tturt]

Yes, this is what works - When that first thought comes across, immediately switch to God's Word such as:

-"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." I John 1:9
-"...Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with loving-kindness have I drawn you and continued My faithfulness to you." Jer 31
"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." Joh 14:27

Advice based on "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;" II Cor 10:5

Stay with it. Then you'll be surprised at how well it works.. God gives the perfect solution.